How is Catherine doing?

[Catherineli]

I'm giving an account of how a Chinese family obtained their ranch before the Land Reform. It's a part of Chinese history. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. Thank you Mr. Greg. How is your wife's green card procedure? Thank you Randy for being there.

[Greg.D.]

We did get the green card. Took so long, we got the 10 year card first.

 

With the 19 month old baby, she is ready to go onto her next project: more education here to help her get into business (has a master's degree from China, but it hadn't helped much).

 

Life has enough challenges without your main project being dealing with USCIS!

 

Did you move?

[Catherineli]

Greg, I'm soooo happy for your green card and your family is moving on. Super cool, finally!

 

My friends, I wrote a little paragraph about the hardships in the past. but I would like it to be more vivid and humorous. Who would refine the paragraph for me please? Kang means bed here.

 

"-------While fleas were capable of jumping many inches in the air, lice were slow moving and sedentary. Dealing with fleas was a much more intensive and frustrating experience. Once at midnight, my grandpa was woken up with a bite of an aggressive flea. After he failed to catch the annoying little thing in his half sleep, Grandpa stood up from his Kang with his two hands grasping his blanket tightly. He wanted to shake off the flea from his blanket to the floor. Grandpa stood by the edge of his Kang overlooking the floor hoping the flea tossed away to the floor. So he held up the blanket high in the air and swung it hard and violently to the floor. “Waa----waah-----Waa------” Guess what? Grandpa did not see a flea jumping to the floor but he saw his baby, my youngest uncle being discarded to the floor, naked, crying. Life was brutal and nasty. My youngest uncle must have been placed and wrapped up in the blanket.

 

Thank you in advance to everyone!

 

Catherine

Edited July 25, 2018 by Catherineli (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

Greg, I'm soooo happy for your green card and your family is moving on. Super cool, finally!

 

My friends, I wrote a little paragraph about the hardships in the past. but I would like it to be more vivid and humorous. Who would refine the paragraph for me please? Kang means bed here.

 

"-------While fleas were capable of jumping many inches in the air, lice were slow moving and sedentary. Dealing with fleas was a much more intensive and frustrating experience. Once at midnight, my grandpa was woken up with a bite of an aggressive flea. After he failed to catch the annoying little thing in his half sleep, Grandpa stood up from his Kang with his two hands grasping his blanket tightly. He wanted to shake off the flea from his blanket to the floor. Grandpa stood by the edge of his Kang overlooking the floor hoping the flea tossed away to the floor. So he held up the blanket high in the air and swung it hard and violently to the floor. “Waa----waah-----Waa------” Guess what? Grandpa did not see a flea jumping to the floor but he saw his baby, my youngest uncle being discarded to the floor, naked, crying. Life was brutal and nasty. My youngest uncle must have been placed and wrapped up in the blanket.

 

Thank you in advance to everyone!

 

Catherine

Gee... how could anyone improve on such a vivid and woeful tale?

[Greg.D.]

Life could be brutal and nasty. And, even in sleep was not safe.

 

While lice were slow moving or sedentary, fleas could jump many inches in the air. Thus, dealing with fleas required intense effort and and could be a frustrating experience. Once at midnight, my grandpa was awakened b bite of an aggressive flea. After he failed to catch the annoying little thing in his half sleep, Grandpa stood up from his Kang with his two hands grasping his blanket tightly. Standing on the edge of the kang, he tried to shake the flea off his blanket and to the floor. Grandpa stood by the edge of his Kang overlooking the floor hoping the flea tossed away to the floor. Holding the blanket high towards the ceiling, he shook it hard and violently towards the floor.

 

“Waa! Waah! Waaaaahhhh!” Unexpected screams pierced the night. Confused by the scene in front of him, he saw his baby, my youngest uncle, thrown to the floor, naked and crying.

 

My youngest uncle must have been wrapped up in the blanket and wrung out with the vermin. Life could indeed be brutal and nasty.

