Trust

[JamesBDennis]

Hi Guy’s

Several days ago I told you that I would be posting a piece on trust. First a little background for those that have not been fallowing my case.

I was given a personal introduction to my wife by a long time, but not close friend, in September of 2003. We married after 3 trips to see her, in January of 2005 on the advice of a lawyer that said it would be the quickest why to get her to the US. It also let me stay with her longer while we waited. I expected a 12 to 18 month wait and we got a 7 ½ month wait from the I -130 to the K-3 interview.

I did not file as soon as we married because of a family crises and I did not use that lawyer because I found out that we could not do a DCF (Direct Consular Filing) like he told us we could. That was not all his fault. He did tell me to check with the consulate. I checked the consulate web page. The web page did not mention that you need a permanent residence permit.

He also would not send any thing to China were I was at the time. I either had to return home or I had to have some one forward every thing. This would have been a logistic nightmare. He also doubled the money he wanted. I now understand that was because there are two forms, an I-130 and an I-129. It is more work for him.

I returned home expecting to have most of a year to prepare for things. My occupation requires one month of preparation, two months of wide open, hard as you can go, drive, a three week break and two months of wide open drive, with the rest of the year off. Think 16 to 20 hour days, bad food, and pretty hard physical work. Also think about making two or three grand on “some” days. When it all works I love it. I still love it when it does not all work.

Over the summer I checked the mail and pick up the NOA 1 and 2 for both the I-130 and the I-129. It is going much faster than expected. I think OK cool. In September I return to China for a short visit and the P3 comes. I think cool, and we rush to fill it out. I check people’s time lines and find that it is taking about 5 months to get from P-3 to interview.

That puts us in February I think. Cool, I think. She will have time to adjust some before I have to go into overdrive and will be unable to baby sit her. It will also let her see a little bit of winter, then a summer, before she has to face the long winter. This is looking good.

The next thing I know she is telling me that she has the interview on December 14. This is not good. I still have things to do in the states then and I want to be there for the interview. Also I want to help with the P-4 papers. She has great handwriting, much better than me, but does not read complex English well. I on the other hand am a speed reader but need a dictionary and a printer to write a shopping list. If it was not for multiple chouse tests I would have not got out of grade school.

I do a quick skim of this forum for info on delaying the interview and every thing I find leads me to believe that it can not or should not be done. When last I looked at the Consulate web page I did not see any info on this.

So I get over here as fast as I can, about a week before the interview, and we try and get the paper work done. This is not helped by her family, ( large and demanding) her work, she is gone on a normal day form about 7:15 am to 7:00pm ( 45 minute commute or more both ways, and a 2 hour lunch break), and the fact that one of her understudies at the bank she works at has made off with app $40,000 of money.

This is in part my fault because I wanted her to work after we were married. I did not think it healthy for her to be sitting around doing nothing for 12-18 months while we wait for a visa. I also expect her to work in the states. This is not a “money thing”. It is an “independence” thing.

So now we get the papers filled out the night before the interview and she goes to the interview. As those that have been there have noted it is a zoo out front of the consulate building. The security guards are some thing else. I even saw them make an old woman get out of a wheel chair and get pulled/ carried/ walked up the steps. There is a wheel chair ramp but they do not use it. What is up with that??????

After standing around for an hour I go back to the room and try and get some sleep. That does not work so I go back and go into the building. Meet a nice guy that is waiting for his wife and step-daughter at the elevator. . After an hour or so they show up and jump on his case because they have been done for hours and have been looking all over for him. I run back to the room and find Amy on the way. She has a blue slip with a request for more info. They want phone log’s and evidence of the Ex husbands location.

There are no phone logs to speak of (we used MSN messenger and cheap phone cards) and she does not know the location of the ex. I had written a letter explaining the lack of phone logs but the VO would not or did not read it. She told me the interview was quick, 3-5 minutes.

The next Friday I do talk to a VO. He gets me calmed down, tells me to just do the best we can and it will be alright. She finds the ex and gets a letter form his work place, a letter form his local police station as to were he is living, and a utility bill plus some pictures of him holding a newspaper. She also gets some phone logs of when she called me. I write a letter again explaining the lack of phone logs. She turns this in along with some print outs of a sample chat session.

Friday the 23 we go back to get the result’s. No go. We are rejected. This is not a request for more info. We are out of there. No real explanation. I talk to “King”. He offers to help for a pretty price; %20 down, the contract is in Chinese and with my wife and not me. No credit cards. Also if there is any thing wrong with the documents he walks with the down. I like him but I do not like his Chinese understudy. Also the consulate is closed that afternoon.

