SheLikesME?

As I have said, I agree with you about these pushy types of religions and the trouble makers in the name of religion. Some see it their life's destiny to spread the word of God. I simply like to see the individual to be able to worship peacefully alone or in fellowship with others if they wish. Larry Absolutely Larry! Being "pushy" turns people away. The Bible teaches that a Christian should spread the word of God. I take that as informing people that have never heard of God. Those that have heard and choose not to believe is not included in this. To phrase it a different way, lead the horse to the water then the horse chooses to drink or not. Interesting to hear about your wife's religion. Is she Christian? And this is why , in general they ought to follow the law of the land. No religion is above the law. Jesus himself waited until he was 30 yrs old, for instance. He even showed higher examples of following the law, of who was in charge. Man has hidden behind religions and twisted truth to what they want - in it's name many times, like your witch hunts Don. And to the pushy people the end justifies the means is obviously not right. But I can't say if it will help or hender in the long run. It is what it is, even though I don't agree with it. You know one can hide a marriage, but it is really a public statement out in the open for all to see - your together. We ought to be able to publicly go to church if wanted, but that isn't the law of the land over there. You have to get permission, and it is possible if you work with the govt. It is their govt, and until the citizens do something about it it will stay that way. I can say from experience that those pushy preachers may get a few to follow, but it upsets even more to do it that way. One person out of a large family can then become a pest and turn everyone off, because they become pushy like the example they saw. My sister-in-law for instance. So generally I don't like seeing people go over to China on a mission to do underground proselyting. I can see humanitarian efforts but follow the law. OK, I'm borderline here. I'll shut up.

I agree, it can be dangerous to make generalizations but I think the average Chinese is more worried about economic opportunities/freedom than religious freedom. Yep and the uprising in Tiananmen Square HELPED the Chinese citizen have a better life today. It cost their own blood, like any freedom. I have had to realize, the hard way, why China is not open to Christian proselyting. In general, the people have not demanded it, or as I say, not ready for it. But association with the outside world slowly changes this. Look at the corruption in businesses and every day life there - this train incedent now. (Yes of course we have many bad apples too, but overall...) When I went over in 2000, for the first time, I was asked first if our people really go to church one day a week. That surprised me. Then this same man had to insist and enforce American ways of doing business to the airplane companies - HONESTY! People hear things and ask. So I think it is better to take a higher road, just my opinion, but on the other hand if Chinese WANT underground meetings then I am 100% for them doing that. It is people doing this that caused the govt to give in and allow citizens to join certain churches freely.

Some people want the change in everything, and maybe others fought. I don't know how much FORCE was used in South America, but many Mexicans, I don't think, like to admit they are Native Americans instead of Spanish, & etc. Their culture, language, and religions were completely destroyed and replaced by what Padres said. Was that a good thing in the long run? It is hard to seperate what the USA did on this subject from World History. Certainly we wanted seperation from state mandated religion. Even Kennedy and Romney had to make statments when running for Pres. The problem with China is they are doing a form of what Europe did by appointing the church leaders, or approving them. But at least they, China, are not acting like many Kings in the Dark Ages did by trying to conquere the world in the name of God or a specific religion. I find that to be like hiding behind a womans skirt. We need to not associate our religions here in America with what was done during that time in world history, in most cases. We do have folks who disregard the Chinese laws and govt and go and preach underground in defiance. Does it help things or delay a higher approach of gaining TRUST so a church can be approved and open on it's own merits without govt control? Not every church in China is controlled. Some have gained trust in these recent years.

When they rise up for this freedom then they are ready for it. Just my opinion. I know folks, not in my church, who still go over to proselyte illegally, when it can be accomplished legally, although it is a long painful process, worse then our visas.

Yes this is correct, because we looked into it. Once divorced you don't have to wait the 2 years. She can file for the 10 year after the divorce is final and just have the proof, emails and etc etc that she married with good intent. Also remeber she didn't divorce him, he divorced her. She needs to collect as much data as possible I guess to show she married for the right reasons, this may include any form of abuse she endured since she arrived - if possible to get that, witnesses writing letters, or record him? Maybe non of that, just trying to think. Best of luck!

Just to add to it I front loaded pretty healthy as well, I thought. That way maybe a decision was made before the interview. Wifey fought me a little on how much I sent in, but in our case it worked.

