Families divided

[owenkrout]

I guess this fits in the general line of culture.

 

Yesterday was heart-rending to me. My Chinese step daughter called me twice yesterday morning (woke me up both times since I work 12 hour night shifts). She was just feeling disraught because she was not able to be with her mama and baba. Family is such a center of Chinese culture that it is really hard on her being seperated from her immediate family. She is 22 years old and in America would be glad to be out on her own, but for the Chinese, since she is not married, she is expected to be living with her parents still and still under their authority.

 

There was a real outpouring of emotion from her. She just wanted to talk to her baba. (Her mother talks to her several times a week while I am at work) She has told me years ago that she only remembers her natural father as the person who would show up to beat them up and take their money and that she was very happy to have a real father. I consider her my daughter and love her deeply. She still asks for me to make decisions regarding her life and will adhere to whatever I decree. Very different than my American children!

 

One of the worst things about our current immigration policies is that they seperate these very close families which is much more painful for them than even what it would be in American culture. Meanwhile we set and wait for the BCIS to decide that it is time for her to get the immigration visa that they admit she is qualified for.

[Mick]

My heart goes out to you Owen. I am really sorry to hear about your daughter. I know you well and know what a fine man you are. I also know how much you love your daughter. I could really sense that from the time we spent together in China. It is a shame the immigration process is so screwed up and forces these kinds of separations. It really saddens me to hear of your situation.

 

What is the current status of her immigration process? As I recall, the INS (back when it was INS) was the ones that screwed up in the first place. Your visa took so long she turned twenty one and could not qualify as a dependent child. What a mess!

[chinadave2001]

Owen,

I hope that you and your daughter are reunited soon.

I wish there was more could do to help...

Dave

[frank1538]

I sympathise with you, Owen. I am facing a similar situation. Jingwen's daughter will turn 21 next December ('04) and is scared stiff that she will be left behind. Apparently, she has heard stories about children not being granted visas because of age. I assure her that this will not happen, but I actually have doubts about this. A lawyer friend thought GZ might actually decline to issue her a K-2 visa because of her age. I assume that she will have turned 20 by the time GZ finally gets around to the interview. Even if she does get her K-2, I know that she has to be fully adjusted before her 21st birthday. Each day that passes makes it that much more difficult to be optimistic about this. I try not to think about what would happen if she could not be adjusted by then.

 

Like your daughter, KK is expected to live with her mother, and the thought of separation has weighed heavily on me. I see KK as my daughter too and to be separated from one's family is a real immigration tragedy. You are right. In this country, it would likely not be as big a deal to be separated from the family. In China, family is the center of one's life and culture. Even more tragic is that KK, despite her age, is still psychologically immature and dependent on her mom for just about everything. I've never seen KK buy or do anything without her mom's blessing. To be without her mom would be a very difficult situation for her.

 

Please convey my best wishes to your daughter and please tell her that her dad is doing everything that he can to reunite the family.

[frank1538]

Frank, check into the 'age out' issue very closely. There is a notice on GZ's site about it. It was a law passed last year to prevent children from passing their 21st birthday while waiting on the visa to be issued. I don't remember all of the details, but check out GZ's site and do a search on the BCIS website as well.

Thanks, Don. I hadn't checked for GZ/BCIS updates on this issue for a few months. Now, I'm only 75% confused rather than 100% confused.

 

I'll keep digging.

[Mick]

Owen, do you think a particularly savvy immigration attorney might be of any help to you in this case? I know you are hesitant to use attorneys but this might be a case where, given the circumstances of your case and its history, a good one might be useful.

[Patrick & Li]

I have very much sympathy for you Owen. I too have a new son and i love him dearly.He is only 10 years old. He has never known a real Father. Yes, he has a biological Father, but he was never involved in his sons life after the divorce. Unfortunately due to Chinese traditions, the Father thinks of his son as his meal ticket when he gets older, and the Chinese laws will support his right to that. The Father will not sign the paperwork that will allow the son to come with his Mother to America.

