SheLikesME?

You WERE watching Jane swim right? In disbelief

I used to like a lot of old movies that just played on the TV during the day when young. Yep some of those CHarlie Chan ones were interesting. Ch11 down here changed them out with Tarzan all the time. My ex unfortunatly ruined this for me. TCM was just about all that was on. She watched old movies over and over and over again. She watched all that history stuff about every actor and actress there is. Heck all the stories were the same. They get successful and have all these love hurts in their life, then their mother dies and it is OH so tragic, all this stuff. It was like a rerun no matter which person they discussed. I can't hardly watch old movies anymore. Oh yeah, the Tarzan movies were sometimes un-edited for content. So us boys just waited for the swim scenes. Looking good

I always dislike this crap about being looked at and our privacy. Anyone here who ever held a classified clearance has been looked at back a long way and had folks talk to their neighbors and even school teachers and one woman and I sure had fun on the phones when a bunch of us were being phone tapped for possible drug use in our group of 30 hired at the same time when I was a young designer. The right people were caught and thank goodness in my opinion. NSA knew who was sleeping with who and how many and all, but so what. None of cared and made sport of it. If you have nothing to hide you have no worries. If they saw my bare ass bouncing in Beijing then hope they enjoyed it as much as I did.

So my vacation I was dreaming up, of returning to China alone, is in threat huh? Well if I decide, I will do it. Leve the wife to her job. I need a break. Maybe I will get thrown in a dungen. Give me time to repent. I mean what else can be done.

We just had a discussion about this and I was criticized for making a statement to my wife that she HATES Chinese women. It was the result of her buying a nice little white suit coat at a yard sale for $1 some months ago. We were told it was a local Chinese lady who was a friend and left it there for the sale. She wore it a few times but on last visit it was laid at the front door to wipe feet on to get the dollar use. She said every time it felt dirty and she couldn't get the dirt off. I recall having a similar kind of feel about it. Maybe it hung in a closet too long. But heck it was a symbol to me of all her reaction to the Chinese she met here in Lil Rock. The lady across the street studying to be a doctor, she talks bad of the way they raise their boy. The restaurant owner offered to take her to the store and help her out, she thinks it is because she wants her business, but when I say she didn't like her, she said she does like her, but it is all business. Bottom line I will try to provide opportunities also. I have learned to not mention or push her to see them or talk. Before her daughter showed up she was desperate for friends when I was not there, but she refused offers by these Asian women. But she doesn't dislike them like I thought,... I guess (She was so desperate she was even calling my son to see what he was doing. But go contact that woman who extended a warm hand? Never. And she dressed nice and seemed cultured too, as my wife puts it.) Eric your right, I have to tread lightly about being closer to or making good comments about another woman at all, especially a Chinese woman. Whew.

If she has new cloths you may not want to put your things with hers just to make sure the color does not come out. Chinese cloth is sometimes the same way America was in the 50s.

I don't think you can avoid the mop-slapping. There are so many little ways of thinking that just get in the way. Even in conversation you may find your thinking and the things you bring up to be illogical to her or as Jim posted if it is in the past don't mention it again. The best you both can do is adjust. Enjoy and feed the romance!!!! She has so much adjusting to do and no matter how well she speaks English it is not good enough. I posted how mine showed up trying too hard to be non-Chinese. She even acted insulted at me pulling out the chop sticks. She forbade her daughter to use them as well. Others will do just the opposite and all in between. Your going to have to wing it. We use sticks at every meal now, but it was tense at first. Best advice I can give is to clean the top of the bar you hang cloths on in the closets and scrub down the walls and shelves in there. This was my big event on arrival day Seems that dusty bar meant I did not care for her. I cleaned everything but never in my wildest immagination would I have thought about that bar. She may ask if hangers are clean like in the other thread. She may or may not want to hang her cloths to dry so I would be prepared with a line on a porch and in the bathroom and one of those portable fold up hanging bars just in case. (I actually had no idea that the Chinese had the kind of bathroom I wanted before I ever knew the Chinese had that design. So one day I hope to have one of those as well as an inclosed porch for drying cloths and storing vegtebles. I like the idea of the kitchen remodel but my wife got the perfect flat bottom huge deep skillet looking pan at a garage sale.) She may or may not be so damned tight with money that ... well take her to garage sales to loosen things up, if she is not insulted from it all being used. Clean your garage and make all things tidy everywhere. Let her clean and rant if needed on arrival. Ranting just might be in the same league as the way Chinese talk to each other when negotiating a price on something they are buying. After all the heated yelling they agree and are friends after amazing. So get some thick skin and don't take it too serious. Jim's post has a lot of wisdom!!!