We go home and I do some looking on the web. I find that he is not listed on the list of lawyer’s that the consulate keeps but he is listed with the Washington Bar association. My brother (the lawyer) does some work and finds only one case that he has done. It is in the late 60’s I think.

I decide to wait until I can talk to a VO. I also do some posting here. This last Friday I go to the Consulate again and talk to a different VO. He tells me that they have reason to believe that she has an “ongoing relationship” with her ex. I press him and he goes off to check with some one and then said there is no question about it. She has an “ongoing” relationship with her ex.

He will not tell me what the “reason to believe” is, but that in a few weeks?????? She will receive a letter explaining what that is and what she can do about it. I ask if they will send me a letter and he gets a surprised look on his face. I point out that I need to know this. She is down stairs waiting for me. He goes off again and comes back and tells me that “soon” some one will contact me. I press him some more and he tells me that it will be within two weeks.

Ok! So much for back ground, now on to trust. What should I believe, how should I act to my wife. She tells me she has no idea what the problem is, loves me, only me and is not going to worry about it. I have explained in detail several times what I was told and the implications of it. She is just as loving and kind as ever. She does not act “guilty”

First, do I trust my wife? With very few exceptions she has never given my any reason to not trust her. The few times that I was concerned were when she had to work late. She did not tell me before, but she always called me to tell me that she was working late as soon as she knew. She was always very sorry about it, but what can one do at the time.

I have met 30-40 or more of her large family; I have seen hundreds of pictures of her with her family growing up and of her with her fellow workers at her jobs. I have been to her place of work, a bank, both with her, when it was closed, and also open with reduced staff, last Chinese New Year.

What I mean is she went in and unlocked the door, let me in the outer area, then went and did things like put more money in the cash machine and check the fax machine. The next time there was three tellers and a guard on duty. She introduced me to the Guard and the teller’s and then went and did her thing for 45 minutes while I waited. I would think that this would be hard to fake.

Having said all that, I know that it would be very easy for her to have five boyfriends just down the street. I don’t speak Chinese and I don’t know the culture. I would not have a clue. I also know that a visa is a great incentive to fake love. I knew this when I started. I decided to take a chance. Do I trust her? Yes. Could she be faking? Yes. Do you trust the US Supreme Court? Better ask Al Gore on that one.

Now the question is “do I trust my friend, the guy that gave me the introduction”? Yes. He can be a bit flaky at times but I have known him a long time and I would think that some thing like this would be beyond him. He is married to my wife’s sister and is spending most of the year living in china.

Now for the big one! Do I trust the Consulate??? No! The Consulate is nothing more than a place were a bunch of people sit around and try to do a job. At best they are over worked and underpaid. At worst they are over worked, underpaid, and having a bad day. In short they are people trying to get through life the best they can. They are going to make mistakes. I know that they do this every day. It is not their fault. It is the systems fault. I also really do not like people that make allegations but will not back them up with “facts”. Tell me or give her a visa. It is cruel to make me wait. If I trust her I could be in some danger. If I pack my bags and leave then I am unfair to her.

Now do I trust “King”? No. He seems a nice guy but let’s look at what I know about him. He has nice offices downstairs from the consulate. He is spoken highly of by some people on this forum. He has a lot of staff. He is listed with the Washington State Bar. He is very personable.

He also does not use his real name in this forum. I have no way of knowing if the “King” I met is the King that others are talked about. He is not listed on the Consulate list of U.S. lawyers, and as far as I can tell his company is not listed there. Why??? His contract is very short, in Chinese, and with the “applicant” not the petitioner. Why?

He takes %20 down and the rest on the issue of the visa and will see it thru to the end as long as none of the documents are defective or we have made no mistakes on the application. If there is, he walks with the down. That makes sense for him, but does not make me happy. I am almost sure that it is some problem with the paper work, probably the stuff we turned in from the ex husband. I can easily see the ex doing some thing to mess us up.

Even the %20 is a large amount of money for China. I think he would do alright to just take the money and drop it at the first sign of trouble. Also I do not see how “King” can collect the rest if he gets a visa for some one and they don’t want to pay. Does the Consulate give the passport with the visa in it to him? Does he sue in US Court?

