Pre nuptials

[Guest another_old_fart]

Hi all

 

I know this topic may sound very sensitive, afterall your future wives

may be able to log on and read your responses, so if that bothers

you, you can send me a personal reply instead of posting it.

 

My fiancee is a chinese one. I am just another old man, rich, semi-retired,

and God forbid that divorce will happen, but nevertheless, I

met a chinese girl in CHINA that we fell in love, but deeply how much do

we know their innermost thoughts. Nobody is truly honest to the bones,

unless you are a Jesuit or Saint. I am not , otherwise I would not be

wealthy and smart.

 

You guys got to admit that most chinese girls have an interest in coming

to US. Otherwise even I could not believe my eyes after some of the

photos I have seen of K1 chinese visa couples from the other sites.

Younger chinese cuties with guys that can be her father, and not to

mention having a big belly, sometimes bald, and ugly too. I saw the picture

of this guy and his fiancee in front of the Great Wall.

It looked like Moses got married.

It is nice that love has nothing to do with external appearances.

But a greencard and good financial may get you the wrong love.

 

In this age, people do draw prenups. I am doing it. I just wonder

if any of you have done the same.

 

[juz]

The site name is candle for love... I am suprised today to read this post.

 

Seriously, there are some girls just try to get to US through marriage. But for you to make fun from other people's photos, it is not funny.

 

It is not about people's future wives can read responses. It is that your post have no value to this board. By posting this, you didn't share, contribute or offer help to the community.

 

This is your first post. You probably missed the main page of this site. Go read it first!

[whoever]

I am sure that there are quite many young girls seeking for "America Dreams" by marrying someone they don't love. I know it's a fact.

 

However, I believe that most people who discuss our questions and conerns and worries here, are really related to our real loves.

 

There are many prenups out there. There might be a few here as well. But this forum is meant to help the "true love".

 

If you are one of the "prenups", please keep it yourself. Certainly, I don't think it's going to work out. Only real love could last.

[Mick]

I am also somewhat surprised at the tone of the post that started the thread. I do suspect that some girls have less than honorable motives for seeking marriage, but for the most part, the ones that I have been fortunate enough to correspond with through this board have been both honorable and forthright. As for my personal situation, Li and I are deeply in love and have been for a long time. We lived together in China for five years prior to returning to the States and are now in our sixth year together. I tried to talk her into returning home with me after one year in China but she did not want to come. In fact, it took quite a long time to convince her that immigrating was the right move. Now that she is here, she is very content. I think it is a grave mistake to generalize and judge a relationship based on appearances. I also would state that I felt the "Moses" comment was a bit out of bounds. I trust it was meant in jest and will leave it at that. As to "old farts", I am not sure what constitutes an old fart. If I am in fact an old fart (at age 54), then so be it!

 

One thing for sure, I am happy and share a love that few are lucky enough to find.

[warpedbored]

If he really is rich he didn't get that way on grammar. "You guys got to admit that most chinese girls ..."

Carl

[Dave G.]

This one I've got to jump in on. I've been reading about and discussing these kinds of issues lately. I'm always left with the question, "Why are so many people worried about their Asian fiancées?" When we agree to marry, do we do so with one hand over our wallet in fear they might pickpocket us when we say "I do."? It makes no sense.

 

Men and women from all walks of life can be very kind or very conniving. Look at all the dockets in family court. Yes, a potential exists. But, is it anymore likely than if we fell in love with anyone else? If we're so worried about their motives, perhaps our motives are also suspect, which leads us to doubting them.

 

Prenups provide a safety net for those who feel like they need it. But, it's like packing your bags and saying goodbye before you ever start the journey.

 

I know that my fiancée is very excited about the prospect of living in the US and enjoying the resources we have. At the same time, I have enjoyed the many nice things China has to offer. When we commit to anyone, don't we take a look at ourselves and see what we have to offer them and what they have to offer us? Don't we all want relationships in which we will find our lives bettered? I know my life has been enriched since I met my China Doll. Not financially.....but with things that really matter. I suggest everyone replay the tape and see why you popped the question to get married. If you did so with doubt, then I suggest you think about it and ask your future mate again. But, this time be honest about it. Ask the question the right way: “Will you marry me and promise me that you will not steal my money?" Gee....that's romantic, ain't it?????

[Guest another_old_fart]

Thanks guys. My post is legitimate. I started my I129F on May 1st,2003.

 

For those of you, that have spent and known your fiancee for a while,

as Mick point it out, that is real commitment to each other.

 

For those of you that found your ways in China, and got your "China Doll"

as one of previous post mentioned, then if you don't have nothing to loose,

you got nothing to worry.

 

For me, I met her as one of my clients representative in Shanghai. Unregardless of how many times one spend on phone calls, how much email exchanged, how many visits one going to China, if you never lived

lived physically with her (as Mick) for months or years, as it is for me, I

feel I have to protect my assets.

