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Showing results for tags 'Dowry'.
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Hello, recently I have been reading about the Chinese word tuhao and how it is used. I guess a rough explaination is the flashy and/or the odd spending of money by the Chinese's nouveau riche. There was a story about the a man paying his bride-to-be's family a huge sum. I read the story this week on BBC's website. In my book a huge huge sum. It was an interesting blend of something old and something new. Old tradition and new money. Here is the link to the story: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-24936915 http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/71107000/jpg/_71107431_109076069.jpg In the story it said that: "Eighteen porters were reportedly hired to transport the cash." WoW!! Danb
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Now that I successfully completed the visa process, I have been helping several friends with advice here and in China.... One that is stumping me is that one fiancee is telling my friend that it is Chinese tradition/custom to send the mother money due to marrying her daughter. She suggests for $3,000 for ma ma and another $2,000 for her before she comes here (basically play money for her). My thought is that this stinks. What should I be thinking/tell him? I am at a loss here and do not even know what to say or suggest to him.
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This is probably a peculiar question to ask folks, but I wanted to both share and inquire about other people's situation. My wife's parents wanted a dowry "offering" upon our marriage. I was both shocked and perplexed at this because: 1) I thought the brides family gave the groom money 2) I am appalled at the idea of "paying off" for a bride and 3) THe monetary amounts were a little high by chinese standards. This caused a big conflict with us when she popped this question to me over our daily phone calls, as i vehemently expressed my concern. The matter wasn't really related to her, but it was custom requested by her family who is more from the countryside (if you can call a city of 4 million + the "country"). In the end I found some intriguing facts: a) Dowrys in the old ways are almost expected ( eg. Her brother couldn't marry his girlfriend also because he couldn't get sufficent dowry "offering" to the inlaws so they broke up after 4 years of living together and dating!) b) It wasn't so much the money, but the respect to the wifes family that matters most (other people will definitely inquire) c) More modern and rich families don't do it anymore, but older poorer dependent families do because the girl was usual an integral source of family income I finally obliged at our cermonial wedding and gave her parents a decent amount, not because i believed in the tradition, but rather because i felt like i was giving it to my family to support them and also to show them i can take care of their daughter. So what are your experiences?
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I'm just wondering how many of you have had to deal with paying money to your SO's parents? Did they want both money and "gold" gifts? I know this is Chinese culture, but where does one draw the line? Obviously I'm going through this right now. Thanks
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Hellow good people. My fiance lives here in Jiang Xi Province. Just North of Guangdong Province. She lives 40 kilometers from the city of GanZhou. We are planning to get married there in March. She ask me if I would or could give her Mother (her father is deceased) 3000 U.S dollars to cover expenses for the reception or "Marrage Party". I was a bit taken back. I wasn't expecting to spend that much on top of all the other expenses. Others have told me that even a Marrage bbanquet for 55 people in China can cost as little as 300 U.S dollars. I was wondering how this sounded to anyone else out there. Maybe it is a custom to give a parent some money for the hand of her daughter in this Province or area? Also when I was in Southern China last Nov. I bought her an expensive engagement ring. I was sort of kicking myself for that because later I found out diamonds and such are MORE in China. But I was thinking maybe she is basing how much money to ask me for based on what I put out for that ring or something? Well just wondering if anyone hsd some thoughts on that. Thank you-----Ben S.
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On 001 forum, a Chinese woman said she has never asked for money from her American husband,and her husband has never sent her a penny,even when her husband visisted her in China she paid everything for her husband, when she needed to buy something,her husband always said she didn't need anything.And now she has financial problem, she told her husband about it,her husband refused to talk about it and refused to give money, her husband always says I love you to her,but now she is confused: where is the love? Earlier I read a post here on candle for love.It was about a husband getting really upset by his wife asking for more money. Because she sometimes gets together with sisters from 001 and they compare how much money they get from their husband. And she said her husband gave her only 150USD each month and other wives got more. This wife asking for more money is not surprising for me, what surprised me is so many American husbands here said they saw a big red flag and even accused his wife of asking for money,and asked this guy to be careful with his wife, and said his wife only cared about money and some even said :dump her. God!!For me,a wife asking for money from a husband is normal,there is nothing wrong with it,I DIDNOT see a red flag. It is not good to compare your husband with others' ,your husband should always be the best for you. BUT,what is wrong for a husband to support the wife financially especially when the wife doesn't work?? It's not your responsibility to support a woman financially if you are not married with her,but once you are married with her,she is your wife and your responsibility for a lifetime. I am surprised so many American husbands think the same way about money. I know some of you guys here send money to your wife each month. From you guys' replies to the complaining husband,it seems to me you guys think a wife should not ask for money from a husband, a husband should not take care of the wife financially? Did I get you wrong? Maybe there is cultural difference in it? We hear in USA,even husband and wife go dutch,is it true? Because in USA,everybody has to be independent. In China it is not acceptable that husband and wife go dutch. My husband is American too,but he is more Chinese than Chinese. He always says it is his responsibility to take care of me, he doesn't allow me to work,he says he will take good care of me forever,and he says I should not worry about life, he wants me to enjoy life,no matter what I need to buy, he will buy for me even it is expensive. He wants me to depend my whole life on him, and he devotes his whole life to me.To be honest,he gives me at least 500USD every month, and when I need to buy something expensive, he will even give more. He always gives me money without me asking. I didn't see anything wrong with a wife asking for money. You guys think if a wife asks for money then she is not a good wife. I think husband and wife should share everything in life, your money is not your wife's money?? the money you work hard for is not for giving a good life to your wife? My husband says I am the reason for him to work hard. A husband and wife should share all the ups and downs ,all the good things and bad things.I am sure when you are in trouble,your wife is the first to reach out her hand for you. When you have financial problem, your wife will give her money to help you without hesitation. You take care of your wife,your wife takes care of you,it is mutual. As for the complaining wife on 001,How can a husband allow his wife to pay for him all the time when he come visit? Did he marry a woman to support him financially?And when his wife is in trouble he doesn't want to support her? Where is the love? Love is not only saying I love you everyday, LOVE is action.
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My mother-in-law has lost "Face".
lao_po_in_shenzhen posted a topic in Culture & Language Discussion
It all started 4 months ago when I met a Chinese woman in a chat room. We talked for hours about Chinese culture. This woman was unlike any woman I have ever met in my entire life. After a couple weeks of talking on the phone and chatting on line for hours each day, I knew this was the woman I have been waiting for. I flew to china, met her at the airport and married her that same day! I spent 26 days in China. My wife and I traveled to Beijing, Hong Kong, and her home town of Shenzhen. This was an experience of a life time. Everything my wife told me prior to marriage was true. I now know that I made the best decision of my life. A few days before I returned to the USA my wife told me about a strict tradition in China. This tradition requires the son-in-law to pay the mother-in-law for the right to marry her daughter. I could have paid her mother the money immediatly but instead I followed my original plan and I purchased a diamond ring for my wife. Now I am back in the USA, my wife in china tells me that her mother has lost face because I have not paid her mother the 30,000RMB gift. I was saving to return to china to visit her in a couple months. Now I don't know if I dare show up without first paying up. Any similar experiences? -
Cory is coming to meet my parents in early Sep. We are wondering what kind of gift he can present to my parents. The 1st impression is very important and We both want to please my parents. I am the only child of my family and my parents are very traditional Chinese ppl. I suppose they don't want me to marry to someone outside GZ. I told mom about Cory but mom had doubt on him, saying that foreigners are not very trustworthy. Tough task!
