please pray for us.thank you!!!

[qingqing0102]

thanks so much for everybody's concern.

my husband and his family are all christians.i'm studying about christian now and want to know more about it.i think i'm always do everything by my conscience.i won't hurt others and don't want to be hurt either.

my husband told me that it's the last hard marriage made him changing and made him so easy to get angry.he said he could change but i don't know how long time i have to wait.

i read all the reply and thanks everybody.you are so kind and friendly. i want to say that acturally my husband really is not a bad guy. he is so sweet and nice to me when everything is ok. i never told my parents and sitsters about my situation in usa.i trust my huaband will give me a comfortable life later. i trust he love me. i know he couldn't give me a good life just because the stress and the money.he has to pay a lot of money to ex and he doesn't want his boy live bad.i wish he could consider our new family more and more while my belly get biger and biger. i wish he really could change when our baby come.i always believe that good people would have a good ending.that's why i never dare to do some bad things and hurt other people.please pray for us.

thank you again.

[Dan R]

Although I am not a Christian, I learned from my Grandfather that "any religion is worthy of respect that causes men to be good"

 

I think the problem you are having has nothing to do with religion. It seems to be that he simply has not been avle to seperate from his ex because she is the mother of his children. I can understand this from my own experience. But I do not understand carrying it to the extent you describe or subjecting in to being included as what seems "a second wife". You are the now and deserve to be treated as number one.

[kfman]

Plus he might be in need of some type of counseling.. have him talk to his minister about some anger managment. But it probably all boils down to his ex... it did with me until I finally let it all go.. Now my new chinese wife and I are doing so greatly...

 

Lets just pray that the interview happens soon for all of us..

 

[hakkamm]

sigh,my sister.

 

Good luck.

[Guest mags2124]

Hi qingqing0102, you are in my thoughts and prayers!

[eeyore]

Quinquin,

 

My wife and I will pray for you too.

 

take care,

 

eeyore.

[Robert S.]

I will say a prayer for you to find the courage to take care of yourself and stop forcing your heart in the direction your silly head thinks it should go.

 

There was a great French writer and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, who said something you could think about:

 

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of."

 

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Blaise_Pascal/

 

Okay, now I will say a little prayer for you. Bye-bye.

[peterscat]

hi,qingqing0102,

I will pray for you and wish you all the best! I can tell that your husband and you love each other deeply, I hope he will concentrate himself to you and the babe more, and hope things will be changed. there is a Chinese writer said that Å®ÈËÒÔΪº¢×ÓÄܹ»°óסһ¸öÄÐÈË£¬Æäʵ°óסµÄÍùÍùÊÇËý×Ô¼º£®I am sorry to say that. I just wish he will treat the babe as the ex's.

All the best for you..

[carhil24]

my husband and his family are all christians.i'm studying about christian now and want to know more about it.i think i'm always do everything by my conscience.i won't hurt others and don't want to be hurt either.

Hello qingqing!

I don't get a chance to come to this site often, but had some spare time this morning before going to church for Easter. And it just happened that I came to this section first, and yours was the first post I read. Please understand that a person does not become a Christian by going to a "Christian" church. There are literally thousands of Christian churches throughout America, many filled with people who are not Christians. To be a Christian, according to the Bible, you have to trust in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. And since I really do not want to get into any type of argument regarding this, that is all I will say about that at this point. However, I just want you to understand that just because your husband and his family call themselves Christian, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are. I will not judge them because I cannot see their hearts, but when a person becomes a Christian, their heart will be changed by Jesus Christ. Does that mean they will be perfect? No, not at all. It means that their heart, if they allow it to be, will be changed, so that maybe slowly, but always progressively, that person will become more like Christ. It is not a question of doing what is right in order to go to Heaven, it is a question of doing what is right because you are showing your appreciation to the One who has saved you so you can go to Heaven.

 

You say your husband excuses his poor behavior and anger because his last marriage has changed him and makes him lose his temper easier. Not true, qingqing. His last marriage did not "change" him or "make" him lose his temper. He chose to allow his last marriage make him bitter, and he chooses to allow his bitterness to affect his heart so that he loses his temper more easily. If your husband truly is a Christian, then his heart has been changed, and he does not have to allow any outside influences to affect it. He chooses to be angry with you because he chooses to be bitter about his last marriage. He chooses to be angry with you because he allows outside influences, such as money and stress, to influence his heart. He chooses to be angry with you, because it is easier for him to aim at you instead of himself. No one likes to examine themselves and bring to light all of their flaws and short-comings, yet the Bible teaches us that all of us have failed in the sight of God. Your husband needs to examine his heart and realize that his bitterness and guilt from his first marriage will cause his second marriage to fail as well, if he doesn't realize that he is allowing this bitterness and guilt into his heart. I am an Christian, and I am sad to tell you that my first marriage has failed as well. I have three wonderfuly children from that first marriage, and I know that I have failed them, and my ex-wife, especially in God's eyes. Yet, to this day my ex-wife and I are still friends, we both understand that we both contributed to the failure of the marriage (although the Bible does teach that is a man's responsibility to keep the marriage working), and neither one of us is bitter. Occasionally I look within myself and realize my short comings and flaws contributed greatly to this failure, and if I would have done what I was supposed to do as a Christian man, our marriage would not have failed. But that being said, a person cannot go back and change the past, and neither should they beat themselves over the head with it either. The Bible teaches us that if we confess our short-comings (sins) to God, He forgets about them completely, to the point of casting them away to never be brought up again. Unfortunately as people, we have trouble doing that, more often with our own short-comings rather than others. We constantly beat our heads over our past mistakes and short-comings, and we are quick to point out the mistakes and short-comings of others, when in fact God has already forgiven us for them, and when we confess to him that we have messed up, He will forget them as well. We don't have to live in the past, and beat ourselves up over it, however, quite often we choose to do so. Your husband needs to understand that a Christian can never live in the past. A Christian life is like a journey, it has its ups and downs, both hard and easy, happy and sad, but it is a continuous journey, and the person must keep walking, and never looking back. Your husband needs to learn from his past mistakes, but not live in them.

