How supportive are people around you ?

[warpedbored]

Something amazing happened last night. I had replied to this thread shortly earlier when my mother stopped by my house. I was thinking how lucky I am to have a wonderful woman in my life and that my family has been so accepting.

 

Several months ago, My girls apartment was broken into and one of the things taken was the engagement ring I had given her.  My mom knew Jiening was heartbroken by this and came to my home to give me a gift for her. Apparently, she has been keeping my paternal grandmother's wedding rings since my dad passed away. I have a brother, two sisters, and many cousins from that side of the family, but she seems to think he wanted me to have it. I almost cried when she said she thought Ningning should have them. It is an extraordinary gesture to help her feel like she is really part of the family.

I bet Ningning appreciates it all the more because it did come from family. When my ex-wife and I got married my mother gave me my grandmother's engagement ring to use the diamond since the gold was worn out. To me it was honoring my wife with a family heirloom. To my ex I was just being cheap cuz I didn't want to spend a months salary on a new one. She didn't give it back after we divorced though

[Phil & Ningning]

Something amazing happened last night. I had replied to this thread shortly earlier when my mother stopped by my house. I was thinking how lucky I am to have a wonderful woman in my life and that my family has been so accepting.

 

Several months ago, My girls apartment was broken into and one of the things taken was the engagement ring I had given her.  My mom knew Jiening was heartbroken by this and came to my home to give me a gift for her. Apparently, she has been keeping my paternal grandmother's wedding rings since my dad passed away. I have a brother, two sisters, and many cousins from that side of the family, but she seems to think he wanted me to have it. I almost cried when she said she thought Ningning should have them. It is an extraordinary gesture to help her feel like she is really part of the family.

I bet Ningning appreciates it all the more because it did come from family. When my ex-wife and I got married my mother gave me my grandmother's engagement ring to use the diamond since the gold was worn out. To me it was honoring my wife with a family heirloom. To my ex I was just being cheap cuz I didn't want to spend a months salary on a new one. She didn't give it back after we divorced though

When Mom gave it to me I thanked her for not doing it when I married my ex.

 

She knew.

[kfman]

My family was happy for me, my kids were very happy for me. They figured after being alone and caring for them, they wanted me to have someone to care for me (adult type caring compared to kid/parent). My mom goes with the flo and is happy for me. I work for the government, and my coworkers are all multi-races, so there was no suprise, and only congradulations.. My new inlaws were great and we got along fantastic when I met them.. and of course my wife is wonderful and open about the whole change that is about to take place in her life... I guess I could count myself as very lucky.

[Jason+Joanna]

No one has gotten the whole "Mail-Order Bride" line ? One co-worker likes to harp on that. I don't care what his opinion is. However, it is a bit annoying.

[lele]

My father and brother have been very supportive from the beginning. This makes sense to me though, since my father has always been very liberal and open on race issues: he was one of the people protesting in the 1960's for equal access for African Americans on his campus and in his home state. My brother, having been raised around my father and I also was very supportive.

 

My mother came around after she, along with my father and brother, joined my precious and I near the end of my 3rd trip to China. Then, they three of them continued to travel with her for an extra 2 weeks (I had to come back to attend my next university term). It was a great experience for them all, especially since unlike myself (who can now speak and understand enough Chinese to get by in china without any problem...except for reading!) they could not speak a word or understand a word of Chinese.

 

After hearing about her life story and seeing how closely it emulated that of my only living grandparent, my grandmother came on board. So, now the whole family that was important for the situation was on board.

 

As far as co-workers go, it has been a mixed bag. Those who are Chinese from guangdong or from hong kong or from taiwan province have been highly critical at first, constantly warning me about being possibly duped. This really frustrated me greatly. I do know that there are occasions where this has happened to people, but I have lived with her and traveled with her for many months, and I have spoken with her for so many hours. In fact, it came down to an argument with one of these people from taiwan province that basically made her realize that her own boyfriend had cheated on her, before she came around. However, people from the rest of china have been very supportive. many of them can understand now why I always am trying to talk with them in Chinese, and how I seem to be slowly improving, and why my knowledge of Chinese history and culture are important to me. In fact, many of them appreciate it greatly and always encourage me, teaching me a new word, or inviting me along with them for group food outings.

