SheLikesME?

TSP - TriSodiumPhosphate Any hardware store will carry it. Just move to any little town in Mississippi. Everyone has grease stained walls and such. Southern cooking. Heck smoked/greased up wall paper is a clean kitchen.

Resturaunts and Menus: This was tense at best the first time or 2. Neither of us knew exactly what to order for them to eat. I ordered HOT woter twice, but one of them just didn't believe it and brought cold water with no ice. Later in the visit wife said just normal no-ice water, I believe so they would not go so far out of their way to bring steaming water. BUT, one waiter brought a tea pot toward the end of the visit full of hot water. She really liked it. I guess I embarressed her when I instructed the first waiter to go run Hot tap water from the faucet. What I want to get to is my wife's frugality once she started getting the hang of it. She knew my company limit per meal and as we looked she got what looked good (to try usually) but she read the fine print sometimes and saw that if she got this instead of that we got an extra side or something, sometimes at a cheaper price. The team work, when on the road, was great. I really got a joy, and so did she at working the system. Usually we ordered 2 dishes and one extra plate for the lil one. Working the travel became a good part.

esun41 Thanks... You have said it before about your honeymoon ending and how great it is now. Glad I got a taste of that good life. And Yeah it occured to me we should write more about American culture. I love reading the ladies reaction to our country. Boy did I want to move there instead of her here when we started this. It was a mixed feeling for me, but in the end we are doing the right thing by being here. WoW, good post Feathers. It is good for me to see how your wife had some of the same opinons as mine. It certainly came out of mine's mouth about 5 weeks into the visit that "I think America is wasteful". She LOVED traveling with me, though. I hope her return is a better experience, not that this was bad. We both learned a lot and can better prepare. Well......I hope she sticks with me Yeah Dennis your right.. I think most of us here were like that. We/most believeed in something and never let go of it. So we have been blessed. I just don't have words for how good this feels. But I bet someone else will post something in another thread some day and the words will flow. I have been wanting to dedicate a thread to my love for my wife and the wonderful times we had together, and the strength and sacrifices she made while here, and before. Maybe this is enough. Andrew I am trying. I have to be careful of not insulting her and sometimes there just is not time to explain. Like the screaming I did to stop, as she pulled out in front of a speeding teenager with a cell phone. She stopped great. I may have over done the driving instructions other times I let a lot of other things go.

Having just gotten back from Costco, this is not a Chinese trait. There are just as many rude Americans who don't pay attention to others around them. Yes and my ex is one of them. I guess it made me even more jumpy when my wife started it. But in her case she seemed to not notice. My ex didn't care.

Some discoveries and wonderful things in marriage to my Chinese wife: (Maybe this belongs in another thrad but oh well, I got to go do some work on a house) 1 Wife insists on the 3 of us eating TOGETHER, and trying to get my Mom or son to join us as well. Whis took some adjustments from our casual ways, but the benefits are SO GOOD. 2 Wife did not want a big huge daily plan or schedule, just for me to give her a basic idea of what I will do and when, because cooking and the meal togehter is SO important to her but is best for all of us... I had to figure this out, after being defensive at first (because I hate scheduling anything). Once I saw how little she needed or wanted to know so she could plan family things, I was so happy at her desire to make us a close family. Wow 3 No worry over the marriage commitment. One can concentrate on their job, and if time goes past a commitment to eat dinner or something, for a good reason like your job, IT IS OK. As wife says we will see each other later. Of course she often waits without eating until I am finished so we all eat together. Wow.. My car buddy and I discussed last night how he has to make his wife first and always worry that something may go wrong. He worries at work. I recall similar feelings. Then while my wife was here I accepted and realized how committed she is and I am. We can enjoy breakfast and maybe a little hug and then turn in silence go to our computers, phone, clients office, school, or what ever and just DO what we need to. Later we will all eat together and there will be some romance or hugging or something very nice at the end of the day or when ever. Guys and Gals, I had to wake up to this. One thing I expressed to my buddy last night was how the whole year I was seperated from my wife I tended to need the reassurances his wife and my own experience with American women needed. So I was just like the American women. I knew things were OK, but my past experience in life just worked on me. This 6 weeks really rattled and woke me up and I accpeted what I have. Geeze it is wonderful. I feel so peacefull and can now go work hard and make the survival money. The closest thing to this in my past was a woman very similar to my wife who wanted the peace, BUT, she was not going to stop seeing other men, just because we........ I recall looking at that woman I loved so strong and asking her what kind of creature she was. Anyway, finally someone I can turst. This has been hard coming for me.