 

And above all, he needs to understand, even though some have posted differently here, that you as his wife are to be treasured above all, except for God Himself. The Bible teaches that the husband is to love his wife the same way Jesus Christ loved the church, and gave up His life for it. No where does the Bible ever say that we are to love our children in the same way. A husband and wife are to have a love that is an exact image of the love that God has for people, to the extent that He was willing to allow His Son to die for us, regardless of whether we accept that fact or not. This is called "agape" love in the Bible, and it transcends any other type of love to be found. It is exemplified in 1 Corithians, chapter 13, and it is a goal for all marriages to seek. It means that nothing else comes before the love for your wife (or husband), not children, not parents, not your ex-wife (or husband), and not yourself. It means loving your wife even when you don't like her sometimes. When Jesus Christ died for our sins, people accused Him of all kinds of crimes, they spit on Him, they mocked (made fun of) Him, they called Him all kinds of names, and in the end, they crucified Him, yet, they did not kill Him. He chose to give up His life for our salvation. We as husbands (especially the husbands!) and wives are supposed to try to love one another in the same way. Notice I said "try", because we are just human and we will fail in this over and over again. But if we allow Christ to change our hearts, we will slowly but surely progress towards this type of love during our journey.

 

Now, that being said, how does this help your current situation? Well, you could try several things. First of all, you could ask your husband to read this post and others, however, unless he is willing to change, this just may cause him to be more angry with you. Secondly, I assume that he goes to church (if he is a Christian) and that you are accompanying him. If so, mabye both of you together can speak with your pastor or minister, and maybe schedule some Christian counseling. All pastors and ministers will do this free of charge (at least I hope no one is charging for this), and it will help strenghthen your marriage, especially if it is bible-based. Thirdly, I would like to ask you to practice this "agape" love on your husband. If you have a Bible, read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13 for an explanation of what this love consists of. Oftentimes in this situation, one spouse is angry for some reason, and then the other spouse becomes either angry or withdrawn, and it becomes a vicious circle. No matter what your husband says or does to you (outside of physical abuse), you try to love him with this perfect love, this agape love. If he hasn't hardened his heart too much, you will be able to reach him. I wish more women would understand how much power they really have over us foolish men. You have the power to make your husband into the type of husband that you want for the rest of your life, you just don't realize it, or know how to use it. Qingqing, if you begin loving your husband unconditionally and completely, with this perfect love, I believe that you will soon find the husband that you so desperately need. I believe that you are smart enough to have married the correct man for you, so somewhere deep inside, maybe hidden in this bitterness and guilt is the man that you married, the one you really love. If that is true, and he is hidden inside there somewhere, you and only you can help him to come out. You cannot make him change his heart, but you can help him realize that he needs to. Not by telling him what he needs to do to change, buy by giving him this perfect love from your heart. Too many times people think that love comes from the mouth, that if we say the right things, our spouses will love us. No, in fact quite often our mouths get in the way of where true love really originates, and that is in our hearts. Try loving him with all your heart and all your soul, and maybe you will find once again, the husband that you love and married.

 

And lastly, if you are not a Christian, it will be impossible (it's difficult enough as it is if you are a Christian) for you to love your husband with this perfect love, because this love comes from having Jesus Christ in your heart. So, if you are not a Christian, and would like to know more about it, feel free to IM me here, and I will be happy to respond and show you from the Bible how to become a Christian. My wife and I are praying for both of you, and I am trusting in God that He will help both of you find the perfect love in your marriage.

 

One last word to those of you who disagree with anything in this post regarding Christianity or religion, I do not wish to argue with anyone here, and I will not do so. My only purpose is to help Qingqing and her husband to find the happiness that they both are seeking. And because I know that if they can find a way to live their lives as a Christian couple is supposed to according to the Bible, that they will find love and happiness in their marriage. That is my only intent here, and I am not trying to start a argument over religion. I am merely trying to help someone who is reaching out for help. As usual, I apologize for the long post, and thats why I never post much, because Don and PJ only allow me so many words!

 

[pkfops]

If you are a Buddhist, why become a Christian?

 

Buddhist have more experience with prayer; they are nonviolent too.

[rogerluli]

If you are a Buddhist, why become a Christian?

 

Buddhist have more experience with prayer; they are nonviolent too.

I'll buy this. Have you ever read what the "Christians" did in the Crusades?

[chinadave2001]

If you are a Buddhist, why become a Christian?

 

Buddhist have more experience with prayer; they are nonviolent too.

I'll buy this. Have you ever read what the "Christians" did in the Crusades?

I do not want to hijack this thread. This poor girl has enough on her plate.

I do not have much to say except that maybe his dedication to his old family will carry over to his new family, especially once the new Baby arrives. Having children changes everything as I have recently found out for myself.

 

I wish the RR was still around - I'd say let's take this in there!

 

Anyway, while I would certainly agree that Christianity has had its share of violence, so have other faiths. Buddhism is most prevalent in China, Japan, Cambodia and Viet Nam. It seems to me that they have had a few conflicts along the way.

 

Religion is not the source of conflict - humanity is. People use religion as a pretext for other goals like power and riches.

 

Just my two jiao.

CD