 

Many of my other co-workers who know have been mixed in their support, ranging from the "wow, you seem very lucky, yours is an amazing story of timing, open-mindedness and adventure", to those who are skeptical (usually they are prejudiced). However, since most of the people I know well trust my judgment with issues like this, they are initially on board.

 

However, there are two now ex-friends who pestered me and attacked me over this for so long. However, I am really happy to have had this happen now, since it helped me to realize that these two people are not actually friends of mine.

 

I am not sure how the remaining people around me will react to the news when they first see her, but since all of the people that I know best are now supportive of me (sometimes after some struggle), I think that it will work for the best.

 

I have also had a tough time convincing people that it is the US which is holding everything up. However, once this has been done, I have been able to even get some of my peers who are US citizens to actively vote against Bush, since in our understanding of the process, whomever heads the executive branch is the one who sets the policies that that DOS must follow, and hence the consulates over seas.

 

I am lucky to live in a liberal and open-minded place. I do worry however for those who may not be as fortunate, and would love to share ideas with you about how you can best try to explain yourself to others. Have others had problems or issues in public?

 

How have people found it to be when they travel outside of the US together with their new life-long partners?

 

Thanks all!

[awch]

Before I left to go live in China my mom said "You're not gonna marry some Chinese guy there and never come back, are you?" Well, I did find a Chinese guy to marry, but we'll be coming back. My mom and brother came to visit me in China and met Xiao Ming- they love him. My dad and step-mom haven't met him yet but have been very supportive, they are co-sponsoring him financially. I think my dad, who is very conservative, wouldn't normally be so supportive but his new wife (they got married about a year ago) has really softened him up. After all, they only knew each other for 4 months before they got married.

 

I have had people ask me, who haven't met him, are you sure he's not just trying to get a visa? But anyone who has seen us together knows how much we love each other. Other than strangers on the the street (see the thread Is she a prostitute?) everyone has been great.

[DaveR]

Like many others I had been divorced for over 10 years, and even though I dated I had not found anyone I felt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My co-workers all know I like Asian women, so they all give me a heads-up when one comes walking by. I work in a casino so I see many people of different ethnic backrounds.

 

At first my Mom was not real supportive. My MM and her have talked on the phone and e-mailed a few times to each other. So now she is very happy for us. My brother is married to a Japanese lady, so he is real supportive. My Mom even said "I don't know what it is about you and your brother and Oriental women", when I first told her. All my sisters are very happy for us.

 

My friends and co-workers are all supportive. I get asked when will she come over, and I have to explain how slow our government is. At work one man who has already married a lady from the Phillipines, and another has met his fiancee from Vietnam. So I am not the only one going through the process.

[warpedbored]

No one has gotten the whole "Mail-Order Bride" line ? One co-worker likes to harp on that. I don't care what his opinion is. However, it is a bit annoying.

Oh I have gotten this one a couple of times. I really really hate that. The first time was from a customer in our store. I was talking with a co-worker about my upcoming marriage and the customer asked me about it. I told him I was marrying a woman from China and he says "oh a mail order bride." I had to walk away to keep from saying something that could get me in trouble. The second time was from an old friend of mine I hadn't talked to in a while. He said "Oh yeah I heard you were getting married again, mail order bride right?" I really went off on him since I find such comments very offensive. He hasn't said it since but I definitely feel colder towards him now.

[sylinchinastill]

My friends and family were really cool about it- but I never asked their opinion because it wouldn't have mattered to me anyway. My parents were really accepting- I think they have met so many of my boyfriends that were all so different- and they were ready for me to do something different. Also, Hengli is so grounded- and I think they like that.

