Dr. Phil's show today 4/07

[NY-Viking]

There are just 2 people to worry about in a relationship. Everybody else can just butt out...  

Not sure I agree with that ... but Dr. Phil should certainly butt out.

 

Although I do agree that ultimately it is just the two of you, your relationship does have an impact on your existing family (especially any children, and an existing spouse, if relevant), so that should come into some consideration as well.

[rogerluli]

There are just 2 people to worry about in a relationship. Everybody else can just butt out...  

Not sure I agree with that ... but Dr. Phil should certainly butt out.

 

Although I do agree that ultimately it is just the two of you, your relationship does have an impact on your existing family (especially any children, and an existing spouse, if relevant), so that should come into some consideration as well.

I always seem to get in trouble for not including children in these equations. I don't have children so I don't think that way it is true. But it seemed to me in this case the man's children were grown women and if they could not accept the fact that their parent's marriage had died and now their father had found a new love then...too bad I say. It is their problem not the father's now. I am looking hard for something more important in life than being happy and loving someone who loves you and I am not seeing it yet...

[ptcrusier333rph]

I agree with you roger ok that a shock, 18 year or older on the kids, they have no say in what I do, who I marry,or how I spend their inhertance

 

sorry if this offend someone, but at 18 years of age that kids had no say in what I do with my life or my wife. They got their own life to live I have mine.

 

I still say the story was racist

 

Robert

[ptcrusier333rph]

ok just read the part of the transcripts of the show, I apologize for my remarks I made about Dr. Phil.

The problem was not in the marriage but in the fact the children were mad at their father for divorcing and marrying a chinese woman. Dr. Phil basicly said it was none of the children business for marrying who ever he want, and that he been willing to still be thier father, and yes the father should talk about the fact he divorce and marry again to his family, he should never be force not to marry someone just because it hurt the family.

 

In other words BUTT out of your father marriage

 

Robert

 

ok my respect for DrPhil gone up, and there was no slamming against oversea marriage.

[beijingjenny]

What I saw of it, it had nothing to do with her being Chinese, was partyly the age difference, but mostly the fact he cheated on his wife with her.

 

I can't believe there are so many people here condoning adultery. Taz is right, when this woman spoke she had no apology or remorse for being part of his marriage breaking up. But I also thought this guy's daughters were a bit bitchy.

 

And what do you mean Dr. Phil butt out? You think he forced these people on his show? They contribute as much to what's on the show as he does.

[Trigg]

Dr. Phil, much like Dr. Joyce brothers, is a disgrace to his profession. The APA needs to pull his license-like they did to Joyce Brothers!!!

[se_lang]

What I saw of it, it had nothing to do with her being Chinese, was partyly the age difference, but mostly the fact he cheated on his wife with her.

 

I can't believe there are so many people here condoning adultery. Taz is right, when this woman spoke she had no apology or remorse for being part of his marriage breaking up. But I also thought this guy's daughters were a bit bitchy.

 

And what do you mean Dr. Phil butt out? You think he forced these people on his show? They contribute as much to what's on the show as he does.

I agree with Jenny my X like many here had their spouse cheat on them it is never ok to cheat, if a marriage is over you should divorce not run to the next person then worry about finalizing the previous relationship. This seems to be the biggest complaint from the daughters not really the age but bottom line is what is done is done get over it and move on.

[maiyademama]

I don't think the story had anything to do with race...I think it had to do with age, adultery, a greencard, and the impact all of these factors had on not only this man's original marriage, but his relationship with his children and the ultimate decision to keep his new bride right before her visa expired. This was just one segment in one program of a daytime T.V. show. It doesn't theaten the people here waiting to get visas/ greencards. There are a number of CFL members who have been burned by younger Chinese women, abusing the system. The guy who posted this thread is one of them. Please try to show a little compassion for those who actually have had these horrible experiences... It won't diminish your happiness or romantic success with Asian / Chinese women to acknowledge that not every case is legit!

[Dan R]

"Please try to show a little compassion for those who actually have had these horrible experiences... It won't diminish your happiness or romantic success with Asian / Chinese women to acknowledge that not every case is legit! "

 

I agree Maiya's Mama. Both sides of the issue have risks and might be matters of abuse of a system and relationship. I know I get very tired of hearing people that are genuinely concerned for me say "she is just using you to get over here". I know that is not so but I also know if it doesn't work out (which is possible in any relationship) I will never hear the end of it.

 

Inspite of this I decided it was worth that risk.

[ptcrusier333rph]

I'm the last person to condone adultry, my ex wife cheated on me the whole time we was married. It one thing I do not condone or accept,

I never cheated on anyone I dated or on my ex, sure the hell not going to start now,

 

Beside if none of anyone business what they do, not going to judge them.

 

Robert

[sylinchinastill]

I really feel bad for that man's daughters though. My stepmother is younger than my dad- about 10 years- but it's not that big of a deal. She is kind of bitchy but- whatever. But if my dad married someone who was younger than me! I would die. Stepmothers have a terrible habit of trying to break down the relationship between fathers and their children. I think men have less close relationships with their children and perhaps they don't feel like they owe them anything. But I think that when the man brought his children into the world he started it. He can do what he wants- but he does have to explain something. I think he should have divorced first- it sounds like he cheated. I also didn't like his attitude- like that it was his decision and his life and everyone was going to have to live with it. That is pretty immature for a man of his age. And if I were the woman- even if I did feel like he could be the 'love of my life'- I would back off. You shouldn't even flirt with married people. I don't know that it was racial- I don't really like Dr. Phil but I don't that was what made it sensational. The woman's attitude made it sensational.

