Chinese prejudices

[stacato]

If that's true, then are men who marry American women looking for someone totally walk all over them, use them, get what they can, and leave them for some one with more to take?

 

 

 

 

God question.... good question.....

[yuan fen]

I'm sure there is a difference. Jen has gotten along with everyone she has met and likes the other ladies very much, but it didn't compare to her meeting up with another from near her home town. The 2 of them together were just on a different wavelength. I'm sure it is no different here, north/south, east coast/ left coast, even clse to home with no Cal/ so Cal.

225783[/snapback]

Leiqin gets along with everyone also. I have yet to see her not love nor be loved by everyone who knows her or whom she meets.

 

Mike (Pushbrk) made a good observation, in that levels or degrees of good and bad don't seem to be part of their makeup. Things are either good or bad and there is very little to no middle ground with her thinking. I suppose much of what she says is passed down behavior and that it is just words only, as her actions don't display simple good/bad.

 

Oh and the skin color thing, she commented just tonight how she wishes she was as white as my legs. I tried to explain how color on a woman's skin is often very appealing to most western men. She didn't buy it nor could she even get close to wrapping her mind around that concept.

I believe it was Coco Chanel who went on holiday to the French Riviara and returned with a tan. Her tan set the trend that shed the western attitude that dark skin equated the working class. Instead, it was a statement of the leisure class.

225798[/snapback]

 

Jie does have some middle ground as she will say, " so so " to many things.

 

Is it hot in Shanghai, " mmmmm so so hot. "

 

And the " White Thing? "

She is always asking if I have turned " Black " yet. She knows I enjoy boating on the lake, and outside adventures. She even ask if I would not be too " Black " when I come to Shanghai, only 7 more days till lift off.

 

I was trying to get some her takes on the women of China, being geographically speaking. And, it was a mixed bag.

 

Shanghai? Some xin good.

Beijing ? Same as Shanghai.

Nanning? Women very beautiful.

Chongqing? Same as Nanning.

Hong Kong? No gooda

Harbin? Long ( tall, but she is from Mu dan Jiang only 3 hours away & stands 5 ft. ? ) maybe 5 ft is tall in China?

 

She says " small from ¡° people good. I translated it as people in small cities or towns have the least exposure to western culture, I guess?

 

She is a people person, and gets along with just about anybody. But if someone crosses her ? She will woop their ass, their friends ass, and leave them :boxertwo: . She grew up with 3 sisters & a brother. She claims that it would take all three sisters + mama to hold her down. All her sisters show high respect for her.

 

The thing that kills me is the comparison between husbands. " Keeping up with the Jones's syndrome " .

 

I am " lao gong xiao qi " I always say, "Thank you my farmer lao po." So that just blows them all away.

 

I would not have it any other way.

 

Dominate a Chinese woman?

 

 

 

 

 

( ooops, I guess we are just a bunch of CFL sisters)

Edited June 22, 2006 by yuan fen (see edit history)

[BillV 8-16-2004]

Let's keep the American woman bashing in check - they're not all bad.

 

Carl was joking.......those who seek a Chinese doormat are in for a very rude surprise. One of the guys at the picnic last weekend said something very interesting. He said "I don't know just when it was that I lost control (of the household), but I sure did. She is in command now, and you know what? I like it that way."

225847[/snapback]

Since my wife started working she has told me she is impressed with the young ladies who work with her. That they are very hard workers unlike in China. Also they are more helpful and feel less threatened to assist and train someone without fearing that they will soon know the job better than them like in China.

[warpedbored]

Let's keep the American woman bashing in check - they're not all bad.

 

Carl was joking.......those who seek a Chinese doormat are in for a very rude surprise. One of the guys at the picnic last weekend said something very interesting. He said "I don't know just when it was that I lost control (of the household), but I sure did. She is in command now, and you know what? I like it that way."

225847[/snapback]

I can't believe anyone took that post seriously. I was actually sticking up for Jenny. Too many times these threads turn into American woman bashing. I was merely pointing out one of the ludicrous stereotypes given to men who marry Asian women as well. Next time you start to criticize American women stop and think, "would I say the same thing about my mother?, my Sister?

[Dennis143]

Let's keep the American woman bashing in check - they're not all bad.

 

Carl was joking.......those who seek a Chinese doormat are in for a very rude surprise. One of the guys at the picnic last weekend said something very interesting. He said "I don't know just when it was that I lost control (of the household), but I sure did. She is in command now, and you know what? I like it that way."

225847[/snapback]

I can't believe anyone took that post seriously. I was actually sticking up for Jenny. Too many times these threads turn into American woman bashing. I was merely pointing out one of the ludicrous stereotypes given to men who marry Asian women as well. Next time you start to criticize American women stop and think, "would I say the same thing about my mother?, my Sister?