[Dennis143]

YaGi (sic?) aka Catherine asked me to edit some of her memoirs outside of CFL, several years ago. I don't know about you, Catherine, but I always felt your original, unpolished words held the deepest feelings for a reader.

 

Hope you are doing well. I trust you have learned to speak 'southern' English by now.

[Catherineli]

Thank you Dr. Greg and Dennis! I'll never finish learning English. Recently I got a free tutor one on one from the local library. I'm very excited now.

[Catherineli]

Thank you Dennis for still remembering me. Speaking English is my biggest challenge. By this age, it's too late to correct the accent. I'm very much pressured now with my new school. I'm going to teach ESL for three secondary schools on the same day next month. Among my new students are some Chinese kids. Chinese parents send them to America to receive American English but only to be trapped into another Chinese teachers' hands, me. So I'm very much stressed. I don't want the Chinese students complain about having a Chinese teacher in America. But I am very hopeless and helpless with my Chinese accent. On the other hand, I also know that I'm hired, which means I'm recognized and accepted the way I am. In one word, I'll lift up my chin and stalk out my confidence and faith in front of everyone. Two days after I applied online for the ESL job, I was officially hired on the third day. I've just moved to OKC, the same city with my son. My son and I are living in the same neighborhood, not in the same apartment. For my new job, there was no official interview either for me. No one has heard of such a miracle.

 

My next dream is to publish a nice book that I wrote after I came to America. It's my autobiography beginning from my great grandfather's life. A few years ago, Dennis, Dr. Greg and Larry all helped me out with my first book. I'm still grateful to you buddies. So this time I am expanding my book into a better one. Publishing is a long, difficult process. I put my dream in God's hands.

 

I'm going to attend a writers' conference. here is the Link

 

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/red-sneakers-presents-the-2018-write-well-sell-well-writers-conference-tickets-

 

I'm looking for a decent publisher to talk about publishing my book. So if you have some information, please let me know.

 

Thank you again for helping me with English writing.

Enjoy your evening, everyone!

 

Cat

[Catherineli]

Hello my dear dictionaries,

How is everyone doing? Today I would like some of you read another message that I wrote about funeral custom. I'm not so sure if you understand the word "raft" and "logs". Please edify for me just for fun. Gosh, please keep a record of my debt to you. I must return you one way or another.

 

"The local funeral custom dated back to the primitive time when there was not a hearse in the countryside to carry the coffin with the dead inside. The family and friends made a wood raft that looked like wood fillet out of 8 logs, 32 logs or 64 logs based on the dead’s social position and the deceased’s family decision. Usually the wood fillet with 64 logs showed the highest social hierarchy of the family. If it was built with 8 logs, the raft was lifted up and carried to the cemetery by eight people. If it was built with 32 or 64 logs, the raft was lifted up and carried all the way by thirty two people or sixty four people. The whole funeral team looked like a parade marching down the street carrying the coffin with the raft. When my great grandfather passed away, the political situation was not so tense as it used though the government was encouraging cremation. However, my great grandfather’s offspring decided to have the funeral for my great grandpa in a traditional way. They built a big raft with 64 wooden logs to carry my great grandfather’s body to his tomb. According to the local culture, my youngest uncle was leading the funeral team followed by 64 people carrying the coffin. Every one of the team was wearing a white robe as the mourning dress. The whole family were supposed to cry all the way as loudly as they could. My family did not hire anyone to help cry but some families may spend money hiring people to join in the funeral team to cry to the top of their lungs. The crying sound and the number of people who attended the funeral team magnified the filial piety of the family."

 

Thank you very much, everyone!

[Allon]

Well, I took a shot at it. Some comments...The use of number is often argued about in English. The general rule for APA style is numbers from one to nine are allowed to be spelled. Anything greater is usually written as a number -- 64, 32 not sixty-four or thirty-two, except at the start of the sentence or in a series with numbers higher than 10. (The latter point is another argument.) Hyphens are always used for numbers 21 to 99. The best rule to follow is grab hold of a style guide like the MLA. Another general rule (MLA) that is easier is that if the number can be written in two words (sixty four, thirty two) then spell it out; otherwise, make it a numeral.

