Q&Q

Thanks for all the replies! I learned a lot and enjoy all the postings from all different perspectives. I'd love to share my thoughts with you guys. But right now, I'd like to express my gratitude to all of you first. I'll be back later when I have time. My son's coming home from college for spring break tonight. MY problems will be put on hold for a little while

Thanks to Kyle, Stepbrow and TLB! I always appreciate it when some of my Christian friends say that they'll pray for me. I wasn't born a Christian. I was born in China. While my parents are both Buddhists, I'm "officially" atheist since the country is officially an atheist country. I respect my parents' beliefs. At times like family ceremonial events, I try my best to do as a Buddhist is supposed to do. I think I do it without obligation. I "act" (hope you know what I mean) like a Buddhist, partially because I want to make my parents happy and partially because I'm just like many other people in China, who are officially atheist but also are under a lot of influence of Buddhism, Taoism and Confucianism. I've been in America for 7 years. I've had many chances to connect with Christianity. I've given a Bible. I've been to a church once. To be honest, I went there out of curiosity and in hope of finding new friends. I've several Christian friends who constantly talk me into going to Church with them. But I don't feel that I'm ready for that. Some of my friends are from China, just like me. I'm very happy for them that they adapted to their Christian life very easily and quickly. I also noticed some changes in them, like when they talk about God, they're so happy and positive and passionate about life. Some of my friends are born Christian. One of them is a coworker who gave me the international version of Bible and answered a lot of my questions. I admit that I'm more interested in Christianity than ever before. But I also admit that I'm not a Christian just yet or even maybe I'll never be a Christian. There're times I feel some connections and there're times when I lose them all. I do believe that whether you believe in a religion or not is more intuitional. If you start to think of it too much logically, no matter how hard you try, you'll find nothing convincible. My problem is that gradually I feel that my Christian friends are more distant from me. I don't have a whole lot of friends here in America, like I did back in China. I feel fortunate to be able to have friends here thousands of miles away from my birthplace. I feel sad when I sensed that they might not be willing to be my close friends any more, if I don't go to church with them or talk about God with them like they all do when we're getting together. Several days ago, one of my coworkers (who is a white Christian woman of my age) said that she prays for me every day, and she even repeated "every day" to emphasize that. I didn't know what to say to her, except "thank you, thank you and thank you". We're friends for several years and we have lunch together almost every working day. So we shared a lot of our personal, emotional stories. I wasn't feeling so well physically lately. I do appreciate it very much that she cares about me and prays for me. But I also feel some kind of pressure, maybe not from her but from myself, for not doing anything in return for her. I feel like next time when she says "come on, go to church with me", I don't know how to say no any more, after saying too many nos on the same subject. Oddly, I feel a little guilty and a little intimidated when I think God knows that I don't believe in him or have doubts about him. Sounds self-conflicted... Anyway, feel good to get it out. Thanks for reading!

When a friend says that she'll pray for you, does she mean she'll literally pray for you, like when she prays, she actually includes you in her praying, asking God to bless you? Or, is it just a thought, just like a best wish from her to you? Thanks!

I partially agree with you that "displays of affection between parents and children are very uncommon" . We hug our children when they're very little. By the time they're in their early teenage years, we gradually stop doing all those hugging and kissing. If a teenager still hugs and kisses his or her parents, most of the time, most likely he or she would be told something like " look at you, you're a big boy/girl, still act like a baby." These words don't mean to reject a kid's hugging or kissing, but he certainly starts to feel that adults are expecting him/her to act "more mature". But without hugging or kissing each other don't necessarily mean we love our kids less than people of any other culture.

It depends on how old the son is. If he's an adult, it's probably easier for a mom to leave him behind. The only difference would be that the mom can't visit him as often as when she's in China. If he's a kid, it's really hard for the mom to leave him behind. If your girlfriend finally decide to come and start a new life with you, I do hope that you really appreciate the sacrifice she makes and hope you know that your love means more than anything else to her, including being far away from her own son. Personally, I can't start a real happy life without my son. I can't bear missing the chance seeing him growing up. As a mom, when I make decisions, the decisions are not just for me, I would always take my son in consideration. I brought him to this world and I'm responsible for his growing up and his future. So when I met my husband, fell in love with him and decided to move to America, there was no discussion either my son should come or not, because, to me, my son and I are tied together. If my husband had hesitated to let my son come, I wouldn't have come here. Yes, you may say my love sounds conditional. But, you know that I'm not a teenager who can do whatever she wants. I'm a mom. I want what I want, but I also have to make sure what's better for my son. Fortunately, my husband is so loving and considerate. When he heard my ex refused to sign the agreement for me to take my son with me to America at the beginning of the visa process, my husband was so sad. He understood how hard it would be for me to come over without my son, and he told me he would totally understand if I canceled the process. And, that's before I even told him that I wouldn't come without my son. so, that convinced me once again, this is the man I want to be with. It's hard to start a long distance relationship and it's exactly those moments that dragged us closer and closer, and now nothing will make us fall apart. My son came here with me and adjusted very well and very fast to his new life here in America. It has been six years....and he's going to college ( mostly likely UC ) after Summer.

