natrigon

I think you, or anyone, can make your point without slamming our American sisters. Quite a few are Candle members. I am certain that American women can make an equal list of what might disgust them about American men. But, what would that serve? He clearly mentioned that "most of the American women he met" are "one" of the following. Not only do I share his specific situation but I do not think he was slamming all American women. It seems to me that he was just explaining his thoughts about the specific American women that he met.

When children act out there is a reason that needs to be found out and discussed not beaten out. When they are young they are curious and want to explore, that is healthy but exploration and curiosity needs to be controlled just not with the threat of harm. Later on they might be testing boundries. Either way it all starts at the beginning with the parents. Parents that resort to immediate beatings when a child first acts improperly has to keep ramping up the beatings and threats of punishment to have the same effect. It never ends and then the children might dissapear when they are are 18, I know I would if I was in a spiral of beatings. In my opinion spankings, beatings and threats are the most temporary and ineffective means of raising healthy, curious, smart and respectful kids. So spank, beat and threaten if you like, I do not care. But there is something at the core of the issues and making "IF" - "THEN" rules that are clear work. "IF" you do this "THEN" this will happen... or "IF" you want this "THEN" you need to do that. Does not matter if the children or parents are Chinese or American.

Many of the posts seem to think that spanking = good children. I have a different experience. I have never been beaten or spanked. I have never been to jail, I am respectful of others and have my own business. I have two sons one older and one younger, neither has ever been beaten or spanked or even threatened to be spanked. Don't get me wrong, I am the boss, they do what I say and they are not the prince or boss of my house. But for the topic of this thread in my experiece there are many grown children that are babies here in the USA. Spoiled little brats that are created "usually" from lazy brained parents. In my experience in China there are serious issues with the children there too but just not in a spoiled baby way. Discipline can be a powerful tool but taken too far it can make shell shocked kids. Either way I manage without the spanking or physical threats and all is well... very well.

Yes, I tried dogmeat in a restaurant in Sichuan. It was a very nice hotpot place, we had the special room. It was my second time the interior of China and the table was absolutley loaded up with many different dishes that we would cook in the hotpot. Near the end of the meal the waitress brought in a special black laquer box and inside was thin strips of a gray meat. I asked what it was and I was told "duck". I questioned... "DUCK, like quack, quack" No came the laghing reply... "DUCK, like bark, bark" Ok, duck sounds like dog. But it was dog and I tried it after it was explained to me that these were special dogs bred for eating. I did not care for the meat and most of our family did not like it either.

Well like others said there is two problems with USA humor to a Chinese person. First is the translation... often the humorous part is a slight nuance in changing of words. In that case it just doesn't work unless the Chinese person is highly skilled at English... and even then. More difficult is the different culture, I think our USA humor is just different. In 5 years together several of our few arguments are from failed humor attempts. But I must admit she doesn't always understand the joke but she get's that my meaning is not offensive.

OK I will try that approach with them both...... And Merry When they get here, give me a call. I will hook you up with a wonderful female Chinese PEDS/OBGYN. Thanks and again, Merry B) The beautiful part is try to find a USA OBGYN who knows how to adjust or remove the Chinese IUD, and has tons of experience doing it. Saves a trip back to China. Not to mention, she will explain the importance of going to an American dentist too (remember, everything a Chinese doctor tells her will probably be regarded as the gospel truth). My wife had what you called the ring IUD device, there was no string. She had irregular bleeding (spotting) so I took her to our doctor, she recommended maybe just keep it, I told her no I wanted it to be removed then we would know if this was causing the problem or not. It had been place for like 10 years, we agreed to have it removed and then tried another IUD and problem solved. In China as far as I understand these can be left in for many years where here they recommend to change them every 5 years. My wife has had the Chinese version for 20 years with no issues. Her new OBGYN is amazed how simple and cheap it was.

I could not agree more. I went with Mei to a Chinese doctor here in LA for some female issues. The older female doctor would not talk with me.. period. I then insisted and was shown into the exam room and was told to sit on one of those 6" high chairs from China. I said I did not want to sit, thank you. The doctor said if I would not sit she would not talk to me. So I sat and fired questions. After two minutes I got up and found a different doctor. I do not want to get too personal but the doctor wanted to perform quite a major surgry. We went to the next doctor who was amazed at the first doctors suggested surgery. The second doctor performed a 15 minute procedure which is safe and has a 90% success rate. And so to this day all is well. If I was not there mei would have got something removed that was not at all needed. Arrgh.

