SheLikesME?

I just can't get this out of my head. Dennis what you first wrote is what is important to me. BOTTOM line we want a wife who is willing to initiate giving, like we are willing to do and have all our life. Today I relaized how so many of my past experiences with women were not anything like what I have seen in China on visits, and experienced with my wife there. Even in so many little things, I have never been treated so equal to the way I treat a woman. PLease read post #14 by Rakkasan: I thnk this one post should be pinned. Forget the rest of the thread. http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...opic=19317&st=0

Hey, OK THEN. DANG MAN. I liked your original post. sleepless in Houston&CQ: Hey Bobby, Yea. I was just thinking today how my wife would love the HOT drinking water out of both sides of the tap.

I was going to start a thread today, I thought, which would compare my mother and my wife. I will wait a few months for that now I think, to bring this up again. Good topic Dennis. I admire your situation and love to hear about your life at home. One lady in China asked me, why I did not pick her. She answered before I did that there is no answer. It is not like any of us had a list of things. But there is a general drift for a lot of us, not all but includes me, expressed best by Rakkasan over in another thread. yuan fen: My wife is the same in what she says about meeting people. I worried about her happiness here but she has me convinced it is no problem. She denies all opportunities I describe to meet friends in our same situation. I even talked about moving to Plano or Richardson where my church has a Chinese congregation. No. My wife like some of you was raised in a small city where she did the gardening. Their house has an outhouse. No hot water. Her Mom and Dad had to live apart for many years due to both their jobs at the electric company, but in different cities. In fact her name means a bird that flys home. Her Mom named her that so her husband would come home. He did at least 3 more times as she is the 2nd oldest out of 5. Ok back on subject. Deep inside, if all things were taken care of by me: house paid for, savings account with enough, and etc, she would desire to live at home with no job and have babies. Yet she is a career woman who got her Masters and got not only into a city, but Beijing which was international. She wanted away from corruption when it comes to a job in China. She did NOT want to pay to get a job and keep paying to keep it or get a promotion. She HATES the corruption and spitting. She got into management at her company. We are talkng a woman who never joined the party (not necissary she thought) and who marched for personal freedoms in college during the 1989 time frame. We all should remmeber some of that? I get told well...... sometimes I wonder if it is her or her mother talkng when she says I can do what I want with her when I am in town. She is very attentive to all my needs and health and happiness. She defends me it seems with a fierceness. Yet she is usually so feminen. First time in my life I feel I am walking shoulder to shoulder with a woman. So I would say she has those traditional values that she wants to live, in an ideal world, but much like Carl's wife she intends to improve the family situation and raise her daughter or any future children with the BEST education. She named her daughter black ink or something like that to mean higher education. I guess that is setting your foot down in China, when you name a child something specific. So she is both traditional and modern. Just depends on her living conditions I would say and if she is bored or not. Gosh what energy she has. PS: And on a lighter note and being somewhat egged on by your title. , SHE IS A NORTHERN GIRLand we all saw some posts about the ADVANTAGES of that. Makes me feel sorry for the rest

Bob, hot has an entirely different meaning with my SO, instead of hot as in angry its almost like being in the shower, grin. Wheel Man 232104[/snapback] GOOD POINT PAUL. The way it should always beee Thanks again yuahen123. You helped me think like Dennis and Jim did in another thread. I realize I am passing some of my work worries over to my wife, causing her concerns over all COSTs. So I need a stiffer upper lip and faith in myself because I am doing well at work despite the layoffs. SO far it apears I am in a good situation. Thanks again all.

Funny you should mentioned that. My SO is not here yet, but she has friends that came here recently, and some of them said the same thing, that their husbands are not as nice. 232123[/snapback] That IS scary and I have wondered about that as part of my worry with all I have to do with my job. Wife thinks I need only work 40 hrs a week. My company has a different attitude and they are laying off when work is at an all time high. Causing me to take stock and place my priorities where they belong. When in Beijing I get bored because of a lack of things to do. Being a tourst is not my style either. So I have had a lot of time to dote on her when I am there. Here in USA we have to work our tails off.

