m-coon

Thanks for the valuable input! I guess I have no choice but to live out the rest of my life with no changes to this situation. How sad, because we did at one time have a wonderful marriage/relationship, it has been many many years in the making. I would give anything to find the answer, but she is just not going to tell me. I can live without any physical "touch", "passion", or whatever you might call it.... but it does take a great deal out of life, especially given the fact that it WAS a big part of our relationship. I thought it was important to her, as she used to instigate sex herself. It is as if a light switch had just been turned off. No middle of the road, no halfway...... Not ANY, period....... just all of a sudden completely turned off. It just makes no sense, and although it is her right to not tell me, I find this very cruel. Everyone here knows how very difficult these types of marriages can be, and we both have really worked hard on it........ so I feel now that she has just given up and is willing to throw it all away (by not even bothering to explain her reasons). Oh well....... thanks for your input/advice! m-coon

Hi and thanks for the input. I am very much in love with her..... I love her far more than I have ever loved anyone. And I am trying not to sound (or be) insensitive. All she will tell me is that vaginal sex is just too painful, and I do not doubt that. I have tried extra lubricant to help, but she says it is still too painful. Again, I do not doubt this. I trust her and believe her. However, I have told her that I could be pacified with "holding", "kissing and hugging", and obviously "oral sex"..... but I have in no way said I was demanding the oral sex in particular. In other words just the holding, touching, hugging, kissing, etc would suffice.... yet she will not tell me why she still refuses even that. We have both gained weight, so I doubt it is the physical appearance turning her off. So do any of you have any further advice or info that may help me here? Again, she will not tell me WHY she is not willing to have any affection at all towards me. The marriage doesn't have any other problems, we are both happy (as far as I know). Thanks, m-coon

Hi Guys, My Chinese wife has not only lost intertest in sex, she is basically refusing to have any sex of any kind. She is 63 while I am 67. Sex was pretty good earlier in our marriage, but after menopause she hasn't just lost interest in it, she basically refuses all advances. It may be cruel to say but I think that there was never any real love, it was only the love of a green card. There is a large amount of inheritance monies as well involved - I'm worth a M plus. Now that she has that, she is using menopause as an excuse to avoid it completely. We all know there can be vagina pain after menopause, but she is refusing any form of sex! Any advice guys? m-coon

Hello, Been away many many years... Came back because I now have family here in the US that need to get a Florida drivers license. Does anybody know where a translated copy of the Florida drivers handbook can be obtained? Thanks, Scott

Hello All, It has been a while since I have come around. I guess with things going so well - I have not had much of a need to come here for help. But I am now in a position where I desperately need some help. Let me explain... My step-son has been scheduled for his interview in GUZ. And this is where I need some help please. Although I started out saying how things were going well for me - that is not exactly true. I had heart surgery a little over a year ago. But more importantly - I don't know if it is just growing old or perhaps early signs of alzheimer's - But I am having serious problems with sorting out all of the visa processes (mostly paperwork) and be help my step-son prepare for the interview and gather the documents he will need. My wife does not read English - so there is little she can do to help here. I am seriously considering hiring an attorney to help me complete (finish) this process - which bothers me a great deal as I hate to waste money - especially since I have done everything up to this point. However, I was thinking that perhaps there was someone here on Candle that may be able to help me finish this thing. I would certainly be happy to pay for someone just to help me with getting lists of the necessary documents, etc so he will have all that he needs at the interview. To give an example - I cannot even remember IF or WHAT I have already supplied with his application. I don't even remember sending it in so I certainly don't remember what I did actually send in - I assume the same as every other applicant. So since I can't remember what I have given them already - it is impossible for me to know what he needs to take with him to the interview. Are there any good lists IN ENGLISH that simply tell one what is normally already been submitted and then what needs to be brought to the interview? I said in English - but for my wife's sake - it would be nice to have such a list in Chinese as well. I would appreciate any help any of you can provide. Thanks, m-coon (Scott)

