shyaushu

I see lots of good advice from seasoned visa-waiters here. I would add in addition to the other things (flowers, photos of rooms in the house, Internet cam chats, etc.) my wife and I spoke on the phone almost every day. I made it a point to have some topic or agenda to talk about: from what was growing in the garden to things I was doing with our daughter. That way we were able to be a part of each other's lives on a daily basis. It also helped me learn new words in Chinese, since I looked up words I needed to know for the next conversation. (That's how I learned to say "camping", "movie", "egg plant", etc.). When my wife finally made it here we just continued our conversations . . .

Congratulations and here's to your bright future together. I hope the joy of this wonderful day never ends for you.

That's really a sad turn of events, and I feel great empathy for you and your family. It's a sort of cynical "bait-and-switch", where you are given a reason for a denial; address that one, then are presented with another rationale. Then a third! I'd marry you if you could lose 20 lbs. Oh, now that you've lost the weight, I'll marry you if you get a college degree. Etc. The scheme could have been obvious from the beginning, if only we were less trusting of our visa people. It pays to be skeptical about anything they say . . . get your visa and run!

I never had to write such a letter, but the little essay on "what I did this summer" is probably a good analogy. My gut feeling -- and experience -- tell me such a document would serve you well if you can express some convincing personal feelings in it. The visa official is probably less interested in which website you met on than what it is about one and other that has motivated the two of you to want to be together. So, in addition to "she likes blue", I would suggest things like, for example, " - - - - is a remarkable woman with enormous patience and a wonderful way of expressing her love for me. I have never felt as comfortable around any person as I do with her", or something else that describes the reasons you want to make a life with her. I believe if you tell them what it is about her that you like, the chances that your relationship will seem "real" to them will increase.

About 13 months after your first filing. Not THAT bad. Best wishes.

I believe Frank's advice is quite on the money, and it relates to other recent questions (like "red flags", etc.). What could make more sense than both people deciding together to plan (expensive and time-comsuming) pre-visa visits according to their own available time and money than simply robotically "going there" as much as possible. That kind of communication and joint decision-making speaks to a "real" relationship, if anything does. One actual in person meeting is all that's required.

My lord, it it EVER about time! Now, if you can only manage a five minute interview which will obviously result in a visa from the get-go. Good luck!

More congratulations! You deserve them. Nothing like being together here legally.

Congratulations, of course. What a great picture! I feel like I'm right there with you. I feel your happiness, too.

Congratulations and best wishes!

Maybe that was a bad joke, but I thought it was pretty funny. It all seems so complicated -- I wouldn't be surprised . . .

The visa circumstances are trying, but the personal hurt you feel must be very great. There is so much in terms of time, effort and hope invested in getting a visa the fact that everything is ultimately based on the success or failure (not yours!) of the relationship itself, is often lost in the process. Good luck in straightening out the visa withdrawal and in moving on with your life.

Right -- who's counting! More than two years. Way to hang in there. Congratulations Larry & Li.

I believe our friend "pushbark" provided a pretty good synopsis. The order of priorities is probably best being: 1. Make certain marriage (in China or the US) is the best thing for the two of you. There's no sense rushing this thing if you're not certain. Either way, the visa stipulations are a significant change from the thing we are most used to, and spouses who have obtained a CR-1 visa and filed an Affadivit of Support become finiancially obligated to their spouse basically forever (if they stay in the US). Even divorce will not end that obligation, theoretically. 2. Settle in for something approaching a year, whatever path you chose. 3. Be patient, truthful and careful in completing forms. "Getting something off" the day you receive it may not be the best strategy, and completing it carefully, withour errors, will be much quicker in the long run. Good luck.

It's about time! Congratulations.

