Dave G.

This calls for a new poll!

Daniel... We're about to start the visa process for my wife's father. Since you've had such recent success, would you mind posting a detailed list of the steps you took? Our baby is two months now....is that a good enough reason to justify the visa? Congrats on all the rest. Exciting times!

Quick follow up. In four words: Daddy got boom boom! Seriously, the tension for the last three days has been thick. I came home from work yesterday and things were "different" in the house. JM had been up to something. Bottom line: she came up with some GREAT ideas. They'll add value, be cheap, and look very nice. One thing I'm struggling with but I'm keeping my mouth shut. Eventually, she'll see the problem and fix it on her own.

Thanks for the great laughs this morning. I needed them. Seems it's normal. It just kills me now that JM seems so unhappy. I think the whole issue has made her homesickness even worse. We'll see how it resolves itself....

Update.... I carried out the plan. Saw many wonderful ideas what to do. She saw the magic of linoleum and wants to tear out all the Burber carpet and replace the 2300 sq ft house with the plastic stuff. When I told her how it would hurt the value of the home, she stopped talking to me again. Two hours and counting now. No boom boom for daddy tonight...and the rest of the week ain't looking good either. Here's the thing...we go to China and take the third world stuff in stride. They think third world = modern way of living. Sorry...I ain't budging, no matter how much I love JM. Linoleum today...two feet of garden hose dumping in a moldy hole for our drains tomorrow.

I've decided...I'll take her to Home Depot today so she can see "real" things we can accomplish. Heathy distraction from unhealthy planning.

No, it doesn't have to do with kissing dogs or the such. It has to do with our house. In the last few weeks, friends of mine (women) befriended JM. They've been going to lunch once a week...it's been so good for JM to get out of here without me always by her side. One woman is a real estate agent. Last week, the girls got to talking and JM started talking about "things." Before you know it, the agent was ready to show me seven houses! What did JM possibly say to bring that on? We had talked about a bigger house...but only if we had another kid. That's not likely and certainly wouldn't happen for two years. I reluctantly agreed to go on Saturday. Naturally, we found the perfect house. $750K! JM couldn't quite grasp the grim reality of our financial situation. How do you translate the concept of "house poor" in Chinese? We could do it, but it would mean one small bowl of rice once each day and she'd have to breast feed the baby until he went to college (on a scholarship!). Thank God the house sold 30 minutes after we saw it. It took that topic off the table. So, JM got to thinking....instead of a new house, let's fix this one up! I was game for that. She finally admitted to me that she feels like a guest here since it wasn't her home to begin with. I fully understand that. Let's do more upgrades (I already did most of what is possible) so she has emotional ownership. A good project for us both! I ran a quick errand today to get stuff for dinner. When I came home, she shared all her ideas she had while I was out. "Let's rip out the kitchen and put it in the pantry. The new area will be a dining room and the baby would have a place to play. We'll take the washer and dryer and put it in the garage. Let's knock a hole in the pantry wall so we can have a window. Blah...blah...blah...." Keep in mind: we have a 2300 sq ft home. There's a great room that accommodates the kitchen, dining room table, and a family room with the TV and couches. Plenty of room to eat and more than enough room for the baby to play. Why she wants more space just to eat defies [Western] logic. I explained to her that homes built on slabs have the plumbing underground and the pipes run through the cement. There's no access to water or drainage where she wants the new kitchen unless we rip walls out and punch through the slab. I drew pictures and everything but she said it was all worth it. I said the price tag would be approx. $100k. Her answer? "Ok." I then told her what she wanted to create would be a Chinese home; re-sale would be rough. Her answer? "We're not ever going to sell so who cares?" I finally said, "I do." I put a ton of money into the house to make it a great "American" home. I refuse to see all that money lost. After that, she stopped talking to me. I tried to negotiate the situation by saying we can have a wonderful American home in the US and, when completed, a beautiful Chinese home in China (our house will be finished in June). She didn't bite. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm pretty sure she'll talk to the agent again this week who will likely tell her the same things I did. It's my experience when someone else tells her something, she understands.

Thrush?

My two cents -- going to the interview may or may not help. Someone once told a story when the petitioner went. The VO saw he was a few decades older than the gal. Denied. Urban myth? Who knows? I didn't go. But, I met my fiancee on three different occasions. We had tons of paperwork. I really never worried about the interview, as long as it was fair. The VO was pleasant from the beginning and the interview lasted a few minutes. She gave my wife that "slam dunk" feeling.

Umph.....the FBI never said she cleared. Congrats!

Onesuite.com is still cheaper.

