Don&MuSi Posted March 20, 2003 Report Share Posted March 20, 2003 To All Candle For Love Members, I really need some advice. I am going to go into detail, so you will understand my situation. I have been in a relationship with my current fiance for more than two years. We met online when she advertised herself as being available and wanting to meet. When she advertised herself, she represented herself as divorced and no children. On my first trip to meet with her in person, I did meet her son, but was told that he will be staying with the father and this is why she listed herself as having no children. This was fine with me because I had no intentions of raising another family, since I've raised two already. I have since been back to China another 4 times. We have written 100's of email letters and nearly daily phone calls since we met. Never once did she mention her son. I recently posted that she received packet 3, which we are very happy about, but this morning she tells me that an application for her son to come with her was in packet 3. She is very happy that her son is coming to America and has spoken to her ex-husband already and he has given his approval. How can this happen?? On the fiance visa application, it says to list all children whether they are coming or not. We did not put in an application for him. Can someone tell me if the Embassy automatically puts this in with packet 3 if there are children involved? As I said, I did not petition to bring the son, only my fiance. Please understand, I do like children, but at this time in my life, I don't want to raise any more. Other questions I have: Does this mean that we need to file a new application?? Does this force us to start over again, because now she wants to bring her son?? I am trying hard to understand all of this. If anyone can shed some light, I would appreciate it.ThanksDon Link to comment
tparrent Posted March 20, 2003 Report Share Posted March 20, 2003 As I recall, there is a spot on the P3 forms to enter those who will accompany the fiancee. Nonetheless, they had to have been included in the original petition. Just because there is a space on this general purpose form does NOT mean they will be granted a visa. I think you would have to start the petitioning process for the son and I imagine that could take a LONG time to complete. Maybe someone else can comment on whether the child of a (technically) non-immigrant beneficiary even qualifies to tag along. There are a lot of VERY knowledgeable people at http://britishexpats.com/forum/forumdispla...2776abef4af8635 who could answer this with the real facts. Unfortunately, I fear this is the least of your problems. Good luck sir. I sincerely hope it all turns out for the best. Link to comment
wgraffiks Posted March 20, 2003 Report Share Posted March 20, 2003 Yes, the form in the packet seems to be automatically included. My situation is similar to yours, son, living with the ex, etc. We agreed very early in the relationship that he would not be going to the US, and I would not sponsor him. I, too, was surprised to see that line in the packet, but since we had already agreed, her son's name was not placed on the line for any others who would accompany the beneficiary. I can't comment on the official position of the "what if" scenrario. I suggest a call to DoS or the US Consulate in GZ would be in order for that one. Link to comment
tonado Posted March 20, 2003 Report Share Posted March 20, 2003 Don, I think you should have a serious talk with your fiancee (about that you never intend to sponsor her son). If you agree to sponsor him too, then you should contact DOS for help. Best of luck. Link to comment
Eric&Yuhui Posted March 20, 2003 Report Share Posted March 20, 2003 Don, I think you should have a serious talk with your fiancee (about that you never intend to sponsor her son). If you agree to sponsor him too, then you should contact DOS for help. Best of luck.Yes indeed. Talk and clarification are neededIf the son is not coming, then your original I129F is fine.. and you can disregard the "boxes" on P3 for kids.Otherwise, your I129F will not be enough.. You will need either to start another one or wait till she gets there on the current petition and then petition separately for the son later. Good luck to you. Link to comment
AZwolfman Posted March 20, 2003 Report Share Posted March 20, 2003 I'm afraid I have to agree with Tony on this one. "What a tangled web we weave when at first we practice to decieve." Have a serious talk with both yourself and with your fiancée. In my early communications with my fiancée, I had some questions about some inconsistencies. But after talking with her later in the relationship and knowing her better, I realized these were just cultural and language differences. Although speaks English very well, our cultures sometimes have different ways of expressing our ideas. These ideas do not always come out in English the way they were meant. Link to comment
Mick Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 I echo the above sentiments entirely. A long and serious talk is in order. I am not in a position to say whether or not she attempted to deceive you as I don't know her. Only you, based on your experience, can decide this. Perhaps it is something as simple as a misunderstanding due to language difficulties. But no matter what, it is time for serious discussion and serious soul-searching on your part. I feel for you as this seems to be a difficult situation. Best of luck my friend. Link to comment
