egolessvegan

........David: I get a good chuckle every time this topic comes up. Everybody puts up a good front. It is kind of a macho thing to do. However, it is a different matter when it hits home. Maybe I live in a different world, but no men that I have ever known want their wives having close relationships with other men. In My Old School Humble Opinion it is inappropriate to have these types of relationships. Don't get married if you feel the need to do so. This is one of the sacrifices you make when entering into marriage. Time to grow up and be responsible and accountable. Sorry to rain on everyone's parade. Ken

..........Lots of 40 and over Chinese people walking around with missing teeth. Ken

..................Frank: I think you may have to defer to Jingwen and KK on this one. Ken

This seems to turn the topic to a more ethical issue... that's where I see it taking a wrong turn. If the lady is comfortable with it and the man is not, then maybe the man needs to evaluate himself to figure out why... seems a personal issue (possibly ego) cannot let go of something or maybe dependent on something... 226494[/snapback] David: It all depends if we are taking the ME approach or the WE approach. Ken

Oh sure Ken--but are you using the new math??? My calculating goes something like this-- Actual time needed for wifey to say hello to all her family=2 weeks Time needed for me to enjoy Vegas=1 week Time needed for me to recover from vegas=1 week Time needed to find 4 person house cleaning crew=1 week Time needed for crew to shovel out most of my mess=1 week Total vacation time for wife=6 weeks Total time for me to heal after she sees house and depleted checkbook=LONG LONG TIME So you see that not only is 6 weeks not too long, It is essential!! 226473[/snapback] Trigg: I will reassess my calculations and consult with my mentor Professor Irwin Corey and then report back to you. Ken 226474[/snapback] Ken Trigg is just trying to sway you with Triglogic. Don't give in. Keep your system and market it. If you go with Triglogic you will find a consulting bill in your email I'm sure. Read the post again, Trigg needs any means possible to raise money and avoid a mop slap that will make history. 226477[/snapback] Trigg: Because of the unusual circumstances of this matter I will be forced to bring in another specialist in this field. The one and only Soupy Sales. Ken

Oh sure Ken--but are you using the new math??? My calculating goes something like this-- Actual time needed for wifey to say hello to all her family=2 weeks Time needed for me to enjoy Vegas=1 week Time needed for me to recover from vegas=1 week Time needed to find 4 person house cleaning crew=1 week Time needed for crew to shovel out most of my mess=1 week Total vacation time for wife=6 weeks Total time for me to heal after she sees house and depleted checkbook=LONG LONG TIME So you see that not only is 6 weeks not too long, It is essential!! 226473[/snapback] Trigg: I will reassess my calculations and consult with my mentor Professor Irwin Corey and then report back to you. Ken 226474[/snapback] Alrighty but do remember that the prof did not have a Chinese wife and did not sneak off to Vegas and loose the family fortune---two very important confounds that need to be allowed for in his calculations!!! 226475[/snapback] He will definitely factor that into the equation. Professor Irwin Corey is one of the geniuses of our lifetime. No task is too difficult for him. I will report back to you as soon as the data becomes available. Ken

Oh sure Ken--but are you using the new math??? My calculating goes something like this-- Actual time needed for wifey to say hello to all her family=2 weeks Time needed for me to enjoy Vegas=1 week Time needed for me to recover from vegas=1 week Time needed to find 4 person house cleaning crew=1 week Time needed for crew to shovel out most of my mess=1 week Total vacation time for wife=6 weeks Total time for me to heal after she sees house and depleted checkbook=LONG LONG TIME So you see that not only is 6 weeks not too long, It is essential!! 226473[/snapback] Trigg: I will reassess my calculations and consult with my mentor Professor Irwin Corey and then report back to you. Ken

.......Trigg: I have a special numerical equation that is only known to I. At this time I cannot divulge this information. For a price I might be willing to bend my principles. Ken

