phantom1949

Phanthom, Try this link I did a while back. Goes into face, Chinese family and fiancee/wife, etc, etc. http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=12659&hl= BTW, I added this as an afterthought. My marriage anniversary is December 25th. Yin gets Chistmas and anniversary gifts at the same time. LOL! It is also hard to forget when your anniversary is too! Dave Well Happy Anniversay (almost)!!!! I realize that since you are married you probably give her the paycheck, but when you met her family for the first time, did you bring presents?????

So the holidays are coming and I bought my SO some presents. I bought her some nive skin care porducts (these were recommended to me by a member here), and I bought her a very nice watch (OOP's as I found out). I am not sending the watch but it brought to mind what are good presents to send or bring and what presents should I definitely stay away from? I believe I also read that you give the presents in even numbers/. Is this correct??? So what are your thoughts??? This is cultural and I want to get it right. I think I read that pastels and brighter colors (ie red's and pinks) are great but stay away from blacks. If I am wrong please tell me so I do not make a mistake here. Also when I fly to China, Nicole wants me to meet her family and I do not want to make a bad impression. What to get her Mother? What to get her Father? What about sisters and brothers? How much of the extended family doyou buy for it any? Is there a problem getting presents through customs in China? Bringing presents to China, can they be wrapped or should I leave them unwrapped and wrap them there?? What else do I need to know? I appreciate your insight. Thanks all!!!

Great topic. Something to plan and be ready for.

I know, I use Skype quite often with DSL. but using VOIP as your regular phone service is quite different. I haven't been able to get a definite answer from the phone company(bellsouth). It is my understanding you need cable to use one of the phone services like Vonage. I use directtv, not cable Your correct. To use Vonage you need high speed Cable. The only time I have trouble with Vonage it is not the Vonage but the cable Company (TWC) doing something. Does anyone know, If I were to switch to one of these VIOP services that work in China, would I be abel to use my Lynksys Router that I now use with Vonage??? Sorry for the misspelling. I have a lynksys router and it works fine with Ibtalk... I/Btalk and Vonage both use a linksys voip box.... why not just transfer to ibtalk, it is cool... my wife calls me from her cell and her home phone and it is free. I guess she does have to pay for her cell phone usage, but not long distance because they call a china number, not your home number. Additionally, my wife went to Nanning from Behai last week and I called her and she called me also and the reception was fine, just like a regular phone. Well the lady I am talking to just gave me her address but has not given me her phone number. When we get to the number, I will look at IBTalk. Thanks for the info. Just go to http://italkbb.com and do some reading. Italk is in cahoots with China Telecom and have a sweetheart deal. The chinese government is working against VOIP providers, except italk. Dan R put a bunch of us onto it and frankly I think it is great. It is the only phone I have in the house. My wife can call China for free as well as her friend in Belgium who just moved to Australia. IT FREE! She also has a local China phone number that her family can call - as a local call - and get to us anytime. Ask Vonage if they can do the same. Oh, I agree with you. When it gets to the point where we are calling each other I will go Italk. But for now.....

I know, I use Skype quite often with DSL. but using VOIP as your regular phone service is quite different. I haven't been able to get a definite answer from the phone company(bellsouth). It is my understanding you need cable to use one of the phone services like Vonage. I use directtv, not cable Your correct. To use Vonage you need high speed Cable. The only time I have trouble with Vonage it is not the Vonage but the cable Company (TWC) doing something. Does anyone know, If I were to switch to one of these VIOP services that work in China, would I be abel to use my Lynksys Router that I now use with Vonage??? Sorry for the misspelling. I have a lynksys router and it works fine with Ibtalk... I/Btalk and Vonage both use a linksys voip box.... why not just transfer to ibtalk, it is cool... my wife calls me from her cell and her home phone and it is free. I guess she does have to pay for her cell phone usage, but not long distance because they call a china number, not your home number. Additionally, my wife went to Nanning from Behai last week and I called her and she called me also and the reception was fine, just like a regular phone. Well the lady I am talking to just gave me her address but has not given me her phone number. When we get to the number, I will look at IBTalk. Thanks for the info.

Well all I can do is wish you good luck. I have been there and divorce is painful and there is no way around it.

Well asking the question is really getting ahead of ourselves. But I always like to plan. Thanks. Lawrence

My SO currently owns her own apartment in China. If/when we get married and she lives in the USA as a foreign national, I assume she can still own her apartment. If I am wrong, please let me know. But what happens in a few years down the road she decides to become an American Citizen. If she does would she be allowed to continue to own her own apartment or would she have to sell it??? Any thoughts or insights???