225879[/snapback]

My mother? No.

My sister? Heck Yes!

[skibum]

Back to the original post- I feel that humans have a need to feel better than others. No matter how simular they are, they will find some reason to discriminate.

As for skin color, I remember in China, my now wife would walk from shady spot to shady spot on the sidewalk. Now when she is outside, she covers up and even wears a mask so she will not get dark. I look at this as the same as Americans laying in the sun to get dark only it is alot more healthy to cover up.

[Dennis143]

Back to the original post- I feel that humans have a need to feel better than others. No matter how simular they are, they will find some reason to discriminate.

As for skin color, I remember in China, my now wife would walk from shady spot to shady spot on the sidewalk. Now when she is outside, she covers up and even wears a mask so she will not get dark. I look at this as the same as Americans laying in the sun to get dark only it is alot more healthy to cover up.

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Studies on sun exposure are mixed: Too much or too little exposure is unhealthy. Research shows that 15 minutes of direct sunlight to our skin daily is needed for our bodies to produce significant amounts of vitamin D. Some research also point that a lack of vitamin D may have a link to cancer and that both vitamin D and calcium are needed to help ward off osteoporosis.

 

Studies also show that our skins act as filters; darker skin, closer to the equator and light skin in the northern hemisphere allow our bodies to absorb sufficient amounts of sunlight to produce vitamin D. There are some studies that show persons living in northern hemispheres and having low exposure to sunlight have greater incidences of tumors and cancer, especially darker skinned persons.

 

http://bastyrcenter.org/content/view/843/&page=1

 

http://www.aad.org/public/News/NewsRelease...s_Realities.htm

[Joanne]

The preference for white skin is very typical of agrarian societies.

We had the same preference (as did Europe) before the Industrial Age.

 

Reason: the attributes of the rich/wealthy/priviledged are always considered attractive to the poor.

When most of Europe starved, the plump/fat rich women were considered gorgeous.

When poor people get fat on McD's, the slenderness of people who can afford personal trainers and health-conscious chefs is considered attractive.

If you work in the sun all day, then those privileged enough to stay inside and not get tan are considered good-looking.  Once working in factories (and later, as cublicle wage-slaves) became the norm, only the wealthy could afford winter vacations to the Carribean and Mediterranean, so tans became attractive.

 

I do like naturally dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes.  But it is also true that exposure to the sun ages skin.  So the efforts of Chinese to avoid tanning will keep them looking younger, longer.  I pretty much agree with that.  Besides, I always thought tan lines looked funny.

225718[/snapback]

Well put! I share the same opinion.

[trickyspark]

225718[/snapback]

I feel that humans have a need to feel better than others. No matter how simular they are' date=' they will find some reason to discriminate.

 

 

[right']225930[/snapback][/right]

That is so not true, not in everyone's case. I guess that's why I never fit in. While it seems 90% of the people I run across seem to find something to discriminate against, I honestly don't care if someone is better than me, if they are of a different race, belief, background, or whatever. I have no need to be better than anyone, I just live my life and do what I find enjoyable. People are people, discriminating won't change anything...so I figure why do it.

 

I think it's kind of funny, if you put a group of small children from every religion, race, etc, into a room they'll play with each other and get along.

 

Do that with adults, and that's where the name calling and whatnot begins.

 

So if anyone ever says I act childish, I take that as a compliment.

[trickyspark]

[]I never can get the quotes in that little box if I edit them at all. I meant to quote

 

" I feel that humans have a need to feel better than others. No matter how simular they are, they will find some reason to discriminate."

 

Couldnt edit that post for some reason once i made it.

[beijingjenny]

Of course Carl was joking.... and thanks Carl. I was just trying to make a point about the gross stereotyping people of all races do.

[hypoclear]

I wonder about that "good husband / bad husband etc." Is it just a language issue or is it what they actually think?

 

By this I mean if their world view is black and white, this or that, there leaves little if any room for doubt or complexness.

 

I have also heard they, making a generalization here, are more rooted in concrete thinking and have little abstract thinking skills.

 

I know for me explaining much beyond pouring a glass of milk to SO is torture, exageration here, but in many conversations beyond routine ones she totally misses the point and many times is angered or upset.

 

I was very interested in the, what ever I said while in China was incorrect etc but if the same thing was said by others.. well hell's bell's if that ain't the truth! very frustrating. I think this goes to the clanishness and superstitiopns many exhabit

 

For me at times this whole cultural issue is a pain... than I realize how much language is about agreance between the people speaking and a shared social /cultural background.So much is said that isn't spoken and you aren't left to double back in conversation to help the other person understand what you said or stop to try and figure out what they ment.

 

I.E. "See the game? Yeah, so and so sucked!, they got to bring in fresh blood... etc etc.. Just about any guy can fill that in and have a conversation with only those words.. good lord what an evening of.... that would be with the SO.