My biggest regret is i am taking my new sons Mother away from him, and he will have to go live with his grandparents (The Fathers parents). Of course, we are hoping that when he turns 18 he will decide to come to America on his own. That is 8 years away and things have a way of changing in 8 years. I have grown very close to this boy, and he calls me Daddy. So i am heartbroken that my hands are tied.

I wish i had some magic words for you. I dont believe it is justice for our Gov't not to look at some cases on a hardship basis. Yours would surely qualify!

 

Sincerely, Patrick

[Bryan_Qunying]

Owen,

 

I would like to express my thoughts and best wishes to you and your wife while you deal with this difficult time in your life. My step daughter is only 13 and, of course, this makes things a little easier for immigrations.

 

But I can't stop to think just how lonely and how much hurt your daughter is feeling and I can only imagine what this is doing to you and your wife. I wish I had the answers for you, but all I can offer is a few words of support along with my and my wife's best wishes and prayers.

 

Good Luck my friend.

 

Bryan

[newman]

Your post sure hit home. We are trying to get my wife's fifteen year-old daughter over here as a K-2 follower. When she talks to her mother I see the silent tears on this side I know that they are not so silent on the other. My diffficulty is trying to explain to both sides the patience it takes, the process, and bla, bla.... I don't what I'm going to do if the daughter doesn't get the visa within the next five weeks, the one year follower time. Any suggestions?

[se_lang]

http://guangzhou.usconsulate.gov/iv/new.html

 

New U.S. Law that may protect "overaged" children

 

Based on a new law, "The Child Status Protection Act of 2000", children that recently turned 21 may still be eligible to apply for a visa. Please read the explanation to determine if the new law applies to your case. If you would like to apply based on the new law, please come to the Consulate with your family when they are scheduled for interview. You will be admitted to appear for the interview. You must pay the application fee before a Consular Officer will render a decision based on the new law.

 

If you have already appeared for interview and believe this new law applies to you, please send a letter to the Consulate requesting review of your case. Your letter should explain how the new law applies.

[warpedbored]

I wrote Guangzhou when I first filed the I-129 F last May asking about my future step son. I knew there was no way we would be approved before he aged out in September. Here is thier reply.

 

 

>Dear petitioner,

>

>Thank you for your email. The Child Status Protection Act does not apply to

>K2 visa applicants. We checked our files under your fiance's name and date

>of birth, but were unable to find any records. It appears the file has not

>reached this office yet. Once we process your application we will send a

>packet of instructions and forms to your fiance immediately.

>

>IV Unit

>

>This email is UNCLASSIFIED based upon the provisions of E.O. 12958

 

 

 

For those of you who have step chidren under 21 and the biological father won't sign the papers allowing them to go to the US your fiance can go to court and get sole custody of the child. A good friend of mine's fiance had to do this and she just arrived in the US with her 12 yr old daughter in tow last week.

[Q&Q]

Best wishes to you and your family, Owen. Wish your family would be reunited soon. No matter how old we are, we always need our family, need staying close to our family. Now I have my sweet home in USA, but at times I miss my parents very much, hoping to see them in the very next minute. When I was talking to my mother by yahoo video yesterday, she said she was going shopping in the afternoon, and she asked if I would like to go with her. On hearing that, I was laughing with tears in my eyes. How I wish I could, but i can't. I have to wait and wait and wait.

 

I'm glad my son is here with me. He's only 12. After going through all those bad relations back in China, what makes me feel consoled is that my son is with me all the time. I want to be with him, see him grow up. And I'm so lucky to have found a very loving, caring man. Now 3 of us have a sweet home, leading a simple yet very happy life in California.

 

Q&Q

[owenkrout]

Thanks for all the support. What had immediately led to her being so upset was family members telling her that since she was not my daughter, I would not really try to obtain a visa for her.

 

Unfortunately, it is common in China for the step-father to have nothing to do with his wife's children from a previous marriage. Especially if it is a girl. She just wanted some reassurance that I really do care about her.