They offered to reduce the increase if I signed up for cable... I won't... I only wanted it for the internet... it is my only choice for internet. You may want to look into Earthlink. Earthlink does not have calbe itself but you can sign up for high speed Cable with Earthlink. I did and ended up with Time Warner Cable but when signing up thorugh earthling, you get a discount. Everything for me now is TWC, but I pay the lower Earthlink monthly price.

I know, I use Skype quite often with DSL. but using VOIP as your regular phone service is quite different. I haven't been able to get a definite answer from the phone company(bellsouth). It is my understanding you need cable to use one of the phone services like Vonage. I use directtv, not cable Your correct. To use Vonage you need high speed Cable. The only time I have trouble with Vonage it is not the Vonage but the cable Company (TWC) doing something. Does anyone know, If I were to switch to one of these VIOP services that work in China, would I be abel to use my Lynksys Router that I now use with Vonage??? Sorry for the misspelling.

Wow, I'm right behind ya Dan! I have Voneage but I'm getting ready to switch to iTalk and also get KylinTV. We can guinea pig together... hehehe. My wife is in Beijing and coveting that china phone number so she can call me anytime and keep track of me. What is KylinTV????

I have Voneage, which I have been very successful with for over a year. But I still often have $60-$75 phone bills from calling China. Before Voneage, my bills were $200-300! But I just looked over that iTalkBB service and I think it looks very good. I will probably try it. I like that it gives you a Chinese number so your SO can call you for free. It will cost you 2 cents per minute but that is nothing. I pay 6 cents with Voneage when I call her and she must call me regular long distance. This way, I can call her for free and she can call me free to her and 2 cents a minute charged to me. I know she will like that. You can also have her calls forwarded to your work phone while you are at work. What do you think? 194869[/snapback] I also have Vonage, but recommend you not call direct to China unless you've picked a number that is local for your SO in China. Online calling card companies like onesuite and dynasky offer rates at or about two cents a minute.... Does Vonage allow you to pick a numbe rin China??? I have Vonage and it works good as long as yo do not need service. But I thought it was only the Northern US continent and Europe. If they added China, that would be great. Also if Vonage is in China doesn't your SO need to have broadband????

My SO and I are in the early stages but everything said here shows how it is in their culture. When you see this, it really makes you think.

Hopefully

She has a college degree and is a CPA. Her Chinese husband cheated on her and she dovorced him, and she then married an American in China who wrote her afterwards and told her he went back with his old girlfriend and sent her divorce papers. So I guess we could stereo type both ways. On the other hand I was married back in 2000 to a wonderful women form Cambodia. She was a naturalized American living in LA and said she wanted a relationship where her husband did not cheat on her. Now while I never did and was very much in love with her, I made the mistake of thinking that since she wanted me to be faithful, that she would be. Turns out her logic in life was that she could cheat on me as long as she kept it a secret. But she was not that good at keeping a secret. So, seriously, I think Nicole has trust issues, but then so do I. I read an article that said to be careful of the Beijing women......and lets not even get started on Nanning. We all talk to a stranger on the internet hoping for the best but we are taking a risk. Unless you can spend a year being with and getting to know someone, anything long distance is a risk and you hope for the best. There is a post here about one guy whose wife 2-3 months after her getting a green card wants a divorce and seems pretty nasty. When I was dating the woman I married back in 2000, it was so wonderful. We talked every day for hours on the telephone, and wrote e-mails and IM'd each other and visited each other for weeks at a time. Yet while she seemed sincere, it was all a game to her. I loved her deeply but the hurt of her needing other men was greater then the love. It lasted 15 months and breaking up with her was the hardest thing I ever did. I read e-mails that were sent to me or posts on this site about being careful about this or that. AND WE ALL NEED TO BE Careful. But not blind. One person said what I was feeling was akin to a combination of puppy love and maybe more. And I think he is right. We Nicole and I meet, I want it to be magical (the puppy love syndrom) but by spending time together and talking and getting to know each other, and trying to keep my head on straight, I will anaylze and also hope for the best. None of us, whether American or Chinese want to get hurt. But there is no magic test or pill or potion to say who is sincere and who is playing games. I reflect back on my prior relationships in the dating stage and there were always signs (that I ignored). I will look for and not ignore them this time. But having said that, it does not mean that I am not optimistic. If I am wrong, let me know........

