the hardest time

[paula]

Hi guys and ladys here,

 

I dont know what problem I am having now, but seems these few days I have no more patience I am really tired of and cant stand waiting no more. I have told my husband about it on the phone for 2 times, last friday and this morning. I know he tried his best and done everything he could do, write letter to congesswoman and senator. I should not have complained that to him, but I dont know why I still complain and complain I complained i dont like GZ always make our waiting longer, I complained GZ always gave us canned response. I complained why marriage visa takes much longer than fiancee visa, I complained how hard to be a single mother even though her status is married ........... Everything, everything I complained everything. I know right now I am not good on my period. I tried to behave good, but failed. I had terrible last night, I could not fall asleep, too much blood, at that time I just wish my husband was here and gave me a cup of water, but he is not here, he is too far away. My body was painful, at that time I got a crazy idea I should not be alive, I should die. Maybe my period made me depression?? Why I have to experience this??I just want to have a normal marriage life!!! Do I asked too much??? I am married for a year and half now, we are still apart now I am tired and exhausted mentally and physically. My husband said I have choice, be more patient or give up. He told me he has no choice, and he has to be paitent as he loves me so much. Do I love him?? Yes I do, but why i cant stand waiting and he can? He loves me more than I love him?? Is there anyone had the hardest time during waiting this damn visa? how you guys here to go through it? share your experience please.

[jim_julian]

Paula,

 

It's very very painful. Even though we have not had to endure a wait like yours I think I can begin to understand how you feel. Every day I'm apart from Lao Po is an empty day in my life. Often I feel very sad and spend a lot of time looking at pictures and videos we made. We talk twice a day for at least an hour ... and much more on the weekends.

 

What helps me is to focus on the future ... what will be. Our future together holds the promise of a wonderful life for both of us. Yes the price (waiting) is very high ... but in the end it will be worth it.

 

Chinese ladies are very strong ... you can do this ... all of us here support you.

Edited February 27, 2006 by jim_julian (see edit history)

[Guest knloregon]

Paula,

 

I feel very much for you... And I think you alread know that part of your depression is related to your time of the month --- and the changes that we men don't go through, and can't fully understand.....but I also think that you know that when your period passes, you will be strong again! I wish and hope that some of our women members can help you with this---- But of course ---- your angst is totally valid!

 

Perhaps the only reason that your husband is doing a little better at this long wait is simply because he knows he must ---- he has a good general understanding about how slow our government works in these areas...

 

This is a trial for the both of you. And while I won't say its pleasant, it is an opportunity to try to do your best. Almost no one here has it as bad as someone else ---- I have been through the Guangzhou visa process three times, each had delays, but none of them were as long or as unfair as some that are well documented here --- the only thing that I can say for sure---- once you go through the long dark tunnel ---there is beautiful sun light! ---- and the sad memories of the long wait quickly fade under that bright light...\

 

We are all pulling for you both!

[john90]

Paula,

 

We had a hard time during our k1 visa process also. I emailed Guz, and called the federal government many times during the long wait times. We too just got a canned response. My wife had a really hard time during the months of waiting for her interview. She sometimes called me on the phone really depressed and complaining why its taking so long, and whats wrong with the US government and GUZ. We even discussed about ending the process and just remaining good friends. We went through long months of hearing nothing but just canned responses..., but one day the good niews did finally come.

 

so just hang in there, and prepare all your paperwork well, prepare yourself well for the interview, and things will work out fine.

Edited February 27, 2006 by john90 (see edit history)

[SmilingAsia]

Hi guys and ladys here,

I dont know what problem I am having now, but seems these few days I have no more patience I am really tired of and cant stand waiting no more. I have told my husband about it on the phone for 2 times, last friday and this morning. I know he tried his best and done everything he could do, write letter to congesswoman and senator. I should not have complained that to him, but I dont know why I still complain and complain   I complained i dont like GZ always make our waiting longer, I complained GZ always gave us canned response. I complained why marriage visa takes much longer than fiancee visa, I complained how hard to be a single mother even though her status is married ........... Everything, everything I complained everything. I know right now I am not good on my period. I tried to behave good, but failed. I had terrible last night, I could not fall asleep, too much blood, at that time  I just wish my husband was here and gave me a cup of water, but he is not here, he is too far away. My body was painful, at that time I got a crazy idea I should not be alive, I  should die.  Maybe my period made me depression?? Why I have to experience this??I just want to have a normal marriage life!!! Do I asked too much???  I am married for a year and half now, we are still apart now I am tired and exhausted mentally and physically. My husband said I have choice, be more patient or give up. He told me he has no choice, and he has to be paitent as he loves me so much. Do I love him?? Yes I do, but why i cant stand waiting and he can?  He loves me more than I love him?? Is there anyone had the hardest time during waiting this damn visa? how you guys here to go through it? share your experience please.

