SheLikesME?

I married in Beijing 9-14-05. She has a 5 yr old daughter. I would think that it is less hassle to get certified single in USA before you go and face "stone face" at the US Embassy in Beijing. If you do that BOTH of you will go through an interview and told that she won't sign it and then she does any way later. Had to get 3 pictures made of the two of us together for the Chinese marriage registration along with my cert from embassy and our divorce papers and got the marriage registration. both of you will get one. We then began filling out I-130 for both her and her daughter. Both need their name & address writen in Chinese. I would make copies of that or have her fill in a few of those second sheets for you to return with in th eUSA before you sign them. Also the G-325A for her and myself. She needs sign every sheet of her's in English and Chinese. Again I would get several copies of this because you will need them again. I-129F needs her address and name in Chinese too on page 2 and here is where you need the second set of G-325A. I submitted both I-130 for her and her daughter, with my G325A and hers and all supporting documents translated certified, etc. We went ahead and paid for all certs rather than make copies. Cost is not that much. We got the marriage registration, and wife and daughter birth certificates made up and certified translation. Also cert translation of her divorce wich showed custody of her daughter. When I got the receipts for both of them on CR-1 or I-130 I then submitted the !-29F and G-325s and I added supporting documents again with copies of the receipts. You are in CA which is where the TX I-130 winds up as well. It looks like a long wait in our areas for CR-1. So I did go the route of K-3/4 with the I129F which cannot be submitted until you get the CR-1 receipts.

Thanks Jim, I am kinda laughing at my post now. I was ticked, hahahaha. I went and worked at my churches welfare center today, restocking in the freezers and coolers. Hope I don't catch cold. But some good hard work sure sets ones mind strait. I was thinking I will not bring it up. But knowing me I probably will. Your aproach sounds reasonable. I know I have nothing to worry about. This is sort of why I enjoyed being in China and would love to live there now. I am much much calmer and happy in China. Of course I love America, Texas, and home. I just heard of a man who got an offer from Ford to transfre there. He won't do it. I told his mother in law how nice it is. The man has no idea what he is turning down. Neither did his mother in law have any comprehension either. Somehow my wife has had it in her head that now we are married we must forget the crazyness that got us together. We must be so strict with money and education, and work, that I get bothered by the priority. Otherwise I would not have any jealousey over this little incident. I might be ticked, but hmm, more thought. I will work it out. Thanks for your advice Jim.

My wife is the same way. She doesn't want me to get her anything fancy because she says it is too expensive compared to the same item in China, plus it is so expensive to ship. I want to make a third trip to China (I am already going in early Spring) but she would rather I reduce debt. (that and save for the replacement for the infamous ill-boding mattress ). I peddled some junk on ebay and made off with a few thousand dollars. I thought yippee! I'm going to China. She thought - yay - he is getting a new mattress and making his house payment. LOL 170028[/snapback] Hahaha, please excuse me while I laugh. But you know on the visit thing. I would do what I want if I wear you. I am tired of being told no, too. Last night she was sort of laughing and I could tell some kind of chat was going on while we were on the earphone and trying to do a 3 way chat with my son. She agreed she was doing another chat with a friend/ acquaintance acquaintance. But not eleberating it was obviously a man acquaintance, from the net I assumed. Someone she had not communicated with in some time. So OK, I cut out mine, without being told, hmm. OK darling bye and enjoy your chat. Now I will get over it and to her it was nothing I could tell and she called me back to make sure I understood and things were ok, yea well sure sure. I don't mind so much unless it is some guy from the web site we met on, I DON"T LIKE IT. Maybe I am wrong but the 6th sense red flag went up. The local, usually married, man from work or schol I am ok with. But this crap I don't like it at all. Maybe the guy knows she is married, all my old net contacts do. So once I get this real defined again, I believe I will just do what I want regarding any visit I want to take, or we can end the whole thing now. There is going to be some fun and happiness in this thing, or.... Dang if all the fun and laughter is going to get stopped between us, well not all, over the phone or net because it is unrealistic, & etc. Or I should do this or that she tells me. And then she is off laughing in a chat with an old acquaintance dude. Now all of this I am over exagerating and blowing out of proportion. She is my wife she reminded me. Well, Yes dear, and WE are going to laugh together too. It ain't all hard work and discipline, dear. And another thing, quit getting mad at me about stupid stuff. What the Hell was this thread about anyway, money? Oh, yea sorry all, hahaha. PS: I am really going to regret postin this I am sure, because I love and trust her, but here goes.