Well finally the wife is comfortable enough and letting things go to chance. She doubts I can produce and wants me to go be tested. I aksed for her help Anyway I wanted ugrent when we first met and thought why not do it while in waiting. She wanted to be settled first. I have had doubts mainly due to the upheaval in my company and worry over being able to support all. This has all settled down. My wife has a good job if needed. We seem to have one of the big issues almost behind from the ex and her brew. So now I really wonder and hope I will be healthy and I just have no idea. I DO like just leaving things to chance and live our lives and do te best we can. I will get tested as soon as practical. Wife had another child or 2-3 in her mind before we met it seems. It surprises me. We wonder about logistics but she is on the way to being able to work from home if all goes as we hope and she gets on as a direct employee instead of just a job shopper. Ahh ever changing romance and family life. This marriage is an adventure. I never know.

Well I for one noticing the differences in just how many people smoke and surprised that S Korea, for instance, hasn't done something to curb the use. I mean it was like going back to America in the 50s down South anyway. It will cost the whole country in the lung run. So I figured that China with all of its top leadership might just look at medical costs & etc and do something since they are in charge I never smoked and don't like being around it but I certainly wasn't trying to make any judgments or start anything. Just figured the influence to start smoking should be curbed if possible in those countries.

YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!! AS IN YES I did cock-a-doodle-do and beat my chest on the front porch the morning after once I was young then. I got young again a couple of years ago too

Enjoying this David. Glad you are there. I will have to try the 3rd point of the triangle some day. You sure can bring back memories. Thanks!

About time. I have wondered just how long some countries were going to tolerate smoking, if nothing else because of the high cost of medical treatments. Korean's wake up. Or have they already?

xiaofeizhu, I understand your situtation a bit better now than what I read in the other thread. Well I wish you and hubby the best. What the heck a vacation to Japan. I found the icon while in waiting. It helped keep my sanity while driving all my CFL friends away from me.

I began thinking this of my wife the other day. I have begun telling her how I am NOT Chinese. For all the good that does me. Dennis your right. I have been there and seen what they are doing. They keep it up and they will be quite the supplier of good arms.

Yirong and Ken, I just found the news. Sorry to hear this. I have been wondering about ski. He raced cars, as I recall, which is my passion. He is in a better place now for sure but I would think he would prefer to be with the two of you and the rest of his family and friends if he could. My sincere best wishes for all of you and your future.

I still prefer driving over there. I was just thinking how the wife says how they go 100mph in the country highway to her parents town.

Good response! To add to it: in order to avoid unnessary lies, give each other some space (I don't mean physically stay away). Don't press for an answer or clarification for every tiny issue. Often a truth can be misunderstood and is not any truthful than a lie. YES Larry I agree with you too. Didn't mean to sound so prudish. It is just that in a major issue like I had I just did not feel it was the way to go. Other times it just is not worth the trouble to explain the twisted truth. Now what does all this Chinese writing mean. I am at a distinct disadvantage

Oh heck. She just calls and wonders if I will be there tonight. B) YANK left, yank right

I may or may not post my situation. I figured I had to resolve it somehow and nobody could do that except me and my conscience & gut. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. In the end I got what she wanted me to get and I did it the honest way with no deception, which sure would have been easy. The honest way truly put me at the mercy and good will of another person not in our family. If that person had not come through with the commitment they did then I would have had to let this thing go to divorce I guess. That was up to wife. If I had pulled the deception the way I was thinking of doing it then...loss of self respect and loss of respect for her unreasonable position. Deception was in my mind partially due to what I have read here about Chinese ladies telling lies to not hurt her mate. I find myself weighing her ways vs mine more and more. Has she covered up a few things along the way? Yes, and I found them, just like she finds out things about me. So what if the American uses lies to resolve hurt or avoid it? In my case this time I just could not base the rest of our marriage on anything but honesty and openess. It was a divorcable issue with her. Ridiculous but it was the way it was. In April if this 3rd party comes through and we make the exchange needed then I have a resolution. My wife is still at odds with me because fundamentally we disagree on how to resolve this. In a way I had an impossible situation like my cousin. My cousin and I were both just a little awe struck at both our predicaments. I just hope both our marriages last and work out. I hope all others here in CFL work out as well. His wife and my wife are very good responsible people who contribute to a better society. We marry them and I guess these things have to be worked out above job or any other issue. Godspeed to all here.