I think you will have to take the bull by the horns and also get momma to support you and open her mouth. Your list looks right to me. Spend at least some time by the piano while she plays, even though you can hear it all over the house. When away from piano compliment her somehow, even when bad - it gets better. Do as much with her as possible or have whole family do a lot together. Then she can regulate herself a little better. I had a long time gf who would do NOTHING to help her daughters in life. I explained THINGS, and was out dragging one home when she was 12/13 late at night. The mother just didn't have it in her to tell her kids no on anything. You may be in a soft version of this. Maybe Momma just does not see the harm in it or who knows??? As far as outside stuff maybe do it with her, or get momma to do it or all together. This way she is not lonely and gets in the habbit of outside and learns things. I would limit the computer time too. Our Lil One will LIVE on computer playing games and regularly gets in trouble by her Mom if caught. She is suppose to be learning math on there. My situation is quite different. Momma here is all over Lil Ones ass. Momma is an over achiever with 3 college degrees and crap. Lil One loves to read books so she likes flashlights to read by until 2-3AM she has told me, then she gets up early to do homework, when Mom won't see her. Niether one of these women need much sleep. I found out Momma didn't turn in homework either in school growing up, because she made great grades on tests, so she makes her daughter do the opposite and daughter wants to not turn it in. In the long run your daughter will THANK YOU for making her do the right things. Teens want parents to make them do the right thing, even if they throw a fit or rebel and sneak to do the opposite. Even the girl I raised that I had the most trouble with tald me when she was 13 that I was the only one who made her do right (that was pay day ), and when married she wanted me to walk her down the isle, and even today she sends me a fathers day greeting and on my brithday and other holidays. I am touched. I was never her step-dad, but in my heart she is my daughter, and I seem to be her Dad - what an honor! Good Luck.

Welcome to the club. Now see her OFTEN and don't take no for an answer. Hope you got a good one.

Interesting. I didn't like the ladies who said they were traditional (unless the young and never married), and I didn't like the ones who said something to the effect of being modern or open minded etc. One seemed a bit prude and the other too loose, whether I was right or not I guess I don't know for sure. Traditional seemed a bit fairy tale world to me, and maybe kept her legs closed, but that was a good thing unless it was that way when married too. But I had a feeling that it meant they would not adapt or change much. I can't tell you why I formed those ideas, right or wrong. My wife says a lot of cheating and lieing go on that I would have never known. I disagree with her since a couple of ladies still update me on their life from time to time. I think one was a saint and maybe I should have met her or used as a comparison a bit more. One thing that got me on chineselovelinks were the older ladies whos husbands were dead and they felt they had been a bad or mean wife all his years and they wanted to change and make up for it. They bared their souls in their profile. One had a long letter as a pic. I ran. Hey, I don't know anything!!!

So where are you guys??? Didn't anyone stay up to watch qualifying tonight? It's only 2:45 AM in Texas. Geez. So how about tomorrow night ( Sunday morning) for the race? Speed TV www.f1.com

I have/am learning that my wife has more deep thoughts and feelings than is let on. Perhaps her son is the same way. But for my sake I have had to point things out to her that I have done and get some feedback. She NEVER woke up to a lot of stuff I thought she would, so I have had to tell her in a very logical step by step email, or when I am calm and she will listen. Perhaps you need to point things out to him, if not verbally, then maybe by letter or email where you can make logical sense of what you have done for him. My wife had this idea that many things I do is just what I am suppose to do, nothing special. So why compliment something that logically I am just suppose to do as routine. Finally she is/has realized things one by one. It is a painful process. Actually getting a divorce has opened up a lot more discussion, in learning ways, because she is aware more and more just how time consuming every day life is... paying bills, calling the internet company, dealing with anything on her own with any governement for any reason... It is frustrating in America to take care of so many things. I still think life is easier in China. Finally I am getting through to her that I have never done anything on purpose to hurt her, as she has stated to me recently and honestly. Finally she is learnign from utilities, credit cards, apartments, govts, that she just does not get her way all the time and it isn't me making the trouble. I don't know if any of this helps, but maybe he is not as bad as you think, once you start some good discussions. On the other hand maybe he needs to be bounced out on his ear to start waking up so you can talk. I have learned to let her deal mostly with her daughter, otherwise I am too easy on her, but then she is just 10. Yes, why doesn't he mow the lawn? Of course he will probably do it wrong and you will have to teacdh him what you want. Chinese call this man or that man to do different things. Heck you can't even buy tools or a screw driver that I ever saw in a store in China. Why, when it is so cheap to call someone. Tyhey do their job and that is it. They are trained that way. Remember it is communist country and like a union you have to call a specialist for this or that - I am over exagerating hahaha of course. Muy wifey was real surprised that I could work on a house or a car, like others here in CFL. Then she learned and layed a lot of floor tile and etc. NEVER would she have even thought to do those things, or have her husband do them. This boy needs to learn to do as much as possible, because the plumber in America will cost him a fortune compared to China. America is tough! Truth is wifey is somewhat a scared lil rabbit and still needs my help, yes with forms like school and etc. Her english is very good, but her understanding of forms and a lot of stuff... well it is tough for her. She has been so apreciative lately that I have wondered if we will stay married at times. China is like America in a much simpler earlier time. So it isn't as easy for them. Do you know for certain he hung the laundry there to annoy you? In China I only recall laundry being hung in th ehouse in the enclosed porch. Do they ever hang it outside on a clothes line??? I imagine you have had this discussion with them, but just asking because it wasn't stated. Just some thoughts, don't know if they apply, but I wish you the very best. Oh, and explain things to your wife maybe beforehand, so she accepts what you will do with him???