Our daughter is almost 20 and Mei still will not let her have a date... College first she says. I think that is overkill but rather that way than the other. Just wait for the boyfriend thing to start up and watch the veins in your wifes neck get larger, toooo young!!!!!

Another vote here for Pimsleur. I like the way they introduce words into sentences with proper grammer. I have no wish to learn to read at this point but I am now to the point where I can speak with my wife for a long time... only in Mandarin.

That reminds me of a story about seeing the dentist in a small city in China (well only a million people... small for China). So we went to the dentist. Mei's sister's friend says he is one of the best ones in the city. Of course we walk for about 45 minutes to get there and finally we are outside the door. Door? Did I say door? Well the entrance to the dungeon of terror, hehehe. The lights were not working... "sorry" he says. His clothes looked worse than the beggars and his teeth looked like everybody else. The dentist chair was from 1942.. maybe 1945 from a sunken ship recovered in 1977. Needless to say I changed my mind and thought we should go for a snacl instead. Mei insisted to get her cavity filled... and so she did and I made sure he used fresh tools from a wrapper... and we had to pay extra. It was only about 15USD but the filling came out a month later. We had it re-cleaned and filled here in the US. But about the topic when I met Mei she knew no English. During our engagement I learned some Mandarin as she learned English in a school. I would recomend getting the Pimsleur Mandarin Chinese course on CD. You would be amazed what you can learn to and from work! At least I was amazed at what I was able to pick up. P.s. Be prepared to have your bathroom completely soaked in water every time she leaves it. LOL I gently suggest that you ought to push Lucy on this. Dental care in China for most people is terrible. Little/no preventive care. Lots of pain when something goes wrong and finally drive them to a dentist. There are also amateur dentists ... shudder! What she may not realize is that with a good American dentist procedures are painless. Point out that elderly Americans often still have their teeth because of preventive care and attention to keeping gums healthy. My Lao Po was shocked when I first started her on flossing. Blood everywhere. She also had some molars that a Chinese "dentist" had removed by breaking them off at the gum line! Now, after 2+ years of good care, flossing, Sonicare electric brush, etc her mouth and gums are in great shape. Give Lucy a push ...

How old is your daughter? My daughter just turned 20. Best of luck to us both! Have to make sure that the 90 pound female teenagers are not a threat to the USA. :-)

Ya, I know they "can" be refused entry but I felt he was to lazy to process the paperwork or give any help and instead tried to scare us away from applying for the AP.

Thanks for the input. I was really looking for an example of a medical reason letter as an excuse for travel. Didn't know if someone has actually received an AP for medical reasons. I know it should be yourself or your blood parents in imminent peril, etc. We have already tried the infopass and were told... " you should really try NOT to travel outside the USA until you have the green card as the AP does not "guarantee" that you will be let back into the USA". I had a debate with the nice but not well informed officer without any success. Those people are hit or miss, state by state. I have had some spit fire at me and others bend over backwards to help... and of course everything inbetween. Ya, we will definately request the multi entry as she had that once before. Thanks.

My wife and daughter came here in 2004 and even though my wife got her green card almost 2 years ago my daughter had been ignored. Despite infopass apointments, calls to the 800# and visits to the congressman her name alludes the conclusion of the security check. My daughter recived a 1 year AP for travel in 2004 and when it expired in 2005 we have been trying to get another one. Now it turns out her father is coincidentally very ill (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). What should the letter say? Should it include my daughters name anywhere? Where should it be translated? Where should we take the letter to get the emergency travel AP? (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Please advise as I hate to see a sad 20 year old chinese girl, thanks!!

Hey all, Well my wife and daughter arrived in 4/2004. All the paperwork was filed at the same time for both (daughter was 17). Perm Res for both and work card just for Wife. My wife recieved her work card and after that her green card ( 6/2005 ). My daughter, nothing. We have called the 800#, made infopass appointments and spoke to the local congressmans office. All we are being told to do is wait. The thing that bothers me is at one point we were sent a letter (in response to our written inqury) addressed to our daughter with my wifes WAC# saying the card was sent in 6/2005. I have explained this issue to at least 10 people at the UCIS and Congressmans office but it seems to have no importance. Sure would like to talk to a darn Immigration officer for 5 minutes to clear this up but can not get access to one. So two questions... any ideas on the green card issue? Now applying for an Advanced Parole so our daughter can visit China during the summer. The 131 wants a reason for the visit. Should this reason be something specific or ?? Louis