sandyyu Posted October 11, 2003 Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Please make sure to give yourself time to allow these wounds to heal before plunging too fast into another relationship.hi, Mick, He's not the one has wounds, should be the other one, cold-blood person never knows what's pain, everything happens for a reason, well saying, Dave. G. sb. never think the reason Sarah left, and in order to avoid affording the airticket fee, some people changed his phone number right away after his Fiancee left....when sb. have trouble, even he's only a common friend, we should always try our best to help them, not try to keep away....... poor girl Sarah, from the day i met her in person, i know she is such a nice lady, But God played a big joke with her, Take care, Sarah, be strong and be cautious, wipe your eyes next time, don't be fooled by the jerk again..... God Bless You.... Sandy Link to comment
johnnybill45 Posted October 11, 2003 Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Hi Dave I guess I don't understand why your next fiancee has to be from China. There are plenty of single Chinese women here in the SF Bay Area that would probably move to where you are. You could skip all the immigration paperwork and waiting. I didn't meet my wife on the internet, but through her sister here in the states. If I knew then that I'd be waiting 2.5 years for my wife to get here, I would never have taken that first step. John Link to comment
francine Posted October 11, 2003 Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Please make sure to give yourself time to allow these wounds to heal before plunging too fast into another relationship.hi, Mick, He's not the one has wounds, should be the other one, cold-blood person never knows what's pain, everything happens for a reason, well saying, Dave. G. sb. never think the reason Sarah left, and in order to avoid affording the airticket fee, some people changed his phone number right away after his Fiancee left....when sb. have trouble, even he's only a common friend, we should always try our best to help them, not try to keep away....... poor girl Sarah, from the day i met her in person, i know she is such a nice lady, But God played a big joke with her, Take care, Sarah, be strong and be cautious, wipe your eyes next time, don't be fooled by the jerk again..... God Bless You.... Sandyhello sandy long time I finally catch you here. You surprised me by the post.You seldom reply to posts for a while.In my mind,you were a quiet girl but this time you stand out. I don't know what's going on here just wish all the best to the one really got hurt. catch you later on MSN Link to comment
Bob & Minglian Posted October 11, 2003 Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Dave, a lot of wonderful ideas have been shared here and I agree with many. However, I especially agree with Dave G's comments. Let love find you and in the meantime position yourself where you want to be. Robert mentioned seeking a teaching position in China. Perhaps that can be your focus for now. I think if you can surround yourself with those elements in life that are truly YOU when love does knock on your door she may be just the right person for you. August just happened; it's not even been two months. It takes time to rush into these things! Link to comment
AZwolfman Posted October 11, 2003 Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Dave,My wife and I met on kiss.com. There are singles from all nations there. I paid my membership dues of $5.95/month for over a year before I finally got off my butt and decided to post a profile and actively search. I started and ended my search in China. Take your time, and especially take time to be alone and OVER her before you dive in again. I am sure you have learned from the relationship and know more how to proceed this time, and what to watch out for. Good luck! Link to comment
chinadave2001 Posted October 11, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Please make sure to give yourself time to allow these wounds to heal before plunging too fast into another relationship.hi, Mick, He's not the one has wounds, should be the other one, cold-blood person never knows what's pain, everything happens for a reason, well saying, Dave. G. sb. never think the reason Sarah left, and in order to avoid affording the airticket fee, some people changed his phone number right away after his Fiancee left....when sb. have trouble, even he's only a common friend, we should always try our best to help them, not try to keep away....... poor girl Sarah, from the day i met her in person, i know she is such a nice lady, But God played a big joke with her, Take care, Sarah, be strong and be cautious, wipe your eyes next time, don't be fooled by the jerk again..... God Bless You.... SandySandy, you obviously been in contact with Sarah. Good. She needs some friends now.Please don't be too quick to judge anything or presume that you understand something. Yes, I did change my phone numbers on advice of my attorney. There were very compelling reasons to do that. I do not want to detail all that happened yet. However, I would also add that Sarah always had all of my families phone numbers as well as my email addresses to she could still contact me either directly or indirectly. Next, Sarah was offered a plane ticket home even after she ran away. I can document this in that the offer was not only made orally but in writing as well. I even offered to pay from LA or Houston or wherever the hell she is. So, Sarah's claims that I 1. cut her off 2. would not pay her ticket home are both false. Sarah did not accept my help because having me help her return to China did not accomplish her goal of staying here. But for now, I am moving on with my life. Link to comment
chinadave2001 Posted October 11, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Dave,My wife and I met on kiss.com. There are singles from all nations there. I paid my membership dues of $5.95/month for over a year before I finally got off my butt and decided to post a profile and actively search. I started and ended my search in China. Take your time, and especially take time to be alone and OVER her before you dive in again. I am sure you have learned from the relationship and know more how to proceed this time, and what to watch out for. Good luck! Hi AZ, thanks. I'll check out your website. Dave Link to comment