On a side note. Dave I LOVED being in China and wanted more than anything for her and I to make our life there. I feel more at home and happier in China than I ever am here. It is heaven to me. We chose the American path, though. Good opportunity has come our way to make that happen. So I am not looking back. Just have a lot of work to do now. It is just not easy in the USA. Now maybe that pisses some folks off as if I am anti American. I am not. Would never give up my citizenship. I would just love to have the chance to live in China until I see all the faults and come home. Unfortunatly before I ever have that chance China will be perfectly spoiled like we Americans are. There is no perfect way, as my wife says. Hey I am happier than I have ever been in my life, and told her so just moments ago over the phone.

Thanks David. Your dead on correct about the "internal conflict". My wife would think about what she saw, and other times defy the way things are done here on purpose. I tend to not get in her way, but sometimes it just does not work, especially when it is with things I have to do and she is trying to change me. So my wife comes here and tries not to be Chinese, then gets shocked and shuts down, then tries to function, then by way of a trip to Houston China Town accepts her own Chinese ways and relaxes a little, then gave up on some of her ambitious goals after seeing none of us are enjoying anything and it is all hard work in the daily American life - which caused her decision to stop going to college and go on the road with me while I work out of hotels and we get the books from the teacher and she teaches our daughter when I am working and then we swim and eat out and have some good ol FUN! All the while exploding from time to time in rants about the way I have done things. Now those explosive (sounds like a marraige argument) was quite the learning experience for me, and her. I figured out what she needs and she saw how I react to her rantings. I can't take it as well as another Chinese person. To generalize there is a little more kitten glove treatment needed, but then I have toughened up as well, knowing she is there and we are committed. Admitted, once she was ready to catch an early flight back over some stupids things I said. I did my best to make up for it which is exactly what she needed and wanted me to do. We love each other. And it isn't just the heavenly stary eyed floating like it was at first. This is the better daily life thing that really sticks in your crawl. It is amazing how much nicer we are over the phone to each other, now that she is back in China. Ok enough rambling. I kinda got off subject here, or did I?

On a more positive note my wife was HUGELY (is there such a word?) surprised at how the kids at our daughters school passed out valentine cards and presents to each other. She just could not believe this. Daughter brought home a things from one of the students mother, and other gifts from kids. Strange thing is my wife and I had an argument just 2 days before when I took daughter to the store and got the little cards to pass out on Vlaentine. It only cost a buck so she just tempered. It was a home work assignment after all. Later we went up to the school for a parent teacher conference. Wife really talked about that event a lot and how in China nothing like that would ever happen. She could not believe everyones kindness. Especially she could not believe how some parents came and helped with the class and made things at home for each student in the class. She just thought about how much of a challange that would be for her, and she was thinking next school year she will have to do something similar to return the favor and generosity. We also discussed how teaching is done in a way to try to motivate kids and get their interest verses discipline. Any others have some positive experiences of life in America after spouse arrrives or your own experiences?

I think the important issue is, whether the 'caving in' is your observation or hers? If yours and not hers, than this is projected; If hers and not yours, this is perceptive; if yours and hers then this is perfect. OK OK David, this is exactly right and we discussed the situation after we left. My wife was thinking boy if she had just got away with it before that manager came up. Heck I am dang glad it never got started. Then what? Toward the end it was much easier for me to tell her that if she does so-and-so it will cause.....what ever reaction is typical of an American. She seem to accept my statements. Maybe I am not the best writer. Maybe some folks don't care for my observations and or don't trust them. I kind of figured you would be the most interested in this or something, out of anyone here. That 6 week visit was a real adventure. I was not going to mention this and many other things until I read Paula's thread on needing help. I really see from the other ladies that some "adjustment" or what ever word you want to use that is a better description, took place for them. Bottom line it is not so easy for them to accept or get used to America, in all casses. Neither my wife nor myself realized this. After a year on CFL I never picked up on it either, just felt it way back when I first married my wife in 2005 and told her it would be better to raise a family in China. Or I knew things would be easier for us, because I had been there working before I met her and loved it, and disliked a lot of things in America myself. Wife is the one who insisted on America in the end. I hate to say it, but now she is experiencing what I could not help her understand verbally.

Roger, Remember how you just plane ol got mellow after your trip? It took great taunting to get the ol Rog back posting as he did. Truth be known, I feel very mellow since a certain visitor arrived and departed. But I might raise Hell in the morning or when ever I get up.

Hahahaha, thanks Dennis. Believe me I have backed off and let others tell her. I am mostly just relating what I observed. I worry over her true. Try to change her? Hahahaha. I am not laughing at you. There is so much I have had to tell her about her and I getting along that unless it affects life or my business I kinda let it happen. Funny story was the 4 bags of dumplings she bought to have the lady who gives out samples of food at the grocery store cook it for our lunch. Manager got wind of it before it happened and stopped her. It was a typical Chinese (appeared heated at first) discussion that ended with smiling and me getting a refund and we went down a few doors to a Hot-Pot cafe. Randy's wife happened to be in that store at the time and I didn't know it. Wonder if she saw all of this unfold. Somehow I was not embarressed. I just waited for the roof to cave in and it did. She is learning.