 

A word on brevity or simplicity. Fewer words is better and clearer Enough said. Forgive any typos.

 

"Local funeral custom dates back to a primitive time when there was not a hearse in the countryside to carry the coffin. Family and friends made a wood raft that looked like a wood fillet out of 8, 32, or 64 logs based on family and social position. Sixty-four logs showed the highest social position in the family. If it was built with eight logs, the raft was lifted and carried to the cemetery by eight people. If it was built with 32 or 64 logs, the raft was lifted and carried by 32 or 64 people, respectively. The whole funeral team looked like a parade marching down the street carrying the coffin with the raft. When my great grandfather passed away, the political situation was not as tense as it was in our time. The government then was encouraging cremation.

 

However, my great grandfather’s offspring decided to have the funeral in a traditional way. They built a big raft with 64 wooden logs to carry his body to his tomb. According to local custom, my youngest uncle led the funeral team followed by 64 people carrying the coffin. Each of the team wore a white robe as the mourning dress. The entire family was supposed to cry all the way as loudly as they could. My family did not hire anyone to help cry but some families may have hired people to join in the funeral team and cry at the top of their lungs. The sound of the crying and the number of people who attended the funeral team represented the filial piety of the family."

[Catherineli]

Thank you very much Allon for taking the time to help me out with my silly composition. Thank you for the number theory. I'm glad that you understand the raft and logs in the passage. Thank you again. Have a good day!!

[Catherineli]

Two questions please: 1, "Signified or represented" the filial piety of the family? which is better? Signify or represent?

2, cry to or at the top of their lungs? to or at???

 

I'm sorry to have asked too many questions.

 

Xiexie da jia !!

[Allon]

Two questions please: 1, "Signified or represented" the filial piety of the family? which is better? Signify or represent?

2, cry to or at the top of their lungs? to or at???

 

I'm sorry to have asked too many questions.

 

Xiexie da jia !!

 

"Signify" or "represented" are valid. "Represented" seems more meaningful but either could be used. The difference is really minor. To represent is to signify or state. Signify probably is a little more ornate a term.

 

I personally did not like the cliched expression "cry at the top of your lungs." Any metaphor would be inconsistent with the very simple message being conveyed. "Cry loudly" would do. In non-fiction, it is best to be simple and efficient in your usage. I would say the original story contained a number of expressions that were repetitive or unnecessary. Write as if you were walking, except with words. Walking is a simple thing. You want the reader to move through the script without pausing to try and understand.

 

Your subject matter is really interesting and it is worth spending the time to write it well. Western people are hungry for interpretations and explanations of ancient Chinese history. I am, believe me. I have many books on the subject. My wife says I know more about China than she does, and given the degree of censorship in China, she is probably right.

 

If you lived in China during the Cultural Revolution or the Great Famine, or the times right after Mao died, when the Gang of Four ruled China, you would have something a Western reader would pour through avidly. I encourage you to write more. As you do, your English will improve tremendously.

 

I do recommend some books on writing but start with the classic Strunk and White, The Elements of Style. You cannot go wrong starting there. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity is the message. But some other writers will disagree. It is in the nature of writing. Grammar is one thing; style is another.

 

And by the way, reading is a great teacher. Read, read, read. Hemingway's style of writing is much different from Faulkner. Read them both and see that difference. Develop that inner voice a writer needs to write well and be understood.

 

Never stop writing. It is fun and personally rewarding. Good luck and if you need help, just post it or PM me. I taught writing and write an occasional story.

[DocMartin817]

Represent seems to roll of the tongue better. -- My test based on my use of language is --which one sounds better. So represent in this sentence sounds better. And I actually like cry at the top of their lungs -- it conveys the meaning more forcefully than just saying cried loudly. Just my opinion.

[Catherineli]

Wow, I have two writer friends now!! Congrats on myself!

 

I understand that I should run on the sentences in clear English, not to try to "show off" my vocabulary. Thank you again!