193901[/snapback]

1. CR1 or K3?

If it's CR1, you wait longer in China but when you arrive in USA, it's faster to get a permanent Green Card. If it's K3, you wait shorter time in China but longer time in US for Green Card.

 

2. Has your case been forwarded to Guangzhou? If yes, you have a case number which begins with GUZ200......., you write to Guangzhou Consulate requesting for visa interview - provide your case no, name and date of birth, visa category.

If you buy a prepay card at Zhong Xin Yin Hang (Citic Bank) to call their call center, they'll tell you whether name check clearance is completed or not.

 

3. When you chose K1 or CR1 or K3, you should know CR1 takes longer time.

Do you complain "Why the screen of my computer is smaller than the screen of the TV set"?

 

4. Stop self-pitying. Before you complain, think "what I get by complaining". If you know you'll get nothing by complaining. Don't complain.

When your husband is not with you, you want someone to hand you a cup of water? Hire a domestic helper a yi. She will give you a cup of water, and a nice gentle smile if you treat her nice.

 

5. Buy a book about nutrition and take good care of your body. If you are in excellent health condition, you are not likely to be tired or moody.

 

I've been a single mother since 1993. My daughter and I sometimes fight each other and sometimes love each other. We "shi tou jian dao bu" to decide who does the laundry and washes dishes

 

Be happy, life is beautiful.

[nygatl15]

Hi guys and ladys here,

I dont know what problem I am having now, but seems these few days I have no more patience I am really tired of and cant stand waiting no more. I have told my husband about it on the phone for 2 times, last friday and this morning. I know he tried his best and done everything he could do, write letter to congesswoman and senator. I should not have complained that to him, but I dont know why I still complain and complain   I complained i dont like GZ always make our waiting longer, I complained GZ always gave us canned response. I complained why marriage visa takes much longer than fiancee visa, I complained how hard to be a single mother even though her status is married ........... Everything, everything I complained everything. I know right now I am not good on my period. I tried to behave good, but failed. I had terrible last night, I could not fall asleep, too much blood, at that time  I just wish my husband was here and gave me a cup of water, but he is not here, he is too far away. My body was painful, at that time I got a crazy idea I should not be alive, I  should die.  Maybe my period made me depression?? Why I have to experience this??I just want to have a normal marriage life!!! Do I asked too much???  I am married for a year and half now, we are still apart now I am tired and exhausted mentally and physically. My husband said I have choice, be more patient or give up. He told me he has no choice, and he has to be paitent as he loves me so much. Do I love him?? Yes I do, but why i cant stand waiting and he can?  He loves me more than I love him?? Is there anyone had the hardest time during waiting this damn visa? how you guys here to go through it? share your experience please.

193901[/snapback]

1. CR1 or K3?

If it's CR1, you wait longer in China but when you arrive in USA, it's faster to get a permanent Green Card. If it's K3, you wait shorter time in China but longer time in US for Green Card.

 

2. Has your case been forwarded to Guangzhou? If yes, you have a case number which begins with GUZ200......., you write to Guangzhou Consulate requesting for visa interview - provide your case no, name and date of birth, visa category.

If you buy a prepay card at Zhong Xin Yin Hang (Citic Bank) to call their call center, they'll tell you whether name check clearance is completed or not.

 

3. When you chose K1 or CR1 or K3, you should know CR1 takes longer time.

Do you complain "Why the screen of my computer is smaller than the screen of the TV set"?

 

4. Stop self-pitying. Before you complain, think "what I get by complaining". If you know you'll get nothing by complaining. Don't complain.

When your husband is not with you, you want someone to hand you a cup of water? Hire a domestic helper a yi. She will give you a cup of water, and a nice gentle smile if you treat her nice.

 

5. Buy a book about nutrition and take good care of your body. If you are in excellent health condition, you are not likely to be tired or moody.

 

I've been a single mother since 1993. My daughter and I sometimes fight each other and sometimes love each other. We "shi tou jian dao bu" to decide who does the laundry and washes dishes

 

Be happy, life is beautiful.

193929[/snapback]

I agree, Complaining will get you "zero". Still I can understand your frustration. I would caution you to not complain to your SO too much. It might affect him one day, then what happens if he wants to give up?

 

Hang in there, It will be ok. you could be in my situation. I have not met my friend yet and probably won't for at least 4 months and then we would have to decide to start the process, which I think I would. But her coming here is probably at least a year away. By then you should be comfortably in the US with your SO. So be calm.

 

Another suggestion, this time of the month, many men like as little details as possible. we know it is there, but it is a personal situation.

I understand how it affects a woman, but a man probably doesn't undrstand as much as another woman would understand. That's why we keep quiet on the subject sometimes. Good luck!!

