Richard & Li

I will continue to avoid giving parenting advice. But, I think this is a great idea. Many people try to 'pigeonhole' their kids into being an MD, lawyer, or engineer (all good career paths) but entomologists have a huge opportunity for a great career too; it's an extremely important field.

I have no advice on parenting. But, IMHO: Momma may be right... From a professor's perspective: We see far too many freshmen enter college unprepared and unable to take studying seriously. We try to help these kids overcome their academic immaturity; but, it can be a difficult task and unfortunately, we don't always succeed. I believe students whose parents demand excellence tend to continue with what they've gotten used to - they 'rocket off' towards honors, scholarships and great careers (and they are a real pleasure to teach).

Like I said before, my situation was different; in doing curriculum development; I was, in essence, 'teaching the teachers'. But, I had a similar experience. Most of the teachers I worked with had a very good education in English, but were at a bit of a loss when communicating with native English speakers. They knew it and were quite enthusiastic about spending time with me to help overcome that deficiency. That was one of the most positive aspects about working at the university in China.

Aim higher, shoot farther. I did. That's why I don't teach English in China. That comment was really directed toward the original poster. But, touche.

What an interesting thread! It brought back many memories of my experiences in China; like a guy riding his bicycle into the back of a bus while he was staring at me (he was not injured). Speaking of busses, another memorable thing was when a bus would go by with people hanging out of the windows waving at me and shouting 'hello'. I found that the amount of overt reaction to my mere presence was dependent upon the amount of exposure the city had to foreigners. My wife's hometown is one of the worst places I've been in that regard. There is no tourism there and the quantity of people staring at me became almost a physical pressure. I felt no animosity, in fact almost every face was smiling, but it was just too much; after a month or so, I ended up wanting to stay indoors most of the time. Conversely, in cities like Shanghai & Hangzhou; few people had any reaction at all to seeing me. I don't really believe that Americans are much different. We have just been so indoctrinated in 'political correctness' that we are experts in concealing anything considered by our culture to be 'politically incorrect'. The feelings and prejudices still exist; we are just uncomfortable being honest about it whereas most Chinese are not. (For me, working in a very politically correct environment, this is a somewhat refreshing aspect of Chinese culture.) This extends to business. In America, a business would be sued out of existence by the government itself if they were caught using discriminatory pricing. In China, it's common practice. My wife, like most everyone's, would never allow me to purchase anything in China, because I would be charged an extravagant price. But, since I only know a few common phrases in Mandarin, it would have been nearly impossible to shop by myself anyway. One thing I read in this thread that I don't believe is that all the smiles and friendliness are disingenuous. Of course, some are (the ones who want something from us), but, so many people only wanted to say 'hello' and asked for nothing other than a few words with me, I have to believe they were completely genuinely, friendly, nice people.

I stayed at the Yang's about 4 years ago. They were very helpful and accommodating - nice people. However, I would recommend packing a new (or clean) set of sheets. Hopefully, they're doing better with cleanliness now...

Aim higher, shoot farther.

I don't have any fear of flying, but the industry has turned it into a mostly unpleasant experience. So, I looked into traveling to China on a freighter. From what I was able to gather, the cost would be considerably more than flying 'cattle class' and the availability is quite limited. This seemed to be especially problematic finding a ship from China to America after staying for a while. The system seems to be set up for staying with the ship, visiting the ports of call and returning to America on the same ship. The accommodations looked relatively nice on the ships I saw pictures of. But, for people who cannot entertain themselves with a good book and an excellent ocean view, I think it might get a bit boring. It would sure be interesting to hear from someone who has tried it.

My situation is different: I'm a prof at a large American university. But, I'll try to provide some insight from my experience. I spent a summer a few years ago doing curriculum development in my specialty at a university in southern China. It was a different working environment to say the least. At my regular job, I have total autonomy. Of course; I have courses to teach, tasks to accomplish and a wide range of responsibilities, but it is completely up to me how and when to do my work. It's not like that in China; it was dictated to me when and where I had to be at all times during the workday, what I was going to work on and how I needed to organize things. We weren't even allowed to go out for lunch, mediocre boxed food was brought in so we could keep working. I fulfilled my obligation and still have a very good professional relationship with that university. I found that, compared to working at an American university, working at a Chinese university is no fun at all; even though they paid me well and put me up in a nice hotel (with an excellent restaurant), I would be hesitant to do it again. To go with basically no credentials or experience would put you in a much worse position that I was in (and I had more supervision than I've had since I was a teenager). My advice would be to not stop with a bachelor’s degree. Get your master's, teach for a few years, and then look at a visiting position at a legitimate Chinese university. Even then, don't expect the pay and housing to be comparable with an American university. It will be an interesting, enlightening experience and worth doing; but, it won't be luxurious.

Good News! His green card arrived in China two days before his flight home. He's back home now and all is well. Mr. Warpedbored (it has been a while, I used to know your name): I agree, we figured he would get to Beijing and be refused his seat if he tried using the expired Conditional Green Card. Randy, I'll try to get back here and get into some conversations. Thanks for the 'welcome back'.