 

Mark

[kungfupaul]

I wonder about that "good husband / bad husband etc." Is it just a language issue or is it what they actually think?

 

By this I mean if their world view is black and white, this or that, there leaves little if any room for doubt or complexness.

 

I have also heard they, making a generalization here, are more rooted in concrete thinking and have little abstract thinking skills.

 

I know for me explaining much beyond pouring a glass of milk to SO is torture, exageration here, but in many conversations beyond routine ones she totally misses the point and many times is angered or upset.

 

I was very interested in the, what ever I said while in China was incorrect etc but if the same thing was said by others.. well hell's bell's if that ain't the truth! very frustrating. I think this goes to the clanishness and superstitiopns many exhabit

 

For me at times this whole cultural issue is a pain... than I realize how much language is about agreance between the people speaking and a shared social /cultural background.So much is said that isn't spoken and you aren't left to double back in conversation to help the other person understand what you said or stop to try and figure out what they ment.

 

I.E. "See the game? Yeah, so and so sucked!, they got to bring in fresh blood... etc etc.. Just about any guy can fill that in and have a conversation with only those words.. good lord what an evening of.... that would be with the SO.

 

Mark

225987[/snapback]

Just my 2 cent's ..... I have been teaching and been around chinese kung fu for over 20 year's and these same thing's happen there Norht kung fu is better than south and visa versa .The 2 group's even have different view point's on what is better to use foot or hand .I have heard so many different view ponit's on the why and it is primarily the difference in the region and for that matter kung fu is regional and even in the south or north one kung fu is better because of where it is from .And because i teach both north and south i can not mention the othere in front of the othere .....It seem's to me north people and taiwan people say south people and hong kong people are not as good because they are not as educated and not as civilized as they and south people and hong kong people feel nrth people and taiwan people are to materalistic and driven toward goal attainment instead of simple life .... just my observation .... personally i like the value structure of the south people and attitude better just dont tell my Bei Si fu he will be unhappy and my Nan Shi Fu will maybe get a big head ... I was told this once from a sifu from the north .... south people are close minded and not say what they mean because of the mountains around them but north people are open minded and straight forward in talk : like the open land's in the north what do you say to that .... yes Si Fu one more thing i do not think it is racist at all even though some time's i get offended i think it is a competitive thing with the chinese people there are 56 different individual group's and all want to show there individualality and as it relates to the japanese i made a big mistake i aske3d to go to a japanese resturant when i was in nanning this we did but i have yet to live it down it is you like japanese woman you like japanese I was very insensitive to a sensitive issue wiht my fiance's family the rape of nanjing was only a short time ago less than 60 year's ago and i have read this now and see why the animosity I love sushi and sashimi and all that it has but i was even given a meal of chinese style sushi and i can live with it and enjoy this was given to me the next day i felt like a total creep ....how about this one a si fu told me a chinese emperor sent 5000 thousand chinese virgin men and 5000 virgin women to a island and they become unrully and now they are japanese

[Dennis143]

I was very interested in the, what ever I said while in China was incorrect etc but if the same thing was said by others.. well hell's bell's if that ain't the truth! very frustrating. I think this goes to the clanishness and superstitiopns many exhabit

225987[/snapback]

Well, all I can say is that I hope others won't have to learn this frustrating quirk too.

 

OK, everyone knows about Lieqin's surgery and that it was performed by Chinese/American doctors. It took Leiqin quite a while for her to heal completely. She'd complain that her skin was tight and the scars where hardening and that she was very uncomfortable.

 

One day last week, I come home from work. She is on the phone. She doesn't greet me with her normal running to me with open arms. I had to force a kiss from her (while she continued to talk on the phone). She gets off the phone and immediately begins scolding me for getting her Chinese doctors to perform her surgery. That the Chinese ladies who were in the hospital with her warned her that the Chinese doctors were no good and now her friend Jennifer tells her that I should have taken her to American doctors. She continues to tell me that had she had American doctors, she wouldn't be uncomfortable now.

 

I try to tell her that her doctor, although Chinese, was born here and speaks very little Chinese and that he's as American as any doctor. But, she isn't buying it and continues to scold me. Well, I blow up. I tell her the next time she is sick to please call Jennifer and not to bother me.

 

We pouted for a day and made up and the subject has passed. It still goes to show that regardless of what I do, if someone else tells her otherwise, it then becomes the gospel truth.....

Edited June 23, 2006 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[warpedbored]

You bring up an interesting issue Dennis that I have heard before and experienced myself. The Chinese expert syndrome. It seems that with many women they will believe some half baked idea they heard from some friend of theirs over what their American husband told them who has lived here all his life. This seems to be a pretty common thing from what I can gather talking with other husbands.