Mick

Mick you know I love you. Your's and Li's is one of the greatest love stories of all time. No one who has read many of your posts could doubt your relationship is genuine. I would like to point out that you met Li while living and working in China. You both fell in love naturally and had lots of time to get to know each other before a serious commitment was made. What I was referring to in my earlier post is where a 40 something man meets a 20 something woman on the internet and very quickly profess undying love. I still believe such a man would be wise to question her motives. Now as that age increases, say 49/29 there is a big difference in maturity levels vs 22/42. Carl, I never thought for a minute you were referring to Li and I in your post. I agree, in fact, with your point about it being wise to question motives in an age difference of 20-plus years. And yes, you are right in pointing out that Li and I met in very natural circumstances, dated for a long time, lived together in China, and on and on, etc. I think the success in our relationship has come, at least in part, as a result of how we met and came together. And as for her motives, as you well know, she flat out refused to come back to the States with me while her Dad was so sick. We didn't even start the paperwork until we had been together for well over three years. I am a man blessed in ten thousand ways in terms of our marriage. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could be this well-matched with a person. But as you said, we fell in love naturally and took our time. We had a lot working against us that first year, so I think that added to the bond we forged early on. I often marvel at how folks, most of the guys on this board I guess, can meet someone on line and fall in love. Don't get me wrong, please, I am not questioning the sincerity or commitment. It is just something I never had the experience of. My hat is off to those who meet this way and make it work. Anyway Carl, like I said, I never even thought for a moment your comments about age difference had anything to do with Li and I. You have often expressed how you feel about our story and your feelings and kindness mean the world to me.

When I lived in China, satellite connections were generally unavailable. My first year, spent in Anhui Province, was especially tough if you wanted English language TV. Star TV was available on cable, but that was it. At that time, CCTV 4 carried some English programming. When I left there (1998), satellite hook ups were still very rare. I have a friend who is still teaching there and he still can't get a satellite connection, even living in Hefei, the capital. Even the university where I taught could not get one. I am sure things have changed a lot. My last four years (1999-2003), spent down in Guangdong, were somewhat better but still, satellite service was spotty at best. Most of our English language tv came out of Hong Kong. Like I said, I am sure things have advanced greatly since I left China to move back to the States (2003). I suspect Jiangsu is pretty wide open by now. My wife's brother and sister both live in Jiangsu, the former in Changzhou and the latter in Ma'anshan, which is actually right on the border with Anhui. Where bouts do you be?

I am so glad I am not living over there right now. I was living there in the runup to the 50th anniversary of the founding of the PRC (in 1999) and there was virtually nothing on TV except propaganda on the tube for months. Fortunately, the stations in Hong Kong didn't have to abide by the restrictions and that is where English language TV came from back then. Those old 1950's black and white movies glorifying the Party were a real trip. And to give you an idea how the younger set views this stuff, my students would come to our apartment to watch TV and some were literally rolling in the floor with laughter as they watched this stuff.

Like most things, age difference can be an obstacle if the couple does not do a lot of thinking and talking early on. There is, for example, differing levels of maturity, life-experience, and with a Chinese spouse, cultural differences. Can it work? Of course, but you have to know what your facing going in. Let me give you a personal example, two couples who met and fell in love around the same time. Couple No. 1 was a 29 year old American man and a 24 year old Chinese woman. First marriage for both. They sailed through the visa process (before the Black Hole) and after living together in China for a year, moved to the States. They divorced two years later, mostly due to major problems with communication. Couple No. 2 involved a 49 year old American man and a 25 year old Chinese woman. Second marriage for both. The couple lived together in China five-plus years as the wife did not want to come to the States. Eventually, they did come to America, but only after a major hassle obtaining her visa. This couple had a very rocky first year but managed to get through it and grew closer as a result. After returning to the States I should also mention they had a child together, when he was 55 and she was 31. This couple remain very much in love, more so than ever, and are in their 14th year together. Moral of the story: tough to generalize based on age but one thing seems true across the board: commitment, communication, and facing reality rather than running from it increases your chances of success. By now, there shouldn't be much mystery as to the identity of Couple No. 2 ....... B)

I think David has made some great points in his post. It is always difficult for us to see an application through the eyes of the VO. Yes, sometimes they make knee-jerk decisions, but more often, something didn't smell right to them. I agree one hundred percent with what David said about the indicators pointing to the fact that increasingly GUZ wants to see more "time together." Also, is it possible that you were visiting and courting you fiance while you were still married? For some, that could be a major red flag. I know you were separated and divorce was "in process," but did it look that way on paper? Just a thought.