The stuff from the consulate all has a big warning stamped on it warning to be careful of who you let help you. Last but not least. What can he do for me? Will the consulate respond better to him than to me? I talked to four guys while I waited for my turn at the “poison pen” window. Two of then had spent a great deal of money on lawyer’s and had not got any were. They had been waiting a long time. They did not know what the problem was then any more than when they started.

So no, King I do not trust you! That does not mean that you are not a stand up guy. You seem very nice. I just do not trust you. Not your fault.

Now for the real killer! Do I trust this web site? No. It is the internet guys. We do not know who we are talking to. At best it is the blind leading the blind. At worst it is “King” or some one like him setting people up to make mistakes so that they can “help” fix them. I see no end of misleading and misinformation here. Early on I received some very strange replies to some basic requests for information. Why can people expound for hours on the details of some things but can not answer the basic question “Will they accept the translation form that the Chinese Notary office uses”? This is what it looks like.

I am also sure the some one at the consulate monitors this and all other forms that they know about. How better to gather information on unsuspecting people. Every thing we bring them is suspect because we are trying to look the best. We most likely will not bring in anything that looks suspect, but if we were not on the up and up we might let it slip with a strange request or some thing. And yes, they can match you form this forum to your file. This is the age of “big brother” weather we want to admit it or not. I would not mind this if I got the result I want.

I am not even sure that I am not getting the result I want. I want a good wife as much as the consulate wants to stop visa fraud. I do not want to go to the US and have her dump me after she gets a green card or as soon as I have a great season and buy a new boat or new house. I don’t mind the wait as long as I know what is going on. I just do not want them to make a mistake or to drop us in a dark hole because they are too busy to do the job right. I just want to be able to trust them and I do not. Just tell me what the “reason to believe” is and I will try and deal with it. Is it because the consulate has pictures of them hanging out together or is it because I forgot to put EX in front of husband in one of my earlier posts?

Now I get really paranoid. One of the things I find strange about China is that you can go a week with out seeing an other white guy, then walk right by one and have him not even seem to see you. At 6feet 8inchs 280, I am a bit hard to miss. I’m not sure what is up with this but several other people I know here have also commented on it.

OK, now why have I been contacted within hours of the RFI and the rejection by “friendly” strangers? Am I under investigation? Seems a bit strange but I have read about stranger things. Actually if so this is not a bad thing. I have nothing to hide. Just get on with it.

Ok now to sum up. Were am I? I don’t trust any one or thing, really. My three big fears are that we will never get a visa, never get any answers and get dropped in a dark hole some were, I will lose my nerve and bolt from my wife by mistake, or last and least likely, I will suffer some “harm” at the hands of my wife while waiting to resolve this. For now life goes on. I will just spend as much time as possible in China.

Jim

[ameriken]

Now for the real killer! Do I trust this web site? No. It is the internet guys. We do not know who we are talking to. At best it is the blind leading the blind. At worst it is King?or some one like him setting people up to make mistakes so that they can help?fix them. I see no end of misleading and misinformation here. Early on I received some very strange replies to some basic requests for information. Why can people expound for hours on the details of some things but can not answer the basic question

182412[/snapback]

You are right. I remember trying to help you by responding with my own experience. I remember many others posting to help you by telling you to trust your wife.

 

But, you are right. There is no end of misleading and misinformation, and we cannot trust the internet.

 

So, why should anyone here even bother to believe your story and waste our time trying to help someone who is probably misleading us all? Like you said, cant trust anyone, why should we even trust you?

 

If you dont trust King, fire him. If you dont trust your wife, divorce her. If you dont trust us, get off the site. But dont admonish everyone as a bunch of no goods because you dont know what to believe in.

 

Make a decision: choose one, trust that person, and go from there. I think you should start with the person you trusted before you listened to the VO: your wife.

 

But then again, maybe I am misleading you.

[Yuanyang]

"I am almost sure that it is some problem with the paper work, probably the stuff we turned in from the ex husband. I can easily see the ex doing some thing to mess us up."

 

Jim,

 

As posted before, I suspect their is a 3rd party correspondence to the Consulate that says your wife and her ex-husband have an ongoing relationship. That is what needs to be purged.

 

If it were a matter of missing papers, undotted 'i's or uncrossed 't's then the blue slip would've mentioned that also.

[wpc76180]

Dude...chill out.

 

Get a stiff drink and chill out.

 

When you're nice and chill,

then you can think.