chinadave2001 Posted October 11, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2003 Hi everybody, Maybe there has been some misunderstanding here. While I am looking for a new start, it will be a very slow one. I promise. I am exploring many options of what to do next. Two years agao I was diagnosed with stage three cancer. That's the kinds where folks have a five year survival rate of 50%. I had six months of chemo, two operations, and two months of radiation. Truly a hellish experience. After finishing treatments, I then went to China to be with Carol. She broke up with me, and the next week I started dating Sarah. We got engaged five weeks later. Well, you know the rest. Having cancer gives one a new appreciation of life. You immediately develop a keen sense of the fragilty of life, an appreciation for each day, and a new understanding of what's really important. The folks on this board who have found true love - a partner to share their life with - you know you are blessed. As those of you who have have babies on the way, well, you are blessed twice. Mick, Robhon, Dave G.... BTW, there is no sign of any cancer now and my odds of beating it have improved a lot. Meanwhile, My everyday life of teaching and coaching continues. I coach the local high school football team - off to a 3-1 start. So what else do I plan to do? I plan to travel. Going to Moscow for Christmas, to vist old friends. Maybe a trip to China in February or April. I am also going back to school. Two years I was accepted into a PHD program at the University of Connecticut. I had to decline because of health reasons. I will be there this January. I have started to work out every day. This helps alot with the stress of all that has happened. I spend a lot of time with my family and friends. They have been a wonderful supoort these many months. As for dating, I am exploring all options. But I have not sworn off women from China. I thought folks here may have some suggestions about how to do the internet thing. I was always kind of skeptical but having gotten to know some of the couples who used it and am now a believer. But I am not restricting my search to China only. And I am going to go so slow as to appear to be going backwards. Promise! Thank you everybody for all your thoughtful, caring suggestions. Link to comment
SBS Posted October 12, 2003 Report Share Posted October 12, 2003 http://www.obridge.com/ http://www.asiansingles.com/index1.shtml http://www.chnlove.com/ http://www.loveme.com/index1.shtml I wonder if you looked at these websites before you posted them. They really made me sick. I doubt if you can really find a pure girl on this kind of the websites...Most of them are looking for someone to help them get out of China. shame Chinadave, I agree with your opinion wishyou enjoy your teaching and find your other half soon. Link to comment
PJ Posted October 12, 2003 Report Share Posted October 12, 2003 Chinadave, I really want to express my deepest sympathy to you during this difficult time. Believe me, even though our experiences were, I am sure, different, can truly relate to the feelings that you must be experiencing. I also hope that you will believe me when I say that everything does happen for a reason, and that the most painful experiences often happen so that we can find true happiness down the road. Please do remember that Candle is a supportive community, and we are all here for you. Sincerely, P.J. Link to comment
carhil24 Posted October 12, 2003 Report Share Posted October 12, 2003 Dear SBS, After reading your post regarding the websites recommended to chinadave, I wanted to take a look at them to see what you saw was a problem. Personally, I cannot see a problem with any of these websites, quite possibly because these are similar to the one in which I met my wife. I think it is quite presumptuous of you to assume that most of these women just want to meet someone to help them come to America. I'm certain that in some cases this may be true, but who can say for sure? Unless you know some of these women personally, and are aware of their circumstances, I think it is unfair for you to label them as such. Obviously, there are people all over the world who will deceive and hurt someone in order to better their lives, but to say that most of the women on these sites fit in that category is a serious error in judgment. If I remember correctly, two of the gentlemen on this site who had problems with fiancees who came to America did not meet them on a website such as these. In fact, I believe that one of them met them through a family member, and the other through work, though I could be mistaken. At any rate, I personally know of almost a dozen couples who have met through websites such as these, and as of today, all of them remain happily married. Just because a woman (or a man for that matter) wishes to meet someone via this type of site, it does not mean that most of them have ulterior motives. I'm sure that some do of course, but the majority of them are just looking for some happiness in their lives. And if what you say is true, what is so wrong with the fact that most of them just want to come to America? If a woman in China (or any country for that matter) is looking to better her life and situation, and feels that she can do so by meeting an American and coming to America, I wish her all the best! Maybe I am way off base here, but I don't see anything wrong with this. If a woman joins one of these sites, hoping for a chance to meet an American guy, and does so, and they fall in love with each other, and he invites her to America, and she fulfills a lifelong dream, and is given the chance for a better life, I for one would wish both her and her husband the very best! From the very beginnings of this great country of ours, thousands of immigrants have done this very thing, both legally and illegally, and are now living what we often call, "The American Dream." Of course I consider it wrong to intentionally deceive or hurt someone in order to better one's life or situation, but it is totally unfair to judge someone who's only sin is that he or she wishes to come to America. In my situation, I had to actually convince my wife to come to America, because at first she really had no desire to do so. But through a lot of sweet-talking I finally got her to agree, and now she is over here experiencing the true taste of freedom, and what it means to live in America. One thing I will never forget is when I was outside the consulate in Guangzhou, waiting for her as she was completing her interview, and I watched as person after person came out of the consulate, smiling, laughing, filled with excitement, as they held their recently acquired US visa. I saw more than one person overcome with tears of joy! On that day I knew