Hello All, It has been a very long time since I last logged into Candle......... I hope all are well. I am working on my step-sons immigration documents and have what I hope will be a simple question for someone reading this. On the new I-864A form, In part 5 of this document, it is asked to give the ELIS number of the beneficiary (my step-son)......... I have no idea what this number is or if we even have had one issued to us. It appears to be a number issued IF we have filed any electronic documents - and I do not remember if we filed anything electronically or not. The form indicates that you may skip this if you do not have such a number - but I do not want to skip it if indeed we do have the number. CAN ANYONE TELL ME IF THIS IS A NUMBER I SHOULD HAVE AND IF THERE IS ANYWAY TO CONFIRM IF WE WERE ISSUED THIS NUMBER OR NOT? If we skip it and we do indeed have one - I don't want to cause there being anymore reasons to delay this already ridiculously long process! I would certainly appreciate the help from anybody who may know something about this matter. The only numbers I seem to have are the GUZ number, an INVOICE NUMBER, and a BENEFICIARY NUMBER. I really do hate to come here only when I have questions - but unfortunately Candle appears to be the only place to get such help - short of hiring an expensive lawyer. Hoping you understand. Sincerely, Scott

Hello, I am quite curious about the "Invoice ID Number" on the latest letter from NVC. I hope someone here can shed some light on this. There are three numbers on this letter: NVC Case Number, Beneficiary Number, and the Invoice ID Number. The Invoice ID Number appears to be a BIRTHDATE - but if it is a birthdate - it is the wrong birthdate!!! Can anyone confirm if this Invoice ID Number is supposed to be the birthdate of the beneficiary, or is this just a coincidence??? Thanks So Much, Scott

Ohh, and I forgot I also need to change the beneficiaries home address as well.

Hello, It has been a long time since I have posted anything here on Candle. I have come here to try and get some "correct" information about updating addresses on both a I-130 petition...... as well as for my wife who is a green card holder living here in the states. The more I read on the USCIS - the more I get confused. Here is what I need...... Our address here in the states has changed and needs to be reported (AR-11 I assume) - But the address of the beneficiary of my wife's petition for her son (I-130) to come here, has changed as well. I have read where only the petitioner needs to change that address - but this does not seem right to me. And I have read where this can be done online - which also doesn't seem right to me either. And other proceedures that just don't seem right to me. Anyway - I am really confused and need some straight answers. Can someone please answer here or direct me to a place where I can get BOTH of these answers in plain english? Thanks for your help, Scott

Hi, I am asking this question for a friend who has met his first Chinese woman and may be serious about marrying her and trying to bring her to the States. He is a convicted felon. He served his time and is now on parole. Does anybody have any information on if this situation will cause him problems down the road in the visa process for her? And will it even affect his chance of obtaining a travel visa to go to China? Any input would be greatly appreciated. m-coon

My wife told me a story last night that I feel is worthy of sharing to you all. It seems that her brother needed to go to Guangzhou for some business, and choose to drive (instead of using other modes of transportation available to him) - which you will question WHY DID HE DO THIS, after you have read the entire story. Somewhere between his home town (Liuzhou) and Guangzhou - in a very remote area (nothing but forest, etc.) he noticed one car coming in closer to his rear bumper, as another car was also dropping back closer (slowing down) to his front bumper, to box him in between the cars. These two cars forced him to the side of the road. And at gun-point demanded both his wallet and as his passengers hand bag. They feared for their lives and did what the bad men demanded. They were not hurt. After the bad men had their personal belongings - they sped away. Her brother immediately called 911, but it didn't do much good because the bad men got away from everybody by exiting to a small roadway (they assume - because they were never seen again). Now this is the crazy part - at least I think this is the crazy part...... This was now the SECOND TIME that this had happened to her brother while driving this stretch of highway leading to Guangzhou ! ! ! ! ! My wife says this is a common occurrence on this stretch of highway leading to Guangzhou. If this is a common occurrence - why is it that the police have not caught these people yet or had enough presence in this area to ward off future potential crimes? Why are they able to pull these thefts off so easily and always get away with it? Getting back to the CRAZY PART...... Her brother told my wife that because this had happened to him once before and that he obviously knows this is a true/real threat - that he removed most of his money and important documents from his wallet before beginning the drive - just in case he got robbed again (which of course he did). He had hidden this money and other stuff somewhere else in the car. If I really suspected that this could happen to me - I would have taken other transportation to Guangzhou and then rented a car once I got there......... What would you have done? Thanks, Scott