[mtbdude]

No one has gotten the whole "Mail-Order Bride" line ? One co-worker likes to harp on that. I don't care what his opinion is. However, it is a bit annoying.

he is obviously a clod, jason.

[mtbdude]

No one has gotten the whole "Mail-Order Bride" line ? One co-worker likes to harp on that. I don't care what his opinion is. However, it is a bit annoying.

Oh I have gotten this one a couple of times. I really really hate that. The first time was from a customer in our store. I was talking with a co-worker about my upcoming marriage and the customer asked me about it. I told him I was marrying a woman from China and he says "oh a mail order bride." I had to walk away to keep from saying something that could get me in trouble. The second time was from an old friend of mine I hadn't talked to in a while. He said "Oh yeah I heard you were getting married again, mail order bride right?" I really went off on him since I find such comments very offensive. He hasn't said it since but I definitely feel colder towards him now.

i haven't heard anything like that, carl. i'm glad too, because i try hard to restrain myself from violence. i know my response would begin with f and end with u.

 

everyone has been so supportive, like james says, at least to my face, and i don't really care beyond that. when they ask how we met, and i say online, i can see the facial twitches as they say, "oh that's nice." kinda cracks me up.

 

all of my co-workers are constantly asking me when she's coming. today in the hospital where i work every other weekend the nurses were all so happy to hear it when i told them that i'm leaving next sunday to bring her here.

 

my family already love her. when i had my little crash and burn in march of 2003, yan sent me an email every day for a month, even though she knew i couldn't reply, until i was finally able to call her. my sister and yan zi corresponded several times a week with updates on my condition. during the first week, when my future was totally uncertain, my ex-wife stopped by the hospital to opine that with my burnt face i would be better off dead, and wondered "what will happen to that big house," just before the crocodile tears came gushing out. the contrast with yan's loyalty and fervent desire that i would survive could not have been more stark.

[cosmiclobster]

My mom had the initial look of shock when I told her I was planning on marrying a Chinese lady. I would of thought that it wouldn't have been such a shock since my brother had done the same thing!! But after telling her my reasons, and telling her that my chances of having this marriage work out are a lot greater than the last one, AND after telling her that she can expect a grandchild in the near future, she came around and was genuinely happy for me. The rest of my family is totally supportive and my co workers have no problem with it.

[wolffjw]

I've already replied once, but I was thinking, especially with so many replies on this subject, that this might actually be a good topic for the Polls page.

 

-jim and Ningning

[tonymasiello]

I've got some wonderful support from my family and friends. When I told my Mom that Quan's family would have an engagement celebration for us in China, my Mom made plans to travel there with me so she could attend. Many other family members are very excited to meet her.

 

My Dad's attitudes have always been somewhat racist. He has one friend that he seems to have disowned because he married a black woman. I tried to talk to him about it, tell him that this woman must bring great joy to his friend. When I told my Dad I was making a trip to China the first time, he asked me what the f- did I want to go there for. And yet, he seems quite pleased that I got engaged and quite keen to meet Quan. I believe he will really like her when he meets her in person.

 

Most of my co-workers have been quite accepting of my relationship. No one has said anything demeaning to me directly. Some people just never mention anything about her. If the are having demeaning thoughts, I suppose it is best that they stay silent.

[Dianaqiu]

Well, some of my husband's friends were worried about him when they first knew that he's in love with a Chinese girl. Their 1st question was:"Are you sure she's not just marring you for greencard?...What if she left you after the 2 years?..." They're being proctective and my husband understood ofcourse. He always answered:"Well, if she's just with me for the greencard then at least i can still get 2 years' loving life..." Now he always jokes:"You know what?Actually her family is richer than me so..."

When my husband told me about these i always said to him:"Well,on the other side,my parents and friends are worried about that you're taking me to the U.S to put me work in some slave shop..."

hehe,people are silly sometimes. We know that and we can care less:-)