[chef4u]

Now for the real killer! Do I trust this web site? No. It is the internet guys. We do not know who we are talking to. At best it is the blind leading the blind. At worst it is King?or some one like him setting people up to make mistakes so that they can help?fix them. I see no end of misleading and misinformation here. Early on I received some very strange replies to some basic requests for information. Why can people expound for hours on the details of some things but can not answer the basic question

182412[/snapback]

You are right. I remember trying to help you by responding with my own experience. I remember many others posting to help you by telling you to trust your wife.

 

But, you are right. There is no end of misleading and misinformation, and we cannot trust the internet.

 

So, why should anyone here even bother to believe your story and waste our time trying to help someone who is probably misleading us all? Like you said, cant trust anyone, why should we even trust you?

 

If you dont trust King, fire him. If you dont trust your wife, divorce her. If you dont trust us, get off the site. But dont admonish everyone as a bunch of no goods because you dont know what to believe in.

 

Make a decision: choose one, trust that person, and go from there. I think you should start with the person you trusted before you listened to the VO: your wife.

 

But then again, maybe I am misleading you.

182422[/snapback]

In order to have trust in others ...you must trust yourself first!! Take care of number one...you. Then your answers to your question and all the mistrust you are feeling now of others would subside......Trust me! Good Luck B)

[hakkamike]

Hi Guy’s

  Several days ago I told you that I would be posting a piece on trust. First a little background for those that have not been fallowing my case.

  I was given a personal introduction to my wife by a long time, but not close friend, in September of 2003. We married after 3 trips to see her, in January of 2005 on the advice of a lawyer that said it would be the quickest why to get her to the US. It also let me stay with her longer while we waited. I expected a 12 to 18 month wait and we got a 7 ½ month wait from the I -130 to the K-3 interview.

  I did not file as soon as we married because of a family crises and I did not use that lawyer because I found out that we could not do a DCF (Direct Consular Filing) like he told us we could. That was not all his fault. He did tell me to check with the consulate. I checked the consulate web page. The web page did not mention that you need a permanent residence permit.                             

  He also would not send any thing to China were I was at the time. I either had to return home or I had to have some one forward every thing. This would have been a logistic nightmare. He also doubled the money he wanted. I now understand that was because there are two forms, an I-130 and an I-129. It is more work for him.

I returned home expecting to have most of a year to prepare for things. My occupation requires one month of preparation, two months of wide open, hard as you can go, drive, a three week break and two months of wide open drive, with the rest of the year off. Think 16 to 20 hour days, bad food, and pretty hard physical work. Also think about making two or three grand on “some” days. When it all works I love it. I still love it when it does not all work.

  Over the summer I checked the mail and pick up the NOA 1 and 2 for both the I-130 and the I-129.  It is going much faster than expected. I think OK cool. In September I return to China for a short visit and the P3 comes. I think cool, and we rush to fill it out. I check people’s time lines and find that it is taking about 5 months to get from P-3 to interview.

    That puts us in February I think. Cool, I think. She will have time to adjust some before I have to go into overdrive and will be unable to baby sit her. It will also let her see a little bit of winter, then a summer, before she has to face the long winter. This is looking good.

The next thing I know she is telling me that she has the interview on December 14. This is not good. I still have things to do in the states then and I want to be there for the interview. Also I want to help with the P-4 papers. She has great handwriting, much better than me, but does not read complex English well. I on the other hand am a speed reader but need a dictionary and a printer to write a shopping list. If it was not for multiple chouse tests I would have not got out of grade school.

I do a quick skim of this forum for info on delaying the interview and every thing I find leads me to believe that it can not or should not be done. When last I looked at the Consulate web page I did not see any info on this.

  So I get over here as fast as I can, about a week before the interview, and we try and get the paper work done. This is not helped by her family, ( large and demanding) her work, she is gone on a normal day form about 7:15 am to 7:00pm ( 45 minute commute or more both ways, and a 2 hour lunch break), and the fact that one of her understudies at the bank she works at has made off with app $40,000 of money. 

    This is in part my fault because I wanted her to work after we were married. I did not think it healthy for her to be sitting around doing nothing for 12-18 months while we wait for a visa.  I also expect her to work in the states. This is not a “money thing”. It is an “independence” thing.

  So now we get the papers filled out the night before the interview and she goes to the interview. As those that have been there have noted it is a zoo out front of the consulate building. The security guards are some thing else. I even saw them make an old woman get out of a wheel chair and get pulled/ carried/ walked up the steps. There is a wheel chair ramp but they do not use it. What is up with that??????