Exactly

The way I hear it a divorced woman and especially a divorced woman with a child is good for a gf but never a wife. Let me quote some of the women I have spoken with. The chinese man always look for the young girl. Always want to marry the young girl. When quizzed even the divorced men want a very fresh start. I have heard some say it is impossible to find a Chinese man who will marry a divorced woman, or one with a child. So I see many of them have little opportunity but to get on the net and see if a foreigner will love them. How many have heard the line that they will work and pay for themselves and their child, they just need the love of a good man, or something like that? Man I gotta get off cfl and get back to work. adioooo

That suggestion is something that is so foreign to our culture here in America. Love is the root of what your partner is and her parents are a part of that. Maybe, just maybe, there is something that our parents learn that might make a child turn out better than if we try it ourselves. I wonder...? 169961[/snapback] In her case I think it was a matter of her comming here and she feels so compelled to work. I don't think she knows how to live without working. Yet she would like more children, perhaps. So she simply thinks of a way to acomplish it. She knows babies are a handful. Yet there is work and America. So like she said, "if we can stand it". To her she is comming to America, and working. How she fits kids into this is another problem. Anyway, of course I will not do that. I have time and as long as I have my job, the resources to take care of the kids. But yes her thinking will consider the sacrifice of seperation. Sometimes I can get so into what is going on over there that I can see it. I mean the grandparents take care of the grandchild all the time at least during the day, because both parents work, from what I saw in many of the places I went. The children appear very happy and well mannered. Well fed and clothed, in even the small towns or villeges. Her ex parents lived with them during marriage and after the divorce they stayed with her rather than their son. The grandpa loves the grandaughter and dotes on her. She moved them out a year ago but then she needed them back to help with taking the little girl to the hospitol daily for an eye treatment. So they are back in the house. She is a very happy well balanced little 5 year old. Well mannered and diciplined yet typical 5 year old. I am amazed. Children seem to be a priority in China. Yet the father contributes nothing. The grandpa took the girl to see him and but he has no desire to see her more. Says her mother is good enough for both parental roles. Oh well. It happens in America too.

I think the reason they asked this question is not because they have been beaten by ex-, but because they heard horrible stories about Chinese women married to abusive American husbands. The soup is spoiled by one bad tomato, or egg, or whatever.(Don't remember the origianl saying. ) 169807[/snapback] Don't mean to have sounded so negative on the Chinese man. I know many who seem to be very good husbands and fathers. Butt....I must have been a magnet for women on line who told me their Chinese husband did. Most seem to think in genral terms that Americans treated women better and with more affection. I found a definate pattern with the ones I go to know, but it was not all of them. Just never got that kind of question on American singles web sites. I always got into a rather heavy discussion with them when this came up. Only one brought up a story of an American killing his Chinese wife. Back on topic my wife did say that if we could stand it, we could allow her parents to raise a new baby until it is 3, if we wanted. There seems to be a willingness to endure seperation for another good purpose. My wife's name has to do with her mothers wish that her husband would retrun to her. He did. He had to work in another city for years. She has a brother who's wife is in a seperate city going to school and will probably work in a different city after graduation. Their son lives with the school teacher. So the whole family is broke up and you can tell the my wif'e sister in law suffers with it but says nothing. I admire the self discipline to endure this and be faithful to your spouse and children. So maybe in divorce it is a bit easier to leave the ex and the child behind. Maybe I am all wet too. My wife does want to go get the child support from her ex someday she says, for her daughters future in college. I don't care I told her. She seems to feel bad that I would be so generous and he is not. He used to be a CEO or something. She has no idea what he does for work now days.

