SheLikesME?

chinchillax, I like this last post of yours. I had been to China 2 times on business and just fell in love with the people and I guess the culture, and care people gave each other. I would prefer to live there in that culture even if living on a teachers salary. Then one day I found myself single again. After some time alone and in need of moving forward there was only one clear place to look for friends and possible wife for me. I feel bad for those who have never been there at least once before meeting their gf/bf/SO/wife/husband whatever. Maybe read around in CFL of some of our stories and struggles. Go back a few years on a few people maybe. Dennis was the first one to pop in my head when I read your first post. But it looks like you may have some hope. Others of us have had wives with strugles to adjust to us and or America. Some of the women have posted this as well. Looks like she needs reassurance and your kindness and patience. Oh, and never say anything about how much she eats and that perhaps you could set her in the yard to keep the grass mowed. I really hurt my wifes feelings trying to joke one time. They don't exactly joke the same way, unless your married to Mikey. He can get away with anything, to here him tell it. PS: Wlecome to CFL and tell us more about yourself, if you care to. What is your age and stage in life? Have either of you been married before? Has she ever traveled out of CHina. Does she know english or you Chinese? Overall it looks like you care enough to ask around and get answers. Hang in there, relax, shoot the bull, etc, etc.

I have cheetos stains under my arm on my shirt. Good place to wipe off I figured. At least now I can type.

I wish you the best again.

At least you listened.

Well in America maybe. It is all over the world. It is greed whether individual or collective, planned or random. Having had slave owners on both sides of my family in Mississippi and other states, my cousin has often commented on that as maybe attributing to all of us going through divorces and other things. Who knows? My other cousins and I have had discussions on what to do to help. Not much we could do, other than be kind.

The American Citizen's area (Windows 31 through 40) is open to citizens with an American passport at any time. Did you go to a separate area, or just to one of these windows? Interesting. So one does not need to just go on Friday? Wish you the best Ling & Curt.

Reminds me of when I dated 2 women I worked with in the same department, and they didn't like each other in the first place. I was a little embalanced, as usual, I know. My kids were moved 1200 miles away with my first ex. I sorta.......haha

DENNIS! Your too dang sensitive. NEVER APOLOGIZE!!!

Good points Carl, but just to comment.........My mother and my wife came out of the same mold and time period. Neither had it as easy as folks our age and younger in America. My wife and mother grew up with an outhouse, as an example. They both cooked with raw vegtables and flour and things. Also they grew up in families that helped each other with school money or house money and had savings instead of debt. Family members sent children to sister's to help or be helped (trust there). And I think we all can see that China in the future will wind up much like the USA today, some year. At least for me if I bash American women it is not all of them for sure. Certainly not my mother, usually . Majority? Hmmm, maybe. These words deserve repeating. Wow, excellent view of these great woman we have! My joking aside, I have to say that what I feel from Jie is, whatever she does, she does for the benefit of us as a couple/family. I dont feel that she does anything for her own 'self esteem' or 'personal advancement'. Dennis, glad to see Y'all got it strait. The thing I don't understand is that if your wife is happy selling cloths and if the owner likes her sales, it seems she is better off with your wife part of the time instead of not at all. Couldn't she work a compromise with the owner? Of course I am sure Yall thought of that. Glad Yall worked it out. I worried over my wife's ambition a bit and used to tell her I did not marry her to be alone either. But I hope for her success as well. Her carrer is for our families benfit, but I feel a balance is needed. I don't want years of seperation like I see her brother's marriage do. Nice topic. I bet those gals at least think about what you tell them, whether they admit it at work or not.

K3 I guess I need a link to the other thread. I thought there was one on K3 but never found it. Must have been sleepy at the time, or I am just used to wading through the K1 stuff in order to getto the K3 and CR info. I MSN'd the lady last night about her waiting. I expressed my concerns. She said some of her friends have waited and obtained the 10 year. She says it happens all the time. Says it is her right and nothing tells her she needs to apply for the 2 year. She seems so confident about it. She says in Oct they will have been married 2 years. I am not sure that has anything to do with it though. What I don't know is if she has applied for EAD. I will ask her. She is working at home in her husbands business. I wonder if all is as well as she claims. None of my business though. In my own situation if the CR1/2 does not work out I wonder if I should work on an overcome rather than bring her here and apply for AOS on her K3? PS: We almost did the EAD while she was here, but I guess we both felt that at anytime the CR1/2 package will be received from the NVC. So we took the chance and sure enough the P4 arrived within a few days of her return. I can see what Duke was doing in the above reference. Looks like others out there are doing it too. Wonder if anyone has called or asked the Govt? Wonder if it really does work that way? Thanks tywy_99 for your quotes. I gues that explains some of the fuss I read about in other places but could not find the thread. OK. Interesting.

