SheLikesME?

Wish you the best, too. And come here all you want. Heck I do and I was never invited

Good words! I noticed this difference when my wife was here. It made me feel bad for her, BUT she wanted me to be the tiger for her, a time or two, when it was not the right thing to do. She was a little disappointed

Bugs in a dumpling. My son ate a bug and silk worm direct. 3 pic series for proof available on request. Dog in soup. Turtle Sucked a goose head. Snake I think frog, can't remember. Some others, but forgot. What I thought was grass was the green part of chives. All from business trips where they threw it at me.

My biggest worry before she arrived was the lonelyness in America. David hits on such a key thing that surprised me on my first trip away from the Americas. I had no idea we had the walls between us the way we do. In Madrid there is very little "MY SPACE". It is even better in Asia with China being the best place I have been. I still don't know her reaction to not being able to do much without going in an isolated car. She didn't notice how she violated several paoples space in the stores like tywy_99 said. BUT, on the otherhand, strangers felt SOOO comfortable coming up to her and asking about her boots, or grabbing her to pull her out of the way of a wet floor. SO, her open free (people loving?) attitude I think was refreshing for them. I saw some people in the store who spoke with her, study her a little and analysed and realised she WAS aproachable. She was kind of a magnet. So from that point of view.........well of course she didn't cut those people off, HAHAHAHAHA Even with fluent English my wife felt terrible about her English. She couldn't understand anyone. Thay all talked too fast. But she was a trooper.

I had a boss who stepped right out in front of an oncoming car in Downtown Ft Worth. I tried grabbing him but lost. The lady in the car couldn't believe her eys but stopped in time. I had to explain to him it was a different way of being polite. Pedestrians should be polite to the cars. He had lived in CA too long and was arrogant about it. I see this in western states, so maybe our OP is OK in AZ. David I don't want to debate and I am not sure of all the reasons but I remember an America that was as close to their neighbors as what I saw in China. Touching, helping, going in and out of other's property was always open and OK. I would say everyone was more moralistic then than now. I think Airconditioning and afluence has more to do with it than anything else. We got isolatedfrom each other and into our entertainment on TV more and more and selfish. I just think we are more selfish not moral. Maybe definition of terms are different between us. Just thought I would comment. I LOVE THE BUMPING & closeness in China. Bejing being the COLDEST place I have been in China. Wife and I just discussed this. FINALLY she is sharing her words on her culture to me. All this time I wonder if she has been trying to be too Western in front of me!!!!! I think so especially if you read my comments about how she came to my house trying to be so non-chinese. Her return to China after her short USA visit has done what I had hoped it would do, I think & HOPE! On to the topic: We have had some threads about this. I personally think it is a HUGE responsibility. I FEAR for her life and injury in driving a car. She does things expecting others to be watching her, like in CHina. You just can't pull out in front of a speeding teenage girl with her cell phone to her ear and a teenage girl passenger giggling and talking to her too. Wife said she has brakes. Look it isn't that bad. Just tell her to be herself and bring her chopsticks. You love her the way she is. Everything will be fine.

I think we should all go to China and let them take care of us while we lazy around

RLS: I could say yes, because of some of the stress in our lives right now. Yet our closeness was deeper. I miss the first meeting if I think of it. But like she said after that trip that of course we act different after marriage. We have work and the daily life to take care of. Just take care of everything you can before she arrives. Make the finances less stressful as possible. Even if you do well, they need to feel it. Thair perspective is different in so many ways. Joanne it is OK. I would/have felt the same way in the past, but if I go to someone elses church now I don't think a thing about it and never put any money in the plate. I don't think people judge that way as much anymore in the US, or do they? Another thread. I have seen some folks mail it in rather use the plate. Some churches don't pass the plate at all.

Yeah taking a huge pay cut to be a teacher should remove any dobt about loyalty, but would it backfire in money matters? Money and savings are such a big deal! Does it really help to call her father? It is something I would not do. But then I don't know your culture or the way you have done this. Seems odd to me.

Reassuring words, Don.