[stacato]

We are all on the same boat. Just have to be patient and find some things to do that will make you bussy.And remember, ther is nothing in this world that can stop the time!!!

 

Good things happen to those who wait.

[wpc76180]

Hi guys and ladys here,

 

I dont know what problem I am having now, but seems these few days I have no more patience I am really tired of and cant stand waiting no more. I have told my husband about it on the phone for 2 times, last friday and this morning. I know he tried his best and done everything he could do, write letter to congesswoman and senator. I should not have complained that to him, but I dont know why I still complain and complain   I complained i dont like GZ always make our waiting longer, I complained GZ always gave us canned response. I complained why marriage visa takes much longer than fiancee visa, I complained how hard to be a single mother even though her status is married ........... Everything, everything I complained everything. I know right now I am not good on my period. I tried to behave good, but failed. I had terrible last night, I could not fall asleep, too much blood, at that time  I just wish my husband was here and gave me a cup of water, but he is not here, he is too far away. My body was painful, at that time I got a crazy idea I should not be alive, I  should die.  Maybe my period made me depression?? Why I have to experience this??I just want to have a normal marriage life!!! Do I asked too much???  I am married for a year and half now, we are still apart now I am tired and exhausted mentally and physically. My husband said I have choice, be more patient or give up. He told me he has no choice, and he has to be paitent as he loves me so much. Do I love him?? Yes I do, but why i cant stand waiting and he can?  He loves me more than I love him?? Is there anyone had the hardest time during waiting this damn visa? how you guys here to go through it? share your experience please.

193901[/snapback]

You know...whenever I hear my wife cry over the phone or

see her cry on web camera, it makes me very very sorry that we are

stuck on two opposite sides of the Earth. I get very depressed and unhappy and feel guilty for marrying and asking her to wait.

 

She knows I love her and I know I love her but

sometimes, I wish we were not married, so that

there is no pain of waiting and waiting and waiting.

 

But when I think about our life without being married to

each other, then I realized our lives would be empty.

So I just accept the long wait as a necessary step

to get a US Visa.

[paula]

Hi guys and ladys here,

 

I dont know what problem I am having now, but seems these few days I have no more patience I am really tired of and cant stand waiting no more. I have told my husband about it on the phone for 2 times, last friday and this morning. I know he tried his best and done everything he could do, write letter to congesswoman and senator. I should not have complained that to him, but I dont know why I still complain and complain   I complained i dont like GZ always make our waiting longer, I complained GZ always gave us canned response. I complained why marriage visa takes much longer than fiancee visa, I complained how hard to be a single mother even though her status is married ........... Everything, everything I complained everything. I know right now I am not good on my period. I tried to behave good, but failed. I had terrible last night, I could not fall asleep, too much blood, at that time  I just wish my husband was here and gave me a cup of water, but he is not here, he is too far away. My body was painful, at that time I got a crazy idea I should not be alive, I  should die.  Maybe my period made me depression?? Why I have to experience this??I just want to have a normal marriage life!!! Do I asked too much???  I am married for a year and half now, we are still apart now I am tired and exhausted mentally and physically. My husband said I have choice, be more patient or give up. He told me he has no choice, and he has to be paitent as he loves me so much. Do I love him?? Yes I do, but why i cant stand waiting and he can?  He loves me more than I love him?? Is there anyone had the hardest time during waiting this damn visa? how you guys here to go through it? share your experience please.

193901[/snapback]

You know...whenever I hear my wife cry over the phone or

see her cry on web camera, it makes me very very sorry that we are

stuck on two opposite sides of the Earth. I get very depressed and unhappy and feel guilty for marrying and asking her to wait.

 

She knows I love her and I know I love her but

sometimes, I wish we were not married, so that

there is no pain of waiting and waiting and waiting.

 

But when I think about our life without being married to

each other, then I realized our lives would be empty.

So I just accept the long wait as a necessary step

to get a US Visa.

193951[/snapback]

exactly. My husband said the same words to me that when he saw me or hear my cry, he felt very very sorry, unhappy, helpless, and guilty for let me waiting waiting for this visa.

 

thanks guys here, I feel much better now. I know life is not so easy for everyone. Once we chose our life, we should stick to it.