Well, Iwas going to answer the Stereo type question, but first, I livedin Florida for about 14 years. And in Miami, it may not be a stereo type. Althought I can say the same thing about LA. There are exceptions to the rule, but in general, they are great places to have FUN but not to find a serious relationship......... On the other hand, when I lived in Orlando, we did have Minnie Mouse......

Rawknee What is the VJ site you were referring to? We seem to have similar backgrounds. I will probably wirting alot when I ge tready to go to China. Thanks for all your insight. Lawrence

thanks!!!

Be careful!!! I could be wrong, but it is my understanding that starting in January you will need a passport to return from any country including Canada and Mexico

Sounds like you have the experience. OK for the newbie here, what are the RFE;s and NOA2????

This can be difficult to know early on. If I had to state the general eastern approach, I would say: Love is 'arrived' at more than it is 'found'... You will know it better in 5 years than in 5 months... Other priorities are often more important... Divorced chinese woman over 40 can be even tougher... True.. but still easier to walk away from it. Just realized that the visa expects her intention is to immigrate/marry, not 'test any Joe'. Your probably not going to win her over with western romanticism.. better read up some more !! I'm going to say she is more interested in a secure relationship first. Careful of reading too much into it. Sometimes they can be very indirect. All I read is that she doesn't want to give you her address; I don't extrapolate that [yet] to altruism on her part. I see subtle issues you are 'putting on her' she maybe doesn't want; and normally wouldn't occur by her cultural standards... That she is taking it slower should be a good sign; but continually having to create distance for herself means she may not be comfortable with some things... Everything you said makes sense - I'm still learning. Thanks for the insight.

Oo now Lawrence your Topic is NOT the first one to be hijack and it want be the last one either. So don't feel so unlucky You know what they say "Lifes a Beach" Bobby.... Bobby: I was only kidding and I think they spell Beach differently in that expression.

I think my post has been hijaked..... Now back to the topic!!

Phantom, I'd like to urge that you proceed with caution. I'm sensing red flag alerts from reading the above. The fact that she has already married an American before and is wanting to do it again after she was completely humiliated with the previous experience doesn't sound positive to me. Her loss of face after her divorce to the American is enormous and can't be overstated. And add the fact that she wants to go the K-1 route this time, it sounds to me like she may just want entry to the US. She wasn't able to achieve it last time with getting married in China first, this time she wants to try getting to the US before getting married. While she may be quite sincere with this relationship, I just want to urge caution. For her to lose face once before and want to try it again is extremely unusual for a Chinese person, unless she has ulterior motives. Conduct plenty of due diligence and best wishes going forward. I had the exact same feeling on the exact same text.. and decided not to mention it.. but you really need to just meet her and keep the head at the forefront of what you see and keep the heart under guard a little... but since an astute comment has been made.. I'll second it. I really appreciate everyone's comments. It is not rushing the process, but finding true love that matters to me and I think Nicole. Since these posts on Caution, I have been reading chinese vs american culture and life styles, etc. Trying to understand what I feel and what Nicole is saying. I have read her last e-mail to me a dozen times. We can read something and interpret things different ways. I do not know when she had the experience with the American (now recent), but I have read that a Chinese woman over 40 has few prospects for marriage in China and that may be part of her motivation to try again. When I re-read her last e-mail to me, what I heard was that he K1 process would allow us to spend more time together and really get to know each other, rather then rushing into a marriage. And unless I am wrong, the K1 process bring her to the USA and if we do not get married then she has to go back (Which I would think is as much an enbarrassment). She had a failed marriage early on with a Chinese gentlemen who cheated on her and then now the American experience. She speaks of our knowing each other. When I would write and tell her she is beautiful, she would respond that she is looking for the beauty inside not outside. I also think Nicole talking about the K1 route, may be in part because of my probing quesitons and her wondering if I am the man for her??? I hope I did not blow it here!!!! I have found her to be caring, wise, smart and very down to earth. I have aksed her probably 4-5 times for a mailing address so I can send her a holiday present and she has not sent one. In reading about Chinese culture, I found this is normal and also says to me she is not after $$$ or things. People have written to me and raised concerns or red flags that I have taken seriously, but upon research and re-reading e-mails and thought, well, I do not feel they are valid. or at least red flags to me. But I respect everyones opinions and still want to hear what everyone things. We have all had bad experiences in relationships and need to be careful in moving forward with a foreign spouse. But as I am seeing, in China they can say the same thing... So please tell me where I am wrong.... or what you think and feel. Lawrence

I so agree!!!