Excellent choices. I put Tom Sawyer right up there with the Old English King James Bible as required reading. Send her your states driver handbook and have her take driving lesson after driving lesson in China. What can you do in America without a car? It is alway sgood ot know some rules of etiquit(sp ) even though none of us follow them. I say this because wife was scolding daughter about leaving her unused arm in her lap at the dinner table. I never did clear it up with the wife. I don't know if you want her to know so much. Oh well, burn her bras and divorce herself of womanhood and teach her how to fill out a check and use a credit card. These were the first things came to my mind. Just Kidding Actually I was thinking of some history books or citizenship books. Maybe Dennis has a lead on that.

Well yes it is different than the topic, but was mentioned earlier. Odd thing is I came to this forum to post and ask this very question for my friend and some strange things being said in the Netherlands....... I almost started a new thread but figured why? Just do it here. Next time I will post anew. Not complaining about lack of K3 info though. Just fewer of us like fewer women on the boards.

I wonder if all internet meetings are better, even American to American. I knd of like getting to know a person this way. Somehow that SPARK comes through for many of us, just like 2 strangers turning to each other in a crowded room, and taking off from there. I am amazed that it happened that way for us.

Geez, Rak, I'd say you sound bitter, but you sound just like ME!!! Best Regards Many of us agree. Just be ware of ourself being spoiled Americans too I was very selective about who I told. I did it one by one. My one cousin married to a lady who immigrated at age 11 from South America. They were my true confidants and I asked what they thought first. They were supportive. My boss is a very good friend and knew my ex and thought I might get hurt and made a rude comment, but I would have to look up and old post to remember it now. The Pres of the company also was not happy. Heck he forgot now that I aksed if there was any work I could do while in China in 2005. The relatives and friends that I figured would remark that she is a goldigger or just wanted a geen card or complained about it being a communist country did just that. I told them much later, like after marriage. Upon my wife's arrival she wants me to just tell people we met in Beijing rather than on the internet. OK, I can do that, even though I told her it is no problem with a lot of folks now. Oh, one thing that will come up once she is here, she is probably exotic looking in America. Dress and body language (confidence) give it away. I knew my wife was good looking on the one hand but hmmmmm kinda weird teeth on the other. This stands out when they are not surrounded by other Chinese. Women really admired her look in the stores. Some came up and talked to her. I think some realized how they need to dress up a bit better and get back in shape. I noticed how she needed a good teeth cleaning. Once she gets her SS# and I can add her to my insurance, off we go. Braces will then come soon. None of that is for me. It is so she will fit in and be accepted better. Heck I never noticed until I put my reading glasses on and looked her in the face. She is not even aware what I am thinking about her teeth. I just worry over everything so she is accepted by others.

It may be frowned upon at AOS time - don't do it. No Way Will I DO It Like That!!! This is what the woman/friend is doing in order to save money. I couldn't believe it but she studied the rules and jokingly said I must have too much money, since I told her in my case if the CR1/2 package didn't come, I would bring her back from China and file for everything here and forget the CR process. Anyway she is bored and home bound waiting. I guess his home business is not doing so good, but she seems happy. She helps him at home on the net with orders from his web site. She just talks like skipping the 2 year is fine and going strait for the 10 year. They married after I did and got to the states quicker than us, so I figured maybe they know what their doing. I don't know. Maybe I better advise them, but money may be tight for them. Of course she could get out and go to work if she had the permit.

K3 Let me get this strait, if you have a K-3 and delay for 2 years to file for the 10 year green card, that is OK??? My question is for a good friend living in Denver on a K3 and waiting to file for the 10 year.

I'll be on the road soon enough and probably not here for a day or so anyway. Man you guys had some long threads I see while I was (busy). I'm cleaning out all the email from posts and junk before I head North for 6 hrs tonight. I caried US cash in one pocket up front and my wallet with plenty RMB in the other front pocket. Just a precaution, but I never felt uneasy anywhere I went. I ventured out on my own plenty, but then aerospace towns and cities are probably pretty safe all the time. I don't know.

