SheLikesME?

Yes, and imported stuff are damn expensive, due to tariff. Local women here buy good quality stuff at reasonable price and we buy good brands only when they are on sale Most of the labor-intensive products are cheap in China. 238273[/snapback] I got an overcoat in Beijing in 2002 that was so cheap and yet so well made and warm. Also the outside material does not wrinkle so it is so good for traveling on business. 2 weeks later in Xi'an I found the exact same overcoat made in Italy. The only diference was the label. I had no idea I was buying a duplicate, or was the Italian one from China to begin with? I still use this coat. I have never seen anything like it in the USA. Well as far as spending I think I got through to my sweet one that the cost of trips to GZ is of no concern. We must do what we need to do to get the visa's. Boy finally.

Very good post Carl. I had researched this subject when my wife and I met because she is over 35 but under 40 and I wondered what the issues were for waiting. So knowing the risks I wonder myself what we will do. My fist wife had a whole string of misscarriages to have the 2 we had. We just assumed at our young age it was part of the process. It didn't bring us heartache or anything. More like oh well another will be along. Disapointment in more waiting time perhaps, at least on my end because I wanted them so bad. I should have listened more to her because she felt a bit unsure of our marriage. Turned out she was right. We divorced after 8 years. Now what will my wife and I do? I am not sure. But it is encouraging to know that in a lot of casses there is a natural miscariage if something is wrong. Of course the chances are still there. Good post, as that very point was going through my head as I read this a few days ago. Thanks....

Only once have I been to the square and not talked to a Chinese about it. I bring it up. I bugged my work companioin until he finally took me on my last night on the first visit. I had to correct his thinking and that of others that many of us in the world think better of the Chinese because of the event. I really respect the people who did that. That square will always be a symbol of freedom to me. I put that pic of the single man in front of the tank as one of the all time if not the best pic ever taken. Settle down Doug, dang man.

Tough call for you Smiling Asian. I wish you the best. I did not mean to imply I think you should have a baby in my previous posts. I felt a little bad about it after I posted. However I just wanted to throw out a positive side from things I had seen in life. Rule of thumb for me is if you have doubts about something it is best to not do it or wait a while until that doubt it gone when some events change things. Maybe you need to ask about the details of the lady who used him. There are always two sides to the story, as is said often here in CFL. I found with my wife that she did not want to know details to the point that when she found out later it crushed her. Example in my case was me trying to tell her about my mortgage and all of my financial things. I told her but she was disinterested to the point of it not registering in her mind. Then one day after marriage I told her again and she got it. And this is a smart woman who speaks fluent english. It has taken awhile for her to get over this. Maybe you should dig a bit more with details about him and find out what all his doubts are and why. Seems this is affecting you now. With this kind of decision for another human life I would take all the precautions. Also how do you feel about his retiring and were you going to work then??? Is that really OK with you? If so more power to you and him. Maybe this will keep him young. Can you take care of this child and work if something happens to him or there are problems? Just idle thoughts. Wish you the best. But in the end, kids are wonderful. I always think they are worth it. They are always a leap of faith. Follow your inside is all I know if you are comfortable with him.

Thanks Lee, Yes we have to prepare now. I wonder about this frined of hers now. Went on a K-1 maybe and didn't file for the change, and now in a CR1 hell of some kind? Makes no sense. Thanks, Doug

Can I travel and re-enter the U.S. on my K-3 or K-4 visa? Aliens present in the United States in a K-3 or K-4 nonimmigrant visa status can travel outside of the United States and return using their K-3/K-4 visa. If they have filed for adjustment of status in the U.S. prior to departure from the U.S. , USCIS will not presume that the departure constitutes abandonment of an adjustment application. I think I was reading this wrong. Both of us were.

Got it. Saw some conflicting words in my reading. I will give her this link. This is the first time she actually asked me to ask a question here, as she usually wants me to stay away from CFL. Thanks

You got me in trouble, PB. I said that to wifey by phonetically saying it in English. She just gave me a puzzled look and came over to read it for herself. Then she pronounced it in Chinese and bent over. 237317[/snapback] Well????????

