Feathers268

I have spoken about her taking to American culture, but really didn't really emphasize the other side in not really keeping a strong hold on the Chinese side. Don't get me wrong, Jen loves China and is wanting to visit but she realizes we have some other goals to reach before. I remember Trigg talking about being in trouble by not acting correctly at the time of the Spring Festival, something I had to push like crazy to do anything the first year she was here. I'm sure like everything else, there will be acceptions to the rule. I have seen how younger generations lose the reverence for tradition. It happens where ever you might go. I'm just wondering how much this factor into adjusting to a new culture.

I should have figured you would chime in on this David. But then, I can't think of a better person to add in on this subject. First year Jen was here, it was hard to get her to acknowledge Chinese Holidays. This past year she was a little more interested in the Spring Festival, but then she was born under the pig so it was a little more personal. On the other side, she is getting this gift giving thing down as she has already got some ideas for our niece for this Christmas as well as giving me instructions for hinting my parents for her this year. Having heard how others have taken so long to adapt, just makes me wonder.

I've been thinking recently about all of the posts I read before Jen arrived, and how many of those did not hold up to my experiences with her. As I look at it, on this site Jen is a definate minority because of age. Has she just not had time to be set in her ways? I hear a lot about SOs not eating very much different from Chinese where Jen has grown to like very much American food. She just won't eat much to keep from getting fat. Also, she really never had problems with appliances. Washer/dryer? No problem. Dishwasher? A little longer, but still she likes it's use very much. So, I guess the question is this. I know some here are like me with young 20 somethings. Has this played into adjusting to life here? What about 30 or 40? Or children, if they had raized or are raizing children in China, does this also play into this?

That's an excellent point and I would submit that it's becoming (is?) equally valid when looking at Chinese culture. One only has to look at the differences between rural China and urban China or the regional differences. Beijing vs Guangzhou is probably as different as Boston vs Atlanta. While some generalization about Chinese and American cultures is useful we should not lose sight of the variations within the culture as well as the specific nature of the individuals interacting. This is the place to look at the general picture. The question is, what is American? During the cold war, the Soviets remarked about "Dallas" as a window into our culture. True image? No. But it does show some of our culture. Perhaps the biggest atrubute, is the aparent lack of any culture which you can say is from our tollerance of all cultures. Now before any spouts off, yes, some do not take to this here, but that is true anywhere you go. You can go to a Spring Festival event in Chinatown and another day, celebrate St.Patricks day or Cinco de Mayo.

Look on the back cover of the DVD case. I was in a Long's Drug store and noticed that many DVDs are now also including Chinese in the subtitle selections. You do need to be carefull getting DVDs in China. Last year I brought home "Superman Returns" only to find out it was code for Chinese DVDs and will not play in an American machine.

There is a lot of talk around here about learning and embracing Chinese culture. This is rightly so. I'm happy to learn about the place my wife is from. In turn, our own culture is quickly bagged. More often than not, I've read here that American culture is really the lack of any culture. That is absoloutly not true. We take the good from other cultures, adopt it, and make it our own. We have value here in America. If not, why are we bringing loved ones here rather than moving to China? Why is it that American movies and TV is seen globally? So, let's hear it. What is American? Our loved ones deserve to know about where we come from and how we became who we are. Also, keep in mind, unless I am mistaken, someone can come to the United States and in time become an American citizen. Could I go to China and become a Chinese citizen? Or would I always be a forienor?

Paris of the orient, Shanghai B)

I agree with this also. My thoughts on the religous one was that if she needed to leave the ceremony, fine, but when asked about it she could say she was religous. NY was useless and being so anti-social, I would love to see the face of the other survivors when they sheard her comments on TV. Chicken got what he deserved. After the group didn't listen to him at first he shut up and would not interact with the others. Not going to make an alliance with anyone acting that way. And what about the grave digger just pushing that bamboo tree over. That is one buff dude!

Haven't found a flavor yet that I like, but pineapple sounds a lot better than mung bean.

Jen is learning about this and has even found some humor in it. At first, everything was, "America no good", and,"China better", but she is finding where somethings are much better here. China does have some issues that do need to be addressed. And also does some things better than the US.