Well I just wondered. I had a lot on my mind after the first 6 weeks of my wife here in America. Then from time to time I read what Paula has to say and go through. It triggered this thread because I see potential problems for my wife on her return and when she enters the work force. I do as much as I can for her. She is trying like many of your wives however she just plain does not know that she is offending some people. But also like Davids wife she is very "DO" oriented and she focuses on her tasks. Some of this has to do with the walls I noticed we Americans have when I first visited Spain. I had no idea we were so walled up. My wife in America just plain invaded peoples private space. She got too close for comfort especially with older ladies in the store. Randy W: I must say from observation, and I lost a PM I was going to send to you about this, that your wife seemed very calm and a pleasant person, and confident but very kind to not interfere or something. Anyway I guess I was trying to point this thread toward things our spouse may or may not do and they have no clue about how they affect others around them. That brings up possible other things I have warned, and strongly, to my wife before she came here about how she treats people, especially after she gets a job. Thanks all. Good comments. I appreciate it.

I asked Jie, and that was pretty much her explanation. Since they dont have dryers, it is easier to dry small towel than a larger one. my girl is from the north though Mine is from the North too. .We Texans love to argue between Dallas and Houston. We had the banks to finance their oil drilling. Now we both went under. And by the way. They don't make airconditioners that can pull the humidity out of Houston's air. The beds are almost as damp as New Orleans. That place is a fishbowl anyway if it rains too hard. Why is it that in a place that is concave by the water they build the very thinnest slab foundations with no earth build up to let water run off away from your house? Right through the front door the water comes. People put towels down by the door sill. Geeze But then again there is nothing quite like a young pretty Houston girls accent.

Another thread has made me think I should bring up a subject. How many little things does your Chinese partner do that offends Americans a bit. When at the store does your wife/husband notice where others are around them? Does she park her shopping cart in a way so others can get by??? Does wife/husband cut people off when walking and or reach through 2 people to grab something off the shelf, or muscle her way in to look at something? Ever notice the look on the American's faces when they do? Is your wife/husband too blunt to co-workers, store empoyees, your family members? Do they notice how they react emotionally? Do they comprehend American feelings? When driving are they aware of trafic or pedestrians around them? Treat them with respect? Maybe these and anything else Y'all have noticed is worth discussing here. Doug

When in China at her place after marriage I went to the store and bought the biggest I could find for myself, but it was also thin. I may have got 2 or 3 of them. Wife sorta told me I should not have spent the money but they used them and I had to use an old one on 2nd trip. What she REALLY liked was the THICK towel like bath robe in the Holiday Inn in Beijing we stayed at. I cannot find a thick robe like this in the states. Any suggestions other than a hotel? Tonado I have no idea where to buy those thin towels except try your local auto parts store when a bag of fresh white towels are on sale. I think 12 per pack. They are thinner and about hand towel size. WalMart has them on sale from time to time in the auto section. I think Auto Zone as well. The price is high when not on sale. When low it is too hard to resist.

I have spouse and daughter visiting me this year.

Are you talking there or here? I am curious what they liked? Can you elaborate? PS: I see some sorta new folks. Welcome to CFL. Hope your journey is smooth. Here. We have co-workers come to McKinney often. Since I speak "slower," and have "Chinese Wife" I get "detail." Company paid. Usually get great seats at the games too. B-Ball, Hockey, Fooseball. Anyway, Ribs, neck bones, ox tail, greens, "East Texas" hot links (Pittsburg certainly) , fried taters, green beans, pork chops, cabbage, cornbread, and pigs feet. Didn't have a chance to try hog mals, or chittlins, but I bet they would have been liked as well. Cajun/Creole food goes well with the ones who like it spicy. Red beans and rice with seafood, mud bugs, ettoufee, hit it with Tabasco. Mmmmmm-Mmmmm. Just good ole Texas BBQ is a favorite too! . Tex-Mex, so-so. There is not many true Mexi-resturants here in Mckinney. I did see flour tortillas in China, well they were steamed. Jie makes them. I need to teach her how to make vinison tamals. Now, pizza, fried chicken, and hamburgers?, they have no interest in usually, they can get that in Shanghai Now you've got me hungry. My Step_Mom was from east Texas and she could cook, and so could her mother, who came over often enough. I will keep this list in mind. I will definatly have to take my bride to LA (Louisianna) and let her eat food that is the only food as good as good Chinese, in my book. Maybe I need to go to NASA down there more often Do you mind naming some resturaunts and locations or aprox locations, I can look up from there. I may have a group of Chinese to entertain since my wife is bringing 50-100 students with her Maybe if I entertain them well enough, my indescretions will be over looked.