Reminds me of a joke my step-son told me. Dad: "Son...you can go to the moon when you grow up." Son: "I'll do better than that. I'll go to the sun!" Dad: "Oh...it's too hot there." Son: "Don't worry. I'll go at night." Yes...my family hates the sun too. I got my them nice sunglasses to help cope (a Las Vegas necessity). They still hate bright days...but love blue skys. Sorry...it's a package deal.

Blueheart... If you have read, Trigg and I fight all the time. But, I know the fights are all in fun. I don't dislike him. In fact, I'm impressed so much by his intellegence, his experience, and his wisdom. I hope he knows that. Of course, the next time we do battle (which will be soon, I'm sure), I hope he won't use these words against me. I'll deny them to be sure. In this instance, we agree. From your post, it's clear you are very bright, very sensitive, and very clever. I apologize for being so harsh before. I just wanted to make sure you made the best decision for yourself. As previously stated by others, life in the US is grand. But, life here illegally poses so many challenges. Let me offer you something I've never offered anyone before on CFL. I mean this from the bottom of my heart and with every fiber of my being. Send me an email or personal message detailing your situation. I will do everything given my knowledge of the system and limited abilities to ensure your legal status here in the United States. Your post convinced me you are the real deal. I only want to help...as do others. Dave

I said that once and nobody listened HA! I caught it too........

Negotiated Compensation???? WOW!!!!! I guess Emilian's situation was a bit different than some in that she had bought her own plane tickets, but that is a lot to expect from him. I thought she had gotten married in the USA, perhaps it was later. Now, I am more confused than ever. It sounds like some Chinese women treat marriages and relationships like contracts. Yet, earlier, I distinctly remeber a discussion on pre-nuptial agreements where the biggest complaint was that it was like treating the relationship like a contract????? ----- Clifford ----- Clifford, I'm really glad she finally responded to this thread. I've been waiting..... She tipped her cards and validated everything Don, I and others have predicted. She's a fraud. Why did the USC owe her anything? Sure...if she came on a K visa, I could see he had a financial obligation to help her get home. The compensation for work? Sounds like she just found a nice ATM machine. And, what's up with $2500? I got a one way ticket for $800 when my wife came to the US. Who honestly makes $1300 (10725 RMB) in 9 days in China???? They'd be considered filthy rich. Do you know what I think? The dude made an insurance payment. "I'll give you the cash. Just don't bother me again." When it's noted the guy had hesitation, I don't think it had to do with his past divorce. I think he was just trying to be kind. What he really meant was, "I'm hesitant about marrying YOU! " So, now the question is this: Who was the guy in 2002? The same guy with the same story when she arrived in 2004? What sucker is she using to file AOS? Yes, she exposed herself what who and what she is. My wife calls these types "bad girls with bad hearts" in China.

Tisk tisk tisk, Lori. You really do have a good heart. I know that from all the postings. But, your suggestion for anyone to overstay a visa is just wrong. Personally, I'm sick of all the America bashing going on right now. I'm tired of other countries crapping on us only to turn around with an open hand. Let's shut our borders down tightly and let only those sincere in their desire for school, work, or marriage enter. Play by the rules, or else. And, they can sit in federal detention until they come up with the money for their ticket home if they don't want to play. Housing them would be much cheaper than the plane ticket. You're likely right about BlueThingie (oh...a pun?) getting residential university tuition. But why? I'm sure you and your husband work hard and pay your taxes. Do you really want to pay more? And, when she gets sick and gets free medical, do you think that's really free? Again, you pay for it. If you are so sad for the woman, invite her into your home and provide that support you speak of so she can have that certain level of life. If you (or anyone else for that matter) won't provide the support and expect the rest of us to pick up the tab, than your words are empty. Don't support her staying unless you're willing to pay 100% of the costs involved. Please don't be so free with the taxes I pay. It's not fair. Lori....I hope you don't read my words as being harsh. I'm serious about the kindness and insights you've shared here on CFL. I just can't agree with you on this one. As I've said a billion times here, let's decrease immigration administration and increase enforcement.

I don't know. I'm getting kind of turned on by her postings. If only we had met before I met my wife! Just think how great my life could be! Before you know it, I'd be left in the poor house and unable to marry again cuz I'd have no divorce papers. Ahhhh...the simple life. Gee...I wonder what the honeymoon would be like??? http://www.cineclub.de/images/2003/10/kill_bill_5.jpg

I just learned "kiss my ass" in Chinese. Sounds similar to "screw your mother" in Spanish. Alas, I taught that to my step-son. Oh well...guess you have to start somewhere when learning a new language.