  After standing around for an hour I go back to the room and try and get some sleep. That does not work so I go back and go into the building. Meet a nice guy that is waiting for his wife and step-daughter at the elevator. . After an hour or so they show up and jump on his case because they have been done for hours and have been looking all over for him. I run back to the room and find Amy on the way. She has a blue slip with a request for more info. They want phone log’s and evidence of the Ex husbands location.

There are no phone logs to speak of (we used MSN messenger and cheap phone cards) and she does not know the location of the ex. I had written a letter explaining the lack of phone logs but the VO would not or did not read it. She told me the interview was quick, 3-5 minutes.

  The next Friday I do talk to a VO. He gets me calmed down, tells me to just do the best we can and it will be alright. She finds the ex and gets a letter form his work place, a letter form his local police station as to were he is living, and a utility bill plus some pictures of him holding a newspaper.  She also gets some phone logs of when she called me. I write a letter again explaining the lack of phone logs. She turns this in along with some print outs of a sample chat session.

Friday the 23 we go back to get the result’s. No go. We are rejected. This is not a request for more info. We are out of there. No real explanation. I talk to “King”. He offers to help for a pretty price; %20 down, the contract is in Chinese and with my wife and not me. No credit cards. Also if there is any thing wrong with the documents he walks with the down. I like him but I do not like his Chinese understudy. Also the consulate is closed that afternoon.

We go home and I do some looking on the web. I find that he is not listed on the list of lawyer’s that the consulate keeps but he is listed with the Washington Bar association. My brother (the lawyer) does some work and finds only one case that he has done. It is in the late 60’s I think.

I decide to wait until I can talk to a VO. I also do some posting here. This last Friday I go to the Consulate again and talk to a different VO. He tells me that they have reason to believe that she has an “ongoing relationship” with her ex. I press him and he goes off to check with some one and then said there is no question about it. She has an “ongoing” relationship with her ex.

He will not tell me what the “reason to believe” is, but that in a few weeks?????? She will receive a letter explaining what that is and what she can do about it. I ask if they will send me a letter and he gets a surprised look on his face. I point out that I need to know this. She is down stairs waiting for me. He goes off again and comes back and tells me that “soon” some one will contact me. I press him some more and he tells me that it will be within two weeks.

Ok! So much for back ground, now on to trust. What should I believe, how should I act to my wife. She tells me she has no idea what the problem is, loves me, only me and is not going to worry about it. I have explained in detail several times what I was told and the implications of it. She is just as loving and kind as ever. She does not act “guilty”

First, do I trust my wife? With very few exceptions she has never given my any reason to not trust her. The few times that I was concerned were when she had to work late. She did not tell me before, but she always called me to tell me that she was working late as soon as she knew. She was always very sorry about it, but what can one do at the time.

    I have met 30-40 or more of her large family; I have seen hundreds of pictures of her with her family growing up and of her with her fellow workers at her jobs. I have been to her place of work, a bank, both with her, when it was closed, and also open with reduced staff, last Chinese New Year.

What I mean is she went in and unlocked the door, let me in the outer area, then went and did things like put more money in the cash machine and check the fax machine. The next time there was three tellers and a guard on duty. She introduced me to the Guard and the teller’s and then went and did her thing for 45 minutes while I waited. I would think that this would be hard to fake.

Having said all that, I know that it would be very easy for her to have five boyfriends just down the street. I don’t speak Chinese and I don’t know the culture. I would not have a clue. I also know that a visa is a great incentive to fake love. I knew this when I started. I decided to take a chance. Do I trust her? Yes. Could she be faking? Yes. Do you trust the US Supreme Court? Better ask Al Gore on that one.

  Now the question is “do I trust my friend, the guy that gave me the introduction”? Yes. He can be a bit flaky at times but I have known him a long time and I would think that some thing like this would be beyond him. He is married to my wife’s sister and is spending most of the year living in china.

Now for the big one! Do I trust the Consulate??? No! The Consulate is nothing more than a place were a bunch of people sit around and try to do a job. At best they are over worked and underpaid. At worst they are over worked, underpaid, and having a bad day. In short they are people trying to get through life the best they can. They are going to make mistakes. I know that they do this every day. It is not their fault. It is the systems fault. I also really do not like people that make allegations but will not back them up with “facts”. Tell me or give her a visa. It is cruel to make me wait. If I trust her I could be in some danger. If I pack my bags and leave then I am unfair to her.

  Now do I trust “King”? No. He seems a nice guy but let’s look at what I know about him. He has nice offices downstairs from the consulate. He is spoken highly of by some people on this forum. He has a lot of staff. He is listed with the Washington State Bar. He is very personable.

