what's the difference?

[david_dawei]

Who can really say that this is good or that is bad (I am not talking morally).

yes.. I think we agree... past happiness can be found in the most meager environments. Kids in Asia can be happy to play in dirt, while in the US, kids demand Xbox games to fulfill some happiness.

 

I prefer to try and drop the distinction of good and bad on some level.. and suppress its use.

 

They're relative anyway, I am somewhat amazed to see more and more is like this as I get older. What's good to me is maybe bad to you.

 

This is actually embracing the eastern philosophy (where duality is broken down to it's oneness) rather than western philosophy (which wants to label and distinct all parts as different.)

 

I think we're heading in the right direction here...

[chinadave2001]

I hope I do not offend anyone but here are my thoughts on this question. I have a slightly different perspective as you will see.

 

 

During the five months I lived in China, I dated four Chinese women and got engaged to one. Altogether about two years of relatinships with Chinese women. When the last one worked out rather poorly, I later married an American woman. ( Last week by the way) So my comments on this subject do not apply to any particular Chinese woman but are rather my observations as a whole group.

 

As a whole, I do not think that that the word materialistic can be used to describe all Chinese women - I am sure that one of the girls I dated was not in fact materialistic. The other three were. Those same three were obsesssed with money.

 

The Chinese women that I dated are less mature than their American counterparts at a similar age. I think a 20 year old Chinese girl is more like a 13 year old American girl. I also think that maybe the Chinese are doing a better job of protecting their children's innocence and childhood than we do.

( I would add that all of the girls I dated were in their 20's).

 

 

 

Communication with American women is so easy. All of the subtle things that we do with gestures, facial expressions, humor, tones, sarcasm , etc. are understood. I found that with Chinese women I often had to simplify things a lot in order to make my point understood. And it was very easy to be misunderstood. In many ways it was like speaking to a child - It's not their fault - just the situation in which neither of us spoke the other's language well enough. Some folks have expressed that this is the fun part of their relationship but I found it very fustrating.

 

I think that the concept of face is more imprtant than in the USA. Frankly, I do not give a @#$%^&* what others think most of the time. Certainly my wife does not. There is a certain vanity and ego thing to the entire face thing. There is also a real dark side to it which demands things like revenge against perceived wrongs.

 

I think that family is important to both - as are careers -

 

 

Maybe the four women that I dated are not a good enough sampling to make such observatins and generalizations. I do know that now, at the age of 38, That I have finally met and married the right women and she is an American.

 

I think that if I had met or dated women in their 30's I might have a different impression but I did not.

 

My current American wife takes extraodinary care of me. She loves me in every possible way and there isn't a thing that she wouldn't do for me. More importantly, she is my peer and equal in every way. She doesn't need me in any unhealthy ways - just the right ways. She has advanced college degrees and can hold her own in any argument. yes, I find that attractive. None of the women I dated had a 4 year degree. or the equivalent of a liberal arts background.

 

We had a great wedding last week of 170 people and then honeymooned in Italy. Boy, are things a lot more expensive there than China! Anyway, we had a great time and now are back to work and getting ready for a summer on Cape Cod.

[david_dawei]

ChinaDave2001:

 

No offense taken... I want to start a post with "I hope nobody reads this..." , then I can say that if an offense was taken, that they were not supposed to read it..

 

I like your post and to read your experiences.. that what we're really talking about in the end.

 

Whether we use materialistic, money hungry, obsessed, immature, etc.. we are just using labels to describe the behavior we see.

 

What I like about your post, in combination with a few others, is that region and age are variables to this. It would be good to know the location and age of the varying experiences and then we could probably arrive at some better conclusions.

 

Like, the pattern is that young women in big cities are more obsessed with money, etc.

 

I agree with your 'better job of protecting' comment.. but they are also more saave and street smart at a young age, in my opinion. THey are taught life as early as possible too.

 

Your communication comments are good... I am one who finds it a fun part, only because my SO and I DO UNDERSTAND each other in this way. I was very lucky to find some almost like me to a philosophical fault... She could not speak any english when we first meet, and all we had were gestures, expressions, etc. And yet, we had a strong connection and shared 'language' in a different way.

 

Your comments on face are interesting.. reversing the importance to the US.. but I want to pursue this... Here's my thought: The face in China maybe is not the same as the face you mention in the US. The former is a historically social custom (yes, that may make one feel embarassed, but embarassed since the social custom was violated); the latter is involving the ego much more.

 

China's philosophy is absent of the self in many ways.. Even their grammar is not that interested in assigning an "I" in the classical writings. IF you read old poetry, you'll have to read writings about the poetry to get this all.

 

Here is one way I have felt connected to this as true: I am more accustomed to saying,"The window broke". My "ex" was great at confrontation and would say, "You mean, 'you broke the window'".

 

I felt no need to assign an "I" to the event. Yet to her, this was paramount. She wanted responsibility and justice (you broke it, you fix it). So I can see NOW, looking back at even a small incident like this, that our basic philosophy was not in sync.

 

I like your post... and its great to hear of your happiness with your wife... but you gotta say where in Italy!!! I'm part Italian.

 

Best to you two.

[awch]

Dave-

Thanks for sharing a postive experience with an American woman.

I'm glad you've been able to find happiness!