Since I just can't get a real feel now about this situation, I can't advise, but on the one hand you could go over, if you want, and just be friends. Maybe this is what she needs to get started. Some people here in CFL date for a year or 2 or 2.5 or more before getting engaged. I don't know why, but that is how it went. So who knows? As long as you leave yourself open for others then it is OK to be her friend and see if she warms up. Then on the other hand, Ameriken and I got engaged or hitched to our wonderful ladies rather quick. Mine seemed to go nuts and now I think regrets not listening to all I tried to tell her of myself at the beginning. I have to tell her the dates so she can look up old emails to prove I told her some of the negatives :lol: . Anyway she is not backing out and I suspect it is because of the chemistry or attraction or love or what ever it is that makes us work though problems. Yes if they flip out for you it makes choices easy. Since your fairly well to do financially then this will make everything smooth. Happy life. But maybe she just needs more time. I dated a gal in CA that liked being with me but was very shy. I figured out that I had to really make her do things with me. Push her to go to the beech or the mountains or where/whatever. As she did it was like new awakenings step by step and her confidence improved tremendously. It was over a year process but we wound up very comfortable with each other and would have got serious and probably married if I stayed in CA longer. It was to that point. But there were times both her and I went out with others as well during that process. Nothing serious but then her and I were not serious. We even talked about those things and knew everything about each other. I am not sure if the cultures allow this with you two. Now I have no idea. Maybe what Ken says is the real thing, being a friend a kiss of death. One can usually tell if she is really getting rid of you or she just isn't ready and needs time and your attention at the right times. I don't know, but thought I would comment what sprung in my head. Maybe show up and just the 2 of you talk and do stuff without any family knowing about it. Do what you want, OR DON'T WANT, as the case may be.

Based on this per capita map and an exchange rate of 8RMB to the dollar the incomes average out at: Urban = 24RMB per day Rural = 9RMB per day I guess my wife was really kicking down the bucks in Beijing. No wonder she is so upset now.

Been all over VA. MS had this town that had naked children playing around it all day everyday during the summers when school was out and I visited my cousins. Many yrs later we were all married. I took my 1st wife there and we went by the same house. Color TV inside, a Buick Electra wore out on blocks and a new Caddy in the driveway. But a new set of kids running around the house naked, boys and girls. UNBELIEVABLE what food stamps and welfare did for them. Hey they all had money. Thay always had jobs. But always paid in cash, nothing reported. So since the gov fed them they could get Buicks and Caddy's with the cash they made to keep the union working. Hey it was great!

chinchillax, I am sorry for your situation. I somtimes think of CFL as a support group, at least for some, so I am glad you came here for this time. Yes if you don't know then you just don't. I think if you were the one she would have told you. On the other hand she may really like you but scared of something. It doesn't really matter nor all the speculation. Something is in her. No one knew or knows. You just have to take care of yourself. It takes 2. I wish you the very best. Hang around here too if you want.

I think I know the tofu you are referring to.....I have tried to convince my wife that it is horseshit, she has tried to convince me that it is tofu. I told her, if it looks like horseshit, and smells like horseshit, then it probably is horseshit! I tasted it too, and my God, is that what horseshit tastes like? You tasted it? WHY? Must be some powerful influence.

Not that it is much related to today but: I remember this kid in my 6th grade class that never took a bath or cleaned up. He was caked and hair stuck strait out stiff. He was gone for awhile and came back with about half of it gone. You could see skin in blotches. He went to his brother's funeral we all figured. His older brother shot himself in a Russian Roulette bet. So it went in near North Dallas back then. For those that know, it is now a rather nice area around the Hard Rock Café. The school is Travis just down McKinney. Pretty rough place in it's day. Hispanic on one side and black on the other of McKinney. Gunshots almost every weekend. Blue Ridge Mountains, some of Mississippi that I have seen has similar poverty, but that was in the 50s to 80s. It is sure better now, even if a bit rough. Your probably right Izus.

Good to see them put up the fight. Courage and smarts. Oh and Jim, who needs gold?

My fiance has learned much of her English from me. Major Food Groups: 1)Vegetables 2)Fruit 3)Meat 4)Rice 5)Stink Food 6)LaoWai Food 7)Ass Food Could you explain a littl ebit. Especially #7. That could be taken several ways. Just curious about your perspective.

here were my comments.. which originate from my wife... http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=23549&hl= Thanks, hope you list this link in something somewhere!!!

