American women 2

[awch]

Ok- I want this topic to die as much as everyone else, but it just keeps coming up and up again.

 

I just can't understand all the American women bashing going on here. Just because you have found a woman you love who is Chinese does not mean that all Chinese women are perfect and all American women are bitches.

 

I am under no illusion that, just because I am going to marry a Chinese man, that all Chinese men are wonderful and make ideal husbands and all American men are evil. I just don't see that connection. But apparently, it seems to work that way for some.

 

I know some very nice, decent American men here (including people on this site)- I would never think to cast them in an evil light.

 

So can you just lay off it, please? And we can get back to the business of supporting each other, not tearing each other down.

[Guest Gene]

Amber,

We can not control what other people post. However we can control how long it remains an active topic. If we respond it will last a long time. If no one responds it will die quickly.

[tonado]

Amber,

 

You are right. There are good Chinese women/men and bad Chinese women/men. Ditto for American women/men. People shouldn't generalize.

[eeyore]

Amber,

 

You are right.  There are good Chinese women/men and bad Chinese women/men.  Ditto for American women/men.  People shouldn't generalize.

Its a simple statement but its so true and that covers all cultural groups.

 

There are good and bad in all.

[kevincs31]

Okay...it is late and I can't sleep so here I go on this topic...

 

Just as easily as you can say there are exceptions to every generalization, the exception does not negate the generalization (or trend).

 

I think most would agree there are different trends in different countries, which is what one can also define as culture. There are cultural differences between genders, social classes, races, ethnicities, etc. from one culture to the next.

 

Is can be said these differences are often given values of "good" or "bad" based on the value system of the person investigating the scenario. So, where one person considers a "traditional person" to be good, another may consider that same trait to be boring. It is all a matter of what is a good match for the person(s) involved and good or bad clouds the issue.

 

Is it accurate to say there are more traditionally raised females in Asia vs. the States? I would say yes. Does it mean it is better? That depends. There is nothing wrong with saying there are trends in one country over another. It also depends on how one gathers their evidence to support their statements.

 

I would rather look for a potential mate where 80% of the women share similar traits with me than where 5% of the women do. Yes, exceptions in both, but they are just that, exceptions.

 

And that is exactly how I found my bride to be. I moved to Asia, lived and traveled for three years in a number of countries there, learned the trends/cultures, and found a person who is a good match for my value system.

 

To say there are no trends in different countries is to say people around the world are all alike which just isn't the case. The problem is that many men are trending away from American women for women of other countries. I have spoken to numerous men in my travels and the reasons all seem to be very similar. I won't go into all that but what I will say is it is NOT for the reasons that many state, such as Asian women are submissive (I find them to be much more independent actually) or other stereotypes.

 

As to not generalizing, that is exactly what social scientists do, observe trends in samples and generalize to a population. That is the foundation of scientific research. Would I be wrong is I said most Chinese people have black hair? First, I did not assign a value to that statement, so it is not racist. Second, I would bet that scientifically it is true and also it is not a judgement. But it does generalize.

 

If we see 70% of a sample do something similar in a behavioral research study that indicates a very strong generalization. Hell, we jump up and down if we get results like that.

 

No one is saying that 100% of anyone is of any particular category per se. But it is pretty darn accurate to say that women from different regions of the world are raised differently in different cultures. Culture is the blueprint for teaching behavior and other things in an area. Nothing wrong with that. You can also observe trends in one culture to the next.

 

It is better to say "I prefer traditionally raised women as potential lifelong partners and that is one of the reasons I choose dating Asian women" than to say American women are bad "insert negative comment here."

 

Okay...maybe I put myself to sleep here....

[warpedbored]

I remember watching a show on PBS a few years ago called "mail order brides" ( ugh I hate that term) They said that American men are marrying foreign women in record numbers. One of the issues they touched on was why. Rather than the stereotypical "submissive obedient women" most people seem to think of it was actually a matter of respect. The American men interviewed claimed almost unanimously that they got more respect from their foreign bride than from American women. Now before my American CFL sisters get irate I am not claiming anything by this statement . It is merely what they said on the documentary.

[maiyademama]

No worries, Carl

I honestly can't blame American men for looking else where to find a bride.

EXTREME feminism (not true feminism) has bashed the *maleness* out of many men and turned them into mice, while turning many women into cold fish! I consider myself a true feminists...not a male-bashing bitch. I like it when men hold the door, the umbrella, pull out my chair, and walk me to my car...That is how a man should treat a woman. How should a Woman treat a man? With the same tenderness and care. The femnazis messed with so many men that they don't dare be chivalrous anymore Men and women alike ought to honor and respect one another.

 

Now here we are... It is difficult for an American woman to find a *good* American man and vice verse.

[oregonknl]

Taz, Amber ....

 

I don't know if there is statistical evidence to support the theory (broadly --- as an American cultural phenomenon) --- that American men feel threatened by American women..... And that those of us here are seeking Chinese brides (presumed submissive) as a reaction ---

 

--- but I will say, if you were to pick a sample group of men that had poor relationships with American women, you probably could not pick a group with a higher percentage than here at the Candle...

 

And I'm willing to admit some of that myself... I think most of us: (the men) are coming from broken relationships that have left us rather cynical.. In my case, my ex is one of the most manipultive people I have ever met --- trully treacherous --- but I have also written here in the past about a Chinese woman (quite similar as it turned out!) who I met briefly in Beijing.... Did these experiences it convince me that all women are "bitches" ---of course not!!