  He also does not use his real name in this forum. I have no way of knowing if the “King” I met is the King that others are talked about. He is not listed on the Consulate list of U.S. lawyers, and as far as I can tell his company is not listed there. Why??? His contract is very short, in Chinese, and with the “applicant” not the petitioner. Why?

  He takes %20 down and the rest on the issue of the visa and will see it thru to the end as long as none of the documents are defective or we have made no mistakes on the application. If there is, he walks with the down. That makes sense for him, but does not make me happy. I am almost sure that it is some problem with the paper work, probably the stuff we turned in from the ex husband. I can easily see the ex doing some thing to mess us up.

    Even the %20 is a large amount of money for China. I think he would do alright to just take the money and drop it at the first sign of trouble.  Also I do not see how “King” can collect the rest if he gets a visa for some one and they don’t want to pay. Does the Consulate give the passport with the visa in it to him? Does he sue in US Court?

  The stuff from the consulate all has a big warning stamped on it warning to be careful of who you let help you. Last but not least. What can he do for me? Will the consulate respond better to him than to me? I talked to four guys while I waited for my turn at the “poison pen” window. Two of then had spent a great deal of money on lawyer’s and had not got any were. They had been waiting a long time. They did not know what the problem was then any more than when they started.

  So no, King I do not trust you! That does not mean that you are not a stand up guy. You seem very nice. I just do not trust you. Not your fault.

  Now for the real killer! Do I trust this web site? No. It is the internet guys. We do not know who we are talking to. At best it is the blind leading the blind. At worst it is “King” or some one like him setting people up to make mistakes so that they can “help” fix them. I see no end of misleading and misinformation here. Early on I received some very strange replies to some basic requests for information. Why can people expound for hours on the details of some things but can not answer the basic question “Will they accept the translation form that the Chinese Notary office uses”? This is what it looks like.

I am also sure the some one at the consulate monitors this and all other forms that they know about. How better to gather information on unsuspecting people. Every thing we bring them is suspect because we are trying to look the best. We most likely will not bring in anything that looks suspect, but if we were not on the up and up we might let it slip with a strange request or some thing. And yes, they can match you form this forum to your file. This is the age of “big brother” weather we want to admit it or not. I would not mind this if I got the result I want.

I am not even sure that I am not getting the result I want. I want a good wife as much as the consulate wants to stop visa fraud. I do not want to go to the US and have her dump me after she gets a green card or as soon as I have a great season and buy a new boat or new house. I don’t mind the wait as long as I know what is going on. I just do not want them to make a mistake or to drop us in a dark hole because they are too busy to do the job right. I just want to be able to trust them and I do not. Just tell me what the “reason to believe” is and I will try and deal with it. Is it because the consulate has pictures of them hanging out together or is it because I forgot to put EX in front of husband in one of my earlier posts?

  Now I get really paranoid.  One of the things I find strange about China is that you can go a week with out seeing an other white guy, then walk right by one and have him not even seem to see you. At 6feet 8inchs 280, I am a bit hard to miss. I’m not sure what is up with this but several other people I know here have also commented on it.

OK, now why have I been contacted within hours of the RFI and the rejection by “friendly” strangers? Am I under investigation? Seems a bit strange but I have read about stranger things.  Actually if so this is not a bad thing. I have nothing to hide. Just get on with it.

Ok now to sum up. Were am I? I don’t trust any one or thing, really. My three big fears are that we will never get a visa, never get any answers and get dropped in a dark hole some were, I will lose my nerve and bolt from my wife by mistake, or last and least likely, I will suffer some “harm” at the hands of my wife while waiting to resolve this. For now life goes on. I will just spend as much time as possible in China.

Jim

182412[/snapback]

Good Luck.

[nooneufo]

I can understand your frustration.

My two cents.

 

Since you are in China, if it were me in your shoes, I would go to, and not leave the consulate until someone told me what the problem is. On paper. You are an American in a foreign country, and the consulate is claiming they have information that they think your wife could be trying to scam the government. This affects you directly, and you need to know the truth of this (although I am with the majority, I would not be mis-trusting my wife over some bureaucrat's words without evidence). You should request, politely, that you need this information if you are being scammed. You are a foreigner in a foreign country.