I really love her, and she is so just nice, kind, educated, mature, good family. A good package overalls. We are completely in sync.

 

My prenup in lay man's words without all the lawyers's jargons is

like this:

"what is mine is mine, what is your is yours. Everything each of us had

before marriage stays as separate property, and not to be considered

community property, under any state jurisdiction"

"after marriage, if both acquire things together, both will have equal

proportions"

 

This post is not meant to offend anyone, or to undermine the true

feelings of love between two people.

 

a fart baby boomer man

 

[Guest R2D2]

You don't need a prenup. Move to Oregon with all of your wealth. You have three years for what you propose. That should give, even you, time to determine if the relationship is a true one.

[whoever]

I have read many stories like this. But, I don't think this kind of marriage will work out. Marriage is to combine two strangers into one.

If you concern about your beloved one is after something other than you; or even a slight doubt that she is after your money instead of you, because you are too old, and she is too good to be true, then you really should reconsider the whole process.

Yes, it would be much less hassle, if you already made clear that you keep your money, and she won't take any portion of it when she leaves. But it's like you are to leave before you get married.

If that's the case, I'd rather not get married.

I really doubt there are prenups here. I don't think prenups belongs in this forum. After so many days and nights of waiting, so many emails you wrote to her, so many international phone calls you have made, so much frustration you have had during the process, you are going to tell her that you keep your wealth away because you are afraid she will take your money away? I highly doubt that it will happen here.

[tywy_99]

If  he really is rich he didn't get that way on grammar.  "You guys got to admit that most chinese girls ..."  

Carl

Yes, I agree.

 

The grammar, the entire topic, doesn't appear to be that of a responsible adult who is in love with a woman but rather that of an immature, mischievous adolescent.

I find it persumptuous, callous and without merit and I do take offense to it.

If this guy is who/what he says he is, then I suggest in the future that he presents himself in a more dignified manner.

 

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

[youmolide]

'unregardless'

if this guy is a troll (smells like Chinglish to me) or not, I think it is an interesting and valid topic. If it gets your dander up, then a person might want to look deep inside oneself to try to discover why ? Anyone who has spent anytime in China understands that it is pretty easy to get into a relationship for all the wrong reasons and anyone who has not acknowledged this fact is just asking for big trouble. On the flip side, Chinese girls who are serious about their relationship are the most sincere, loyal girls you could ever meet.

 

Anyways, (in a nutshell) if you are worried about a pre-nup, then either :

 

A- your money is more important to you than this girl OR

B- something about the girl (or guy for that matter) is making you too uncomfortable to proceed.

 

In either case, you need to back off, take things slower, or maybe even call halt to the proceedings. And, if it is really true that you have already filed the I-129F then you've blown it, because there is no way you can legitimately bring up this subject AFTER you have made a commitment like this without (deservedly) looking like a total butthead. These are the things that need to be discussed in great detail BEFORE any kind of commitment is made.

 

Now is much too late.

 

And I think Mick brought up two very important points in passing. One, you will NEVER get to know someone well unless you spend a LOT of time together. That means anyone who has not made the effort to live in China is taking a much bigger gamble than the rest of us former big-nose foreign devils And second, true personal integrity always shines through. My wife is the one who is always worried that we are spending too much money, not me ... and when we met I had no plans on returning to the USA and that was just dandy with her. I have absolutely ZERO doubts about her. She's not just my wife, she's a truly amazing human being, and she has proven that time and again. I know all of you have had a difficult time waiting, but if you knew all the terrible things my wife has been through in the last year, you wouldn't trade places with her for all the tea in China ... she's just the best of the best.

 

but this is neither the time nor the place to get into all that.

 

Thinking about a pre-nup is nothing but a relationship red flag ... either there is something wrong with her ... or there is something wrong with you.

[Guest sanfranman8]

you folks can be as naive as you want..or even be gullible.agree or disagree..but please don't be disrepectful

[tywy_99]

Prenuptials is a legitimate subject, sure.

It's the stereotyping and the presumptuous statements I have a problem with, not to mention the double negative.

[tunger88]

It seems to me people are only concern about their own well being. Has anyone ever thought about the sacrafices these Chinese ladies are making? Some with limited English. Some with no one to turn to when they really needed one. And most importantly, they are as vunerable as we are interms of what might have turnout later in life. Imagine someone came to the US to marry an abusive husband and has no knowledge whatsoever about any US laws. Think both ways when making any kinds of judgement.

[wolf]

Whether you are marring a girl from China or the US or anywhere in this world, you can get taken, but if you are so worried about this than you should stay by yourself and dig a hole. Ask yourself, would you rather have 3 years of happiness or a lifetime of sadness alone. If you love her and are good to her and she is a good person, than you will never get cheated. You met her and you know her, you can decide.