Lost without communication

[whutthapho]

Perhaps I'm just lucky but there was only 3 or 4 days total, never more than 2 consecutive days that my wife & I were out of communication during our 12+month engagement. This included time (20+ hours) she spent traveling by train/bus back to her village to visit her parents.

 

I don't mean to sound negative but 2 weeks of zero contact is extreme. Even in China, a woman wouldn't be out of contact with her husband/family for 2 weeks.

[A Mafan]

I do not think its too serious. This was her last email to me.

Subject: ³öÍâÅàѵ

Date: Oct 10, 2008 1:16 AM

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A few points:

- If this were something sneaky or underhanded (like another man), she wouldn't be so specific about 20 days.

- If she were sneaking around on you, or otherwise trying to fool you, I don't think she would include the final two sentences.

 

I get a feeling of great warmth from her to you in that letter. The fact that she thanks you for all you've done for her means that either she has taken the time to understand western needs, or she is really special.

 

From what I understand, this sort of team-building exercise *is* all the rage in China over the last few years. (Being 5-10 years behind the US in this).

 

Don't worry about it. It seems very clear she is not lying to you.

[JimS.]

I do not think its too serious. This was her last email to me.

Subject: ³öÍâÅàѵ

Date: Oct 10, 2008 1:16 AM

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ÏÀ

A few points:

- If this were something sneaky or underhanded (like another man), she wouldn't be so specific about 20 days.

- If she were sneaking around on you, or otherwise trying to fool you, I don't think she would include the final two sentences.

 

I get a feeling of great warmth from her to you in that letter. The fact that she thanks you for all you've done for her means that either she has taken the time to understand western needs, or she is really special.

 

From what I understand, this sort of team-building exercise *is* all the rage in China over the last few years. (Being 5-10 years behind the US in this).

 

Don't worry about it. It seems very clear she is not lying to you.

I would have to agree with this. US company's did this maybe 10-20 years ago. It was called a team building retreat, no outside connection, you worked with your team to improve communication and team work. Normally it was a weekend or week long retreat, but I can see it being longer.

 

For those that remember Quality assurance, PAT teams, yad, yad, yad...that's were all those motivational poster and sayings came from.

[Mike62356]

I do not think its too serious. This was her last email to me.

Subject: ³öÍâÅàѵ

Date: Oct 10, 2008 1:16 AM

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ÏÀ

John, I stand corrected , and I am happy I was wrong.

[Guest jin979]

but who write this ?

 

i dont believe she cannont make contacts to you, everyone in china has cell phone and access to internet bars.

 

i am working woman from factory town in yunnan, teach my self english using translator progrmmes and internet classes.

my thought is you all need to careful of women or man that says cannont do these things.

 

conputers, cams. phones. calling cards all very cheap in china . can buy in streets.

 

dont fall for pretty photos and loving emails alone.

[pkfops]

Since you are married, I wouldn't worry about it.

 

It's not like she asked you to send her $20K or something.

 

That's the red flag.

[david_dawei]

I get a feeling of great warmth from her to you in that letter. The fact that she thanks you for all you've done for her means that either she has taken the time to understand western needs, or she is really special.

 

From what I understand, this sort of team-building exercise *is* all the rage in China over the last few years. (Being 5-10 years behind the US in this).

 

Don't worry about it. It seems very clear she is not lying to you.

Bingo

 

 

 

Since you are married, I wouldn't worry about it.

 

It's not like she asked you to send her $20K or something.

 

That's the red flag.

and double Bingo... Bingo...

 

So... what's the fuss all about.. how many years did you live without knowing her and now 5 days is the end of time?

[JohnP]

OK now its serious. 24 days and no communication from her. Tried to call her a couple of times and got through a couple of times only to have her hang up her phone. Thought I had lost connection, so redialed only to have a message saying her phone was busy or powered off. Then last night I called her and it wrang a different ring then what I have heard before <not her normal ringtone> and her cousin/sister picked up and told me that Xia no longer wishes to come to the US. And tried to give me her address so that she could write to me the reasons. Her english isnt that good so really couldnt get her email add. And I wish to hear from my wife not her cousin/sister. I have written her at least 1 email sometime 2 a day. I work close to 70 hours a week so its hard for me sometimes to make the time but I do. I have her friend I have continued to talk to trying to make contact with her. But she is ignoring her calls as well. So she is going to try and make contact with Xia's brother or sister in law or even one of her friends. I just do not know what to do. She said something about not wanting my money as well. She is having problems with her former job which she lost when they found out she married an American. They wanted her to pay them 60,000 rmb for loss of training and what not. She had said she was wracking her brains on ways to be able to come up with the money. I told her not to worry about it and that I would help. She thanked me and was gracious. Now her cousin/sister says she doesnt want my money. And says that Xia had never asked for money so she is wondering where I got me information. But it was translated by her friend who is trying to reach her for me. And when I used my translator program it also said the same that she had translated. So I am really confused and worried.