My son owes about 20K in student loans I learned. MOre than I thought. He thinks I contributed 10K. But I am sure it is less. Now he is graduated, and between co-op work in the summer an dpart time jobs and loans he pretty much did it, except when he feared loans. SO I helped from time to time. But I have told my wife that we do not have to pay for college, they can do as my son. We have discussed having 1-3 more together. So maybe 2? Who knows. Just roll the dice. Personally I am glad I am here!!! I think any kid born, regardless of defects or anything else, will be glad too. One thing I love is driving through China and seeing all the children going to school in the small towns. They seem well fed, dressed, and happy. I wonder how many have an outhouse for a toilet as my wife did, no water heater other than the stove, and concrete for a floor. So what? Smiling Asian, to get back to you, I would not do anything if it is too stressful for you. You may not get pregnant anyway if too nervous. Once you are here with him things may take a natural course and you will know then. Otherwise have it there and start the clock. My feeling and policy has always been that it is kinda up to the woman. On the otherhand I sure want to raise a baby from diapers to college. I kinda cheated myself out of that treat in my first marriage. But if it doesn't happen it is OK, but I bet we have one.

Just curoius what all have to say about what marriage means to your SO in China? Some of you from China can help. Do we have different expectations and are the loyalties and morals about the same or not?

Yep he started this right. It is real when you actually take the time, get the visa, spend the money, make the effort, and show up. One thing my wife said that a girl wants something but will not ask. Merc has it right. MERC YOU SHOWED UP AGAIN. HOWDY. And yes read about forboding beds, if this turns into a commitment/marriage. Just so you are prepared, incase.

I've been thinking about this. I know a man, now retired, who is raising his grandchildren which is quit common now in America. I mean full up custody or adoption because the parents (their child) has become a drug addict or irresponsible in some serious way. Anyway my friend in Seatle is a man well into his 60s. He says he is a soccer mom. He visits with the other mothers at dance studios for his grandaughter, & etc. He is in a home school ring for his 2 grandkids and he teaches history and math, while the others teach the other subjects. He is a very very happy man, especially since he retired and raising the kids.

Thanks guys, I really apreciate the input and it is similar to mine. We decided or I told her to get this K3/4 IN HAND. I agree with you guys 100%, and maybe why I was posting so crazy about July 19 when she put it off trying to make it coordinate with her out of town class in Shenzhen. I think it was sort of a subconscience reaction. I made it clear to just figure 2 or 3 trips as needed down South. Forget the cost and quit her job totally if necissary to get time away. Dang she gave them a year notice and end of Sept or so it will be a year. This cost business is drivng me nuts. I like to get things DONE. Now to further the issue: 1) Can she multi entry on the K3 without filing change of status on the first visit to the USA? Her fear is that she cannot come to the USA but once on the K3, if she returns to China for the CR1/2. 2) Does she need to take her daughter with her to GZ to get the K4, or does it come automatic with the K3? Daughter is a night train ride North of her and in an accelerated school. 3) So if you can only come once on a K3/4 without filing for AOS, and if she comes alone on the first trip and files AOS, then she cannot file AOS on her daughter without her daughter being here with her on that first trip, right? Thanks for any input. I just want to check my interpretations and misunderstandings with some of you good experts.

Careful, K3 and CR1 petitions require no proof of meeting photographs. The "Marriage Certificate" from China takes care of all that. The OP is K1 and must prove he met his fiance in person within two years of filing his petition. He doesn't need the kitchen sink to do this but does need more than the CR1/K3 folks do. 237108[/snapback] Wonder if it ever makes them feel good though? Heck I was so jacked I didn't leave any stone unturned. Big letter of everything, yada yada..... Some of us are just dumb. love blind..idiots. YAAAAAHOOOOOOOO

If my wife comes to America alone on a K3 and files for change of status, then returns to China to finish the MBA, can her daughter still get the CR2 while they are in China? Or, does my wife need to get the K3 & 4 at the same time? What she wants to do is make a visit to USA and leave her daughter in China until they move here permamantly. Can she file for change of status in the USA for both of them if the child remains in China on this first trip to USA? I guess she is concerned because a friend of hers came to USA on a K3 and then returned to China for the CR1. It is now 2 years and she still does not have the CR1. I guess you cannot return to the USA on a K3/4 unless you file for change of status on that first trip. Guess I have more than one question here. Sorry. Doug

You gosh dang right about that. The hell she put herself through once she fully realized how much I owed on my house. Whew. Even on 12 yrs left on a 15 year note she gets beside herself if she thinks about it. But then when it came to her wanting this MBA she allowed me to barrow the Western way so she can go to school and get a better job here to help pay off the school and house. Sending gifts? Man never ever. It isn't mop slapin, more like chasing me with those great big knives they have in the kitchen. Good thing I was over hear when the last care package arrived. I can't buy her anything, other than school or visa related, and that gets HIGHLY scrutinized.