chinadave2001 Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 Don, I can only add to what others have already encouraged you to do. Please be careful and try to find out if this is some kind of misunderstanding due to culture, expectations, assumptions, language, or all of the above. I wish you lots of luck and clear thinking....Dave Link to comment
lori&dave Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 Don, As a Chinese woman, I think it's quite possible that ur fiancee wants to bring her son with her to US. My own cousin did the same thing and she told me abt her intentions frankly. I know this is ugly, and I shouldn't have said this to u since I am Chinese. Especially I never got married and had kids, I might not understand those divorced moms well. But U do need a serious talk with her, and think abt ur bottom line. We Chinese had an old saying "If u love someone, then love everything of hers/his." Good luck Link to comment
owenkrout Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 This is something that you need to work out with your fiancee, but I had a similar situation, so will add my two cents worth. When we decided to get married my wife had a daughter from a previous marriage. She assumed that I would not want her daughter to live with us because she is not my daughter and therefore I would not want her. This is the common attitude in China. Therefore she volunteered that her daughter would not be living with us. I have had Chinese friends in the past and also knew her brother very well. From those sources I found out just how close a mother and daughter were likely to be in Chinese society. From that cultural understanding I made what turned out to be a very critical decision. I told her that her daughter would be welcome to live with us if she wanted to do so. It was obvious immediately that there was a great sense of relief. I am convinced that even though she did not insist on it, my willingness to accept her daughter has made a huge difference in our relationship. It is entirely possible that your fiancee was agreeing to not having her daughter accompany you in order to do the culturally correct thing of following her "husband's" leadership. However the tie between her and her daughter is quite possibly so close that she is torn by the emotion of truly realizing that she is about to have to leave her daughter and most likely not be able to see her again for a long time. Also, it would be the height of proper fiality to be able to get her daughter what many Chinese dream of, the American green card. It is a complicated and emotional issue. Personally, I don't see how I could possibly tell my wife that her daughter could not live with us, just as she has expressed willingness to even allow my daughter and her son to live with us. Even in the US I was raised with a sense of the importance of loyalty to family. In China, loyalty to family is, if anything, of even greater importance. She may not have intended anything dishonest, she may just have had an emotional response when she saw what she took as an opportunity to have her daughter with her. Talk it out and arrive at what is really happening. Link to comment
tonado Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 Owen, Not daughter. Don's fiancee has a son. Still, the bond between Mom and Son are strong too. Link to comment
Mick Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 Owen: your response is well thought out, reasonable, and makes an important point. Thanks for posting it and I hope it helps the person who started this thread. In any event, open discussion is needed. Link to comment
Don&MuSi Posted March 21, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 First of all, I want to thank everyone for the responses you have given me to my problem. After reviewing them, I took your advice and phoned my fiance. Because the Embassy sent the papers since it was documented on the application that she did have a child, she assumed that I requested it. We had a very long talk and although she was willing to wait to bring her son to America, I felt that bringing him now was a better option. I love MuSi and want her to be happy and I think she would be happier if her son was with her. So, although our plans have been altered, I think that I have made the right choice and we will pursue two visas for MuSi and her son. Thanks again to everyone. It helped me to think more clearly and make what I think is the right choice. Don&MuSi Link to comment
bobmal99 Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 This is a good idea Don, one that I am sure you will not regret. As someone stated earlier this whole situation could have been a simple misunderstanding on your fiances part. It seems you handled this rationally amd have made the best decision for you and your loved ones. Lili and I wish you all the best... Link to comment
AZwolfman Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 I just LOVE happy endings Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now