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=21312 There is one link to start with. Just get over into "Meetings and Life Together" and start reading. One is on day to day life. Well many stories. Go back over the last year and take a read. This topic has been discussed. My wife's adjustment is my biggest worry. I still have not put together a new thread on all I am thinking. Maybe some day. It has been commented by many how seemless our bf/gf/spouse is in their own country. My wife like Isuz is coming from Beijing and I can relate so much to that. Just go down stairs and walk anywhere you want for anything. No cars, no hassles like here. Cars, as much as I love them, are a real pain in the ass to happiness. Anyone know what thread has the things to do before comong to America? Was it from Eunice or something David Zs wife gave him to post. 4 things? Get as much seat time driving as possible. Forget about learning english just get education. 3? 4? For me the best I could/should have done is ACTION. If you take care of as many things as you can for her arrival, then it shows everything.

I believe my wife would have been very sadly disapointed if we did not mary on that first trip. We figured a K-1 before I went over, but once in each others presence........marriage was the right thing to do. But then she went nuts over me too. I certainly didn't deserve it, but.... She doesn't let herself look back very much. She has been sorely tested, and I don't say that lightly. Lot of chalanges for her to come here. If I had known then what I do now? I would have prepared much better first. Lot of responsibility to care for them once they are here. Lot of burdon on us USCs. Not complaining, just wish I had prepared more.

You need to put your 'self' aside and put her first... I think you've come to some understanding that you don't know her well enough, and as was said, she is talking quite normal on some level. If you want to be sure about the relationship you should go see her. If I were in your shoes, I might ask my parents to go as well... let both sides of the family get together, etc. If it's not meant to be, then say your good-byes in person. David I agree and it is why I asked his age. ChinChilLax I like your last line. Whether you expand on this or not is up to you. We don't know you very well and probably never will know her side of the story, except what you care to tell us. I know my wife desires me to think of her needs 100%. In a better way she demands as much or more than an American woman in noticing her needs that she prefers I figure out without her telling me. Yet she gets scolding mad if I overspend or use credit. Hard work is fine, but make time for dinner together and walks and vacations and real happy enjoyment with the family. I never saw a harder working woman in my life, YET she is just as enthusiastic for family play time. Do you 2 enjoy each others company and goofing off together? How do I put it? I have a sweet mouth, as she says, but hard work to bring home the money to care for her really makes her feel loved. Hard work around the house. Planning on weekend fun and doing it. Being good at romance. She wants all of this. But she gives back more than I can give, I feel. Very strange for me. Not sure if I said what I intend here.

CARS...ROADS... No wonder you didn't see the REALLY poor people Doug. Those villages do not have roads to them... Well at least roads as you and I would define them...Maybe more like paths... And people who have serious illnesses and no money to pay for treatments are NOT happy...Children who can't go to school because their parents cannot even afford the small payment needed are NOT happy... Yeah I got a little too sentimental in my earlier write up. I'm sure your right Rog. And I am sure there are a lot of folks upset and unhappy with conditions. Hell almost everybody will tell you how they want it better. I guess the good overwhelmed the bad in my eyes, and I would tell them that. Maybe I just havn't seen it quite as bad as the pics in the link, except for the same beggar woman and her kids in Beijing I have seen everytime, just filthy. Generally parents took better care of their kids than that, from what I saw. Nope I havn't hiked back in to towns with no roads that a bicycle or one of those one cyclinder 3 wheel scooter trucks, what ever they are called, can't go. But we were surrounded by those little trucks that farmers use. Children usually don't know their poor. The roads we drove on got pretty narrow and pot holed like mad and muddy in the towns. By 2002 they had new highways to bypass what I saw in 2000. In 2005 the spur train ride into some other rural areas were actually the worse I saw, up North. It was a mistake we made and we had to take a slow train to get back on the main line. Again I did not take pics because during a 30 min stop my wife and I walked through the town and I didn't want anyone to feel they were a spectacle to me. Lot of trash just heaped into a small stream next to the tracks. I thought well they are as stupid as us to polute the water that way. Why does the party allow them to do that I wonder? I had the impression it was smilar to the states because you see the back yards in AMerica from the tracks. In Beijing: I tended to take walks into the old aerea in Beijing out on the very edge of the city. No other foreigners were around. Streets were barely streets and many things were filthy. I went into a few of the very old small businesses to observe. I found the dumps or recylce businesses that folks would bring their bundles of cardboard, plastic or what ever all heaped. Wife never has known I explored all of that. Oh yes there was an uotdoor pool hall in this big open area that maybe is set aside to be a paved street some day, but now it is like a giant alley. The police were there because of a fight that broke out over pool and the gambling but I think the police gambled too. The transition from one area to the other is quite distinct. Frankly I was happier doing that than walking the Forbidden City. I took the same walks when I could get away in the smaller towns. But heck I am no expert. I would just like to live there. This thread has made me think more serious about retirment in Dalian like my wife has mentioned. Lot of industry there, too.