 

Yes, I chose to search in China --- (as the father of two Chinese girls) ---- and now I just count my lucky stars that (finally) Fei and I came together!

 

--- Kim

[Jeikun]

Well, to throw my story in again... I didn't go looking for a Chinese girl specifically, and had no issue with American women. Jun being Chinese wasn't a plus or a minus... it just was. I love her for who she is, period. If nothing else, knowing the difficulties of a long distance relationship, and what I knew of the immigration process (And I underestimated it) were little things in the back of my mind saying "What are you, crazy?!?!" when I first began to entertain the idea of pursuing a relationship with her. They were no match for her though... I've never been so crazy about anyone.

[warpedbored]

No worries, Carl

I honestly can't blame American men for looking else where to find a bride.

EXTREME feminism (not true feminism) has bashed the *maleness* out of many men and turned them into mice, while turning many women into cold fish! I consider myself a true feminists...not a male-bashing bitch. I like it when men hold the door, the umbrella, pull out my chair, and walk me to my car...That is how a man should treat a woman. How should a Woman treat a man? With the same tenderness and care. The femnazis messed with so many men that they don't dare be chivalrous anymore Men and women alike ought to honor and respect one another.

 

Now here we are... It is difficult for an American woman to find a *good* American man and vice verse.

I guess I'm old fashioned then. After 7 months of marriage I still open the car door for my wife, help her put her coat on, hold the chair when we go out to eat and always open the doors for her. It's just the way I was raised and most women seem to appreciate it. If not well then I'm sorry but I don't intend to change. Men and women are equal yes but that doesn't mean we are the same. Whole different bunch of chemicals that affect our behavior. I believe that most women prefer men that act like men not Alan Alda pee sitting down wimps. At the same time being a man also entails responsibilities such as being considerate and caring for your wife. Being abusive is not manly.

[MarkLuvsShuPing]

I'm like Jason, I wasn't looking for a Chinese woman, I just found a wonderful woman that happened to be Chinese.

 

However, I did look around the world for female friendship, but that had more to do with the "exotic-ness" of someone foreign than me being fed up with American women.

 

I will say that I was bored with most of the American women I was meeting and that's why I wanted a foreign e-mail pal. I wanted someone I could learn something from and someone who wasn't "tainted" by American culture and could give me a different perspective.

 

Since I met and married ShuPing, I've met some very interesting American women, but, of course, now I'm not interested. (Isn't that the way it always works?)

[kfman]

Well I am not anti american woman, but I think you were just about right on when you talked about taking the maleness out of being male. It seems the radical "feminazis" (love that term) decided that all men should be "metro-sexual" and not showing a maleness about themselves. I think that american men find in asian women, someone searching for the "maleness" of a man....

 

Did that make any sense, or was I rambling on???

 

I also open doors, always give way to women, and treat them gentlemanly. But I also enjoy being a male... not a metro dude....

[shimaore]

>And that is exactly how I found my bride to be. I moved to Asia, lived and >traveled for three years in a >number of countries there, learned the >trends/cultures, and found a person who is a good match for my value >system.

 

You 've just conditioned/predetermined your love , I have the impression you choose your wife like you would choose a car ( no disrespect just my interpretation ) what about the blind falling in love ? do you believe in it ?

 

 

>To say there are no trends in different countries is to say people around >the world are all alike which just >isn't the case. The problem is that >many men are trending away from American women for women of other >countries. I have spoken to numerous men in my travels and the reasons >all seem to be very similar. I won't >go into all that but what I will say is it >is NOT for the reasons that many state, such as Asian women are >submissive (I find them to be much more independent actually) or other >stereotypes.

 

I think american men marrying a foreign woman are actually a minority overall but the way you present it is like " many many many of US male marry foreigners ".

 

\

[Carl]

And I'm willing to admit some of that myself...  I think most of us:  (the men) are coming from broken relationships that have left us rather cynical..  In my case, my ex is one of the most manipultive people I have ever met --- trully treacherous

I too came from a broken marriage. My ex was both verbally and physically abusive. She was constantly degrading me, and hitting me for the smallest things. Also, no matter what anybody did, somebody in her family did it first and did it better. When an expert talked about something, she called them a twit and said her father said it was not that but this. Her father was on a GERMAN ego trip, claiming that all todays problems in the world was because the Kaiser had to abdicate after WWI.

 

In all this time I just took it, never retaliating or hitting her because I knew if I did, I would hurt her. Plus, I have never hit a woman in my life, and I would not be starting now. When she was not angry she was not much of a wife. She looked at me as a live in servant who was to wait on her while she sat on her rear end watching TV and gaining weight.

 

She even went so far as to commandeer the remote, and GAWD FORBID I should want to watch something she did not, but had to suffer through the programs she liked. To top it all off, she was a lousy lover,

 

Ying is 10 times the woman she is. Ying is respectful, gentle and loving. I like to say Ying is better than my ex, BETTER LOOKING, BETTER DRESSING, BETTER EDUCATED, BETTER MANNERED, BETTER TEMPERED AND BETTER IN BED..... .

 

I apologize for the rant, but I feel better having said it.

[ptcrusier333rph]

Carl I could have wrote what you said only thing change is the father to a mother

 

and added unknown number of affairs she had

 

robert

 

 

my opinion on american women at the moment I have no opinion