001 Digest, today and yesterday

[jasonzzzz]

Woman 1

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Zhijun, received EMS last Friday, got her F3 visa on 26th.

 

“The EMS notice informed me to pick up my visa at 11:30AM. When I got the consular at 9AM, a 300 – 400 line had already formed. The total number of people to pick up their visa was about 400-500. Many had interviewed in August, some with interview in each month 9,10,11, 12, 1 and 2, even some in previous day. Included all kinds of visa. It seemed that family-based visa dominated. I waited in line for 2 hours, submitted some materials and got a notice in the morning. I went back to get my visa.”

 

 

Woman 2

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Loriz, married and has living with her husband in USA for 3 years. Her father is visiting them.

 

“Again, my GG is mad at me. He is angry because I told my father his financial situation. I think that my father asked me about it for just caring about me.”

 

“Why did you tell you GG that your father knew his finance,” a girl advised.

 

“By accident. My GG wanted to hire somebody to take bath for his dog. I told him that we need to save money for buying our own house, and that my daddy wanted his to improve money management skills. Then he knew and became angry”

 

“You should tell him that your father just want to help…”

 

“The culture difference is killing me. Even I have lived in USA for 3 years …”

 

 

Woman 3

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Joyann, trying to find her love in internet.

 

“I meet an American man 6 years ago through internet. We chatted every day. He mailed me his pictures, very healthy and handsome. Gradually, I felt that I fell in love with him, and he said that he loved me too. He told me that he wanted to petition for k1 visa for me 2 month ago, and asked me for all personal information and pictures. I did what he told me, and also some sexy, very private pictures of me to him as his request.

 

Yesterday, he told that all information about him were not true. He is disabled, has been in wheelchair for 18 years. His real age is 11 years older than what he told me before. But he said that he loves me. What should I do?”

 

“Ask him to come to visit you. Two persons have to meet together physically for k1 visa petition,” one girl suggested.

 

“I received another letter. He said that he is a matchmaker, making his living by matching Chinese girls to old American men.”

[lori&dave]

Hi jason,

 

Thanks for doing those translation works fm 001, I am the woman 2--loriz, however there are several major mistakes in ur translation.

 

I'm a K1 applicant who has been working for American company for 3 years insteady of "married, living in US for 3 years".

 

However I appreciate ur efforts for all the K1 applicants and I am happy we have a team here!

 

I'm in Shanghai, waiting for my P4 (NOA2 on Dec.26,2002, P3 on Feb.17,2003), going to Fremont, CA.

[Guest bbridges51]

Hi Lori,

 

I'm Brian. My SuJuan lives in Nanjing and she'll be moving here to Modesto on March 8th. (Modesto is about one hour 15 minutes from Fremont.)

 

Brian

[tonado]

Hi jason,

 

Thanks for doing those translation works fm 001, I am the woman 2--loriz, however there are several major mistakes in ur translation.

 

I'm a K1 applicant who has been working for American company for 3 years insteady of "married, living in US for 3 years".

 

However I appreciate ur efforts for all the K1 applicants and I am happy we have a team here!

 

I'm in Shanghai, waiting for my P4 (NOA2 on Dec.26,2002, P3 on Feb.17,2003), going to Fremont, CA.

Lori,

 

That makes more sense. Welcome to Candle.

[floyd]

I know I would be pretty mad to have my finances discussed with my in-laws also.

 

For woman #3, it seems amazing that it would take six years this to have happened.

[owenkrout]

Big cultural matter here fellows. Finances are an open topic in China, especially with other family. Everybody feels free to ask about how much money you make and expects an answer. Your gal would be causing her father to lose face if she would not discuss such things with him.

 

I know, I know, it is a touchy point to Americans. Let's remember though that this whole cultural adjustment is a two way street. Being part of a Chinese family and that is what you are doing, means that you will be the target of a lot of questions about things that you normally don't discuss with anyone.

 

This is just one of the many points on which your very different cultures are going to clash. Part of a mature relationship is being able to work out the compromises that are needed and to decide who is going to have to adopt the new culture at which times. Complex? You bet'cha. But real openness here can strengthen your relationship.

 

I had to go through detailed "interviews" about me personally, including my finances with key family members before our marriage could be "approved". Not a Western concept, but it made her happy to do things according to her traditions. It was just the beginning of the long process of adapting to each other. Somethings are done by her culture, some by mine. That is the way it has to be for a marriage to work.

 

Sermon ended. Ushers will now take up the offering.

