SheLikesME?

Hey NewDay, we do have a small line out that got some very infrequent use (she loves the dryer too), but there could also be another reason for the line........when in China, have you ever seen the ducks hanging outside on the line to dry for dinner? Would work for dog too .....Sorry NEw Day, had to say it But that HUGE HOG that was roaming my neighborhood would have to be cooked Hawian style.

Maybe I should add that even though I had nose surgery which mad me very sensitive to smells, I never recall smelling any Chinese body oder in 4 trips. Not even in a disco in Xian with all the youth sweating. One warm visit to Beijing. Never smelled a person, just a lot of things. It surprises me when Y'all post about the odor in the bank and on subways. Some of those men I worked with over there claimed to shower once a week. But that was winter in Xian, Chengdu, and a couple of other points way South. Maybe there is something to this milk thingie.

The food stinks (though it sure taste good) The bathrooms stink. The almost everything stinks, except the lil lady. And she drinks milk. On a side note: I know a tall very white caucasian lady in America who can sweat and swaet and swaet and never have any odor. Even after 3 days. She never has a scent of any kind. WHY? Who knows. She shaved as often as any other American lady. She eats like most Americans. I have known her over 20 years and nothing has changed, she still don't stink.

I think a lot of control or dominance goes both ways in China, at times. The taboo against divorce holds strong. Or make a good team even if no love. I knid of keep up with a young girl learning English and all of her friends. Some strong similarities with my wife. Yet through my son we discovered a lot of new thinking young ones. Generally he did not like them. They didn't seem like they would have the commitment he sought.

Maybe I need to go look at your post in the other thread that started this one. I wanted to comment to something interesting. But here is my thoughts on this::::::::: I think if we took a CFL poll most of us were NICE GUYS! This one was. Yes as I said somewhere, men/boys have contributed greatly to women loosing their womanhood. Treat them worse than beatings. Also, I was asked by MANY women in China if I beat my wife. This was the number one question. Of course spanking a child is called beating too over there. I agree and so does my wife about how young people, in China, are changing to a more worldly way. But certainly it is not as bad as USA, IMHO. Depends on the individual.

I have noooo doubt she will adapt and adjust and take over the world from the USA! The balance will hopefully be here like it was on my visits. In the past I had a long distance girld friend in the USA. I HATED the phone conversations. In person, none of those problems there. Anyway, I am hoping for that. Both her and I are in double duty with her job and school, and my added territory. So the feel we had is not as spiritual as it was. Yet we gained a lot of understanding. In some ways it is sweeter to talk with her now.

Just to comment on our situation, as I see it, sorta. 1) Don't have much comment yet 2) This is what she seems to be asking for, or at least se wants more envolvement from me this way. She wants direction and maybe just plain getting scared to come to America. 3) She refuses to move to a certain neighborhood or apply for work at a Chinese company here in America. So she agrees with this 100%, unless by accident. (I think she will get homesick and need Chinese friends, but what do I know) 4) I have been thinking of this and we desired it 10 months ago. If I read between the lines, I think she wants me to do this, regardless of her career. 5) Man this is very strong with her. But it spills into a lot of duties not just sick. 6) Again she wants to now step into this role a bit. This feels like a real change to me. (Probably just needs time in USA, green card, SS#, Drivers License, car..........) 7) Nope all USA with her, but retaire in China, maybe. Another situation for me: She fears what her classmates, back in China, will think of her if she does not land a good job here. I little bit of being acceptable to the Jone's, not necissarily competing.

I agree to some extent, but there seems to be more to it than that. She loves to here me talk with someone at work. Sometimes I think she wants me to operate the same with her. Sometimes I feel she is treating me like she is still a manager at her work and I am a suborinate. I have to make an issue about this to get her to stop. Arguing her point she is trying to make is no good, I have to address her method of delivery. I have tols her countless times that if she is a manager again in America everyone will probably quit. Don't know how much Trigg is setting his foot down over in his blogg, but I find a much more cooperative wife if I do the same. So yes some of her older generation coming out I suppose. Where it gets dificult is when she switches from old to new. She seems to vasilate. She is in her late 30s and in college during that revolutionary time in the late 80s early 90s. Strong will, yet a foot in the past. She reads a lot, to learn. She is well educated and smart. She has traveled to europe. I have been with her or on the phone with her in long conversations where she has decided to give up a few traditions, like sending money to her parents, or siblings (because she makes the most). There are a few others I have heard the decision and so she has been analyzing a lot and drastically changing herself. Maybe too drastic, so she needs security from me and strength. What woman doesn't? At this point it has to do with the way I talk with her and how the visa process is handled and what I am doing to make a good income for her safety in coming here, since we are still seperated. I forget sometimes that she is Chinese I suppose because she knows so much and speaks so well. Her new thinking and english and knowledge really fool me...or I forget. But I cannot keep my head in China (preferred) and do all I need to in the USA. It was easier when we first started and I had to talk slow and listen real hard to her accent. Her phrases throw me off as to the meaning sometimes too. Ah, sorry I am making this about me. Let me do something else::::::::

