Realities After the Arrival

[whoever]

Congratualtions on your interview! I am sure your life will become whole once this journey is over.

[natrigon]

I would agree with everything said but the bit about kids. But the notion that in having kids a couple must give up romance is completely wihtout foundation. I understand that some couples may want to wait before having kids or that some people are just not the type to have kids. But in no event should a child(ren) be allowed to disintagrate a relationship to an unromantic union.

 

Once I went to a party with my wife and son and the reason was a pay-per-view event. There were a few other children there and when it was bed time they would all sleep on the floor in another room. Later we would wake up our son and take him home. Bed time came and the kids went to the other room to sleep (or most likely play and have fun) it was not a school night so no problem. One couple took their sleepy daughter and said they would come back later. I assumed they would drop off their daughter with a babysitter or ? Well it turnes out EVERY night they choose to drive their daughter around the area until she falls asleep. All because they did not want to hear her cry for 5 minutes years ago. The moral of the story is there are many different reactions to kids behaviors and how those interact with the parents and their relationship.

 

Ahh, but your main question deals with the how to of romance. And I also agree with the theory of being not necessarily doing. Of course all Chinese woman are different as all American or Russian woman are different. I think the pregnancy is affecting both of you dramatically, I know it did with us. Just enjoy life... smile, love, hold, cry, argue, debate, miscommicate, make-up, go out, stay in, cook, eat, watch, TV, walk in silence, embrace and then... bam your a year older.

 

Louis

[Dave G.]

Imagine if a doctor gave you a bag full of different kinds of pills and said take these at random for the next 9 months. Some are uppers, some are downers, some might even be hallucinagenic, some will put you to sleep, others will make you wide awake, and others don't do anything at all. You won't know which are which, but it doesn't matter, you must take them.

 

Okay....where can I get that bag??? Sound fun to me!

 

I really refuse to blame everything on the pregnancy. Far too easy of a cop-out for guys who screw up. Tends to make one quit trying for nine months. Naturally, it is a reality I'm aware of.

 

Thanks for all the kind words and good suggestions. Just try and remember the issues when you get your loved ones over. Not the romance stuff as much as the realities of everyday [boring] life.

[Guest blsqueaky]

Dave, right now I can not even imagine what you are going through. Every day I think about when the wife gets here, and she is riding in the truck with me for about a year. Talk about getting used to something new and a real culture shock. From what you said, it seems that you are doing everything that you can.

 

I know that when I am with my wife in China, romantic is just being able to be together, whether it is just sitting watching t.v. together or just walking around either the city or Shamian together. Right now, I am just hoping that when she gets here, she will still feel the same way.

 

I know that things will get better, just hang in there.

[Dean Hall]

Squeaky,

 

Your wife will ride with you. Excellent.

 

My wife, and quite a few Chinese I've known seem to have a proclivity to motion sickness. How's yours ? I hope she can take the motion.

 

I took my wife from Zhang Jiang in the helicopter over to Hainan Island last year. She was fairly miserable on the 40 min flight. (And I'm not that bad a pilot)

 

So we came back over on the boat. I never saw anything like it. We had to be rolling 35 deg and pitching 10 deg. About 70 Chinese were spewing into anything with an opening.

 

I did'nt feel a thing. (Come to find out, I asked my Mom this Christmas where I got my sea legs, and turns out I was conceived and carried for 4 months on a Norwegian freighter.)

 

Anyway, my wife is now a firm believer in aviation travel. Her mantra - just get it over with.

 

Thats why I'll be there for the trip back to the US.

 

Dean

[Eric&Yuhui]

I'm trying to pull off a major romantic coup my bringing Yuhui ( a.k.a honey bunny ) to the Verdi Traviata italian opera night at the Sydney opera in Australia Feb 4.. I got tickets already..We'll all got dressed up and dined/wined beforehand...

I'll post if I score kids..

If I don't she'll have to swim back to L.A !

 

Juuust kidding :-)

[keelec]

Okay....where can I get that bag???  Sound fun to me!

Be careful what you wish for.