A related topic is the number one question asked of me by women all accross China when I was listed in ChinaLoveLink web site: "Do you beat your wife?" Any beating is not very often it seems but a significant persentage of Chinese men seem to be very cold and treat the women as chattle. It can really damage a woman to have to be with a man day in and day out who has no love or affection. I am so surprised at how resiliant these ladies are and how they know in their heart how it should be. My wife's young daughter's father has remarried and has a son now. I was told that he said my wife is a good enough mother for both parents roles. So he has nothing to do with his daughter either. Aparantly a very cold man. 1st of all my wife says she melts in my love for her. 2nd she loves and told all her family how I told her of my thoughts and feelings about her daughter. Just that little bit meant so much to her. She watches when we do something together. I have been VERY careful to not get too close to her daughter, just easing into this. Even her daughter is responding to me stronger than I expected. There is also the cultural self discipline. Extended periods of seperation are just acepted, as needed.

My wife would not give me her address so I could not send her anything, before we met. She dislikes flowers because they die. She had a good job and always said from the beginning that she lives a comfortable life and would pay her own way. Eating out I paid. Shopping she would not let me pay. We got married and she was still the same until the end of my visit where she could tell it was important to me to conrtibute. Then she became more of a team player. I cashed in all my US and left it for her. I never heard of a dowry until I read here in CFL. Also left her a credit card she never used. She feels I need to do things here in the USA for all of us. We are a family now. For her it would be about our having no debt including a house and cash in the bank or other investments. I can send her money but she does not need it. She did have to take a one year demotion from work to be on good terms when she leaves. So now her income is less but she still has no need for me to send her anything. Your situation looks a little tense and like someone said you probably already know the answer.

I don't know but did anyone else notice how stout the paper is? Man a little goes a long way. One wind around the hand per application and your good. Do that here and your...well, you know We ought to market that paper over here.

Wow, sorry for your discomfort. I figured no one got sick over there. Only as a precaution in 2000 and in 2002 I took the little Immodium pills, one every morning as precautionary and drank Cokes and juices. Like said above I never rensed with the local water, just used bottled. But then I was all over the China map back then. I experienced slight constapation but never got sick, except a bad infected throat from too much work and not enough sleep, both times. This 2005 trip to meet and marry I decided to take nothing. I was in Beijing the whole time. I used the tap water for rensing, and never got sick. I was still a little cautious about drinking a full glass of tap water. I bought the local bottled water, which I hear isn't much better, don't know, but never got sick. Also agree about staying away from Western food. Why anyone would want it I don't know, but it sure isn't good. Best food on earth is Chinese. Man I really feel for you, thats a shame.

I did a little searching. Looks like your fighting Thanksgiving. What is the date to leave? Even Contenintal was high. 864 one way and 854 round trip and that is from Beijing. I agree getting things bought internally is the best way to go. I have people arange that when I get there.

I never thought of it that way, but that makes sense. People have been doing that for centuries in the West too. In Christendom, in the Old Testament you aren't supposed to eat Pork. Judaism still follows this practice, as does Islam. The reason for that is probably because in the ancient times, alot of people fell ill with things like Trichinosis, or other diseases from spoiled / raw poultry. Probably the same as not eating blood, which was also in there. Good post Joanne 169254[/snapback] OK, cool, thanks guys. What I am speaking of has no ventilation at all. It is a box similar to beds in hotels where a wooden box is built to substitute for the frame and sometimes the box spring as well. I saw this in a hotel in Dalian we stayed at. Perhaps the Holiday Inn was this way, and of course her bed was too, except her's was much taller and had two drawers that could have been larger. I would imagine seldom would one ever take the thing apart to even get at the little bit of dust under there. Daily dust, which I believe is usually dead skin would be hard pressed to get there. So it sort of takes care of the cleaning issue, I think. Now from what some of you are saying, though, a mattress on top of a board is about the same thing. Beside there would be no airing of the mattress from the bottom side on a board. So why not just close it all off? In America many people buy the long wide flat boxes to store things under the bed and use a skirt around the box spring and frame. Women have a name for the little skirt. Also I believe tht "Container Store" a chain in my part of the world, sells plastic containers to store things under the bed. My wife has shoe boxes under her sofa. So I am not sure she is into feng shui. I will ask her though. It seemed to me she was more into being practical and finding ways to store things they use. She has a smallish 2 bedroom home. The mattress is comfortable. At one time she talked of shipping her furniture to USA. But it isn't worth it, except I like the bed. Only difference is I would inset the box corners from the sides of the mattress so there is less chance of a stumped toe.