Thanks everybody for the help..... however..... I am now withdrawing my request for help in this matter. Someone has come forward and offered to hand deliver the phone to my wifes son for me. I guess there are some nice people still around... Thanks Again, Scott

Thanks Pbatt..... I appreciate you thinking of helping me. Maybe somebody else will feel the same way. David - you should read more about Apple products being brought into China - THEY (customs) ARE EXTREMELY STRICT - And the fee charged is as much as 1000 RMB (I think I read somewhere they charge 20% of what THEY determine the value to be). Amaro... what is this post hurting? Why do you feel it is not of any value to me or any other member? Thanks, Scott

As stated by JiansuExpat - I indeed have already purchased the iPhone. I appreciate everybody’s concerns about other issues such as whether this was the wisest thing to do, but what is done is done. I bought this from a very reliable source (a good friend wanting the 4s instead of the regular 4 model) and it is indeed completely unlocked (by Apple) so its use in China is not an issue. I will not mail it there no matter what. If I have to wait until Fall and deliver it myself I will - I had really hoped that somebody here has a kind heart and is willing to do this simple task for me while they are in China. Either this thought is frightening or nobody from CFL is planning a trip to China anytime soon??? Thanks All - maybe somebody will step up to bat and do this huge favor for me. Scott

I am very trusting. I would have no problem with a stranger transporting it for me. BUT... for example - with technology the way it is nowadays, especially with the apple products - if the phone was not delivered to my wife’s son as agreed - I could electronically have the phone LOCKED and have the serial number reported as stolen - and the phone would be useless. It could not be used with any cell company after that. But I don't think anybody here would do something as crazy as agree to deliver it... and not do so. I would not consider mailing it because of several reasons - I have had at least one package sent to China never arrive - I would not pay China $125 in customs duties, especially after paying the large postal (or DHL) fees - Plus there is always the chance it will be stolen by the carrier or customs employees. Chinese people are OBSESSED with Apple products and would surely help themselves to it if they had the chance to get it. I have had things stolen from my luggage while entering China - this I have proof of - not just a feeling - it is a fact. Scott

Hi All, It seems like it has been years since I last visited Candle. I hate that it would appear that I am only here now because I need something - But I guess this sadly is pretty much accurate.......... Things have been going so well for me that I have not had a reason to come here and ask questions ! ! ! I bought a (used) iPhone 4 for my wife’s son - who is still in China. I have been told and read that China customs officers have been ordered to collect 20% of an apple products VALUE (as determined by the customs official – they don’t care that it is used, etc.) before allowing it into the country. Which puts mailing it to him completely out of the question - I'm not going to pay that much just to get it to him more quickly - I'll just wait until my next trip and give it to him then. But, because he has had some serious personal problems lately with his live-in girlfriend of five plus years........ He is just so depressed and sad - that I thought this would bring some much needed cheer into his life, if I can get it to him now. Which brings me here to you fine folks. I was wondering if anybody on CFL is planning a trip to China soon - and would be willing to take this iPhone with you on the plane and then mail it to him once you get there? I figured you could carry it on your person (as if it was your personal cell phone) but then once in the country you could wipe it down and put it back in its box and then mail it to him. He lives in Liuzhou (Guangxi) - which is in the south east. North of Guangzhou and Nanning - and to the West of Hong Kong and Shenzhen. The closest city to it would be Guilin I think - about 2 hour drive from there. I mention this only if there was somebody who would actually be in the immediate vicinity and could hand deliver it (rather than mail it) which would be ideal. Please, anybody who will be going to China soon - and would be willing to help me get this phone to her son - I would greatly appreciate it ! ! ! Thanks, Scott DuVall

