Finer in China Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) I thought this article was funny: "Never marry a Chinese woman. They're steel rods swathed in flowers," said well known Australian born Hong Kong Journalist Richard Hughes, who was happily married for many years, til death did them part, to a Chinese wife.Perhaps no truer words were ever spoken, at least about some Chinese women. In fact, to my mind, Chinese ladies seem to come in two basic varieties. Either they are very strong willed or extremely docile. Since I've never had any desire for a docile woman, I am discussing here that other type - "the steel rod swathed in flowers". This woman will care for you, cook for you, keep a great home for you and shower you with love and affection, and she will smote your enemies with the strength of God - so long as you don't cross her. But when you cross her, you immediately become your own worst enemy, and brother, then she will smote you.The big problem is that you don't necessarily know what will be seen as having crossed her. In your innocent Western thinking you naively believe that so long as you are faithful and true, so long as you bring home the bacon, so long as you are polite and courteous and so long as you refrain from anything drastic like not coming home for two nights, or physically striking her, you should be pretty safe. Well surprise!!!You cross your Chinese Lady when you cause her to lose face, and there are roughly a million ways to cause her to lose face, each one of which you must learn by trial and error. I have learned a few, but it does little good for me to list them for you, because "a little knowledge is a bad thing". It will just make you comfortable when you should least be comfortable. But I will give you an example of how I caused my Chinese wife (as she then was) to lose face.We owned a small bar in China at the time which we took turns managing, and which we kept open as long as there was a paying customer to serve. One night she went home at 1 AM but I hung in there with some friends of mine (because they were spending a great deal of money) until about 4 AM, then headed home when they did. We had both done this many times in the past, and she knew exactly where I was and who I was with, so I felt quite secure as I quietly unlocked the door to our home and tiptoed in to avoid waking her.Well, it turned out that, unbeknownst to me, she and a friend had been talking earlier in the evening, and the friend had indicated that her husband never stayed out past 1 AM, and the friend was very proud of that. So on that particular evening I caused my wife to lose face by not coming home with her at 1 AM. I had caused her great shame in the eyes of her friend (how the friend knew I had stayed out late was never explained) and this was no small loss of face, if you can judge by the near bloodletting I suffered for my crime. And yet, the next time I stayed out late, in the same circumstances except for the intervening friend, all was well. Go figure!The good news is that unlike Western Women, who will make you pay for days (or years) for your crimes, Chinese women tend to let you off as soon as you've appropriately groveled (this must take place in your home, which is actually her domain, not yours) for an hour or two, and you've told her your sorry, and lastly, you've bought her a gift (do not forget about the ever important relationship saving gift). But if you want to get off without dismemberment, do not act as if you don't understand what you did wrong (even though you inevitably do not understand). Suck it up, admit your guilt, and promise never to do it again, even if you have no idea of what exactly it is that you will not do again, and life will be back to normal in short order.And the really good news is that this "steel rod swathed in flowers", when you haven't just caused her to lose face, is like your own private bodyguard. Your little Chinese woman will be the greatest ally you could ever hope for. She will kill for you at the slightest provocation to your face - unless her Mother is the source of the threat to your dignity, in which case you probably just committed unfathomable another "face" crime yourself.There, have you got it all figured out? No? Don't worry, Chinese women can be as frustrating as trying to figure the stock market, but it's their very unpredictability that is one of their greatest charms. I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with anybody else.By Harry Monk (nom de plume), much experienced with life in China, has had several long term relationships with both Western and Chinese women. He currently lives in China and is happily committed to a three year relationship with a beautiful Chinese lady. http://www.chinalovematch.net/magazineArticle.aspx?id=6 RW - added link Edited April 25, 2013 by Randy W (see edit history) Link to comment
hakkamike Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) Without reading what wrote I agee, I am just going with the title B) Edited February 29, 2008 by hakkamike (see edit history) Link to comment
Dan R Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 I couldn't have said it better! B) Link to comment
rogerluli Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 I couldn't have said it better! What Dan said... Link to comment
Urkidding Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 I couldn't have said it better! What Dan said... What Roger said... Link to comment
LeeFisher3 Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 I couldn't have said it better! What Dan said... What Roger said... Amen Link to comment
rogerluli Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) Herein this story lies an important lesson for our less experienced members... Unless you really are a jerk... Most of your pain... Will come from laopo's little TALKS with her friends... Edited February 29, 2008 by rogerluli (see edit history) Link to comment
shaffej7070 Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Herein this story lies an important lesson for our less experienced members... Unless you really are a jerk... Most of your pain... Will come from laopo's little TALKS with her friends... Lao Po will trust and uninformed Chinese woman rather than her informed American husband about the whole process from Visa to GC to citizenship. Don't be frustrated guys, just accept it. Link to comment
Dennis143 Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Herein this story lies an important lesson for our less experienced members... Unless you really are a jerk... Most of your pain... Will come from laopo's little TALKS with her friends... Lao Po will trust and uninformed Chinese woman rather than her informed American husband about the whole process from Visa to GC to citizenship. Don't be frustrated guys, just accept it. amen again... Link to comment
Shenzhen K-1 Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Herein this story lies an important lesson for our less experienced members... Unless you really are a jerk... Most of your pain... Will come from laopo's little TALKS with her friends... Lao Po will trust and uninformed Chinese woman rather than her informed American husband about the whole process from Visa to GC to citizenship. Don't be frustrated guys, just accept it. Yes for sure, like that article was a surprise to anyone here?? Link to comment
warpedbored Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Much as I hate trying to put Chinese women into a neat and tidy box, I found this humorous as well as pretty much true, at least in my case. Link to comment
rogerinca Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Amazingly accurate assessment !! Link to comment
IllinoisDave Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Thanks for that. I haven't been married long enough to experience this yet, but now, when I do I'll know how to handle it. Or will I? Link to comment
NewDay2006 Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Herein this story lies an important lesson for our less experienced members... Unless you really are a jerk... Most of your pain... Will come from laopo's little TALKS with her friends... Lao Po will trust and uninformed Chinese woman rather than her informed American husband about the whole process from Visa to GC to citizenship. Don't be frustrated guys, just accept it. You mean like the 001 ladies?? I'm a litte slow... a month or so ago , it finally hit me why that site was called 001 I told Lao Po and she laughed at me. Link to comment
georgeandli Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 I now see the folly of my thinking. I just need to figure out how not to screw up without knowing it. Like that will happen any time soon. Mars and Venus and a foreign language thrown in on top. Thats why we get the big money. Link to comment
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