 

If the consulate refuses to help you, I would start calling the US. The failure of the consulate to protect US citizens from a possible scam is the approach I would take, including calls to approprate congress persons and state departments in the event you do not get this information. ( I would be making lots of calls, everybody, mayor, governor, senators, officials, etc.). The simple statement I would make in these phone calls, is that you are an American in a foriegn country, and the consulate is refusing to assist you in determining if you are in fact being scammed. For all you know, there is a TPC, but "oops' wrong person, similar name" or some other similar error. But I would refuse to leave American soil (the consulate) until someone helps you. I would not yell, I would not threaten. I would make lots of phone calls saying I am an American in distress. Help me. Find someone in the consulate to help you. (of course maybe you might leave the consulate to make these calls, but I would not go far. I would be clear in these calls you are outside, trying to get help).

 

I would not try to explain what you are doing to your wife in detail, because how we Americans deal with our government is different from the Chinese way. You must deal with this yourself. All we can do here, is try to offer you advice that you can consider in light of your own situation. Based on what I have read from you, it sounds like you think you can trust your wife. If the American consulate is withholding detrimental evidence to your well-being, I would hope shining a light on this practice would put an end to it. If it should turn out there is real evidence, you need to know this.

I know some people prefer not to stir the pot when it comes to government stuff. But sometimes you are left with no choice. As an American, you should remember not to let your right to "due process" be taken away from you. We all feel for you.

[Joanne]

I am a Chinese woman and I don't know your wife. I would say: trust your wife. I said what I think. I could be wrong at times, but trust me that I am honest.

 

From what you said about your wife: she worked for a bank; she introduced you to her coworkers, friends and a lot of family members. I think there will be 0.000001% chance (figurative speech, the number is not accurate) that she has an ongoing relationship with her ex. Only if she set everything up, she is shameless or if her ex is her secret affair. Who would do that?

[Cerberus]

Now for the real killer! Do I trust this web site? No. It is the internet guys. We do not know who we are talking to. At best it is the blind leading the blind.

 

If we are the Internet and you don't trust us, then why the huge diatribe to us and crying into our beer?

 

OK, now why have I been contacted within hours of the RFI and the rejection by “friendly” strangers? Am I under investigation? Seems a bit strange but I have read about stranger things. Actually if so this is not a bad thing. I have nothing to hide. Just get on with it.

 

You better be careful here! Remember, you are asking questions from the "distrusted internet source" that gives information of the "blind leading the blind." Your own words!

 

Now I get really paranoid. One of the things I find strange about China is that you can go a week with out seeing an other white guy, then walk right by one and have him not even seem to see you. At 6feet 8inchs 280, I am a bit hard to miss. I’m not sure what is up with this but several other people I know here have also commented on it.

 

As paranoid as you are, you may be missing the obvious point: They are avoiding you, like the plague! I just read your distribe and I would want your desription. So I could avoid you! You must have made a Hell of a lot of Chinese friends with your attitude! Besides, all of us are on this "distrusted Internet site" might be out to get you when you aren't looking.

 

I will regulate you to the position that you so kindly deserve after your distribe. That is exactly nothing! I am sure that you have made many friends with your lengthy diatribe with trust. I have a counter-point for you! Why should anyone in this forum trust you now after you crapped into their collective Wheaties?

 

Good luck to you, sir! You damn sure will need it, with your optimistic outlook on life! Asshat!

[artmill4]

Now for the real killer! Do I trust this web site? No. It is the internet guys. We do not know who we are talking to. At best it is the blind leading the blind.

 

If we are the Internet and you don't trust us, then why the huge diatribe to us and crying into our beer?

 

OK, now why have I been contacted within hours of the RFI and the rejection by “friendly” strangers? Am I under investigation? Seems a bit strange but I have read about stranger things. Actually if so this is not a bad thing. I have nothing to hide. Just get on with it.

 

You better be careful here! Remember, you are asking questions from the "distrusted internet source" that gives information of the "blind leading the blind." Your own words!

 

Now I get really paranoid. One of the things I find strange about China is that you can go a week with out seeing an other white guy, then walk right by one and have him not even seem to see you. At 6feet 8inchs 280, I am a bit hard to miss. I’m not sure what is up with this but several other people I know here have also commented on it.

 

As paranoid as you are, you may be missing the obvious point: They are avoiding you, like the plague! I just read your distribe and I would want your desription. So I could avoid you! You must have made a Hell of a lot of Chinese friends with your attitude! Besides, all of us are on this "distrusted Internet site" might be out to get you when you aren't looking.