In almost a dozen cities in six months.. I was never told to worry about my wallet. I wonder if she would give that warning to a chinese friend visiting her, or only to a western visiting? If the latter only, then maybe she's too sensitive to what a 'foreigner might want to hear'... I never felt threatened. But I see a bunch of guys followed Dennis around a lot. Wonder what interested them? I suspect they wanted that big wad in my trousers, Doug. Exactly what I was thinking. We saw the pic not long ago.

In almost a dozen cities in six months.. I was never told to worry about my wallet. I wonder if she would give that warning to a chinese friend visiting her, or only to a western visiting? If the latter only, then maybe she's too sensitive to what a 'foreigner might want to hear'... I never felt threatened. But I see a bunch of guys followed Dennis around a lot. Wonder what interested them?

More of my soap opera: I forgot to add about my Mom calling my wife a shrew after a few days, because of the way she would talk to me sometimes. That dust on top of the bar in the closet where cloths hangers go was a real tense situation But she also likes my wife, as she gets hugs and given the proper attention and care needed. Mom told me today that my wife said something to her about claiming the kitchen. From what I know of my wife I think she meant she would do some cooking as my MOm was doing most of it the first week or two. Wife was so wore out when she arrived that she rested for several days then she got into her left over homework. Geeze 2 huge studies on campanies or an industry. The reports were much more extensive than I ever do. She should do this then play the stock market if you ask me. Or work for some outfit who invests. Anyway once past the homework she did get in the kitchen, then we traveled and brought home the chinese food, and she took the kitchen over. Mom just could not eat any of it though. Anyway I understand her choice of words. To someone new like my Mom she took it wrong at first and wanted to throw a whole skillet of food in her face, she said, but she decided not to and just work this out. Mom says wife is very kind to her. So I think wife uses terms or phrases that just don't translate well to New folk.

Similar to school, the Primary or Jr Sunday School at church impressed my wife, both in China and here in the USA. She got the phone number of the teacher to learn how to make the cup cakes that were handed out to her daughter in SS class. Wife seems amazed at giving and friendlyness this way, with no hidden motive behind it for business or otherwise. PS: A few folks asked me about her today. One man I learned speaks manderin. Maybe he can interpret some for her, if she wants. I think it will be a long time before she goes to church with me again unless I start driving to Plano or some other area where it is either in Chinese or there is an interpreter with headphones she can put on. Any broadcast can be in manderin and a friend of mine says it costs nothing and will order it for our next conference. I guess one expects this from a church. Our building burnt to the ground a few days after they went with me. A local church of Christ is letting us use their building in the afternoon until we make arrangements for the next 2 years during a build. It was very generous of them.

Funny about some of you and the shopping carts. One thing I hope some of you noticed is that this thread was started to point out your observations of American's reactions to your Chinese partner. Not that you should or could change your partners behavior. What do you notice? The little things. Also to discuss some of their troubles in coping with us all at home or out. One thing I notice with all people is that if your silent people don't know what your thinking or assume sometimes your stuck up. Heck it might be your simply hard working and don't know the language that well. Mexicans may smile and look you in the eye when they don't know the langauge and working for you. Asians may feel a bit humiliated or something over langauge or just not give a thought to smilling and looking a person in the eye any need to do so. Not logical or something. I am just guessing for stimulation. Think I will go back to work...by all.

Hey I thought the Chinese treated each other better and warmer in China than we do each other here in the USA. We have a lot of walls between us. It is just a few little observations I notice when my wife is in America in a store or something that her buying bargaining hat goes on and LOOK OUT. Hahaha But at home she treats my Mom and Son with a great deal of kindness and respect they have never had before. Even if my wife complains to me about some of the things my son does and she is mad at him, he is totally unaware of it. She treats him very well. I wouild rather live with her in CHina, but too late for that now. It is USA all the way now.

Go-Jo hand cleaner from a Auto Parts store.

ditto Almost every meal until they got tired of it. Oh to add to the saga....I lost weight, as she predicted, because I will be moving more and working on the house. She gained 5-10 pounds I bet, but looked better for it. When she arrived she was either perfectly healthy or a little gaunt. Cheeks kind of sunk in a little. When she left her body was just a little more feminine looking to me and her face more attractive, like before. I think she was eating too less while working and going to school. She got into eating, big time.