Sorry you feel afraid. Sounds like you have prepared and things will be good. I too have been afraid and I realize some mistakes on my part even more now than back many years ago. I can see how all my added responsibility along with the mergers within our company have made me uneasy and I passed this on instead of keeping a stiff upper lip. My wife is depending on me too and she can only go by what I tell her. So there is the COST issue again I discover. I want to thank all of you here. Dennis and Jim maybe the most tempered with Mike. If I were to go back on the inside of an aerospace company and do what I used to do I would make a comfortable living but at half what I make now. The problem now days is one must have a degree, by Govt contract, to hold those positions in most casses. I never finished college engineering. I do very well at my job for some reason. But I always worry about loosing it or not doing it well enough. Now I have been given more territory and in very important markets. My boss is one of my best friends and he got hired because of me. That is a plus, but we have been merging our sales force and last time this happened to me at another company I got the ax. But I have meetings set up tomorrow and like usual everything will probably start to snowball succesfully, I hope anyway. Then this 2nd house oportunity came up to make some extra bucks. My daughter came to town. Other things like the septic tank went nuts. I have so many pressures it is crazy. One by one I work them out. Now I am finally up here and engaging things. Even if I am successfull, I don't want to happen what happened 14 years ago when I was so very successfull, I had no time for home. I didn't get married to be alone nor leave her alone to fend for herself in a new country. Just all of this in my head lately. Jim and Dennis put a good spin on this for me. Like faith I feel it will work out and I need to quit worrying and most of all worrying her. I think setting the foot down will not really be that at all, but just mutual resolving things as they happen. Yep Dennis out of balance lately. Ok now I can stop posting crazy like I have been. But it sure was fun for awhile. Thanks ALL!

OK with 2-3 making it clear to me, I understand. Thanks This has helped. Yawl kinda answered what was in the back of me head bone. I have been guilty of expressing some of my concerns about my job to my wifey. Later I find it adds some worry on her part. So I better vent some place else. I knew better. I have 4 more states to cover and it is highly visible. I am in the spotlight at work even more than I was. It makes for a good oportunity but also a good target. Also I travel from home more. But I have to find a way. It is more money and I need to survive our mergers, or do I. So far so good, though.

Ever consider what you do different when your with your SO vs. when you are not, or before you met her? Ah, but it is all love, yes? This is more out of consideration for those of us in waiting, but I'm sure the same as when they arrive, or not, I don't know. I know nothing and I don't care. In China: Same sex friends Scrubbing the skin off your back, or her/his back Rock Bed SLIPPERS Long time cooking/eating with little results (small poop) smells in the kitchen smells in the bathroom (some sewer line fault somehow) No smell on the SO (I know that's easy) Shower before Bed SLIPPERS NO SLIPPERS in the bedroom (happily done) Winded bicycle rides Their forboding mattress Saving plastic bags of all kinds, uhhh Running water into a bucket when waiting for the hot water, to be used as mop water, then toilet flushing water at later times. 14-16 hr flights Oh ya slippers I'm tired

Man, I see me in the mirror behind my laptop. I see this face with all those organs and things. I'm in BAAAADdd SHAPE friends.

AHHHHhhhhh, Thank You Paula. Someone who can ask a good clear question. See I'm a bit, well, anyway. CAN ANYONE HERE ANSWER HER GOOD QUESTIONS???

Maybe this is where this subject should be taken up and shut this thread down. http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=19335

You've got the right idea there Dennis and Mike. What was on my mind was Trigg, and some others always posting about getting the mop-slap and how us mewbies will go into training once our wife arrives. This came up with mercator recently. (He must be having fun, less posting is a good sign.) So I guess I overstated this and just simply wonder what TRAINING do we give our SO when they arrive. And are there diferences that we must work out? What are they?

Yes, I figured that out a long time ago, but just kept it to myself until now. 231910[/snapback] Well now that we are sharing secrets. After my first divorce I met a lady at church that would have been just about like this. Not Chinese but Mexican. She was all American and spoke english but man I regretted I let that one go. Your a blessed man Dennis but a smart one too. Now I'm off topic. But then..........

I'm FREAKing CRAZY. This is drivnig me nuts. Where is that airline phone number. I don't care if my foot blows off.

Since this may head to the TC Don't know about you guys, but try with hers. Discovery central.

I laughed while driving around the country this week when I thought about putting my foot down on a subject with my wife, and then my leg blows up from a land mine. Then I think about Trigg and a few of you guys who have been here awhile,. and have had your SO here for some time, talking about the TRAINING and the MOP-SLAPPING. Thought I would post this subject and actually Roger has done it in the TC but it seems sidetracked. If not too personal or anything I would like to hear stories of any demands you have placed on your SO.

Hmm, I have a problem with this. Guess I am in egoslave's court. I tried to fight it, but hey when a guy starts to take up way more tme on the phone with her than me or her daughter, well I put my foot down. I don't like the way I handled it at all.