Has anyone seen the documentary “Moving the Mountain” by Michael Apted made in 1994? It pushed me over the edge to finish a letter I had started to Bush back in May 2001 to thank him for asking the PRC to grant religious freedom to the Chinese. Anyway I was glued to the TV when I saw it. I had no idea it was so intense and bloody and the leaders had to flee, some of whom are in the USA. It just shows what has always been the price for freedom, blood. Now I wish more people in other countries would do the same on their own. My wife was in college in 89 and joined a group and marched for some personal freedoms in another city. She still feels a little unsure of herself about it and blames it on her youth. I like to think it showed some good character on her part. I will be out of town this week but will try to watch. Thanks Ski. Doug

I feel down after sending flowers, after my wife gets through with me. Waste of money. I don't like the dog house. I used the one refrenced on www.ChineseLoveLinks.com .... once

copy that. Make sure it is a copy of the birth cert, because I went and got a bunch of certified birth certs because their cheap and I figured the real deal is better, WRONG!!! It got sent back to me with a request for a COPY of it. They won't use their own copy machine for you. So there is a couple of weeks delay there. Follow the instructions exactly. Rak I love the enthusiasm man. Too bad this isn't the place to hit a home run. I felt the same way though. I only put pics of the two of us together, or with her and I and other relatives.

Thanks, good to read this. I will try to remember. Guess we had some tension building for some time. It finally came to a head and somehow I thought to send a "HAHAHAhahahaha, your still cute" to a nasty email I got from her followed by an appology. She then sent some very funny emails and we then phoned and laughed and talked very similar to when we first met. Anyway it worked this time for me, kinda like you.

Ever turn it around with a good laugh?

Nothing you can do. I grabbed by son and got him to China now with me this July. He is not adjusting well at all. Tried to get him to work hard at school stuff and within three weeks since he landed he already is dating three girls, drinking beer and hanging out late. I tried to tell him to learn from kids his age. His reply is always: They grew up in China. May have to give up and send him back to the states to his mom. 233872[/snapback] Sorry to hear this Tony. I am not sure if you have had much time to raise him or not. I could assume you mean a son from a previous marriage. you get my drift though about the states. Afraid the young Chinese want to follow. Not sure if you had time with him much in the past but maybe it would have been diferent. Hope all goes better for you in the future, and KEEP TRYING. Never give up on setting rules and boundaries, as much as possible for his age. But then who am I to talk.

Wife already has a house paid for, but we want a 2nd home in Dalian. I imagine she will find a way. No matter the law, there is always the Chinese way. Hmm, links, ya links. My wife be de law........er and I am de link to er. Yuan what about dat link ta yer rear paw? Haurts?

This is what I desire, raise them in China. But it will not happen. So I hope to do what I did with my first 2, which was a lot of love but disciplined including some spanks. I went to church every week and we have no cry room. So the kids have to be quiet. So there is good conduct and respect taught there. Also they aprticipate in things which builds character and public speaking. But I am becoming more and more tempered with what my wife does. She has her daughter dooing so much learning and they set goals or she is assigned what she will do. It is her job. My way was giving them chores like the dishes and trash and etc. Not sure yet how that is with her on household things yet. One thing for sure. I was never much of a TV watcher, except when with or around a woman, in America. My wife does not watch much TV either, though glued to the screen when she does. But she has discipline and turns it off for days and weeks. I am so glad we are compatible that way. I noticed some other folks who had some good kids who achieved things in USA and in their home they had no TV. Of course it can be used for good, but no sense in producing lazyness. Just some thoughts for now.

Much has been said from time to time about why we went to China for an SO, and not America, for those who more or less did it on purpose. Others who accidently discovered an SO in China have commented about the diferences from time to time as well. Also there are threads like Dennis's which deal with this service to each other in a relationship. Now how do you raise a child in America to become a person who can have a marriage where things are truly shared in a relationship? How do we raise our children so they are more like what we like about our SO? What will you do, if anything, to try to prevent your kids from becoming what you dislike in others, and perhaps drove you to China?