[Mengxin]

I guess it's all case by case. Looking at this genral topic from 3rd person point of veiw. I ask 3 questions.

1. Is the couple legitamately happy with one another?

2. Are they being destructive to themselves or anyone else?

3. Does anyone have the right to stop them from loving each other or finding happiness?

 

The couples should be asking each other the same.

 

Hopefully two people marry, because they both believe that true love can last forever or they never want to love another person but there spouse. It would be idiotic for anyone to get married if they thought that they would someday get a divorce or they still wanted to go out chasing other lovers. Even if you thought that your spouse (or future spouse) felt that way and you didn't, could you get yourself to marry that person?

 

Based on perception, I think it's easy for people to feel scepticle of us. They probably have this feeling...

She's much younger than her spouse, she's beautiful, poor, not very educated, speaks terrible english, lives across the ocean, bored at home or with life in general and has the opportunity to live in a free society where the standard of living and quality of life is considerably higher. What does she have to lose and what personable quality's would she be willing to give up from her mentally "ideal" partner? There are so many benifits that come with marrying an American guy. The only way to take advantage of these benifits is to get married. The couple never lived with each other before and known each other less than 1 year before deciding to get married. Are the all marriages solely based on pure love alone? It's easy for people to be criticile.

Now having said all the above, read the first questions again? The answers are still the same.

I even felt a little hesitant to break the word about my marraige because I was concerned that people might feel or think differently about me because of this perception. Online, China, marriage ...yada yada yada.

 

I got over it because I truely love my wife. I'll go through any road block to be with her. Time apart, distance, $$$, and the Visa are all road blocks for my wife and I to be happy and in love. Slowly, but surely these road blocks will be nipped in the b@tt.

Love knows no bounds. When people are in love, the people that don't know love, can't apprieciate the feeling or power of it.

 

I certainly can appriecitae the feelings of Dr. Phils guests. Even from both sides. The guests on his show could never be happy if they needed to make everyone that was judging them happy. Fortunately my friends and family have all been very supportive of my marriage and it really helps alot.

[awch]

I really feel bad for that man's daughters though. My stepmother is younger than my dad- about 10 years- but it's not that big of a deal. She is kind of bitchy but- whatever. But if my dad married someone who was younger than me! I would die. Stepmothers have a terrible habit of trying to break down the relationship between fathers and their children. I think men have less close relationships with their children and perhaps they don't feel like they owe them anything. But I think that when the man brought his children into the world he started it. He can do what he wants- but he does have to explain something.

I'm in agreement with Syl- I'm going thru something like this now with my dad and step-mom (the part about my dad believing his wife over his kids....) and it's not a good feeling at all.

[Mengxin]

There are just 2 people to worry about in a relationship. Everybody else can just butt out...  

Not sure I agree with that ... but Dr. Phil should certainly butt out.

 

Although I do agree that ultimately it is just the two of you, your relationship does have an impact on your existing family (especially any children, and an existing spouse, if relevant), so that should come into some consideration as well.

I always seem to get in trouble for not including children in these equations. I don't have children so I don't think that way it is true. But it seemed to me in this case the man's children were grown women and if they could not accept the fact that their parent's marriage had died and now their father had found a new love then...too bad I say. It is their problem not the father's now. I am looking hard for something more important in life than being happy and loving someone who loves you and I am not seeing it yet...

Was I the only one here who got the "fluff"? You thought it went un noticed. Not!!

 

If trigg hates Dr. Phil, then I hate dr. Phil. that guy thinks he's so smart. I think his head is lumpy and his mamma dresses him funny.

Trigg can you recommend any good physcologists. Or maybe I'll need brain surgury instaed. I'de rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

[rogerluli]

There are just 2 people to worry about in a relationship. Everybody else can just butt out...  

Not sure I agree with that ... but Dr. Phil should certainly butt out.

 

Although I do agree that ultimately it is just the two of you, your relationship does have an impact on your existing family (especially any children, and an existing spouse, if relevant), so that should come into some consideration as well.

I always seem to get in trouble for not including children in these equations. I don't have children so I don't think that way it is true. But it seemed to me in this case the man's children were grown women and if they could not accept the fact that their parent's marriage had died and now their father had found a new love then...too bad I say. It is their problem not the father's now. I am looking hard for something more important in life than being happy and loving someone who loves you and I am not seeing it yet...

Was I the only one here who got the "fluff"? You thought it went un noticed. Not!!

 

If trigg hates Dr. Phil, then I hate dr. Phil. that guy thinks he's so smart. I think his head is lumpy and his mamma dresses him funny.

Trigg can you recommend any good physcologists. Or maybe I'll need brain surgury instaed. I'de rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...fluff... One of the best things my ex could make was her green fluff. I'm cured Dr. Phil, I can say something good about my ex...

 

As for Trigg I knew he wears dresses and a thong but I didn't know his head was lumpy...what was that called...phrenology ?...