Lost without communication

[george lee]

john,

 

you didnt get any indications or heads up prior to her training event? i'm sorry it turns out this way for you.

[Guest jin979]

Impossible old boss can can tell her go from job for being married to whoever then ask for money, i dont believe that.

 

She may well have troubles that stopped her from calling you and she needs money, but i doubt it from a boss.

 

i just am not sure you are hearing the truths from her or others.

 

very sorry this has happened. hope im wrong.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

John, I hope I am wrong but, no phone, no internet, no contact, something doesn't sound right here, maybe I am missing something and I hope I am, but this sounds like a red flag, sorry and good luck.

 

You might be reaching by calling it a red flag at this point. There are however plenty of internet cafes throughout China. Where there is a will, there is a way. I don't think it a good idea to spend much time thinking about this. No one likes being checked up on; if there is a connection, it will follow a road of you ending up together in the end. I wouldn't recommend trying to force communication.

 

A friend once shared with me several years back, back in the days when we didn't have electronic door locks, that when you pick up a lady for a date, you should walk her to the car and unlock and open her door. If she leaned across and unlocked your door as you made your way around the car; then, she was a keeper. Anything less than that should be tossed back.

 

That is more a philosophy than a literal kinda thing. There are a lot of selfish people out there. If they don't reach for you, you should toss them back. Now, that is not to say that a few days out of communication means they aren't reaching, but it might.

 

 

 

a bronx tale

 

Indeed it was. And very good advice:

 

Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.

 

Calogero 'C' Anello: Just like that?

 

Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.

[JohnP]

I found out today by sending her flowers to her address in Chengdu that she has moved to the old city where she had the job she lost. Not wanting money from me now might mean that she is back with that old company. She accepted the flowers and the flower company is going to forward her new address to me. This might help in contacting her to find out what happened.

[NewDay2006]

I found out today by sending her flowers to her address in Chengdu that she has moved to the old city where she had the job she lost. Not wanting money from me now might mean that she is back with that old company. She accepted the flowers and the flower company is going to forward her new address to me. This might help in contacting her to find out what happened.

 

John, I hope you can talk to your wife and find out the truth for once and for all.

 

Hang tough. I know this isn't easy.

[amanda1969]

I found out today by sending her flowers to her address in Chengdu that she has moved to the old city where she had the job she lost. Not wanting money from me now might mean that she is back with that old company. She accepted the flowers and the flower company is going to forward her new address to me. This might help in contacting her to find out what happened.

To tell you the truth, I felt it was big red flag when I saw your first post of the thread on CFL.

My husband can contact with me at any time if he wants and I can do the same for him.

I hope everything is well for you.

[NewDay2006]

I found out today by sending her flowers to her address in Chengdu that she has moved to the old city where she had the job she lost. Not wanting money from me now might mean that she is back with that old company. She accepted the flowers and the flower company is going to forward her new address to me. This might help in contacting her to find out what happened.

To tell you the truth, I felt it was big red flag when I saw your first post of the thread on CFL.

My husband can contact with me at any time if he wants and I can do the same for him.

I hope everything is well for you.

I must agree with you Amanda. In my prior relationship, the lady would disappear sometimes... for a few days once for a whole week. I looked at them suspiciously, but was too in love(dumb) to see it for what it was... once she got to the US, the relationship fell apart almost instantly... did I have other red flags... OH YES, but again, I was

 

I'm not saying this is John's situation, but never ignore the warning signs.

 

My wife now, there was always a way for us to talk to each other. evryday.... everyday. except now, we have no communication because she is on her way here.

 

Not trying to make John feel bad, but I know it is easy to really want the relationship to work and maybe it still can... she might just have cold feet.... but be prepared to accept and expect for it to not work out, after all it has been 24 days already... flowers or no flowers, no woman in love, unless she has a really good reason will go for almost a month with out talking to her man.

Edited November 4, 2008 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[sweattrl1]

I found out today by sending her flowers to her address in Chengdu that she has moved to the old city where she had the job she lost. Not wanting money from me now might mean that she is back with that old company. She accepted the flowers and the flower company is going to forward her new address to me. This might help in contacting her to find out what happened.

To tell you the truth, I felt it was big red flag when I saw your first post of the thread on CFL.

My husband can contact with me at any time if he wants and I can do the same for him.

I hope everything is well for you.

I must agree with you Amanda. In my prior relationship, the lady would disappear sometimes... for a few days once for a whole week. I looked at them suspiciously, but was too in love(dumb) to see it for what it was... once she got to the US, the relationship fell apart almost instantly... did I have other red flags... OH YES, but again, I was

 

I'm not saying this is John's situation, but never ignore the warning signs.

 

My wife now, there was always a way for us to talk to each other. evryday.... everyday. except now, we have no communication because she is on her way here.