As Carl and others have suggested, Mark Ellis is the go to guy in this type of case. It is obvious a decision was reached prior to the interview. What surprises me is how fast it was returned to USCIS. Good luck in the future.

That really is a great looking Mandolin, Carl. My grandfather used to be quite the Bluegrass mandolin picker as well as with a banjo. Those guitar/harp combos were great - I had never seen that before. Thanks for posting.....

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated! Seriously, been without power until about an hour ago. Internet service, tv cable, all down. We survived the storms just fine, but this area got pounded really bad. Just down the road about six miles seven people died when a twister touched down, the same one that hit Heckleberg and Phil Campbell, and wiped out several business and a subdivision. I drove through there yesterday on my way to Huntsville and it is unbelievable the damage. Alabama got blasted something awful, especially Tuscaloosa, Cullman, Guntersville, and the area between here and Huntsville. Our walls were literally shaking as the three of us hunkered down in a hallway in the center of our house. I appreciate all the concern you folks showed for my absence. Believe me, if I had any way to get on line I would have, but there was not electricity and no cable service. Gas lines were incredible as well. I went through Hurricane Andrew in Miami back in '92 and this brought back a lot of memories.

Thanks for the well-wishes back on my birthday. I have just now been able to get back on line since the storms, which tore the living hell out of the area I live in. One of the worst storms, the one that destroyed Heckleberg and Phil Campbell, Alabama, danced through about six miles south of my house,wiped out a subdivision, a pharmacy, and a supermarket, killing seven in the process. It is right now about 2:45 am and the power just came back on and thus the Internet. My birthday was still great as Li and Salina fixed me a nice breakfast and we went out for dinner to a place that had power.

What a great story, Larry! Especially the surprise visit and the little episode at the bus stop. I would have loved to have seen her face. And please, would also love to hear about being told to not attend a church service because you were a mixed-race couple. We live in a part of the country that helped invent bigotry and never had that problem. As for religion in China, I mentioned earlier that Li was Christian long before we ever met. She entered into a positive, life-changing relationship with the Master by reading the New Testament in general and the Sermon on the Mount especially. If anyone is interested in reading about Christianity in China and its increasing impact on culture and society, I highly recommend David Aikman's "Jesus in Beijing." Aikman was Times' Beijing Bureau Chief for many years and has an interesting perspective on religious matters over there.

We did have an interesting discussion of camel toes, but it devolved into a hate filled pissing match. I can't imagine making another attempt at it. Ah, yes, I do remember that particular pissing contest Don. No wonder the plug got pulled on the Biker Bar. You know, Freud said that man's two primal drives were sex and aggression. I suspect in the case of Biker Bar, one led to the other.

As for a "Men's Only" section, we once had such a thing, called "Biker's Bar." Alas, it went the way of the wind but it was fun while it lasted. Seriously, I can't remember why it bit the dust, except maybe things got a little out of hand. As I recall, some of the posts bordered on child porn.

Sorry to see that sort of thing still happening over there. During the years I lived in China I found that religious "freedom" existed, but not in the sense that we understand that term. When I first arrived in China, the parks were full of Fa Lun Gong practitioners. Then, in the spring or summer of '99 it was outlawed and they disappeared from the parks overnight. House churches were raided on a fairly regular basis and leaders often arrested. My wife attended a house church for many years before we met. In fact, she was baptized in a bath tub in a local house church. The "official" church, the Three-Self Patriotic Movement enjoys a bit more freedom but according to one of my good friends who is a pastor of a Three-Self church, he is somewhat limited in terms of what he can preach about. Easter and the resurrection of Christ is considered "silly superstition" and is even absent from some of the Bibles printed in China (not all of them). I recall a large stadium event back at Christmas time in 1999. The event was allowed but those who attended had to sing a long round of patriotic Commie songs before the ceremony could begin. I also would add that things seemed a bit more open in Guangdong, where I lived for four years than it was in Anhui, where I lived my first year in China. I remain in close contact with many of my Chinese Christian friends, but any first hand info I have is a bit dated, as we returned to the States in 2003. I think China is certainly more open than it once was, but has a long way to go as far as freedom of religion goes. Also, perhaps it is not reasonable for us to expect their culture to conform to our standards of freedom, largely because their history is much different than ours.

