where's the outrage?

[sylinchinastill]

I think that someone who scams a visa may be smart- but they are also so evil that at some point they will get their own punishment. You can't be like that without having it all come back to you.

[Guest fhtb]

I think this conversation would be more productive if people tried to identify the red flags that should be looked for. It's a lot more useful to know about red flags before you've taken the plunge, not after. Maybe you could gather a list of red flags and post it somewhere. The people who need to read this the most are the ones just starting out.

 

I have a good one to begin the list with: I briefly corresponded with a woman who told me that when she got to America, the first thing she wanted was a porsche!

Edited October 28, 2005 by fhtb (see edit history)

[msmckee]

I have a good one to begin the list with: I briefly corresponded with a woman who told me that when she got to America, the first thing she wanted was a porsche!

164157[/snapback]

So do I. Should that be a red flag for LP?

[MoonCarolCafe]

I have a good one to begin the list with: I briefly corresponded with a woman who told me that when she got to America, the first thing she wanted was a porsche!

164157[/snapback]

My wife wanted a Ferrari. Why a Ferrari? It turns out that was the only name of a "high-end" car she could pronounce. After explaining to her how much even a cheap Ferrari would cost she realized that without help from the lottery, It Ain't Happening. No pouting, no counterarguments of "But if you love me...". For me that was a big green flag with a "Kermit the Frog" face on it.

 

If she says "I want a Porsche", that's a yellow flag at best. If she says "You miake lots of money, right? Can you afford to buy me a new Porsche?", then that's a bright red "DANGER WILL ROBINSON" flag.

[Guest fhtb]

If she says "I want a Porsche", that's a yellow flag at best.  If she says "You miake lots of money, right?  Can you afford to buy me a new Porsche?", then that's a bright red "DANGER WILL ROBINSON" flag.

164297[/snapback]

In this woman's case it was more like: "You make a lot of money, right? I demand a porsche!"

 

What color flag would that be?

[Guest fhtb]

After she said that, here's the flag I put up...

 

The funny thing is, eventually I met and married my wife, who is just the opposite. She is so manically opposed to spending money it's sometimes annoying. But every time I get frustrated by her "thrifty" behavior, I remember the Porsche-lady...

[mercator]

After she said that, here's the flag I put up... 

 

The funny thing is, eventually I met and married my wife, who is just the opposite. She is so manically opposed to spending money it's sometimes annoying. But every time I get frustrated by her "thrifty" behavior, I remember the Porsche-lady...

164353[/snapback]

My wife is also big into saving money. To the point she doesn't want me to go over there during the wait process because it is too expensive. I just told her I was coming, and I would prefer to see her than to just wander around alone - lol.

 

I met some other women on the online service I was on. When they ask for money within anything less than an engagement, that is a red flag for me. I also met a woman who all she would do is chat with emotes, and I never got to know her, yet she is head over heels in love with me and can't wait to come to America. Huge red flag. I personally hate to talk about money, so anyone who talks excessively about it raises my flag.

 

I also have a few questions I asked as a way of discovering true intentions:

 

1) Asking about living in China. I strongly considered it, but it is a great way to see if they are into going to America, or into a life with you. This is the one that the "visa digger" would most often be weeded out by, unless she is extremely clever.

 

2) Mentioning you are not rich. It's all relative, but in the US, I would say I am firmly in the middle class. I am not rich. Maybe by Census reports I am doing well, but IRL, i'm average. If you are not rich, just say there are more important things than money and call it good. I do not think you should ever lie though! It will haunt you later.

 

3) Ask her if she wants to work when she is married. Gold diggers usually don't.

 

I'll think of more later, but those three are a good litmus test.

[MoonCarolCafe]

In this woman's case it was more like: "You make a lot of money, right? I demand a porsche!"

 

What color flag would that be?

164350[/snapback]

Ask her how do you say "gold digger" in mandarin.

[RJZ+JCW]

I hate to say it, but I have been watching this thread for a while, and I know that many members here have met their SO online, but I would say meeting online in itself is at least a "red flag at half mast". Visa Digger is someone who puts a USA Visa squarely in their sights, and what better way than to go right to the source?? Chinese women are cunning, and can be very good liars. So, red flags should be going up when a relationship moves to quickly. Anyone can love you immediately online, and say what you need to hear. But when you live with them, you no longer have the convenient ability to "go offline", and take a break. Just be careful, if there are enough Visa Diggers in this world, the US Immigration policy will eventually become even more strict.