It didn't take Jen long to learn where we stand once she got here. If she is anything like Jen, you should have no worries. Jen adapted to our financial situation right away and is working hard to get her English to the point that she can help us jump a tax bracket or two. Just beware of the endless stream of "get ritch quick schemes".

I feel the same way when someone slams the United States. It is never easy to here someone critisize your home, especially an outsider.

I think we as a people can learn how to improve and use public transit much better here. As for other things I think we would need to look before we leap. LA is consistently rated as the worst in America when it comes to pollution. That doesn't even come close to what I saw in Bejing. pollution in the US doesn't even come close. Here in California, they are finding a percentage of our pollution is actually coming from China on the jet stream. How is that for a Chinese import. I did a search, and most results looked like this. Top polluting cities As for hydro-electric, the main reason is the Three gorges dam which is flooding such a large area that entire villages are being destroyed along with thousands of years worth of history. Also, China need to learn how to regulate their industry much better. Over 150 diferent businesses have been found having indusrial chemicals getting into everything from pet food to toothpaste to food. And finally, as screwed up as our government might seem sometimes, I much prefer ours to the PRC. Don't get me wrong, I love China and will find an excuse to visit when ever I can, but I would look to China as amodel of how to improve the US.

That is a very valid point Ron, I don't have details, but I do know of a couple of cases where the USC did get things turned around but it would be for others to give the details as I don't remember. Sure, maybe my attitude would be different. I want to say, I would not change my thoughts on going if we had a different experience but I can't. Maybe others on both sides will add to this. After a denial, i couldn't imagine being anywhere else than holding Jen and trying ti convince her that we will get through this. But then getting on that plane for home without her would have been so hard to do.

Doesn't everyone "Cut and Paste"? I often wrote my SO with a Chinese address. I would copy the address from an E-mail and paste it into a word document then print it as an envelope. How else are you going to send mail to China? I think most have. I know I hade Jen's address as a label file so I could just tape it on. Seems they would have asked about it but not used it as a sole reason for denial. just let the rumors pass, I know it is hard to do, just keep thinking about not having problems. The more at ease she is, the better it will go.

Yesterday, June 22, marked 2 years since I first got off of a plane in LA with my young bride fresh from her successful interview and setting her foot for the first time on American soil. As it seems so long ago, I can still remember every day vividly. The ups, and downs. The last minute stress and worry. The whole time in GZ, I took a total of 12 pictures. Not much time to play tourist. It was a lot of work. Now, as a USC, you very well know that the interview itself, I was not at, and all of the other parts to the visa puzzle can and often do get handle by the Chinese SO on thier own with the USC waiting at home for news. So comes the question, why go? I'm sure those who have been can add to this list, but for starters, here is why I went, would do it all again, and why I reccomend to anyone considering this to just go. First, the moral support. In our case, it was helpful for Jen to know I was there with her and could help if anything happened. 2nd, the fact I was there allowed to make that known to the consulate. Whether or not that played into Jen's visa? Who knows, but it still felt as a plus to us. 3rd, the ability to pick up household items. We did a lot of shopping. It was a good bonding experience finding those little things for a good price including the wedding gown Jen wore. Absolutly stunning ad at $95 US, I defy anyone to pull that off here in the states. 4th, a good excuse to see another part of China. Jen is from the north, we met in Shanghai, Guangzhou is quite a different place. What's better than taking the time to see another part of China? And finally, just look at my first 2 lines. I remember every part. Most of all, the look on Jen's face as she walked out of the embassy with that pink slip. Sharing the news here on CFL and with family. 2 days later picking up the visa and finishing our stay knowing we will be leaving for home together. And of course, leaning over and kissing my bride's cheek and saying,"Welcome to America" as the plane's wheels touch down. As you get closer, there are a thousand reasons why you would not go over for the interview, but at least IMO, the few reasons why you should, far out weigh the reasons not to. By all means, talk with your SO about it, but, if you can, by all means, do. The memories will be priceless.