........This topic has created some very spirited debate. I feel a need to express myself in one more post. First, let me say that I greatly respect everyone's opinion on this board regarding this and all topics. Unfortunately, often it seems that if someone disagrees with the "house" they have to walk on egg shells and eventually will get attacked. So with this in mind I still choose to differ from the majority. In my previous post I never said that one should deny his wife the opportunity to return to China for a visit. All I said that a visit of more than a month seems excessive in light of the fact that when a man and woman marry there needs to be a sense of comittment, responsibility, and dedication to each other. And yes, this sometimes comes at the expense of making sacrifices. I honestly do not understand the rationale of why some members say it is acceptable for their wives to make visits that extend 2, 3, or more months. Would 6 months, one year, or an an indefinite amount of time also be acceptable? Perhaps most of us feel so fortunate to have found a beautiful and young wife, that we darE not do anything to upset the applecart. My wife has been in the US for 16 months. She misses her brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, shopping, the food, etc., etc.. But guess what?She made a conscious choice to come to this country to make a better life for herself and children. She is focused on her life here. June of 2007 she will make a visit to China for one month to see her family and enjoy herself. I am excited for her and the children to have this opportunity. The reality of the situation is, none of us want to be apart for any extended period of time. We worked hard and long to make this happen. There is no right and wrong on this topic because we are all individuals and we all think and perceive differently. We are all very good at rationalizing our own points of view on this forum. Over time, we have mastered this. None of us want to appear weak or wrong. Our egos aside, does anyone honestly feel months of seperation is appropriate. If your marriage is based on love, I see no reason to be 8,000 miles apart for months. After all isn't this what we were whining about during the visa process? THIS ENTIRE POST WAS BASED ON MY OPINION AND NOT FACTS.

To all the husbands out there would you voluntarily leave your wives for 2 or 3 months for any reason???? I doubt it!!!!!!!!

..... I agree with Mercator. Any visits of more than a month seem excessive. To me the point being missed here, is once you enter into a marriage there needs to be a commitment to one another that is more powerful than any other factor in your life. IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THIS , PERHAPS YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON. No matter what the circumstances, my wife and children are NUMBER ONE priority all the time. So the rest of my family, friends, activities, etc take a backseat to them. Maybe I am old school. Call me what you want, but I am proud to say that nothing is more important to me than my wife and children. THIS POST IS BASED ENTIRELY ON OPINION! Ken

I was thinking more about when she talks to or corresponds with her friends and family. 226130[/snapback] Maybe to her it is an arrangement, and not really a marriage. Ken

1)Couples with large age differences seem to have more breakups than those who are say within 5 years of eachother. 2)Couples who live in highly populated areas where there are Asian restaurants, markets, and people seem to be thriving better than those in remote areas. 3)Couples who have Chinese children living under the same roof seem to have less incidence of marital problems. 4)Couples seem to have varying levels of uncertainty during the first year together in the US and then things appear to even out. 5)Men that expect their relationship to be the same in the US as had been their experience in China during visitations seem to have a high failure rate with their SO.

................I have 2 Chinese step children aged 11 and 17. It is not very complicated. I give them every ounce of my love, every minute of every day. Things eem to be working out quite well. Ken

Some of the Chinese women are really pushing the envelope with financial demands on their potential husbands early in the relationships. I know these women are the minority, but it is still reason for concern. Ken

Submitted AOS paperwork for the children on 3-29. About one week later received notification of receipt from USCIS. Today, 4-13 received another letter from USCIS, indicating biometrics appointment for April 18th. All the activity is happening faster than I thought. No complaints!! Ken

Tomorrow my wife is taking the drivers test. I have taught her on a 2006 Nissan Murano. If she passes, we will begin shopping for a second car. The fun is just starting. Ken

.....Charles, Keep the faith. It sounds like everything is starting to turn around. I wish you the best. Ken

..... Fred: Recently I sent AOS material in for our children. About a week later we received a letter from USCIS. I think now would be a good time for you to relax and just forget about USCIS for awhile. They will be in touch. The good news is that you have completed all the paper work. Ken

Guess we found another subject to outlaw (just like politics.) Never intended to directly offend you. Trev 204619[/snapback] no problem! Ken

.....tmkeith and Jim: I can feel your love. Thank you. Seriously, every one is entitled to an opinion. Ken

Bessie, union shops usually pay higher wages than non union shops and also provide very good benefits. So it will most likely be advantageous to pay the dues and assessments required. You can write these expenses off on your income tax each year. I was a member of Teamsters Local 628 for 28 years. Because of the union we got superior wages and benefits. The union did a great job representing the workers. Most people would like to have a union job. Ken Ken

..... Contrary to Jim's post, unions protect employees from illicit practices of employers.

......M-Coon: Most important you are with your wife now. All the Green Card stuff will play out. Do not worry.

Good night and good luck.