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I constantly tell people that the differences between China and the U.S. far, FAR exceed those that are often vaguely described as "cultural". For a Westerner, being in China is more like being on a different PLANET! I tend to agree with you, David. People in China do have a little more exposure to and understanding of American culture, if only on a superficial level. Even after being interested for years, I knew (and still know) very little about the Middle Kingdom. That is part of the fascination. I agree with you. I used to think that I had enough exposure and understanding of American culture before I came to America. Talking about culture shock, in the first one or two years, I didn't think that I had had any "shock". I told my friends that there wasn't much "shock" to me and they were all happy for me. Now that I've been here for 4 and 1/2 years. Gradually I found myself so constantly being "shocked". I think the reason for that is that the first couple of years, I only had chances to encounter those surface of the culture and that surface is what I was exposed to back in China. For the time being, and for the more I learn about the society, and people, the more shocking facts are there for me to deal with. Just last night, I was in "shock" . oh, well, it's toooooo late. I'lll find another time to tell the story.

I admire you guys for being such good observers. I was so dumb that I didn't notice that our trucks are in the same color "blue" until my husband pointed out to me and asked me the same question. And of course I don't have an answer.

Well.... You have the RED Army of people... and the BLUE army of trucks! yea that's it... The Blue Army Trucks! You got it!

Try to tell her in Chinese then, she might not know how to say it in English. Tell her it's "zhong qiu jie"

I don't like mooncakes at all, but I'll certainly miss them if I don't have any for the Moon Festival. It's a tradition to have mooncakes on Moon Festival. Moon cakes are something that "if you buy it, you're not the one who's going to eat it, if you're eat it, you didn't buy it."

Is "whining" a synonym of "Sa Jiao"?

Another help that I really need is that I feel so so so...sad when I listen to this song. I don't think it's a sad song. But it just touches me in a way that I can't handle any more. You might say "so don't listen to it". And that's exactly what my problem is. I can't help myself. I listen to it so many times a day. What is wrong with me?

Here's one more Last Thursday, we went to A's game. After every referee's name is announced at the beginning of the game, the audience always say "OH, No", and I enjoy this part so much and I always say "OH, NO" out loud with the crowd. Later on the way home, I told my husband "I think it's so funny that people say "OH, No" after the vampire's name is announced."

Thank you, it IS Mercedes commercial, I thought it was BMW. I just searched google and got it, the song is For Sentimental reasons by san cooke and I just bought it on itune.

Did anyone see the recent BMW commercial on tv? Does anyone know the song used in the commercial? The only lyrics are "I love you" repeated about 10 times. I want to know the name of the original song and who the singer is. Thanks!!!

I got a doctor appointment notice coming in the mail. My husband asked me what the appointment was for. I said, "It's for my autopsy" Can you figure out what I meant to say? biopsy

Here's another one: The first time I went to a baseball game, I knew nothing about the game. We got very good seats, but to me it was just a waste of money and time. I was getting bored until 7th inning stretch. I was amazed by the song "Take Mia to the ball game...." my english name is Mia. I was wondering why Mia, what's so special about this woman, what she has to do with the game. We went to A's games several time that year, and every time I wondered but I had never tried to find out. Until the next season, I finally asked my husband. He laughed so hard and said, " yes, baby, 30,000 people, they all want to take you to the ball game, because you're that special." That's when I found out it is "Take me out to the ball game" So even now, when we go to ball game, we'll laugh about it.

Yes, they both end with an "x" ,that's part of the reason. At lunch time, it was always so busy, we had to talk very fast. After a while, I always feel my tongue is twisted

Thank you. I'm getting used to my new life in CA, except for paying tax

I agree

Soon after I got my working permit, I worked in a Chinese fast food restaurant for several months. It was always so busy during lunch time. Once a gentleman asked me how much a two item dish was, I said "5.19 plus sex" He was like ,then ,and then and the line was like and people sitting close enough to hear what I said, and I

We do differentiate head and heart. But people are different. I have a friend who can't tell the differece between her thoughts and her feelings. When you say your heart tells you one thing, you're talking about how you feel, and you follow your feelings and emotions to decide what to do. When your head tells you another, that's like you think what you should do under the consideration of all aspects. You're following common sense and you may do as what the people would do when they're in the same situation. For example, when someone's fiance cheats on him, his heart is broken, but he's still deep in love with her. His heart says forgive her once and love her more than ever before to win her back. But there're so many red flags there that his head tells him he should forget her instead of forgive her and move on.

I don't think either husband or wife changed. It's just that now you live together, you have more chances to learn about "the skeleton in his or her closet"

I totally agree on this. Trust and commitment are foundamental. Without trust and commitment, no matter how "skillful" you are, a relationship won't last long.