[wpc76180]

Hi guys and ladys here,

 

I dont know what problem I am having now, but seems these few days I have no more patience I am really tired of and cant stand waiting no more. I have told my husband about it on the phone for 2 times, last friday and this morning. I know he tried his best and done everything he could do, write letter to congesswoman and senator. I should not have complained that to him, but I dont know why I still complain and complain   I complained i dont like GZ always make our waiting longer, I complained GZ always gave us canned response. I complained why marriage visa takes much longer than fiancee visa, I complained how hard to be a single mother even though her status is married ........... Everything, everything I complained everything. I know right now I am not good on my period. I tried to behave good, but failed. I had terrible last night, I could not fall asleep, too much blood, at that time  I just wish my husband was here and gave me a cup of water, but he is not here, he is too far away. My body was painful, at that time I got a crazy idea I should not be alive, I  should die.  Maybe my period made me depression?? Why I have to experience this??I just want to have a normal marriage life!!! Do I asked too much???  I am married for a year and half now, we are still apart now I am tired and exhausted mentally and physically. My husband said I have choice, be more patient or give up. He told me he has no choice, and he has to be paitent as he loves me so much. Do I love him?? Yes I do, but why i cant stand waiting and he can?  He loves me more than I love him?? Is there anyone had the hardest time during waiting this damn visa? how you guys here to go through it? share your experience please.

193901[/snapback]

You know...whenever I hear my wife cry over the phone or

see her cry on web camera, it makes me very very sorry that we are

stuck on two opposite sides of the Earth. I get very depressed and unhappy and feel guilty for marrying and asking her to wait.

 

She knows I love her and I know I love her but

sometimes, I wish we were not married, so that

there is no pain of waiting and waiting and waiting.

 

But when I think about our life without being married to

each other, then I realized our lives would be empty.

So I just accept the long wait as a necessary step

to get a US Visa.

193951[/snapback]

exactly. My husband said the same words to me that when he saw me or hear my cry, he felt very very sorry, unhappy, helpless, and guilty for let me waiting waiting for this visa.

 

thanks guys here, I feel much better now. I know life is not so easy for everyone. Once we chose our life, we should stick to it.

193955[/snapback]

Whenever I told my wife I loved her, many times she will reply:

 

Wo bu jue de... (I don't feel it)

 

That was depressing to hear over the phone,

but I know she is just telling me what she feels.

 

To me, she very honest and also vulnerable so that's

why I married her

[Trigg]

Once we chose our life, we should stick to it.

193955[/snapback]

Wise words paula. There is no 'how too' go through the wait. You just do it!! After it's over it will seem like a distant dream and in most cases--very worth while!!

 

Good luck!

Trigg

[chinglung]

Hello Paula:

I am sorry that you are suffering during this time. Perhaps you can find a daifu or apothecary to get some Wu Ji Bai Feng Wan Nong Suo. In your condition, there is stagnation and congestion in your liver. The liver is where anger is produced.

 

Try to imagine something good that has happened to you and feel the warmth of it entering your body with each breath you take. Expel anger and suffering with each breath you exhale.

 

Think of someone else, other than yourself going though a similar difficult time. You see them hurt, alone and in pain. Think of what you would tell them to help them. What can you do to help someone like that? You have to step outside of yourself to see that person. A mountain looks different from a distance, that when you climb it yourself.

 

Try to surround yourself with friends or family that make you happy. If you stay alone, it will be difficult to overcome your sadness. Know that people here are waiting to help you. They are part of your extended family.

 

Go see a doctor for some medicine and you will recover from your sadness, anger and impatients. Outside affects inside, then inside affects outside. Please take care.

 

Chinglung

[Trigg]

Hello Paula:

I am sorry that you are suffering during this time. Perhaps you can find a daifu or apothecary to get some Wu Ji Bai Feng Wan Nong Suo. In your condition, there is stagnation  and congestion in your liver.  The liver is where anger is produced.

 

Try to imagine something good that has happened to you and feel the warmth of it entering your body with each breath you take. Expel anger and suffering with each breath you exhale.

 

Think of someone else, other than yourself going though a similar difficult time. You see them hurt, alone and in pain. Think of what you would tell them to help them. What can you do to help someone like that? You have to step outside of yourself to see that person. A mountain looks different from a distance, that when you climb it yourself.

 

Try to surround yourself with friends or family that make you happy. If you stay alone, it will be difficult to overcome your sadness. Know that people here are waiting to help you. They are part of your extended family.

 

Go see a doctor for some medicine and you will recover from your sadness, anger and impatients. Outside affects inside, then inside affects outside. Please take care.

 

Chinglung

193974[/snapback]

HUH????

[warpedbored]

I've been delaying replying to this thread because nothing I can say is going to make it better. The wait sucks and why some people have to endure it longer than others will always be a mystery. It is grossly unfair that some can breeze through the system in 8 months or less and others have timelines of 2 years or more. I sympathize greatly. I guess in the grand scheme of things you can only consider the alternatives. Wait for an agonizingly long time or give up. Good luck Paula I hope the nightmare ends soon.

Edited February 27, 2006 by warpedbored (see edit history)

[dustyone]

It is hard paula we all know that but stay strong and soon it will be over.