I wonder if Google will celebrate our space flight aniversaries???

Ours was about 7 when she got here the 2nd time. Lil ONe had an excelent english teacher in China and that helped. The advantage of this lil girl, now 10, is she is a fanatical reader. Through this she learned all the phrases and she is totaly American now.

This calls for a Corvette http://i54.tinypic.com/bg1s9s.jpg

We have a lot of made in china furniture. It came from Dillards mostly. Twice a year they have a clearance on stuff already on sale. You have to time it just right and go a day or two before and put a deposit so it is held for the sale day. Otherwise all gone. we got some great stuff. Couch we got at a discount place with obvious low overhead. Works fine.

Tony you have had a few sad things happen to you in recent years. I fear my own mother passing. I wish you the best and am sad for your news. Regards, Doug

I was worried about big accidents at first, never happened. I found big gas guzzling Fords/Lincolns are very cheap for the milage and quality left in the car. The nice thing is there is plenty of crush room. I started mine with a '89 T-Bird which was as heavy and safe as a Crown Vic. She dinged other cars worse than the Ford. She felt pretty inslted I put her in the big Ford, but I know another man who did the same for his wife. Finally got her a new Nissan Altima in 08 and it has both bumpers injured and she scraped both drivers side doors in 2 incidents. No big wrecks, bt lots of dings. I think hurting the new car made her feel bad enough to learn to pay attention better. Almost all are in parking lots or some slow starting off situation.

I get error messages no matter what I search for. Maybe someone else can find and post links to some good threads about preperation of EVERYTHING before she arrives. I will just add, after cleaning, clean again, and don't forget about the DUST ON TOP OF THE CLOTHES BAR IN THE CLOSETS and plenty food available, and maybe a WOK type skillet pan, and a rice cooker with sticky rice around, either way take her food shoping first day or two. A lot more in other threads.

Sounds like your with a real expert there Carl. I don't know if it is useful or not, but I was amazed at the guys building violins and violas, and even larger instruments at these music stores that rent and sell to Jr & Sr High students. In Plano ISD the mid school students are required to be in the orchestra, band, or chior. Heck I learned a little. One viola was thick we used at first, but the thinner wood viola was louder, we later found out. This helped Lil One so we sent the old one back, and went to the other shop for the new thin wall one. Beside it was lighter weight for her to hold up. The guys in the back in these Plano, TX stores are all Asian and I believe Chinese. They repair, build new (maybe from kits? I don't know) and they can take the whole thing apart and replace any piece of wood on it. I know thye had higher end stuff, but we didn't go for that at this point. Anyway perhaps just another source for you to look at and talk to them???

Wow Carl, good luck with that. I wish you could/would go to China too and find him. PS: Please show us pics along the way, or finished product.

Great posts. Now when your wife speaks, fluent english, well.......just one little missed un, or n't, or some other part of a word can reverse the meaning. Maybe you didn't hear her correct or she didn't hear you correct, it goes either way. This can cause an argument, a great argument. Her knowing english makes for very frustrating conversation, thus....listen and umm-hmm as much as possible, but LISTEN otherwise she asks if your listening and asks you to repeat what she said. You repeat, but she can tell you have no idea what her meaning is, then she says you wern't listening and is upset with you and swells up..........You can't win! Perhaps it is better if neither of you can speak to the other.

DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!!! This is a trick!! Reminds me of the times my wife has screamed for a divorce and when I agree, then the next two days are filled with her accusing me of wanting a divorce. Gentlemen let me remind you, if it sounds too good to be true, then it is a TRICK!! Some call it a test. I was just repeating what she said - I ain't stupid enough to believe it. I did have one final thought on this subject, though. I don't recall if it's been mentioned in this topic or not, but it has been posted somewhere around here. One motivator is a sense of duty. What I see is someone driven by what they see as their duty or meeting their responsibility in a marriage. That may differ for other couples, but my tai tai has her idea of what her role and my role are and she will damn sure meet hers. The friction comes when I don't know the all of the duties or behavior expected and she sees that as my failure to meet my obligation. That's taken a lot of work, but we are a lot closer on how things work between us now. One example of duty is her getting up every morning and cooking breakfast before I went to work. She'd get really pissed if suggested eating cereal or something, but she insisted on cooking eggs and stuff. Too often I ended up with angry eggs. When she wasn't working, she'd go back to bed after I left for work, but she insisted on cooking breakfast. There are lots of examples, but I want to keep this short. I simply want to make the point that confused signals where the US side didn't meet some known or unknown duty, The reaction could look like jealousy. So just end it like that huh? Leave us wondering? HELP US DON, HELP US. WHAT ARE SOME OF THE DUTIES OF THE HUSBAND?. I was just in this discussion tonight after making more agreements to settle up. She always says she does not want to repeat herself, about what I should do. Heck if I remember all her rants. Maybe you can help this feeble minded old fool so he can do better in the future.

Hmmmm. Way back when we were waiting out the K-1 visa, before we were married, old tai tai told me several times if I needed a little female attention, it was OK. Since then I've formed the opinion that Chinese women are pragmatic about that, too. I've heard a lot of stories about people she knew in China and a few she's met here. She likes to tell me the only thing men need is sex and sandwiches. Like I said in a different thread, we have a mutual understanding. If we decide to sample the greener grass we will stay in that pasture. Put another way, infidelity is inexcusable. Exactly. When she arrived and especially after she saw that the granddaughter and daughter of my ex were still on my cell phone plan, WHEW - hell had no worse fury. THAT WAS CHEATING - her definition. Sample a little on the side, huh no problem, as long as it didn't cost, so I guess that leaves hookers out A secret, sure, as long as it remains that way, as long as it does not cost it is not in her definition of cheating, though she does say it is stupid. So the moral difference in thinking that is almost incomprehensible by either of us.

Yea Don and Chilin, it looks like we are getting it well defined here. I had not quite defined the jealous of time thing, but your right. But your so right. As long as it is time doing what she wants and with her friends or shoping, YES it is OK, and OK for me to not work and just be there with her. But any hobby, friend, or relative. Yep I agree. Another thing a little related: Mine can talk for hours and I am suppose to listen. Usually if I speak she gets mad about the way I think too. And again to emphasize this, since I have been cut off, if I love up on another woman because I need it that is fine. She would be happy to stay married for her face/dignity and I guess some financial advantage. So I got with my hobbies to not cheat and now the big D word.

I came back here to add or correct the jealousy I stated earlier because it is not a love jealousy, or is it? Carl you bring up a good point I also forgot. On the other hand my previous ex was jealous of anyone just before her that I had a romantic feeling for. This wife is jealous about previous who cost me money. That is the twisted diference. My wife says her mother never touched her. Never picked her up and hugged her. There was no real love things done like that, though nothing cruel. Her job was to work and go to school. I think she was closest to her younger brother. Her Dad is not affectionate either. Also her mother trained her that there is NEVER enough money in savings. My wife is jealous of my previous ex because she says her and her family is what made me poor so that I had nothing for her when she got here. The jealousy is over money, is what I came here to post. I think if I had some romance with someone else it would hurt her, or would have in the past, but as she says she would get over it if I had the means to take good care of her. Her Dad is the offspring of a 2nd wife/gf. Many times she seemed to want me to have a gf. If I told her of romantic things in my life she was OK with it. She didn't doesn't care who I loved. BUT if that relationship cost me money which affected her then she is raging MAD, like my ex who had a mnd like a child and whom I constantly fought to not be in debt. If I spend time or money on my kids this bothered her. I needed to spend my time serving her, making money for this marriage because we don't have enough $hundred thousands in the bank. She will NEVER have enough. Carl like you I have spent the past several years not being myself and not doing my hobbies, which sometimes generate enough to pay for themselves or make a little $$. I remodeled the house her way and now I am unhappy with it. So the solution on my part has been like yours. I sat my foot down on land mines before but geeze the extreme emotion from her is frightening to violence. There is some kind of root cause I figure. We have had our affectionate good times, and her heart can be tender and she can see the right way at times. BUT, this jealousy and money thing is too prevalent for me. SO this is an individual thing not a China vs USA thing with the exception of I tend to think there is less affection given to Asian kids and money is emphasized too dang much. Yet I went to China because previous ex pushed me to spend on credit rather than live within means.