 

It has been theorized that an egg could be implanted in the gut of a man and be able to be sustained by the blood flow to the intestinal tract......

 

In a couple of decades, perhaps you can have your wish.

 

Wasn't there an Arnold Schwartznegger movie with him carrying a baby?

[MarkLuvsShuPing]

Just to add a bit to what I wrote earlier, falling in love isn't hard, staying in love can be. It's a choice you have to make every day and not something you can put on the back burner. When life happens, (work, school, kids, relatives, friends, car trouble, etc.) you've got to decide if it will get in the way of you enjoying it. To stay in love, you have to decide to.

 

Another example, when my ex and I first got together, she would absolutely drive me nuts when she squeezed the toothpaste in the middle of the tube. It was almost to the point where I was about to go buy my own personal stash of toothpaste.

 

Then one day I got it. I decided that if I was going to love this woman, I would have to accept her for who she was, not who I thought she should be. It wasn't that I decided to love her regardless of where she squeezed the toothpaste, I decided to love her because of where she squeezed the toothpaste. It was what made her an individual, either I would love her for being her or I wouldn't be able to love her.

 

Even though the toothpaste issue was small and insignificant, it transferred to everything else in our relationship. My point is you can worry about all the little things in your relationship or you can appreciate those things for what they are. They are the magic of life and of love.

 

Her pregnancy, and ultimately, the baby could become issues, just like toothpaste and a million other things can be issues, but only if you fail to see the magic in them.

 

Romance happens when you find that magic.

[PJ]

what do Chinese women find romantic?

 

Good question, Dave. I find this to be an interesting concept, because I believe the notion of romance and what we consider courtship in China has recently progressed to resemble Western notions.

 

I read a really interesting article about courtship and marriage and Western notions of this are very different than many countries where people struggle day-to-day to eat and survive. However, as China is rapidly growing economically, so too are concepts of romance, courtship, and marriag.e Wish I could find that article, it was fascinating.

 

P.J.

[chinadave2001]

My two jiao...

even in my failed relationship I learned a few things....

There is no magic formula to any of this...what is a great suggestion for one girl may not be for another....just a thought....

For example, before "she" got it here it was suggested that having some local chinese friends would be a good idea for support and a connection to her life in China....no interest at all and she resented any attempts to "meet " other chinese....one of the first things I did was bring her to the local asian market.....she was furious at me....had no interest at all.....

I guess I am saying be careful of too many big generalizations of "what chinese girls like..." they are all individuals....

dave

[Cat&Rat]

I read a really interesting article about courtship and marriage and Western notions of this are very different than many countries where people struggle day-to-day to eat and survive.  However, as China is rapidly growing economically, so too are concepts of romance, courtship, and marriag.e  Wish I could find that article, it was fascinating.

 

P.J.

P.J.

If you do find it please post it or at least a link to it.

This whole thread , I find very interesting.

Many good thoughts and ideas to digest.

Thanks everybody for your thoughts

Rat

[skibum]

Well, well. I asked the loved one what was the most romantic thing we have done since she has been here. She said every day is just so good that she cannot name one. Hmmm, this could be good or it could be bad. But yesterday she did a face plant on the icey snow while going down a black run she had no business being on. I had left her to take a run on my own and got back to the bunny hill and she was gone. Later she said it was no problem that she had this big scrape on her neck. Today she fell in among the trees. Ready to ski again tomorrow. She just has a great outlook on life and is planing on getting into rock climbing in the summer. Has no fear which scares me.

I have to agree with her. Every day is great. Every day is great because there are new challenges. We are happy because we enjoy seeing the other push themselves and share the joy with each accomplishment. So I think that romance is the act of loving to be together enjoying eachothers accomplishments and not a particuar night out.

Although she did mention the night after our wedding in Vegas............

[MarkLuvsShuPing]

Every day is great. Every day is great because there are new challenges. We are happy because we enjoy seeing the other push themselves and share the joy with each accomplishment. So I think that romance is the act of loving to be together enjoying eachothers accomplishments and not a particuar night out.

 

Just like I said.

 

My wish for you is that you both feel that way in a year, 5 years 10 and 20 years, etc.