I don't put this in the sphere of dominance as much as I would put it in indirect, implied communication (ie: agreement; if she didn't agree, you'd see maybe something different). You were simply supposed to know the answer by her silence and posture. Dominance is her word, not mine. I agree with what you say above, however I can see how deep this goes with her in other ways. This little example just touches the surface of it. It is a little baffling, to me, that she wants a version of "Hey babe here's the deal, take it or leave it" .............line from Coal Miner's Daughter.

Just to add I recall some time back commenting on mop-slapping verses setting our foot down. It may be in the thread with a questioning title about setting foot down like stepping on a land mine. Anyway I distinctly remember the feeling when I wrote about that and what ever the incidences were that led up to it. I was worried if she would blow up when I did set my foot down. I had already done it, then posted here some time later, because of all the mop-slap talk and training. She did not blow up, by the way. There are definatly roles she wants me to play and that has been a little dificult for me to understand her, from my American experience. The way she comes on so strong, similar to bargaining when out shoping, can still set me on tilt at times. Yet to her there are no hard feelings and she is puzzled by my reactions to her way. She does not know how her way of negotiating is like a bad argument, to me - an American. I had a more delicate issue I would like to throw out here, but will wait and see how the thread develops. Doug

Well I see it is a new thread now. I almost posted in the other thread. Interesting as my wife and I had a good conversation about our roles the other day. As modern as she is, she seems to want me to be more like those things he said to you. She told me she was thinkiing this both times I was there with her. I found that surprising. So I have been giving this a lot of thought. How to blend these traits with America. I am pretty sure I have resolved some of this. Hard for me to put that in words just yet and also don't know that I want to here. I sure appreciate your post. The more I think about some things she said that surprised me at the time the more I this makes sense. I can be strong about how things are done to protect her and the family. Yet I can love her and give her the things that seemed to make her flip out. I mean she really went into orbit compared to the way I see now that she really is. So my diferences compared to what she is used to, did the trick. But 2 days ago she said she flat ass wants dominance. I never met a woman who can come on so strong about issues. So dominance? Like the buzz of high power lines in the rain, so is this dance. PS: I have posted this before. I had to explain in the taxi on the way to get married that in America a man asks a woman to marry him and the woman answers yes or no. As much as I tried before she would never answer, as we got the single cert for me, and all the other preparations. It was very understood but no words. Knowing how she acted this seemed to be part of the dominance she wanted........just one small example I care to share.

I tried Not to be responded to in this thread: Ever try pulling a response back from the wife?

I think a multiple language environment is more fun. I just find it interesting that one switches the brain and tongue like TV channels between English, Mandarin, Cantonese, Spanish, Tagalog. I would enjoy that. We shall see.

I am forgotten. Just kidding of course. Roots go deep. Will read more of your poem later. Doug

Oh, man, you got me. I deleted it. Hahahahahahaha, COOL!!! No need to tell me. Well, at least I had a dumbass story in there somewhere. I am SOOOOOO STUUUUPID!! PS: I keep getting you mixed up with cosmiclobster when I see the mail and sometimes respond weird like I referred to you in another thread in meant him. Yeah I be PS to ALL: I like his avatar. especially that right eyeball coming out and slinging all over the place.

Stop dude, they will move this to TC... you getting twisted YOu never lied there. I can't even stand myself. But soooo glad the weekend is here so I can work on the garage/WC.