You know that gives me an idea. Wife's brother was looking for some kind of American food resturaunt to open. Tex-Mex would be perfect, maybe.

Yes you will. I will guess she is a southern girl. I now have dumplings for breakfast almost everyday now. Nope. Shenyang. Almost as far north as you can get. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Spring Festival will be mighty cold compared to spring in Western Oregon. Mine is from the same province. She says she hates the cold. Well it is freezing now. I don't think she will be able to take how warm I keep the house or our summers. Dumplings are pretty popular with her too. She loves those big huge gross looking prok things all blubbered up. I never could eat off of that. Maybe it is good. She hates western food and thinks it is unhealthy but took her daughter to KFC when getting the visitors visa. She keeps saying not to worry about the food. I feel she will attack America and the food like everything else. I am not so sure how her daughter will feel about it. Personally I hope we shop for and have lots of Chinese dishes. Teach my Mom and I and we will help.

Are you talking there or here? I am curious what they liked? Can you elaborate? PS: I see some sorta new folks. Welcome to CFL. Hope your journey is smooth.

Thanks Jim. One of the warmest moments I had in China was in 2000. I was at a dinner with the entire engineering department that we worked out all the details to get a new latch desgned onto a radome and some panel fasteners in other areas around the engine, wings, and fusalage. All were different. Well the most Sr. member, who was not the boss, had been assigned to work at Xi'an Aero way back in time. He got everyone quiet and spoke english to me. He was the only one who could in a department of people in their 20-40 and he was in his 60-70s. He talked about the churches they had in Beijing, he talked about China comming out to the world. He was so heart filled and grateful for me being there and us teaming together on a project. He was just so grateful. You could tell he was a great patriot of China but his statement of China coming out I thought was the most polite way he could say it, and still keep China's face, if you know what I mean. At his questioning we also discussed other fasteners and the use of them in design and the why's and hows. It was a wonderful time to hear his wondering about what was the best things to do. It was so obvious he admired our technology and he said they wanted the most advanced and the company had made a decision to pay for it too. He was so proud his country was changing and he was happy I saw it. He did not use my interpreter. He wanted to do it on his own. It was great.

First to say I love the good ol USA the best myself and would always find a way to not actually give up citizenship. Nothing is enforced that way anyway, to my knowlege. Paula, let me add to the others. When in Spain, or China I feel a general love of people. I had no idea America was so lonely. When you go outside in America, it is mostly a sea of cars, with windows up. Outside in China it is a sea of people. There is an affect that has on a person. I was at DFW Airport recently and 3 Chinese ladies were putting out luggage for the porter. These ladies were constantly touching each other and doing body slams with an openess and ease we Americans just hardly ever do anymore. You do not see friends holding hands when they shop, for instance. I suppose I love that part of China the most. I actually went through a Chinese homesickness of sorts for about 6 weeks after my first two trips. Now I have no homesickness when I return because I am married. It did make a diference having her in my life I discovered. I cannot imagine how much deeper you must feel than I do about China, since you are from there and I am not. I really get torn myself between the two countries. One of my wife's Chinese classmates who lived in Arlington, TX told her to get a car, because you can do nothing without one, and go to a church, so you have a circle of friends. I am not saying those things are best for you, but as you get mobile and more involved you will make a lot of good friends. Americans are friendly, if you can just get to them Just give it some time. Even in America, if we move to another state they say it takes 2 years to get fully aclimated, or give the new area 2 years before you decide to move to yet another state. Your son's school should have a PTA organization as well, which could help you meet parents and things. My wife plans to spend a lot of time at college until she gets a job. That will be her way of being around others. There is a DFW area Asian chamber of commerce which may have some resources for you. There are schools where your son can go learn Chinese on the weekend also. I found a number of things doing a search on the internet.

I noticed that when I was in China on business. Some guy that never speaks english finally says something and it is perfect with no accent. Daughter has done this too after I am around for a week or so. I get amazed at their vocabulary and how quick they learn.

Pre-Nup...................... Is that what they do just before getting snipped??

I'll give it a shot: - toilet seat is up for politness to the man. Woman can pull it down on her way down to sit. Man has to bend over first. Waste of movement. - Peel the banana so they have a stick to hold on to. - bitter, like seed. Life is to be enjoyed. SWAG Jeeesus, Doug, where do you come up with this stuff? Maybe somewhere slightly south of that toilet seat? http://i12.tinypic.com/33wo0mr.gifhttp://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gifhttp://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gifhttp://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gif http://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gifhttp://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gifhttp://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gifhttp://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gif YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAWhttp://i10.tinypic.com/2mw9mqs.gif