OK, but what is "feng shui"? Please excuse my ignorance. I have a feeling that my wife is not exactly in the norm within China. I sensed it from the first, but the more I read here. So who knows. That or she is normal and there is a real reason to dislike the drawers, what ever this feng shui is. Well sorry about your divorces. Certainly what drove me to China. I work out of my house as well. Only I bought the ex a house and moved her into it. Now she filed bankruptcy and now has my mortgage a bit tied up & 2 credit cards shut down. Got one reopened today, though. Her name wasn't on them, but you know how the system works.

My wife had a bed that was a big wood box with nice sliding drawers for her things and her daughter. The top mattress was similar to USA but sit on the wood. I liked it. I tend to like sleeping on carpeted flors as I got used to this with my ex. So this bed of hers was great for me. Just the right firmness and soft enough to sleep on. Oh, snd it was up tall too. Just the right height. I mentioned I wanted to build something like it here. She said she hated it and does not want the drawers underneath. Hmm. Anyway I went to an Asian furniture store in Arlington, TX where they had all Itilian bedroom suits. Very nice. Big display and shelf and mirror thing for a head board. White to brighten the room. My house is all wood, I mean all wood. But typical frame box springs and pillow top mattress. ugh. So maybe I will get it minus the bed and build something like what she has, but hopefully different enough to be acceptable. Or should I wait?

Buy a new one and get it over with. I bet you have too good of a thing to let the bed get in the way. Only when you sell the old one, better not use THAT money for the bed, hahaha. They don't forget what is important to them, and THEY run the house. I get hints that Chinese men give their wife the pay check. Hmm, she dislikes Chinese men I will tell her. I know what she wants. She doesn't want ME to spend it. She wants to save and pay off my house. I wanted nothing and emptied the house when I moved my ex out. I had bought her an entire bedroom suite a few months before. I didn't care. I would recover. No looking back.

I thought it was a new Homeland Security generated rule for all flights to or through the USA to be 50lbs. Maybe I heard the announcement on Contenental incorrect. Can't answer you except it cost me $100-200 US equivilent everytime I got on a plane when I traveled with my rather heavy overwieght sample case on business. Alway cost more than the ticket. My wife will send me home next trip with 2 large suitcasses we will buy when I am there. She has 2 large ones as well. Otherwise she keeps talking about a shipping container on an ocean ship as cheap. So maybe shipping by water is the way to go.

Wow, Thanks for all the advice guys. Y'all are pretty good. Glad we found this web site. Ok, so it looks like I have to count her income. I will have to see what advantage there is. Now if I get a TIN, then I guess the cats out of the bag that I am married to her. Thanks agon for all of the advice. Didn't expect the kind responses for some reason, since a bit new here. Doug

Just a curious question. My wife has no SS#. My wife supports herself in China, but curious what I can claim this year on income tax. Guess I could get my lazy self into the IRS web site. Just curious of the different senarios as well and what some of you may have done. (I already found the insurance topic. No serach button is there for past posts or key words?) Doug

You scare me. Just married last month in Beijing, about a month after my divorce here. Lengthy seperation finally ended. So I wonder if we will have trouble with such a short time between marriages. I did get the single cert at the embassy in Beijing. I call the lady Stoneface who notorized it. She gave us Hell because we met on the net (CLL) and that she was 15 years younger than me. But she finally notorized it. I wish you the best. Looks like this whole process is really hard for all. I think I need to push for reassignemnt to Asia. Live there a few years. Regrads, Doug