Such a shame. I hope they catch the guy who did this. Must of been a horror for the guy watching on webcam.

Man, have you got that right! I lived in China five years, was married to a Chinese woman (still am), and was immersed in the language. Still, I butchered the tones, called many mothers a "horse," and on one occasion had an old man chase me out of the store with a walking cane for calling his wife "an old dry bitch," and all I was trying to do was by some chili sauce. Making it even worse, where I lived they also spoke Cantonese and Chaoshan dialect, which had even more than the standard four tones. Good grief.....

You mentioned that the phrase "traditional Chinese woman" also is translated as, "I'm boring." Could you elaborate?

Wow, those are some neat pics Carl. Those Ergo guitars really look great and I would imagine at 18K, just for starters, they probably sound even better than they look. I love fine guitars but have never been able to afford one of the more expensive models. I have a birthday coming in a few weeks and Li bought me a new acoustic/electric hybrid, along with a small amp to go with it. It is a beautiful guitar - an Ibanez with Rosewood soundboard and the front is made of flamed Sycamore. Sounds great, both plugged and unplugged. I wish I had talent to make an ax like you do, but alas, I have trouble just tying my shoes. I remember in seventh grade I got tossed out of wood shop class. Our project was to make a lamp out of a bowling pin, but I couldn't get a cord hole drilled straight through the thing. Ended up trashing about a dozen bowling pins before I got the boot.

Such a loss is always hard to deal with, but know that our thoughts and prayers are with you Tony. You have been an integral part of this board since its beginning and Li and I consider you part of our extended Candle family. I lost my Mom to cancer as well, back in 1989.

Cuzin' tsap, I sussspekt what wif awl the xsitement and thuh fact that yore Lil Rabbitt shore ort tuh be richeer afore too much longer, you won't be uh needin' em air inflatable critters I sent ye. If'n youse gits uh chanch, culd ye jes hose em awf a bit and mail em back. I kind bin missin' at air ostridge and jus last nite I had uh dream (uh wet'n) about at air rubber mule. I know its got sum miles on it, but I have some fond memries if'n ye git muh drift. If you done grown attached to any of em, you kin keep em. Jes be shore tuh hide em what yore lady cain't find em when she gits cheer. Of course, that don't apply tuh that mule....

Man, tsapper, that is some very great news, indeed. Press on my friend, the end is in sight and before you know it, this will all be a bad memory. I am truly happy for the two of you tsap. If I wasn't afraid this here Borg device implanted in my chest would shock me, I would get up and dance a jig.

So what were some of the transgressions that would cause them public shaming? Any infraction of campus rules, such as curfew violations, stealing, openly cheating on exams, etc. (cheating was generally tolerated, so long as it wasn't blatant.). One guy got caught using a long pole to steal several pairs of girls' underwear that were drying on a hanger in a dorm window. He was called up to the stage in an assembly of all students and his actions were read off as if in a trial. He was humiliated to say the least. Failure to attend Party functions was a big no no and if one missed said function, their name would be displayed on the bulletin board.

Tsap, my friend, my heart goes out to you and the Lil Rabbit. The fact that the bozos at all stops along the visa way have fouled up repeatedly borders on both the criminal and the insane. It long ago passed into the absurd. I really admire the maturity, patience, and yes, the nobility you and your lady have shown in fighting this battle. The complications of your son's schooling, testing, and grades should arouse a degree of compassion in the powers that be but then, that is asking for the miraculous. Our thoughts, hopes, and especially our prayers are with you as you wait out the final leg of this mess. About the only positive to glean at this point is that you have to be near the end of the line by now - they have no reason to make you wait much longer - (of course, they have no reason to make you wait as long as you have). Hang in there good buddy - we love you and care about you.

As to the fingerprints, there is no logical reason, just the way they do things. Start to finish, my wife was fingerprinted seven times.

Ditto. Your case, although you understand in detail everything that happened, will not necessarily be easily grasped by GUZ. Red flags are everywhere as far as they are concerned. Also, I think when it gets that far down the road, your wife needs to be well prepared for the interview.

My first year in China I taught at a university in Hefei, Anhui. Anyone who was found guilty of any infraction of the rules had their name and photo put on the central bulletin board, along with a description of their transgressions. Public shaming has long been a tradition in China, which is considered a harsh punishment considering how much emphasis the culture puts on saving "face."