 

Not trying to make John feel bad, but I know it is easy to really want the relationship to work and maybe it still can... she might just have cold feet.... but be prepared to accept and expect for it to not work out, after all it has been 24 days already... flowers or no flowers, no woman in love, unless she has a really good reason will go for almost a month with out talking to her man.

If she truely loved you nothing could keep her from you, you two are married ,no need for her to have cold feet now ,sorry John , bad things happen to good people, i think maybe she don,t know what she want

[JohnP]

Just so you all are updated this is what has happened. Her old boss / boyfriend is a real estate guy with lots of money and a big family. She has gone back to live with him and his family as like a tutor. Is this some kind of sex toy for older wealthy Chinese men. I think he pressured her back into living with them. What is my recourse is there a chance I could get my wife back. I want to forgive her but she isnt taking my phone calls and not writing any email at all. This is information I got from the interpreter who did all the interpreting during the year and half that we talked before I went over to marry her. She got the information from a friend of my wife. I am just really upset now and wish I knew more. I have hired a Private Investigator, hopefully they will dig up more information. I am planning a trip over to confront her and him see what happens.

[Dennis143]

I found out today by sending her flowers to her address in Chengdu that she has moved to the old city where she had the job she lost. Not wanting money from me now might mean that she is back with that old company. She accepted the flowers and the flower company is going to forward her new address to me. This might help in contacting her to find out what happened.

To tell you the truth, I felt it was big red flag when I saw your first post of the thread on CFL.

My husband can contact with me at any time if he wants and I can do the same for him.

I hope everything is well for you.

I must agree with you Amanda. In my prior relationship, the lady would disappear sometimes... for a few days once for a whole week. I looked at them suspiciously, but was too in love(dumb) to see it for what it was... once she got to the US, the relationship fell apart almost instantly... did I have other red flags... OH YES, but again, I was

 

I'm not saying this is John's situation, but never ignore the warning signs.

 

My wife now, there was always a way for us to talk to each other. evryday.... everyday. except now, we have no communication because she is on her way here.

 

Not trying to make John feel bad, but I know it is easy to really want the relationship to work and maybe it still can... she might just have cold feet.... but be prepared to accept and expect for it to not work out, after all it has been 24 days already... flowers or no flowers, no woman in love, unless she has a really good reason will go for almost a month with out talking to her man.

Sigh...

It really is too bad...it really is a shame that those so caught up with their emotions are not willing to listen to those who've been there too.

 

Good luck, John.

[SheLikesME?]

I have hired a Private Investigator, hopefully they will dig up more information. I am planning a trip over to confront her and him see what happens.

Good for you, after all she is your wife. Deal with it the best way you know. Hey don't do anything foolish and get yourself arrested. Some things just can't be changed, on the other hand some can, but getting yourself in a bad situation won't help you help yourself, her, or if it ends the one you may meet later.

 

All of us have been around in life for awhile. If we feel something we are probably right.

 

 

 

I don't envy your situation but glad your going to face it. My prayers are with you that you judge correctly in what to do for yourself.

[amanda1969]

Just so you all are updated this is what has happened. Her old boss / boyfriend is a real estate guy with lots of money and a big family. She has gone back to live with him and his family as like a tutor. Is this some kind of sex toy for older wealthy Chinese men. I think he pressured her back into living with them. What is my recourse is there a chance I could get my wife back. I want to forgive her but she isnt taking my phone calls and not writing any email at all. This is information I got from the interpreter who did all the interpreting during the year and half that we talked before I went over to marry her. She got the information from a friend of my wife. I am just really upset now and wish I knew more. I have hired a Private Investigator, hopefully they will dig up more information. I am planning a trip over to confront her and him see what happens.

I guess that there is a long story about your wife and her old boss/boyfriend, which you did not know. From your words, it seems that you know the real reason why your wife did not contact with you. I do not think your marriage is a good one. And my only concern is you should protect yourself! You have to know that even though she returns,it is not a simple matter let alone she does not want to go back to you.

I am not trying to encourage you to end your marriage but in my point of view, you do not need to waste time and money even your kind heart to change something or someone because she does not deserve.

You have to know that in China, some men with lots of money have more power. That is the reason why I would like you to try your best to protect yourself. I hope you understand my words well.

 

Amanda

[Richard & Li]

I just read this thread: John, I feel sorry for you.

 

I guess by posting this you're indirectly asking 'What would I do if it were me?'

 

Given my personal history, I couldn't accept the situation. Once trust is broken with me, I don't know if it could be restored.

 

We're all different and you need to do what you think will be best to make your life a good one. My advice: Keep your eyes wide open and accept reality when making decisions regarding your situation.

 

Best wishes.