Well, next week Phil & Ningning will be venturing this way to visit Sacramento and the Railroad museum. Jen has already stated her lack of interest but would not mind the shopping around old Sac. For now, I'll let this be. Seems there is a lot us who have wives with the same mind set. For those waiting, heed this warning. I have talked before about preconceptions and looking at your relationship though "American" eyes. That quaint old barn out in a field may not get the same reaction you might think. Just because you might like such things, well... And as for us? Well, what do you think? Things have been back to normal with nothing more than another lesson learned in my ongoing training. Things are certainly much happier here in the House of Feathers.

Thanks guys, I think I'm not going to let this go. Maybe I need to find a good ghost town or something real old that's American. I also like the comparison of old photos. I don't know if it would work with Jen, she still seems a bit care free about things like that.

A culture conditioned to reject it's history and herritage? That is truly tragic. There is so much to be proud of though out China's history. I can't help but think of a sign inside the Forbidden City,"Don't let one moment's carelessness ruin this for all eternity." I'm sure so much has been lost, a crime perpetrated by those who would say they were protecting the people. And of course, those who FAIL to learn history, are DOOMED to repeat it.

Thanks Jim, The fact that I have never been married before, and how almost story book the first 1.75 years have been, this is new territory for me. I know this will pass soon enough, it just really f***ing sucks right now.

After what was a wonderful time with Carl and Ping yesterday, the drive home became very cold. After visiting Chinese Camp State Park, I was hit with some hard questions about why I thought to go there. Aparently, an old run down building or boat is not interesting but embarrasing. To me, an old wood building in a field or on a beach is a possible good photo and a window looking back on another time. Such places here in California, I thought, would instill a bit of pride showing how the Chinese people worked hard making their place here in America and the contributions they made here. But then, what do I know. I had thought I found a good potential for a regional get together, but if all it would do is piss off the ladies, well.... Any one else experience this? Today has not been a good day in the Feathers household. I'm sure we will be fine but I have to say, we ventured into an area not too pleasant. I can't wait to find the other side.

Just like the cheese, California is better.

I second that. Shanghai is very safe. I tend to think that "safety" in China has to do with communism. Communism didn't allow people to behave wild or use guns ... etc. I am not sure if people will agree with that. That runs into the all too often debate of safety vs. civil liberty. I for one would not be willing to give up rights for percieved safety. I have known people from Reno that felt threatened in SF due to the difference in size and the peception of "the big city". When US media only focuses on the bad things, "if it bleeds, it leads", any place can get a bad reputation. I for one would not feel any different in either place. I'll keep my eyes open and aware of my surroundings.

I'm not trying to say that the US is a stronghold of safety vs China, but at the same time, China is not a utopia of law abiding citizens. Anicdotal evidence doesn't show the whole picture. If I didn't follow the news on TV or radio, I would not know of 1% of the crime here in the US. I felt safe in China, Jen's reaction was for me as a foriener looking like an easy mark. But then, Jen would not wear her rings due to fear of robbery. Others her in the past had SO's rings stolen, even from their homes. An occurence that seemed regular in some neiborhoods. Again very much like some places here in the states.

From what I've seen I would think different. Being a foriener, people would say hello to me but I wouldn't see the same response amongst each other. Also, when I saw a man physically slap his girlfriend in the face, people would look the other way as if nothing happened. Here in most cases someone would have stepped in. Also, most of us have an extremely limited view of China and have been sheltered from the "bad" areas. You might not have to worry about being shot, but I'm sure there are places you would certainly fear for your safety. As for this being stricktly "Chinese", many of these traits are alive and well in the US and Europe. Where are these places that I would fear for my safety ? I'm talking about from the chinese citizen not the government. Does china have an equivalent of St louis or Camden or Detroit ? America is 24th on the muder per capita. China is not on the list http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/cri_mur_...ders-per-capita Others have stated similar to this, you must remember that China's media is state run and therefore what is not atractive does't air. Many times Jen made sure I had a better control of my wallet while in China because, as she put it,"people here no good". That is something here I've never worried about even in Oakland which can rank right up there in crime. Wether you want to admit it or not, there is murder, rape, theft, and so on in China as well. Just because it is not reported, does not mean it doesn't exist.