I-35 in Dallas was held up quite a bit due to the same reason I recall. Of course eventually the gov got the land.

The 2 times I went over for business we had to travel by car to get to the aircraft companies from the airports. Went through a lot of rural farming villages. One thing stood out was how happy and well dressed and fed the children were, everywhere. I don't doubt the pics shown, but generally speaking kids were clean, dressed well, fed well, and happy. I envied those people. We could throw all of those farming people I saw into poverty, but geeze they still had what we have lost in a big way in Ameirica, FAMILIES and some kind of peacful/loving unity with their fellow man that I just can't define! (My wife says I am nuts and that there is another side to that. But it was before her visit to America. Her impression of us was mixed. Nothing overwhelmingly positive.) I took pics that are paper printed on my first trip in 2000. They were mostly of the people in villiges and what most would say is poverty. But that would miss the point entirely. All pics were taken from inside the cars through the glass so people would not know I took their pics. I did not want to insult them. I didn't see poverty at all. I saw happy people. I would have rather been poor in CHina and happy than return here. How many of us went there for someone with family values? I never went on a tour. I didn't know ancient history like my son did. He is into swords and old chinese armies. I know how enthusiastic the Chinese are for the modern things we and europeans have, but the price, I am afraid, will be higher divorce rates and loss of hard working people and eventually the loss of that loving unity or what ever it is I feel over there outside of Beijing. I told a Medical Doctor on a plane who also taught at a University how the people have something we do not. After I explained she told me she would pass it on to the students who thought everything was better in America. Maybe one of the things my wife can't stand about me is the opportunities I have and yet I waste. She was really shocked about how much we waste, and not just energy and food etc, but also time. I'm just rambling guys, don't take anything serious. PS: No heat in the schools? Heck I saw plenty of children playing outside in the freezing foggy cold like it was nothing to them. 3 of 4 of my trips were in winter. Parents would take their child out to eat. Literally OUT. Businesses were nothing more than a cloth covered 12'x12' area with a picnic table and a lil outsoor cooker, where they ordered their meal. This was a night out on the town. hahaha. I saw nothing but a blanket for maybe 20-25% of the front doors to homes. All these people seemed very happy and satisfied with life even if they want more and to improve themselves. Every office building I went into in winter had the wondows and doors open. So our perception of cold and poverty may not be theirs.

I've been on VJ boards for a while, and was told about CFL. I am 26 years old, never been married. This girl I know through a co-worker in that used to work for my parent's business, since she has a relative attending Harvard and others back in China. She does know some english, but its sometimes hard for her to speak it....kinda embarassed to speak. I am a chinese that was born and raised in the US. I mainly speak english, but my chinese is pretty good. Wish both of you the very best. Relationships are in all forms. You can back off for cooling off or do as your doing and get enough dialog going to get to the root of the problems. If no love or liking it is one thing, if lack of understanding it is another. Just a thought. My wife demands that the family is together for dinner. She cuts me some slack on work, but expects me to work hard so I have family time with her and our daughter, and to help with chores in the house and her to adapt to things in USA. How much time do you have? Heck I could let my job consume for 24-7 if zI wanted. Again wish you the very best however it works out.