Edited November 3, 2008 by John&Xia (see edit history)

[NewDay2006]

 

A friend once shared with me several years back, back in the days when we didn't have electronic door locks, that when you pick up a lady for a date, you should walk her to the car and unlock and open her door. If she leaned across and unlocked your door as you made your way around the car; then, she was a keeper. Anything less than that should be tossed back.

 

Dude, wasn't this a Bronx Tale, with Robert Deniro?? Old Robbie, likes the sistas

Edited November 3, 2008 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[NewDay2006]

OK now its serious. 24 days and no communication from her. Tried to call her a couple of times and got through a couple of times only to have her hang up her phone. Thought I had lost connection, so redialed only to have a message saying her phone was busy or powered off. Then last night I called her and it wrang a different ring then what I have heard before <not her normal ringtone> and her cousin/sister picked up and told me that Xia no longer wishes to come to the US. And tried to give me her address so that she could write to me the reasons. Her english isnt that good so really couldnt get her email add. And I wish to hear from my wife not her cousin/sister. I have written her at least 1 email sometime 2 a day. I work close to 70 hours a week so its hard for me sometimes to make the time but I do. I have her friend I have continued to talk to trying to make contact with her. But she is ignoring her calls as well. So she is going to try and make contact with Xia's brother or sister in law or even one of her friends. I just do not know what to do. She said something about not wanting my money as well. She is having problems with her former job which she lost when they found out she married an American. They wanted her to pay them 60,000 rmb for loss of training and what not. She had said she was wracking her brains on ways to be able to come up with the money. I told her not to worry about it and that I would help. She thanked me and was gracious. Now her cousin/sister says she doesnt want my money. And says that Xia had never asked for money so she is wondering where I got me information. But it was translated by her friend who is trying to reach her for me. And when I used my translator program it also said the same that she had translated. So I am really confused and worried.

Wow, this is bad news. I'm sorry to hear this. I would think she might try and tell you more even though it is probably difficult to communicate. Maybe one of the wives or CFL ladies can help you with communication.... I must say the letter you had said "she started the training, tomorrow " this was a red light to me.

Edited November 3, 2008 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[warpedbored]

Seems pretty obvious that she wants to end the marriage. You could file for divorce here in the states but if you ever wanted to marry again in China it could cause complications. My advice would be to get an accurately translated message to her asking just what she wants.

[NewDay2006]

Seems pretty obvious that she wants to end the marriage. You could file for divorce here in the states but if you ever wanted to marry again in China it could cause complications. My advice would be to get an accurately translated message to her asking just what she wants.

 

Very good advice. I knew someone who married last year in China.... the woman decided she didn't want to be married, he returned and divorced in a matter of days.

 

I'm sorry it worked out this way. But at least you know now, not knowing is the difficult part. Be Strong and take care of your business.

[Sebastian]

Yikes - what a turn of events ! I am so sorry about this news.

[Guest Rob & Jin]

Sorry to this John

 

It really sucks, hope you manage to make contact with her and get it resolved.

[george lee]

John, I hope I am wrong but, no phone, no internet, no contact, something doesn't sound right here, maybe I am missing something and I hope I am, but this sounds like a red flag, sorry and good luck.

 

You might be reaching by calling it a red flag at this point. There are however plenty of internet cafes throughout China. Where there is a will, there is a way. I don't think it a good idea to spend much time thinking about this. No one likes being checked up on; if there is a connection, it will follow a road of you ending up together in the end. I wouldn't recommend trying to force communication.

 

A friend once shared with me several years back, back in the days when we didn't have electronic door locks, that when you pick up a lady for a date, you should walk her to the car and unlock and open her door. If she leaned across and unlocked your door as you made your way around the car; then, she was a keeper. Anything less than that should be tossed back.

 

That is more a philosophy than a literal kinda thing. There are a lot of selfish people out there. If they don't reach for you, you should toss them back. Now, that is not to say that a few days out of communication means they aren't reaching, but it might.

 

 

 

a bronx tale