How is it going?

[fluffyballs]

I kinda doubt that Randy.Its very embarrassing so I doubt many people will speak up.

I'm not judging, just genuinely curious - what's keeping you from leaving her? Do you really think things would be even worse if you were on your own? Obviously bickering, getting fed up with each other, and the occasional blow up are unavoidable even in healthy couples, but spitting is just straight up mental instability.

Edited August 2, 2019 by fluffyballs (see edit history)

[Randy W]

Charles is an immensely dedicated individual . . .

[amberjack1234]

Charles, you may be right. Not many of the old-timers here are speaking up. I know some of them that have had the same problems that we have had and even worse if we want to go way, way back. In fact, we have no way of knowing if they are still together of not. I know that some are not. There are some that live the life and it seems that money is a great motivator there. Not many folks want to air their dirty laundry and pride is a factor too. Since I have been here from the beginning of the black hole days, which I was not a part of as my wife was already here, there have been so many that have come and gone. Charles in my book you have the patience of Jobe. Very few men would have endured what you have gone through. You know that you have my profound admiration. We use to talk a lot privately. I would have thought that she would have realized that in some small way by now. My wife has changed immensely since I left her at the Taco Bell. Long story.

[amberjack1234]

 

I kinda doubt that Randy.Its very embarrassing so I doubt many people will speak up.

I'm not judging, just genuinely curious - what's keeping you from leaving her? Do you really think things would be even worse if you were on your own? Obviously bickering, getting fed up with each other, and the occasional blow up are unavoidable even in healthy couples, but spitting is just straight up mental instability.

 

Take it from me Charles has put up with much more that that.

[chilton747]

That's an understatement. For those wondering why I haven't bolted, she had the perfect plan. There was no escape!

[chilton747]

 

I kinda doubt that Randy.Its very embarrassing so I doubt many people will speak up.

I'm not judging, just genuinely curious - what's keeping you from leaving her? Do you really think things would be even worse if you were on your own? Obviously bickering, getting fed up with each other, and the occasional blow up are unavoidable even in healthy couples, but spitting is just straight up mental instability.

And straight up mental instability is the deal I've been handed. Her first eight years in life was in the height of the Cultural Revolution.

[chilton747]

For example, she misplaces the screwdriver, then she finds it. Of course it is my fault then she goes on a rant about asking God to please kill me. Over and over again she says that. This is a normal day. I am always very careful not to say anything to set her off but it doesn't matter.

[Allon]

I think you hit on something when you said she was born during in the Cultural Revolution. My wife was too.

 

Look at what happened earlier and later in those times. The Great Leap Forward occurred just a few years previous and there was a famine previous to that period which killed millions of Chinese. During those times, especially in the cold northeast, the only crop they could grow quickly was corn. It was literally eaten for (not at) each meal. Corn was all they had until the New Year when the CCP gave each family a pig. And not all got it. (Is it no wonder that Chinese New Year is so special or any food that is wasted in the refrigerator brings on tears?)

 

People died of pellagra, a disease condition caused by malnutrition -- lack of niacin (B3) and tryptophan in the diet. No protein, unbalanced diet. The 3 D's -- diarrhea, dermatitis, dementia -- and then the last D, death. Neighbors would see other neighbors pull a chair out to the stoop or front patio and sit at night, to find them dead in the morning. A work team would come pick them up. (The Dark Ages, remember: Bring out your dead.) Swollen bellies, skin darkening, sores in the mouth are some of the first signs. My wife's face turns to a kind of silent shock when she sees such a symptom in someone. It's like she is looking at a dead person.

 

Families bringing up children in the Cultural Revolution faced ostracization if they were former KMT or held any land. Red Guards would taunt, even kill them. Mao himself participated in such activities early in his revolutionary days where landowners were literally put on show trials, and killed. Mao later called out the PLA to stop the Cultural Revolution (something he started) when the Red Guards started to form their own armies.

 

What would it have been like if you were a young child in that time? Traumatic, to say the least. Such children would grow up to be possessive of everything, miserly, controlling, manipulative. Thay had to be in order to survive. Another characteristic of the poor is the so-called welfare Cadillac, which was really a myth but the trait of saving money only to spend it on luxury items like watches or cars is not a myth. Gambling is another characteristic of poverty stricken families. When you have no money, any chance to make big money is taken.

 

I helped administer and was a counselor in a poverty program for many years. Not a day goes by that I don't compare my wife's behavior to those I saw in those program days. And the sad thing is, it is only rare that you will hear "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong." Defensive, controlling behavior is the norm for someone brought up in those days and that environment.

 

I am working on her. I do have to say that what I read in Charles' postings, he truly is a saint. She is far more than sociopathic if she exhibits no sign of remorse or empathy. That's pathological.

 

Charles, I do hope you can get her some help. But I know the attitude: "there's nothing wrong with me. It's YOU." YOU are the bad one that I have to always straighten out. If you even suggest a counselor or therapist, to her, my wife, or really any Chinese person, you will be examined as if you were some kind of alien presence. "Not in my family. We were all brought up right and had no problems." Sure.....

 

It's a recording I have heard many times....

[chilton747]

I agree with you on every point. They are well known for their right fighting way of life. Sounds like we have some things in common with our wives. It's rough but I'm Almost fed up with it. This is not how I want to be the rest of my life. Still trying to salvage but not much longer do go..

[Allon]

Charles, just remember every even little fight adds to your blood pressure, raises your sugar level and certainly contributes to depression. It takes a toll.

[chilton747]

Charles, just remember every even little fight adds to your blood pressure, raises your sugar level and certainly contributes to depression. It takes a toll.

It also causes cancer.

[chilton747]

 

 

I kinda doubt that Randy.Its very embarrassing so I doubt many people will speak up.

I'm not judging, just genuinely curious - what's keeping you from leaving her? Do you really think things would be even worse if you were on your own? Obviously bickering, getting fed up with each other, and the occasional blow up are unavoidable even in healthy couples, but spitting is just straight up mental instability.

Take it from me Charles has put up with much more that that.

I am trapped and can't go anywhere

[chilton747]

 

I kinda doubt that Randy.Its very embarrassing so I doubt many people will speak up.

I'm not judging, just genuinely curious - what's keeping you from leaving her? Do you really think things would be even worse if you were on your own? Obviously bickering, getting fed up with each other, and the occasional blow up are unavoidable even in healthy couples, but spitting is just straight up mental instability.

Worse than spitting is being woke up in the middle of the night with her beating me with a belt buckle. Or being woke up with a pail of water thrown on me and then having to try and stop her from doing more.

[chilton747]

Charles is an immensely dedicated individual . . .

Stoopid individual is more like it 😊

[chilton747]

Cuzin Larry I hear the outer Banks has many wild horses and very adept to surviving hurricanes