what heppened

[Guest jimcope]

I have ask cui ying to send back the 1100 dollars i gave for her and mother to go to guangzhou for the interview. her mother was just going to acompany her.

 

reason why

 

1, ask for my crecit card number and and code on the back

 

2 started to email less and less

 

3 would not take my calls most of the time

 

4 says she was at her mothers and her mothers phone is out

 

5 going for days at a time on trips

 

6 did not like to hear from me

 

7 angry when i did not pay for her saughter schooling she is 19 and i ended up paying and how

 

8 not going to school for english after i gave her the money

 

9 give her between 200 and 300 dollars a month

 

10 not coming home a lot

 

11 drunk and could not talk on the phone

 

12 says her power was out 95 persent of the time i think that is true she live in nanning.

 

these are just few of the things i hope i am worng and i could always send her back the 1100 dollars. I am sure every one out theri has a very solid relationship i just think i do not at this time.

thanks jim

[Guest Gene]

Jim,

Sorry to hear things are going that way. I hope you can get it straightened out.

[cosmiclobster]

Jim: Just my opinion of course, but I feel you have given her way to much $ with way too little coming back from her. I think you need to back off. Don't even try to contact her for a while. Wait for her to contact you to see if she even cares about you. If she waits a week to contact you AND asks for more money, you need to bail out. There are many good women in China, this one is just using you. Again, just my opinion.

[MarkandLeigh]

Jim,

My fiance lives in Nanning. Her power has gone out ONCE in two years. We have daily chats and weekly calls. She has NEVER asked me for money. My reaction is that you are being used right now. There are plenty of good women in Nanning that are in it for the right reasons.

Mark

[lele]

My darling's father wants to go with her to the interview if it is during a time that due to my school I can not attend (see the other thread about that). However, for them both to take the train from northern china (much further and more expensive) we have estimated that the total expenses, including spending 1 week traveling around for two, would be not more than US$700. I do not see the money connecting in the case that you have mentioned.

 

I would also wonder why you have not spent so much time with her. Getting married is a serious commitment! It is quite possible that there are health issues, or that she is from the countryside NEAR nanning and claims to be from nanning. I have seen issues with power shortages, or at least wang ba shortages in the rural countryside. But in cases like this, I am thinking of places like litang sichuan, which is about a 24 hour bus ride from the nearest city which even has a train station.

 

In the end, your heart must be your guide. Do not worry about money. Do not worry about anything. It comes down to trust. The time and the distance can tear apart something which is special. It can also allow more pure intentions to be well recognized.

 

I do not automatically think that she has duped you. I feel it could have been real, but the time pulled you apart. It could still be real, but there are just issues on the side, such as depression or other forces in her life. However, I am really quite surprised that you have only seen each other for 1-2 weeks in the past year. I have tried to spend at least 6 weeks to 2 months a year on average together with my precious while we wait through this terrible process. I talk with her parents and she with my parents on the phone whenever it is possible. We send snail mail and use the wang ba when it is possible as well.

 

I do know that people who have medical situations are often loathe to talk about them or to spend some money on them. Please do look through some more posts about this too. I am not sure if all is lost or not, but if you ask for the money back, it almost certainly will be. I would recommend a compromise instead: offer for her to use that money to purchase you a ticket to come to china at least 1 week or 2 weeks before the interview (if there is time left) for you two to be together. If it all works out, just bring the cash with you to help them to go to the interview. If she can not, or if it does not work out, then it is only some money down the drain. I know, money is hard for most of us (it is hard for me!), but in the long run, is not your peace of mind, your love, and your life worth more?

 

Good luck, and please, do not just jump to conclusions. I would say, you have been in it this far, and take some time to figure it out better.

 

How well do you speak chinese? Have you been learning at all?

 

Good luck, get into the situation and really figure it out, so that no matter what happens, there will be no future regrets!

 

LeLe

[Jason+Joanna]

I have ask cui ying to send back the 1100 dollars i gave for her and mother to go to guangzhou for the interview. her mother was just going to acompany her.