 

[BuffaloPaul]

Here's a way *some* Chinese girls are like *some* American girls. Not in a good way. And these men that prey on young girls are no better. But it is a game that both play - often willingly

 

Interns

[James]

I have known and dated some very articulate American women with whom I still had serious communication issues. Ever known one of those women who sighs, sulks, mopes, glares, etc., but when asked what is wrong says, "Nothing"? Then you know what I'm talking about. So knowing the same language does not solve all communication problems, that's for sure.

Sometimes I think the male/female differences are the real language barrier for couples.

[Guest blsqueaky]

I do think that Chinese people have a different concept of truth- sometimes they think that lying is okay for a specific reason. I am big on truth- but I also don't think you should tell someone something just to hurt them.

sly, I will comment on this one on ly because it speaks the truth, there are times that my wife will do something, or make up her own mind, and then she will say, "becaue my husband said so", an I have not a clue what she is talking about till I get a phone call, and it really upsets me when it is someting to do with her health. He is being very frugal in this, but otherwise, she is the greatest, I just now have to buy some of those memory pills that they are selling B) :l B)

[david_dawei]

Sometimes I think the male/female differences are the real language barrier for couples.

James, nice point !

[Guest aosnow]

Sometimes I think the male/female differences are the real language barrier for couples.

James, nice point !

but that only covers half of the couples in San Francisco. (yes, my half)

[david_dawei]

Sometimes I think the male/female differences are the real language barrier for couples.

James, nice point !

but that only covers half of the couples in San Francisco. (yes, my half)

um... not sure we can submit an I-129F or I-130 for same sex...

[Dan R]

Sometimes I think the male/female differences are the real language barrier for couples.

James, nice point !

but that only covers half of the couples in San Francisco. (yes, my half)

um... not sure we can submit an I-129F or I-130 for same sex...

Dui Dui, federal regulation prohibits that for now. If they legalize same sex marriage that would automatically affect the visa laws as well as many others. I wonder how they will conduct the interviews to prevent visa fraud at that point. A VO could face charges if descriminating because of gender discrimination.

[chinadave2001]

I like your post... and its great to hear of your happiness with your wife... but you gotta say where in Italy!!!      I'm part Italian.

 

Hi David,

 

we first went to Rome. We were about a block away from the Vatican when the new Pope was elected. All the church bells in the city started ringing - it was great. Everyone was very excited. We mainly visited the ruins of ancient Rome - the Forum, Palantine Hill, The Christian Catacombs, etc. It was all great.

 

Then we went to Florence. Saw "David" by Michelangelo, as well as Brunelleschi's Dome and the famous doors of the Baptistry by Ghiberti. We decided not to wait in line for the Ufizzi Museum however as we were sort of "Museumed out."

 

We then went to Venice where we did the usual stuff there - shopping and gondola rides, etc. Overall the week was wonderful and romantic but I did suffer a bit from sticker shock. I had always read about expensive things in Europe but it was beyond my imagination - we typically spent 50 dollars for lunch which was 2 cokes and two pieces of pizza. Dinner was around $150 -200 per meal. A single coke was about 6 or 7 Euros which at an exchange rate of 1.36 dollars to the Euro comes in at about $10! Thieves!

 

Despite this, we had an awesome time. The food was great and the people were very friendly. On our next trip to Italy - summer of 2007 - we will be going out to the Countryside so Hopefully it won't be quite so bad.

[david_dawei]

 

I like your post... and its great to hear of your happiness with your wife... but you gotta say where in Italy!!!      I'm part Italian.  

 

Hi David,

 

we first went to Rome. We were about a block away from the Vatican when the new Pope was elected. All the church bells in the city started ringing - it was great. Everyone was very excited. We mainly visited the ruins of ancient Rome - the Forum, Palantine Hill, The Christian Catacombs, etc. It was all great.

 

Then we went to Florence. Saw "David" by Michelangelo, as well as Brunelleschi's Dome and the famous doors of the Baptistry by Ghiberti. We decided not to wait in line for the Ufizzi Museum however as we were sort of "Museumed out."

 

We then went to Venice where we did the usual stuff there - shopping and gondola rides, etc. Overall the week was wonderful and romantic but I did suffer a bit from sticker shock. I had always read about expensive things in Europe but it was beyond my imagination - we typically spent 50 dollars for lunch which was 2 cokes and two pieces of pizza. Dinner was around $150 -200 per meal. A single coke was about 6 or 7 Euros which at an exchange rate of 1.36 dollars to the Euro comes in at about $10! Thieves!

 

Despite this, we had an awesome time. The food was great and the people were very friendly. On our next trip to Italy - summer of 2007 - we will be going out to the Countryside so Hopefully it won't be quite so bad.

really sounds awesome...

 

Since my relatives are apparently from the south, I have a closeness to wanting to see that area.. but Florence is the only more northern area I'd love to get to.. the history of art and poets...

 

Thanks for sharing..

[MoonCarolCafe]

Could you tell me in your opinion what's the difference between chinese girls and the US girls?

Gather 'round you beardless youth, and still your voices so that your ears may be filled with my words of wisdom:

 

There are only 2 key differences between the women in these two great nations:

 

1- The women in China speak English as a second language, while the women in the USA speak English as a first language.

 

2- In the USA you are far more likely to find that the carpet does not match the drapes.

[Dan R]

Now I understand your rep oh wise one.