Thanks for the response. I respect what you said and will take you up on your advice, or at least keep it in mind. Hmm I didn't explain, but it is OK. I think I did the right thing this time. We understeach other better. But I like your response about not too much hot and cold. I think it has been a bit too long snce we have seen each other. But we both have things that need to get done on our own side to make the permanant move for her to the USA work well in the future. It causes a lot of work. Both her and I have a tendency to shut things and people out while we do that. I finally met my match in her this time. So now I have to live with someone who is more like me. I am not used to this, but I like it better. With this seperation I need her to go ahead and call and say "hello" when she feels like it, from work or where ever she is. She got a little too hung up on the cost and denied herself. We have/will work it out. Those little phone calls mean more to me than the long visits on skype or yahoo.

Well I have not sent several emails over the year. Finally I sent this one and one or two others I recall. I find she likes it so she knows what to do. She seems to apreciate my getting a little mad and telling her strong. Makes things clear. Of course I don't do anything that is abusive in that direction, I don't think. Today she was in a good mood and slept well last night. I felt terrible but when we talked her morning she was very cherry. Well now she says she will get the Skype number. I said I can do it but maybe just let her. Also I want the cell phone to be answered, unless it is any other reason than cost. I got pretty hot about it, she seems to get a kick out of that and like me more. I can't lose, or can I?

We both laugh about it. Neither of us will have a clasification again I suppose. She loves China but not the government or the party. She managed to go up the ladder without joining the party. Lately she wants to go ahead and get a ring. I think she is losening up. I think there a few close friends at her work that know about me now. People seem to not ask about certain things. Who knows maybe she gets a little concerned about having lunch with me and her colleagues see us because she is concerned about her reputation. I don't think so though.

My wife made plans with me 2 times to see a movie and changed her mind both times I just told her fine I will go alone, she went. 231325[/snapback] Yes a give and take thing. I have been a little slow sometimes remembering this. Just set your foot down and she will follow. But always I have to recepricate and DO something she wants in return. It is not said at the time, but a day or two later I am reminded of something that I am draging my feet on.

I am so sick and tired of "COST" being the excuse to do nothing. I just wrote the kind of email one never should send, to my wife. But I have had it. Time to not let NO be accepted. I want her to have one of those phone numbers so she can call me anytime for free long distance. Especially if she can use her mobile for free to any of my numbers. Anyway this is one thing we will have to make an "agreement" on as she puts it. I got so mad today I wanted to cancel plans to visit next month, but then that spends money which I am trying to spend. Sorry but sometimes just taking mop slaps don't cut it. This cost issue of so many things is just getting in the way.

I heard somewhere that for now, only Chinese citizens are allowed to make the trip... But some day I absolutely must go also... 231262[/snapback] Ah, an explanation. Now why didn't my wife just tell me this. communication, misunderstanding of her motives, understanding, suspecions, Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thanks Roger, really.

I'm confused. Maybe because my wife is too much of an over achiever at times. She is all over the place on this. I can see it for some others I know in China. Thanks Paul. PS: I think because she has tried so hard to overcome the traditions in her country and just not accept them if it does not make sense or is unfair to her. Living in Beijing was an absolute goal for her to improve herself and get out away from even some family expectations with her parents and siblings. So she is a bit more independent, yet Chinese.

Hmm, we used the old form, however, I wrote a ltter explaining how we met on a web site when I turned in the I-130 and the I-129. I clearly understood the diference between a broker and just a web site. I had a discussion with a broker and looked at several. No way was I going to pay 2-3K for them to find me some ladies to write, for the express purpose of marriage. IMB is a lot more personal contact. I did not necisarrily have the intent to find a bride on ChineseLoveLinks.com. Heck there are people there who simply want to practice Chinese or English. Anyway we had to answer this question to the US Embassy in Beijing when I got certified as single the day before we married. The fact that I said we met on line, when asked, got an imediate "no" from the officer. I objected and began to talk a bunch of stuff about her character, etc. She cut me off, had me sit down, and called my SO up there where she learned I listed myself on the internet site as well. THAT made a huge diference. Legally she had no right to deny my certificate of single status and I would have taken what ever means legal to get my single cert. We followed all the rules and I believe that it was merly a tactic to test us, or make me walk out of there and not marry her. I could go back to TX and have it done easily. I knew they could not deny us and told my SO to obsolutly tell the truth. We did and all worked out fine so far.