 

reason why

 

1,   ask for my crecit card number and and code on the back

 

2  started to email less and less

 

3  would not take my calls most of the time

 

4 says she was at her mothers and her mothers phone is out

 

5  going for days at a time on trips

 

6  did not like to hear from me

 

7 angry when i did not pay for her saughter schooling she is 19 and i ended up paying and how

 

8 not going to school for english after i gave her the money

 

9 give her between 200 and 300 dollars a month

 

10 not coming home a lot

 

11 drunk and could not talk on the phone

 

12  says her power was out 95 persent of the time i think that is true she live in nanning.

 

these are just few of the things i hope i am worng and i could always send her back the 1100 dollars. I am sure every one out theri has a very solid relationship i just think i do not at this time.

                             thanks jim

I would suggest that you cancel your credit cards -- You should not give the 3 digit secure code on the back of your credit card to anyone. With this, anyone can use your credit card to purchase things over the internet. Also giving out your credit card information could lead you down a road of stolen idenity, bankruptcy, and other things not good for your credit history.

 

As to the relationship, only you can decide what needs to be done. But it certainly sounds like she does not care for you based on your itemized list. I think the best you can hope for is that the relationship is winding down.

[warpedbored]

Sounds like you have made your decision. I am quite sure it was difficult. It doesn't sound like she was surprised when you asked her for the 1100 dollars back. BTW 300 dollars a month in Nanning is a pretty high income. A lot of people there make 75 or less. Good luck to you.

[MoonCarolCafe]

I have ask cui ying to send back the 1100 dollars i gave for her and mother to go to guangzhou for the interview. her mother was just going to acompany her.

 

...

 

9 give her between 200 and 300 dollars a month

...

 

12  says her power was out 95 persent of the time i think that is true she live in nanning.

Something is not right in the capital of Denmark.

 

I've never met the nice lady in question; but it sounds to me like you are being used. Would you two still be together even if it meant you had to live with her in Nanning?

 

By the way, $200-$300 per month is a chunk-o-change in Guangzhou, I'd expect it to stretch even farther in Nanning.

 

If a woman is constantly giving reasons for you to give her money (instead of suggesting you save it to pay for a trip to visit her) then I'd be quite wary-- be she in Nanning or Nashville.

[MarkLuvsShuPing]

I've been sending ShuPing about $100 - $150 a month and she's been livin' large in Nanning. OK, maybe not LARGE, but bigger than before, she hasn't had to work since September.

 

There are unscrupulous people all over the world, but that doesn't mean you've found one, it could be the way lele said. If you've spent all this time and all this effort into coming all this way, I agree, you should go there and see for yourself what's really goin' on, if you can. To throw it all away on a few assumptions seems premature.

 

My initial reaction was to go with the assumption that she's using you, but have you really paid attention to her and why have you just dumped lots of $$$ into this without any ??? I feel there is more to the story here than meets the eye and more on your part that you're not telling us.

[chinadave2001]

Cut your losses now. Cancel the cards, cut her her off completely. Do not make excuses for her nor accept any silly ideas about lack of power, etc. If this was a real relationship she would find a way to contact you. Under no circumstances should you send any more money to "fix things."

Just my two jiao from a fellow victim.

cd

[tonado]

You did the right move. You don't want someone who is not responsible to be your wife.

[Guest BouncingBohemian]

6  did not like to hear from me

10 not coming home a lot

11 drunk and could not talk on the phone

 

You are definitely doing the right thing. Now go find someone nice who appreciates you for being nice, too.

[Guest BouncingBohemian]

My initial reaction was to go with the assumption that she's using you, but have you really paid attention to her and why have you just dumped lots of $$$ into this without any ???  I feel there is more to the story here than meets the eye and more on your part that you're not telling us.

Why are you blaming the victim?!?? Give the poor guy a break!

[Mengxin]

Mark, It could have been anyone of us. He was lied too. That is harsh dude. Put yourself in his shoes.