This is one of the reasons I have not sold the house and moved into the city. Keep things stable until all is done. Dave, quit picking on the guy Pink Ink, geezeeeeeeeee

So maybe I can hang some permanant lines in this new shower bathroom with the big drain in the floor. Lines heavy enough for a person to hang from too, so I can do strange things to her while she hangs there or somethng. Maybe hang the dog while I skin it out. Just thinking Just thinking. Multi task/use lines

Alternative is plant some bushes. When down South I had the hotel do my laundry. I looked out the wondow later that day and saw all these cloths, socks, and underwear spread out all over these bushes in this courtyard. Sure enough it was mine. Nothing like your drawers out for everyone to see on a business trip. Heck I didn't care though.

Anything you want to do for the reasons of thinking it's a good idea is worth doing. I also am quite serious that given the chance, I would put in a garden and pond, something both my father and grandfather have done.(minus the pond) I just wanted to express the feeling that we can do too much in trying to make our wifes feel more at home. In my case, once here, Jen was not interested in transforming the apartment into her little peice of China and now, a year later, she has started puting her own touch to the place and is making it her own. Not so much Chinese or American, but her. Perhaps it's her age or where she is from in China, but she just isn't interested in bringing China here. She is just interested in making this our home. I agree. My wife does not care to be in or around other Chinese neighborhoods. She wants to inagrate into America. She wants her pronunciation to get better. She wants to here English all the time. She knows it will be tough, even though she speaks fluent english. She does not seem to be so interested in the decorating because she does not decorate her place. She had pictures she never hung so she sent them back with me. Nothing is required of me, she says, except to help her learn to drive, provide a car, and help her get a job so she can pay off the debts. One we barrowed for investments and her degree, and another is my house. She hopes to have a new house some day. I chuckle a little about Carl warpedboard because of how well his old house looked then next thing we knew the entire house was torn down for a new one. I am sure she will want a brand new house too, if we can swing it and get it paid off quickly. In the mean time, I hope to have this place ready, but not too ready. Some things she will have to be patient about, like my hobies.

Of course there are limits, but in the case of my bathroom, it was going to be almost exactly what I found over there. It just made sense to me. To my surprise when I walked into her bathroom the first time. I was shocked. I actually froze in the doorway and said to myself, this is exactly what I was going to do. Then her sisters place was the same. Another home of a Taxi driver, the same. All I had seen were hotels which were American or European style. Also the enclosed porch I was going to do anyway. Clothsline? Well that one is new, but I don't mind. It just trims out my ideas to make it Chinese. I had no idea until last year that my ideas would match. Other things I sit my foot down about. We all have our battles to pick.

I never thought to even try to curb this thing. I have porches front and back the full length of the house. Lines goin up before she arrives. Someday hope to enclose sections at a time, starting with the room with the lines, just like she has back home. This kinda goes further with me. I was thinking of making an all bathroom shower before I ever went over last year and discovered that this is how their bathrooms are. Wow, OK what a fit. Money is finally saved to do the concrete work in the garage where all the plumbing is coming up through the floor for another bathroom. Clearing same garage a little every night for the project. Just outside of this new bathroom is a door to the back porch where the lines will be. (Ijust want her to feel at home) So many spiders outside, I probably will make a line in the bathroom as well, until I get this one section of porch enclosed. Don't think I can get that done before she arrives. Beside, we have enough to argue about as is. No need over laundry.

KEN, GOOD TO SEE YOUR POST. I 2 have missed them so much. I am happy for the 2 of you. As always, love your relations part of your post. Doug

I know, I know, I know. What ever I do will be wrong, or will get picked to death. So I will just help her find a job, and she can buy what ever she wants. I know the questions. This is beautiful car? Because she doesn't really know. She will read every moveement on my face. She just wants to "fit in" with a upper middle class. Beijing express. What ever someone at her job is driving I am sure she will want the same, or better. Am I headed for a situation......................yes, never mind. She mentions the oil a car usses. But I feel when it comes to HER car. Hahaha. We will see. I shall report a year from now.

My Uncle had a bully picking on him at school. His Aunt told him that if he came home beat up agin by this bully she would whip him too. The boy was bigger but she told him to find something to help. So that day when getting picked on or hit again, he found a 2x4 and proceeded to beat the guy up and chase him around the school yard humiliating the bully in front of others. So he overcame a big fear and never lost a fight again in his life. Didn't get a whipping when he got home either. Glad to hear your kids are doing OK in school and adjusting. I take it the boy has more of a problem with language? Typical if so.