Form AR-11 for the alien... Form I-865 for the sponsor. And... in our experience you'll get a receipt for the I-865 but not for the AR-11. Anyone else notice that? Good luck. So you are saying we must file one of these (ar-11) to report my wifes new address...... which I totally forgot that we had to do. And then file the other document (I-865) to go with her sons visa application??? One is for her and the other one is for her sons application? I totally forgot to report the change of address for her - had I not needed to report this for her sons application - I may have completely forgot to do it for her.... boy do I feel stupid. Makes me wonder how many other people forget that you must always do this when you move - at least until the spouse becomes a citizen? Thanks for the reply guys!!! Scott

Hi All... long time no be here. Can someone tell me what form is used to report change of address for my wife (and I) - who has a pending application for her son a visa? Thanks, Scott

AWESOME!!! Thanks very much! And thanks guys for the information concerning your teaching experiences in China.... very interesting to read of the differences in "deals" you got. My wife says Liuzhou is in dire need of native english speakers/teachers... Curious to see how it does work out when we eventually go there and I have the chance to give it a try. m-coon

Liuzhoiu I don't think my wife is exaggerating... She is not the driving force to move there - I am. She seems to have very good contacts there. I am not looking to "get rich".... I am looking for something to occupy the time I will be there. And looking to have some fun while I am there - and this is something that I will enjoy very much. m-coon

Don't know yet. Could be either. Maybe in the beginning it may be just 6 months there and 6 months here. We just bought a pretty nice house there - so we will live there in some capacity within a year or two - after the house is finished being built. We have to wait until the construction is finished before we can move there. m-coon

NO... I will be teaching/tudoring out of my home to start. Then if I like it my wife says she can get me work in one of several schools. I want to try it out first in a more casual atmosphere. I am not young anymore and may find I don't like it or it may be too much for me. I just want to try it out. My wife tells me if I really get into it the pay is outstanding and some benefits sound pretty nice. m-coon

Hello, Does anybody have a suggestion for a good english book that I can use in China when I tutor advanced english students? I want to buy the books here and take them with me to China when I go there to teach/tudor advanced english. m-coon

I'm not sure what "forms" you are talking about - but all she needs is her (valid) china passport and the green card you mentioned. m-coon

Hello All, I have been to China 4 times thus far. On every trip I have always made it a point to go to a night club at least once. Although I am a non-drinker, I have always enjoyed being in this atmosphere to watch the people and hear the music. This time I was quite disappointed in what I heard.........RAP music! I am 56 years old and grew up in the "Hippie Era", which means I naturally prefer 70's music in general. But in the past, when I would go to these clubs, I would enjoy a good mix of popular American music and popular Chinese music. It always seemed to be an even 50/50 mix of American/Chinese popular songs. This time I was shocked and disappointed to hear about 90% RAP music with a very small amount of popular Chinese music mixed in occasionally. Very disappointed indeed. Not only this - but they seemed to play a LOT of Michael Jackson's music.... plus had on stage performers who were imitating him almost the entire evening. I like MJ - so don't get me wrong - but this just seemed to be out of place there to me. Young Chinese people seem to "take" from Americans many cultural things - such as music - and this is ok. But I am quite disappointed that they are now taking the one thing that I hate so much! RAP! It made it virtually impossible for me to enjoy the evening. In fact I may not bother to go to another night club in China if this is the direction they are going. Just my opinion.... anybody care to comment on your experiences concerning night clubs, music, and young Chinese people? m-coon