The Chinese Dowry

[RLS]

I'm just wondering how many of you have had to deal with paying money to your SO's parents? Did they want both money and "gold" gifts? I know this is Chinese culture, but where does one draw the line? Obviously I'm going through this right now. Thanks

[dnoblett]

$500 to Mum as a gift, went to bank and got 5 C-Notes to give as gift.

[tonado]

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...06&hl=dowry

[tonado]

I believe I gave $2888 and some money for roast pig and shoes for the younger brother.

[pkfops]

I gave $999 to my mother in law (I was told $999 was good).

 

Also I gave $500 to the sisters.

 

Check with your SO.

Edited May 29, 2007 by pkfops (see edit history)

[notrevorich]

I gave $999 to my mother in law (I was told $999 was good).

 

Also I gave $500 to the sisters.

 

Check with your SO.

I think I paid virually none ,

I originally gave 999 but somehow the SO was given the money back .

i wanted to give the SO's house to her parents -it is nicer then their home ,but Nope they did not want it so the SO sold it .

We still plan to bring them to the USA for a visit and they are very Keen on that idea .

These parents are truely wonderful people , they took care of the SO's child for 4 years while she was going to College , they have taken care of their other grand children as well .

[IllinoisDave]

I'm wondering if this is a geographical thing? My SO's from Shanghai and there's never been any mention of anything like this. Her father passed a few months before we met.

 

Now I'm wondering if I should offer to give her Mum something? What kind of experience do others with Shanghai SOs have?

[Rakkasan]

There has never been any mention of "a gift" to her parents. I think her family feels that because she was divorced her chances of being married ever again in China were very slim and they are now happy that she has found someone that cares about her and will take care of her.

 

On my most recent trip where I brought my mother along to meet her family, I was asked several time by different family members if my mother approved of Zhen for me to marry. Apparently they have no grap of American culture since we generally don't need our parents approval for anything. We may ask their opion, but we still do as we like. Besides, if my mother didn't approve of Zhen she would just miss out on numerous dinner invitations.

[tonado]

http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/betrothal.html

 

http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/chinese-dowry.html

[bosco]

No such gift was ever mentioned to me either. She certainly made certain we gave each of the children a generous red envelope at Spring Festival, and she let me know that she'd borrowed some money from her sisters that she wasn't shy about asking me to pay (less than $100). So I doubt very much that any kind of "dowry" to her parents is traditional in Shenyang.

 

I did have to buy her the traditional 3 pieces of gold after which her parents gave me one piece of gold to signify their acceptance of me into the family. So again, it doesn't seem to have been a case of tradition not being important to Ling.

[warpedbored]

Considering that there are 56 officially recognized ethnic minority groups in the PRC you will find a wide variety of marriage customs. Also if it is the second marriage for your sweetheart it may very well be very low key. Let your sweetheart tell you what is expected of you. As for gifts you can never go wrong with a few crisp new Ben Franklins in a red envelope.

[shaffej7070]

My new mom never discussed a dowry, but I also gave her a few hundred bucks before I left on the first visit. I also send money each month to cover her meds and other expenses since she has numerous health problems. It's the loving thing to do for family. She really takes good care of me on each visit and truly is a mother to me.

Edited May 30, 2007 by yimi386 (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

No gift ... no dowry ... no problem.

 

We did give a great wedding party after we got the K1 and before we left China ... nice hotel, lunch and dinner ... but with all the "red envelopes" we more than broke even.

 

Now, almost one year later, everyone is happy and thought the whole thing went very well.

[esun41]

I never gave her mother any "gift"

 

We send her money each month.

[Urkidding]

I did not give anything... But it seems that everytime we visit them we leave our "Extra" money there for them!