[lori&dave]

Thanks, Owen. It does make sense in my case. I was so frustrated that I don;t know how to deal with the culture gap btw my dad and my honey since I myself just started to overcome the gap btw me and Dave. While my family is a very traditional one and dad wanna know every detail btw us, for example" how is ur relationship going? he still writes to u everyday?""When u are going to have kids?" hahaha.

[danswayne]

I agree with Owen totally on this one. I know being the kid I am and this being the first time I got married (with God's help last time also) that some of you might not really listen to this when I say it but here it goes anyway. Having lived in China almost 3 years, I have changed in thousands of different ways, I am still a pig headed stubborn Tennessean though. I even lived with her family for half a year, before we got married, she is so nice she gave up her bedroom just for me. Her family got to know me very good during that time, and I got to know them pretty good also. Some things were a little rougher than others while some were a breeze. I can tell you there are big differences, but they show up in many small instances that could build up if you don't watch out. I have no reservations at all about the two of us because we are so close now, as for all you other guys waiting, with your pants down as R2 so eloquenty put it before, or was it up? Please have patience and let the girls know that you are ready to change, since they are going through so many humongous changes just for you.

[Guest R2D2]

Big cultural matter here fellows.  Finances are an open topic in China, especially with other family.  Everybody feels free to ask about how much money you make and expects an answer.  Your gal would be causing her father to lose face if she would not discuss such things with him.

 

I know, I know, it is a touchy point to Americans.  Let's remember though that this whole cultural adjustment is a two way street.  Being part of a Chinese family and that is what you are doing, means that you will be the target of a lot of questions about things that you normally don't discuss with anyone. 

 

This is just one of the many points on which your very different cultures are going to clash.  Part of a mature relationship is being able to work out the compromises that are needed and to decide who is going to have to adopt the new culture at which times.  Complex?  You bet'cha.  But real openness here can strengthen your relationship. 

 

I had to go through detailed "interviews" about me personally, including my finances with key family members before our marriage could be  "approved".  Not a Western concept, but it made her happy to do things according to her traditions.  It was just the beginning of the long process of adapting to each other.  Somethings are done by her culture, some by mine.  That is the way it has to be for a marriage to work.

 

Sermon ended.  Ushers will now take up the offering.

Thank you very much for explaining that point to me, Owen. This is something that has been troubling me for the past few weeks and now can begin to understand.

[Guest R2D2]

Thank you too, Dan. I am learning so much during my nightly tinkle break. The pants-depends if you young guys have to think or not!

[floyd]

Well, she already knows I guard my privacy in some areas. I do not tell anyone all of my finances and such. We already had some of this converstaion before, and she currently claims that she does not even want to know about them. If she does now ask about them she also knows she is not to tell others, so if she then tells someone she is breaking her word. This has made some things harder, as now I have started to put together a 'emergency' envelope, that would tell her what to do to be able to keep paying the mortgage and such if I was in a coma or worse. I figure at least the first year she needs enough insurance on me to be able to pay off the house and live without working, even if she would then probably head back to China.

 

As for being interviewed by her family, I have doubts I will ever meet them, and even if I did I would not be able to talk to them.

[jasonzzzz]

Lori, my apology for incorrect info about you. In your original message, I only saw that you have been working for a US company for 3 years and I took a liberty in adding missing information to make a story a little complete.

 

It was a typo for woman #3. They met 6 months ago, not "6 years".

[bobmal99]

oops, excuse me if there is someone on this site who is "PERFECT" please let me know. The rest of us will just continue to make honest though well intentioned mistakes!!!

[kkimm]

Well,  she already knows I guard my privacy in some areas.  I do not tell anyone  all of my finances and such.   We already had some of this converstaion before, and she currently claims that she does not even want to know about them.  If she does now ask about them she also knows she is not to tell others, so if she then tells someone she is breaking her word.  This has made some things harder,  as now I have started to put together a 'emergency' envelope, that would tell her what to do to be able to keep paying the mortgage and such if I was in a coma or worse.  I figure at least the first year she needs enough insurance on me to be able to pay off the house and live without working,  even if she would then probably head back to China.

 

As for being interviewed by her family,  I have doubts I will ever meet them, and even if I did I would not be able to talk to them.

 

an mutual understanding is very important and that would build a solid foundation for any relationship.

 

As Owen said, in China, money and salary is an open topic, for an example if in China one person meets his long-time-no-see high schoool classmates on the street, a possible conversation would probably go like this, which is unbelievable in the US:

 

Where do you work now?

XXXXX

How much do you make each month?

XXXXX

 

This is very common. You don't have to be exact, but they are expecting an direct answer.

[chinadave2001]

I found this thread very interesting and would love to see more like it. My computer times out every time I try to access 001 - Thanks!

dave