Need a fortune teller!

[SmilingAsia]

Need a fortune teller!

Will I pack and leave?

 

I communicated with a guy who attracted my attention online in April 2005. He was honest with me: After a couple of emails, he told me his K1 was just kicked back to the US and his fiancee Jeanne ignored him during his last trip to China, which I guess Jeanne may be overstressed when visa denied and dream being crushed. He said he was burning out of love. He also told me he had supported Jeanne financially and gave her jewelry, and fresh flowers transported by air. I explained that people survive without jewelry or flowers, but it¡¯s very difficult for Jeanne to pull through without his support at this time of difficulty: case returned and dream being crushed. I believed her heart was bleeding. I explained that Jeanne needed him more than I did since we had not started yet, so there was no pain. I encouraged him to file a 2nd petition for Jeanne. After that I talked to Jeanne dozens of times on the phone discussing visa-related issue and helped her communicate their attorney in VA.

 

Jeanne got her visa in March this year and they got married in VA. I thought they had a fairy tale ending as I expected, till 2 months ago Jeanne¡¯s husband called me.

He burst out:

¡°Jeanne is packing and leaving! She only cares for herself and her friends. She doesn¡¯t care for me. She would spend 8 hours talking on the phone instead of spending 8 minutes talking to me. She doesn¡¯t help clean the house. She doesn¡¯t like sex, no cuddling, no sex. Her things are the most important. I gave her credit card. I bought her computer, cell phone. She likes shopping and spends lots of money which I didn¡¯t say anything.¡±

 

I asked if they had talked to Jeanne¡¯s translator or her sisters who can help communicate. Jeanne¡¯s husband told me the translator is an asshole cuz she believes he is a bad man.

 

 

I talked with Jeanne and here is her version (in Mandarin original). She wept on the phone.

¡°I¡¯ll stick to him and I will not leave. He is better after I packed that day. I¡¯m scared that he always burst out. When he burst out, he threw my clothes away, drove me out of the house several times. My brother in the US was sick and I visited him for 2 days, my husband lost his temper and called my sister. Since I arrived here, I do all the cleaning except the sewer was blocked ¨C I vomit and I could not fix it. I wanted him to help and he didn¡¯t understand and burst out. He stays by the ¡¯puter till 2am every day and I wait for him to bed and do massage for him. Sometimes I can't sleep till 4am. He is too big and heavy and I have to help bathe him. Miss, I¡¯m embarrassed to tell this: he cannot clean himself, his shit stains on the bedsheet and I have to clean the bedsheet fruquently. He is too over weight and a heavy smoker. He is incompetent in sex. He has called everybody I know telling them I¡¯m not interested in sex. All my friends believe me and are standing by my side.¡±

 

I believe Jeanne¡¯s version is true cuz I cannot find her motive to tell lies. I believe her husband¡¯s version is mixed with facts and fiction.

 

Jeanne said her husband ¡°is better¡± after I wrote to him, but I can see from the photo Jeanne is not happy.

 

If I didn¡¯t sympathize with Jeanne last year, I might be the one who is in VA now.

Will I pack and leave? Will I be back to the base? or I¡¯m afraid of losing my face back in China so I¡¯ll find a place to hide in Chinatown as Fujian people do?

Or the guy will not treat me the way he treats Jeanne cuz I¡¯m language literate and I¡¯m so tough???

 

Who knows? I need a fortune teller.

 

I also often think if I were in Jany¡¯s situation, I tend to be more impulsive and tougher and the ending might be worse.

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

There's always two sides to each story

His story

her story

and the cold hard truth!

In most cases his/her story only have little bits of

The Cold Hard Truth

 

Bobby....

[Randy W]

No, you won't go.

 

(Don't)

[chef4u]

No, you won't go.

 

(Don't)

234904[/snapback]

DITTO

[SmilingAsia]

Eunice, I think you'd kick his ass from here to the hilltop.

234924[/snapback]

I think so

[woainilin]

That guy sounds disgusting .. YUCK

[NewDay2006]

I think I beleive her( I could be wrong). I hope he will see the error of his ways before it is too late.

[jemmyell]

Eunice, any day I expect you to send out PM's to all the guys telling us that if we Western Union you the small amount you wish that you will stop posting these stories and scaring our SO's!

 

-James

[bill23]

Wow!

 

I lean towards her side of the story but I really don't know. I do not think there is enough information to tell for sure.