 

I will regulate you to the position that you so kindly deserve after your distribe. That is exactly nothing! I am sure that you have made many friends with your lengthy diatribe with trust. I have a counter-point for you! Why should anyone in this forum trust you now after you crapped into their collective Wheaties?

 

Good luck to you, sir! You damn sure will need it, with your optimistic outlook on life! Asshat!

182495[/snapback]

I decide to wait until I can talk to a VO. I also do some posting here. This last Friday I go to the Consulate again and talk to a different VO. He tells me that they have reason to believe that she has an “ongoing relationship” with her ex. I press him and he goes off to check with some one and then said there is no question about it. She has an “ongoing” relationship with her ex.

He will not tell me what the “reason to believe” is, but that in a few weeks??????

 

Bunk. Pure rubbish. Some prick injecting negative crap into your relationship with the most important person in your life. The former husband is just that “former”. The VO is doing his job. Both amount to little speed bumps along the journey. I am so sorry that you and your wife had to even hear non-sense like this. I hope you would go to your wife and hug her and kiss her and apologize for even questioning her for 1 moment. Go on with the process and give this as little energy as you possible can. Certainly get it out of your mind. All of this is just my opinion and should be taken as such. We all have a hard enough time with this journey and don’t need to be distracted with some garbage like you are hearing.

[david_dawei]

Drop all the paranoia and conspiracy theories... leave that for the newspapers and TV...

 

I think you are thinking too much.. you just need to do whatever has to be done at this point for the purpose of getting your wife to the US... If this is not your ultimate goal and sole focus, then what is ?

[maiyademama]

 

As paranoid as you are, you may be missing the obvious point:  They are avoiding you, like the plague! I just read your distribe and I would want your desription.  So I could avoid you!  You must have made a Hell of a lot of Chinese friends with your attitude!  Besides, all of us are on this "distrusted Internet site" might be out to get you when you aren't looking. 

 

I will regulate you to the position that you so kindly deserve after your distribe.  That is exactly nothing!  I am sure that you have made many friends with your lengthy diatribe with trust.  I have a counter-point for you!  Why should anyone in this forum trust you now after you crapped into their collective  Wheaties? 

 

Good luck to you, sir!  You damn sure will need it, with your optimistic outlook on life!  Asshat!

182495[/snapback]

Wow. That may be a little harsh! I think its a good idea to re-read the posting guidelines... I agree that he is over paranoid, and could seriously use a breather and a good rest to pull himself back to more rational mindset, but that's no excuse to treat him this way. What is that all about? Why Pounce? I am sure all of us have been in the position of not knowing who to believe because everyone has a different story...I have been there and it is really aggrevating, not to mention completely consuming.

[ameriken]

 

 

As paranoid as you are, you may be missing the obvious point:  They are avoiding you, like the plague! I just read your distribe and I would want your desription.  So I could avoid you!  You must have made a Hell of a lot of Chinese friends with your attitude!  Besides, all of us are on this "distrusted Internet site" might be out to get you when you aren't looking. 

 

I will regulate you to the position that you so kindly deserve after your distribe.  That is exactly nothing!  I am sure that you have made many friends with your lengthy diatribe with trust.  I have a counter-point for you!  Why should anyone in this forum trust you now after you crapped into their collective  Wheaties? 

 

Good luck to you, sir!  You damn sure will need it, with your optimistic outlook on life!  Asshat!

182495[/snapback]

Wow. That may be a little harsh! I think its a good idea to re-read the posting guidelines... I agree that he is over paranoid, and could seriously use a breather and a good rest to pull himself back to more rational mindset, but that's no excuse to treat him this way. What is that all about? Why Pounce? I am sure all of us have been in the position of not knowing who to believe because everyone has a different story...I have been there and it is really aggrevating, not to mention completely consuming.

182637[/snapback]

I would agree with you, however if you see his first post, http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=15111 look at the generous and supportive responses he got from everyone, then reread what he says here, perhaps you can understand some of the frustrations of myself and others upon reading his own attacks.

 

Sorry, but we all get frustrated and use this forum for support, but we dont attack the others here. As he posted Now for the real killer! Do I trust this web site? No. It is the internet guys. We do not know who we are talking to. At best it is the blind leading the blind. I see no end of misleading and misinformation here. Early on I received some very strange replies to some basic requests for information. Why can people expound for hours on the details of some things but can not answer the basic question will they accept the translation form that the Chinese Notary office uses? This is what it looks like.

 

As the expression goes 'dont bite the hand that feeds you'. But who am I? Just a blind leading the blind, posting no end of misleading and misinformation.