Hi Randy, She has decided to send it to him; we will take your advice and send it EMI (and save enough money for a nice lunch). It's good to know about the Transportation Letter. If his Green Card gets lost in the mail, we will need to take that route. Thank you very much, Richard

Our son is in China and his return flight is in nine days. My wife discovered this morning that he took his conditional Green Card which expired in December of 2010. My wife is thinking of mailing his 10 year Green Card to him in China via Global Express Guaranteed mail. This seems like a risky solution to me (but, she may have already done it by the time this thread gets going - I will update). Are the other viable alternatives? E.g. would a copy of his current Green card be accepted to return home? Thanks in advance for your replies. -Richard

Thanks for the congrats all.

No problem. It's easy to explain: We are both 'older' (and hey, I'm only 10 years her senior). My wife worked for 25 years in China before coming to America and has earned a full pension there. She still owns her house in China and she wants to buy a storefront business there for the family to run (which is very doable). If I die before her, likely, if we both go due to natural causes; she will have all of my properties and assets, which are fairly substantial - we are doing well. She has said she would liquidate everything in America and move back to her hometown if I were gone. Given her pension (which has full medical), home, business, and assets from America: She would be very financially comfortable. If she gave up her Chinese citizenship, she would be throwing away her 'safety net'. She said she has no desire to stay in America without me (kind of a sweet thing to say).

Yes, we're done - with the USCIS that is... Were you expecting bad news? We got approval for Removal of Conditions today. Since we're not going for citizenship, we won't really need to deal with USCIS any more (except for 10 year renewals). We might have been able to do it without CFL: but, I'm glad we didn't have to. We are grateful to all of you who helped and encouraged us (even if you didn't know you did and it was just posting useful information that we read). We are stoked!!! Thank you CFL!!!

Thanks all for your replies. I concur: I will advise her family to seek out an attorney who deals with immigration issues. I haven't tried to assess blame or intent in this situation. My belief is that it was like mixing oil & water ¨C I think they are both good people who just can't live together. Neither of them is going to benefit from this, on the contrary; both will be emotionally scarred (probably, her daughter too) and both will lose assets (him: mostly monetary, her; the stability that she needs to provide for her daughter). The reason I'm more interested in dealing with her situation in this forum is; she will need to deal with the USCIS from a weak position and I've been asked for advice (which I need guidance with). It's as simple as that.

Yes, it is a K1/K2. I think it's unlikely that he will be able to get an annulment; I believe the conditions necessary for that cannot be proven. This quote is from a legal service in their state: "The principal grounds for annulment are bigamy, marrying before the legal age of marriage, and the mental incapacity of one or both persons at the time of their marriage, or that the consent of either spouse to the marriage was obtained by fraud or force." So, let's think in terms of a normal divorce before the green card was applied for. Thanks again for your help.

I've been away for a long while. For those who remember me: My wife, son, & I are well and our marriage is doing fine. The problem is with someone else. It's looking like their marriage is ending after only about a week. There is no physical abuse (a lot of yelling and slamming doors though). But, no one is in danger. He (the American) is out of patience and is refusing to file any more paperwork or spend any more money and is filing for annulment. She and her daughter (the Chinese) are probably going to be on their own soon without SSN, green card application, or American ID. They have family in America who will take them in and support them as long as necessary. So, they will never be 'on the street'. But, they are looking to me for advice in regard to American law and: I don't know! What are their options in regard to USCIS? Should she try to find another man and, if she does, how would they proceed legally? Please keep in mind when replying: Returning to China would be extremely difficult (nearly an impossible situation) for them. It's just not a realistic option (and probably won't happen in any event). Thanks in advance for your advice and/or direction to resources where I can read about this topic.

I've heard of that happening. However: My Mandarin is very weak (I know many words and phrases, but pronouncition is difficult for me). We started out using translators (handheld & computer) to communicate concepts that were not everyday topics. Nobody ever questioned our ability to communicate. That may have been due to the 500 pages of chat transcripts & emails and a year's worth of phone bills showing regular calls made to each other that were part of our evidence of relationship in GUZ.

Interesting analogy David,seems pretty correct to me. I think that's beyond interesting: That's profound & beautiful.

My wife was really struggling with English before she arrived in America. (Since she's been here, her progress has been amazing.) The VO in GUZ was very nice and only asked a couple simple questions in English. Most of the interview was in Chinese. I agree with Mike. Practice, but don't get upset and pressure her. It won't help and will probably make matters worse.

Just read this thread. I've very glad things 'fell into place' for you and your wife. A similar situation happened with a friend of mine (he's a single guy - so the complications weren't present). Eventually, he worked it out too. The next question is: Will you have a 'second wife' arriving in America with a 10 year green card in hand?

I've considered it, but never tried it. If you take that route, let us know how it went...

Thats exactly my least two favorite types of food I had in China lol. I thought they were gross but I am a picky eater. Maybe, we've been to different restaurants. I have been to both types that were subpar: Especially in tourist towns, like Hangzhou. You have to be willing to spend the big bucks in order to get quality in those cities. We have our favorite places in her hometown that are reasonably priced and ROCK! BTW: How do picky eaters from America survive in China?

I usually try various web sites. Sometimes, travel agencies can do better. The last time I looked (which was recently), Korean air had some of the best prices. But, from Chicago to Shenyang (the way we usually go) their itinerary was very bad. Honestly, I'm really tired of the "I got a better deal on air tickets than you" game. It seems to be very prevalent among the Chinese people we know. I've made the trip enough times to choose a good itinerary for a couple hundred more over a convoluted mess that's cheap - every time.