 

IMO, relationships are difficult under any circumstance. People need relationships for their own selfish reasons. Some people want money, others want un-wavering love. wanting to be loved is just as selfish as wanting a US Visa, right?? both are things you need the other to give to you?? As long as two people are HONEST in what they expect from life, and actually have compatible goals and are honest with each other, then there are few problems. You should be worried when someone from the other side of the world flies into your life with un-dying love, and no real expectations or realizations of what it takes to be in a healthy relationship (other than I promise to cook and clean for you).

[Dennis143]

I hate to say it, but I have been watching this thread for a while, and I know that many members here have met their SO online, but I would say meeting online in itself is at least a "red flag at half mast". Visa Digger is someone who puts a USA Visa squarely in their sights, and what better way than to go right to the source?? Chinese women are cunning, and can be very good liars. So, red flags should be going up when a relationship moves to quickly. Anyone can love you immediately online, and say what you need to hear. But when you live with them, you no longer have the convenient ability to "go offline", and take a break. Just be careful, if there are enough Visa Diggers in this world, the US Immigration policy will eventually become even more strict.

 

IMO, relationships are difficult under any circumstance. People need relationships for their own selfish reasons. Some people want money, others want un-wavering love. wanting to be loved is just as selfish as wanting a US Visa, right?? both are things you need the other to give to you?? As long as two people are HONEST in what they expect from life, and actually have compatible goals and are honest with each other, then there are few problems. You should be worried when someone from the other side of the world flies into your life with un-dying love, and no real expectations or realizations of what it takes to be in a healthy relationship (other than I promise to cook and clean for you).

164621[/snapback]

 

Well said!!! I applaud you!!!

[david_dawei]

I wonder what the percentage of 'relationships that go south' is for CFL members ?

 

Is it higher or lower than the current divorce rate ?

[jim_julian]

I wonder what the percentage of 'relationships that go south' is for CFL members ?

 

Is it higher or lower than the current divorce rate ?

164647[/snapback]

I was listening to a radio discussion about pre-nups last week. The host observed that in California 70% of second or later marriages fail. And I know it's about 50% failure for first marriages in California.

 

Some how I think the CFL population does better than that ... but then I'm an optimist.

Edited October 31, 2005 by jim_julian (see edit history)

[Guest fhtb]

I hate to say it, but I have been watching this thread for a while, and I know that many members here have met their SO online, but I would say meeting online in itself is at least a "red flag at half mast". Visa Digger is someone who puts a USA Visa squarely in their sights, and what better way than to go right to the source?? Chinese women are cunning, and can be very good liars. So, red flags should be going up when a relationship moves to quickly. Anyone can love you immediately online, and say what you need to hear. But when you live with them, you no longer have the convenient ability to "go offline", and take a break. Just be careful, if there are enough Visa Diggers in this world, the US Immigration policy will eventually become even more strict.

 

IMO, relationships are difficult under any circumstance. People need relationships for their own selfish reasons. Some people want money, others want un-wavering love. wanting to be loved is just as selfish as wanting a US Visa, right?? both are things you need the other to give to you?? As long as two people are HONEST in what they expect from life, and actually have compatible goals and are honest with each other, then there are few problems. You should be worried when someone from the other side of the world flies into your life with un-dying love, and no real expectations or realizations of what it takes to be in a healthy relationship (other than I promise to cook and clean for you).

164621[/snapback]

I really do think that some of these "immigration facillitation" sites would do well to emphasize the dangers of international dating, the number of scammers out there, the number of VISA gold diggers, etc. I have a feeling that some sites would be reluctant to do this because they might worry it would discourage readership. I actually believe it would encourage readership.

[david_dawei]

I wonder what the percentage of 'relationships that go south' is for CFL members ?

 

Is it higher or lower than the current divorce rate ?

164647[/snapback]

I was listening to a radio discussion about pre-nups last week. The host observed that in California 70% of second or later marriages fail. And I know it's about 50% failure for first marriages in California.

 

Some how I think the CFL population does better than that ... but then I'm an optimist.

164704[/snapback]

And that would be my point... how does one explain that in light of all the dire warnings of flags...

[chinadave2001]

There is vast difference between what I would call a normal break up (two people grow apart after some time) and discovering that your loved one used you to get here just to get a green card and then splits, accuses you of abuse, or some variation of this sort.