Welcome to the wonderful, challenging and nothing-else-like-it world of Sino-American loves, "Jali". Once the hoopla of new romance and marriage is behind you, it can come as a shock to realize the visa path ahead. Most everyone on this site knows more about the in's and out's of visa regulations and such than I do, but I believe I can provide some insight. The most critical advice anyone can offer is to relax. This process has a lot in common with planting a garden. It would be extremely frustrating to put tomato seeds in the ground and come out every day to look for tomatoes to eat. It will take many days for them to sprout; many more to grow into sizeable plants, and more time, yet, for them to actually bear fruit. Applying fertilizer in the beginning and watering them regularly will certainly be helpful, but basically, it is a process that takes months. Your visa is the same. You carefully fill out the forms and applications, make certain all your answers are as truthful as they can be (many "negative" issues can be overcome: falsehoods will haunt you for a very long time), pay the (way too high) fees, and relax. The average CR-1/K-1 or K-3 visa takes something in the neighborhood of 9 to 13 months. I remember my own impatience and frustration well. A new application would arrive in my mailbox (always on a Saturday), and I would rush around filling it out and trying to mail it back that day. It was a waste of time and mental pain. The best strategy, I believe, is to follow the technical advice offered here on the Candle (but recognizing it is only the opinion of the member who offers it), and accept your tomatoes won't be ready until sometime in the beginning of 2007. So, why sweat it? Just do your best, document things that matter, and let your relationship continue to develop and unfold as you and your new wife learn more about each other during the dext few months and in what will probably be one or more visits to China for you. Remember, "a watched pot never boils." Here, many seem to induge in "Cheetos".

Zhenshu arrived here in December, 2005, and we waited for what seemed an eternity for her Green Card. I believe it finally arrived about five weeks later. Not very green! The Social Security card never showed up so we just went to the local SS Office (luckily, we had one) and got it "in the works" in about an hour. Of course they send it to you within "a week to ten days", but the SS official was kind enough to agree to call with the number (technically improper or illegal) so we could file our income taxes. In the interim I used the opportunity to to make my wife a fake SS card on my computer as an April Fool's joke. She was thrilled she got her "card" so soon, and was really impressed by the speed of American bureauocracy!

And we add our welcome, Mike and Rong. You are indeed very lucky to have gotten into the candle so early, as many come here with a well-developed sense of desperation. You'll probably get that, too, but at least it will be tempered by reality. You won't get your visa in a few weeks, and it will probably take 5 to 11 months or so, but you will get it. Or at least, almost everyone does, if they are honest in their submissions, have few or no "red flags" and complete the paper work carefully and completely. Of course, then there's the money . . . Good luck!

Almost everything seems to have been quite adequately discussed already, so it is your choice, apparently, whether to have a "ceremonial" (vs. legal) marriage in China or not. There is one additional matter, however, that comes up in my mind. Even a ceremonial marriage is probably a "done deal", as Frank said. So, having participated in that in China, and then having your fiancee (and almost wife) come here on a K visa, makes it essentially imperative that you actually get married when she arrives here. In other words, have you considered that "things happen", and even the best laid plans of mice and men sometimes go awry? Being in the position of having had a "done deal" ceremonial marriage in China and then having some snafu that prevented an actual, legal marriage here would be awkward, to say the least. It could be anything from a serious misunderstanding to an outright break up, to finding out something unexpected and troubling to whatever. Erring on the side of safety and caution could be the best course.

Need advice on how to avoid potential visa denial. 203749[/snapback] Tell them you're related to Alberto Gonzales.

Best wishes and congratulations on your success. I, too, have good reason to believe self-confidence (about your relationship) is a critical factor in an uneventful interview. What kind of a person would deny a visa to two people who are obviously in love?

Congratulations and the best of luck to you both.

Looking back at our case and its timeline, (a luxury I can afford since we are now together here) the worst part was my constant fretting about the long amount of time it took for each "stage" to move onto the next one, and to finally get the interview and the visa. It seemed like it was going to take forever. When I finally learned to relax and just let the thing unfold in its own time frame it all fell into place. It's really best to think about something else for a change; enjoy your long-distance communications (there is a certain special excitement about them, after all), and get on with the other things in your life. Then, almost without your realizing it, the interview will be scheduled and you'll be buying a plane ticket for her to fly here.

Your great age difference and his substantial income probably has a great deal to do with this (hopefully) initial refusal. It is not hard to see how someone might see this case as a "gold digger" situation. But it is the sadness and tragedy of this situation that strikes me. Both of your ages argue for a swift, compassionate resolution to this matter. It is one thing for a couple in their 20's to have their application delayed (although it's hardly fun!), but when one of the parties is 89 or 90, there is probably not much time to fool around. I hope you can resolve this very quickly and that you and your husband can be together as soon as possible.

Indeed, 18 months is a very long time. I admire your patience and tenacity. Congratulations.