[SmilingAsia]

Eunice, any day I expect you to send out PM's to all the guys telling us that if we Western Union you the small amount you wish that you will stop posting these stories and scaring our SO's! 

-James

235032[/snapback]

I'm concerned about Chinese women of my generation who are less privileged with education and who are English illiterate. I care for their fate after they leave China.

I posted what I heard. I'm not writing fiction.

[rogerluli]

I believe her. I know of two cases right here in our own backyard of CFl in which the guy, although everyone thought he must be great since that's what he told us all the time... turned out to have more faults than California...

[jemmyell]

Eunice, any day I expect you to send out PM's to all the guys telling us that if we Western Union you the small amount you wish that you will stop posting these stories and scaring our SO's! 

-James

235032[/snapback]

I'm concerned about Chinese women of my generation who are less privileged with education and who are English illiterate. I care for their fate after they leave China.

I posted what I heard. I'm not writing fiction.

235049[/snapback]

Eunice,

 

I do believe all that you say! I was just sighing to myself to see another story of American stupidity and cruelty. My SO and I have had discussions about these stories every time they appear. While there are no simple answers, I have some suggestions:

 

1. The American partner should pay all expenses of the visa process including the journey to the United States. The Chinese partner should leave all of their assets in China until a happy, comfortable marraige has been established here. THEN the Chinese partner can contribute to the family expenses with ease of mind. I think 6 months is a good time frame for this.

 

2. There is NO legitimate reason for a female child of a Chinese partner to be alone with the American man in the bedroom. If my SO's daughter comes upstairs it will be with her to watch television (we will have the best TV in our apartment).

 

3. All matters of personal hygiene should be discussed before hand and expectation made clear. AT LEAST one shower per day is the OBLIGATION of the American man, usually before bed. Another in the morning is very desireable.

 

4. A commitment to full communication which includes COMPLETELY refraining from loud voices and threatening gestures. This is so important given the typical language barrier. We must all remember that GESTURES are also not common across cultures.

 

5. If you have ANY weapons in the house I suggest that you remove them until you can train your SO in their proper use in defense of the home. They should NOT be left for them to find accidentally. There are NO GUNS in my house as this is how I was raised. My father killed his older brother (who he loved very much) in a hunting accident, so there never were any guns around our house.

 

6. NEVER belittle any ideas or requests your SO may have. Even if they are not financially feasible at the moment you should always take the time to discuss anything.

 

-James

[SmilingAsia]

Good suggestions, James.

Their situation is more complicated. Jeanne is fully aware that her husband holds all the cards and she usually keeps her mouth shut unless I asked her"Why your husband accused you of ......? Can you do .....in a better way?", then she explained.

I suggested marriage counselling, psychologist but I don't think her husband would listen.

 

Little I can do. The women who are still in China don't understand what a high rate one can get a jerk online.

The other woman I know in Guangzhou is totally unware how serious it can be that her husband was convicted sexually abusing his own daughter before.

VO is much smarter when kicking their cases back to the US.

China has a long way to educate its large population.

[Yuanyang]

Good suggestions, James.

Their situation is more complicated. Jeanne is fully aware that her husband holds all the cards and she usually keeps her mouth shut unless I asked her"Why your husband accused you of ......? Can you do .....in a better way?", then she explained.

I suggested marriage counselling, psychologist but I don't think her husband would listen.

 

Little I can do. The women who are still in China don't understand what a high rate one can get a jerk online.

The other woman I know in Guangzhou is totally unware how serious it can be that her husband was convicted sexually abusing his own daughter before.

VO is much smarter when kicking their cases back to the US.

China has a long way to educate its large population.

235075[/snapback]

As always, good posts Eunice.

 

I do think that some American men believe that they are getting a sex toy, cook and housekeeper when they marry a lady from China (or elsewhere for that matter). I find that to be very sad and tragic for both of them. His great loss for not recognizing that another wonderful universe exists within the lady once she gets command of the language and can express herself.

 

I would hope that the ladies can [have] developed their own "Red Flag" system to spot those types of men.

[sylinchinastill]

The other woman I know in Guangzhou is totally unware how serious it can be that her husband was convicted sexually abusing his own daughter before.

VO is much smarter when kicking their cases back to the US.

China has a long way to educate its large population.

 

I can't believe that- education or no- someone wouldn't get the severity of this. I hope that lady doesn't have any kids with that guy.