Like I said in a previous thread similar to this one.... Whoa...let's slow things down a bit. We don't have enough details to launch into any assumptions. Until more info is provided, we can only take the original post at face value. 1. It seems she is on US soil. From the sounds of it, she arrived here and shortly became disillusioned with the man she once loved and wanted to marry. She never mentioned if they had or hadn't tied the knot. Since she referred to the guy as her fiancé, I'm guessing they haven't. 2. I'm fascinated by the three month wait after the visa was issued. Some of us here get right over to China to be with loved ones to support them in the interview process. Others (like me) get plane reservations worked out once we get the interview date. That's why the three month wait is so titillating. I'd like to know more. 3. To answer the question regarding changing a K1 for a F1, CD said it so eloquently. The US government isn't like Wal-Mart. You can't exchange visas because it didn't fit right. Here is my suggested course of action depending on the situation: If you are married - 1. Get the marriage annulled. It's clear any feelings you once had are gone. I'm very sorry for that. 2. Get as much information you can from universities you are interested in. Talk to admission offices and get all the forms needed for applying to the school. I'd even go further and make a personal contact with someone you can send emails to. 3. This one is important: Go home before the 90 days have expired. It will be much easier to get the F1 when the consulate sees you abided by the rules. They'll be much more understanding -- and perhaps more sympathetic. If you are not married - 1. See #s 2 and 3 above. Of course, there are other options available to you: 1. Overstay the visa and take your chances. It'll be a couple of years before the gov't catches up to you. The worst thing that'll happen is you get deported...but even that takes a long time. Keep in mind you'll find life in the US extremely difficult without a social security number. 2. Keep working on the relationship. Maybe you can rekindle that spark. But, you'll have to do it fast. If you don't marry in the 90 days, the gov't might not accept your further stay if the marriage doesn't comply with the 90 day rule. 3. Marry the guy. Use him until you get to a point in the adjustment of status process where you can divorce. Make sure you get alimony on top of a green card. To make the alimony issue easier, keep a copy of the I-864. In it, your husband swears an oath to the US gov't to provide for all your needs for 10 years. I'm sure any family court judge would be bound to make him honor that pledge. You wouldn't be the first to make these kinds of decisions and you wouldn't be the last. I'm very sorry the relationship didn't work out for you. It's a long wait for the visa. It's never easy for anyone to have their hopes and dreams dashed. Alas, it does happen no matter who you are or where you come from. The bottom line is this: your fiancé/husband owes you three things based on what you wrote. They are: an apology, financial support during the 90 days, and a ticket home. You owe him an apology ("I'm sorry this didn't work out like we planned"), any engagement ring given back (our culture says if the woman calls off the marriage, the ring is returned to the man), and your return to China. This is the important part: The US government provided you with a visa so you can marry. We're funny that way in this country...we really do want families to be together (we're just too slow making it happen!). Because the relationship didn't work out, there's no family to speak of and therefore no need for a K1 visa. If you don't marry and if you stay past the 90 days, your fiancé owes you nothing. No support...no plane ticket...nothing. You would have made a decision beyond what the agreement was in the visa process and you would therefore be responsible for your own support. Please remember that no matter the details, your fiancé has feelings and rights too. Don't take advantage of him or his US citizenship. Good luck finding schools and the such. When you apply for the F1, you'll have all your ducks in a row which should make the process easier.

Just do it. It's not as intense as you think. At first, the kid is just kind of a door stop. Doesn't do a whole lot. Then, you see that twinkle in his/her eye one day and you realize he/she finally "woke up." It's great. Now, we're all into our routine...the baby included. He knows what to expect from us and vice versa. Whereas I was solo for several years, after the visa I had an insta-family. That included a 10 year old boy. It's more work now but life is so much more full and meaningful. TRY IT, YOU'LL LIKE IT.

Oh...it wasn't me. Robhon told me all about it. Said something about finding Kerry's ribbons there. But, that's a discussion for the Rumpus Room. Go Carl!!!

Is everybody using the new email notification service offered on the USCIS.gov website? You can post your receipt number(s) and get alerted when there are changes in the status of your case. For those in the AOS process, it sure is nice putting in the numbers for all the receipts (485, 131, 130, 765) one time. Although I haven't gotten an email yet, I trust when there is movement in one of these areas, I'll be notified. Time will tell.....

This story has GOT to be better than the Friends finale. Then again, waking up in a vomit filled gutter behind a filthy Thai whore house would be better than the Friends finale. But, I digress..... Congrats Carl. As Mick would say.... WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG???

55 and having a kid. Dirty old man....... Happy B-day!

I found this interesting... I-907 Why can't we pay for premium processing for K1/K-3 visas???