Very interesting scenario. I've heard of situations like this, and my ex has continually tried to pull our kids away from me, and to an extent she has succeeded, so I kind of understand this a little. When I met Jie, I told her that my family problems will never put her in second place. She is and will be first and foremost in my life and I would not allow her to be put into a compromising position. Perhaps many folks would disagree with that, which is ok, this is my own personal view. On to this situation.....you made the statement that 'she' (his wife) put him into an uncomfortable situation. I disagree.....I would feel like the son put them into an uncomfortable situation. As Larry said, his son put up the fence. His son forced his Dads wife into an uncomfortable position. Based on that, the son has the right to make this choice to refuse to acknowledge or accept his stepmom. By doing this, he would also be rejecting my choice of a wife. Only the son can change this decision, I cannot. Of course, we dont know 'why' the son made that decision, but perhaps it doesnt matter. However, I think this guys wife has the right to feel rejected and hurt. Afterall, spent 20 years together raising his son, who is now rejecting her. Thats pretty harsh and hurtful. Having said that, if it were me, I'd have a sit-down with my son and I'd let him know that I think he is wrong to reject my choice of wife,to reject the person who raised him, and by doing that he is also hurting me. I will tell him I respect his choice but he must respect my choice to stand by her side, as I will not join him in hurting her. 'It's up to you son.' And you right Ken. If it were all this simple your answer is right. Now there are issues that make the son feel this way. But regardless I feel the father should stick by his wife. I know the whole family and my cousin is more like a brother. The son is not the easiest person to get along with. But then husband and all 3 sons have issues with Mom, my cousins wife. Apparently what I never see is her 9 yards up their asses on everything every day. She is always right about everything. She wants to control or micro manage everything. the only way I see my cousin got through life with her is that they had so many common goals. About 3-4 times per year they have a huge argument and he gets told how no good he is as a father and husband and everything. Yet there is the good side to it all. The part I see and the romance I never see. My cousin and her had just about come to a divorce 2-3 months ago because of her temper and then this happened with his middle son. She is hurt and insecure about it all. She tells him maybe they should split so he can enjoy his family then cries. She has NEVER wanted a divorce before. It has always been her driving him to the point that either she settle down or else he will file. I hope they resolve it. I just went by there and talked to him. I sort of had a Godsend, as he put it, come my way to resolve my problem. So I encouraged him to just go see the son when he wants and quit arguing with her about it. He is just so tired of her never admitting that she is wrong and all the other stuff. I guess it is all a problem now because my cousin told his wife that his son does have some points to make. So obviously this helped him vent his concerns. One time a few years ago when all 3 boys lived there he moved upstairs with them and left her sleeping alone. The boys were on his side too because of the way she treats them. Just too pushy and domineering. I dated a Jewish girl in CA once that had the stereotype Jewish mother. Very dominating, and hard for me to really believe this kind of woman actually existed. It irritated the crap out of me. I blew my frig gen top once. Later I realized it is just the Moms way of showing love and worry. I was kinder after that. Some people are just the way they are. Her husband never left her, though he did die of a heart attack.

Example: My cousin up the street has a wife born in Columbia. This couple I have shared my experience with from the beginning. They were my greatest ally. The have been married over 20 years. They got custody of his 2 boys from a previous marriage and raised them. They also have one of their own togather. One is 25, married, and just had a daughter born. This son has told his step-mom she is not welcome in his house. He has told his father he is welcome but not her. My has tried his best to get the boy to turn around, but of course he has the right to have nothing to do with his fathers wife. Now his wife says him or me. She does not want him to go see his son or granddaughter. She has put him in an impossible situation. Or has she? Any opinion? They are on the brink of divorce. Cousin said a friend of his told him that you cannot reason with an unreasonable person.

Have you ever had disagreements that escalate into real differences in the way others are treated outside your immediate family? My wife and I try to be truthful to each other, but what if one needs to approach the gray area of telling a lie to make things better? This isn't what I wanted in a wife, frankly. I've lost some respect and now look at things differently. This may change and she may change, she says. Anyway I hope it is a growing experience instead of a spiral.

GIVE ME A JOB IN CHINA..........PLEASE!!!!!

Thanks Roggie for posting about my Dalian. We took a ship out of there and I saw the shipyard and a high speed train factory. I think cars? Little ones. I just LOVe the industry there. I posted my pic of what looked like a flat top with the ski jump for a STOVL aircraft for someones military. If China's then where is the jump jet? That one I did not know.

oscar this is about right. And guys you must experience this wrath or "outrage" as my wife termed it just today at lunch, when telling me she called me some bad word in Chinese some months ago when so "outraged" - which I did not know what she was saying. So on the one hand their is trouble. On the other hand I was asked today if I want to make a baby Ahh just to get let down with monitoring me the next 2 months and consulting with mama. And maybe mama and baba will have to return to us to help, if she decides. Anyway back on topic. Fellers, you still have to set your foot down at first about a few things, even if the land mine does go off. But I must agree with the article, once the proper amount of groveling and apologies is over with all is well, and sometimes too well to keep your head from spinning.