what it meant to be an Amercan, and how priviledged I was, and I was very proud and thankful that our country is so accomodating to those whose dream is to come to America. I will never forget the feeling I had as I watched those future immigrants celebrate their good fortune with their families and friends. And since my wife has arrived, my eyes have been opened even more to just how great this country is, and how much we Americans take for granted. And although I am sure that there are a lot of countries with a lot of great attributes, there is no better place to live than the country which embraces freedom like America does. And if in the future, some of these women who are on these sites are fortunate enough to experience this great country of ours, I will welcome them with the same open arms that our forefathers welcomed countless immigrants before them. And if there is an American man who is fortunate enough to meet, fall in love with, and marry one of these women, then he, too will be blessed with a woman who will not take this great country for granted, unlike many American women (and men) do today. If the sole purpose of every one of these women on these websites is the opportunity to come to America, then I want to take this time to thank them for making me proud to be an American! Link to comment
warpedbored Posted October 12, 2003 Report Share Posted October 12, 2003 Dear SBS, After reading your post regarding the websites recommended to chinadave, I wanted to take a look at them to see what you saw was a problem. Personally, I cannot see a problem with any of these websites, quite possibly because these are similar to the one in which I met my wife. I think it is quite presumptuous of you to assume that most of these women just want to meet someone to help them come to America. I'm certain that in some cases this may be true, but who can say for sure? Unless you know some of these women personally, and are aware of their circumstances, I think it is unfair for you to label them as such. Obviously, there are people all over the world who will deceive and hurt someone in order to better their lives, but to say that most of the women on these sites fit in that category is a serious error in judgment. If I remember correctly, two of the gentlemen on this site who had problems with fiancees who came to America did not meet them on a website such as these. In fact, I believe that one of them met them through a family member, and the other through work, though I could be mistaken. At any rate, I personally know of almost a dozen couples who have met through websites such as these, and as of today, all of them remain happily married. Just because a woman (or a man for that matter) wishes to meet someone via this type of site, it does not mean that most of them have ulterior motives. I'm sure that some do of course, but the majority of them are just looking for some happiness in their lives. And if what you say is true, what is so wrong with the fact that most of them just want to come to America? If a woman in China (or any country for that matter) is looking to better her life and situation, and feels that she can do so by meeting an American and coming to America, I wish her all the best! Maybe I am way off base here, but I don't see anything wrong with this. If a woman joins one of these sites, hoping for a chance to meet an American guy, and does so, and they fall in love with each other, and he invites her to America, and she fulfills a lifelong dream, and is given the chance for a better life, I for one would wish both her and her husband the very best! From the very beginnings of this great country of ours, thousands of immigrants have done this very thing, both legally and illegally, and are now living what we often call, "The American Dream." Of course I consider it wrong to intentionally deceive or hurt someone in order to better one's life or situation, but it is totally unfair to judge someone who's only sin is that he or she wishes to come to America. In my situation, I had to actually convince my wife to come to America, because at first she really had no desire to do so. But through a lot of sweet-talking I finally got her to agree, and now she is over here experiencing the true taste of freedom, and what it means to live in America. One thing I will never forget is when I was outside the consulate in Guangzhou, waiting for her as she was completing her interview, and I watched as person after person came out of the consulate, smiling, laughing, filled with excitement, as they held their recently acquired US visa. I saw more than one person overcome with tears of joy! On that day I knew what it meant to be an Amercan, and how priviledged I was, and I was very proud and thankful that our country is so accomodating to those whose dream is to come to America. I will never forget the feeling I had as I watched those future immigrants celebrate their good fortune with their families and friends. And since my wife has arrived, my eyes have been opened even more to just how great this country is, and how much we Americans take for granted. And although I am sure that there are a lot of countries with a lot of great attributes, there is no better place to live than the country which embraces freedom like America does. And if in the future, some of these women who are on these sites are fortunate enough to experience this great country of ours, I will welcome them with the same open arms that our forefathers welcomed countless immigrants before them. And if there is an American man who is fortunate enough to meet, fall in love with, and marry one of these women, then he, too will be blessed with a woman who will not take this great country for granted, unlike many American women (and men) do today. If the sole purpose of every one of these women on these websites is the opportunity to come to America, then I want to take this time to thank them for making me proud to be an American!Hmmm I wonder if the president needs a new speech writer? Good post Carhil. One thing that often worries me though is will Bing find America to be as wonderful as she thinks it is now. Often in China even though thier wages are pitiful in comparison to ours thier social status could be higher. Once they get here they have to deal not only with culture shock but their marketable job skills could be severely limited due to language barrier. Working at McDonalds could quite possibly dash ones dreams of a better life in the USA. Link to comment
johnnybill45 Posted October 12, 2003 Report Share Posted October 12, 2003 Carl Your e-mail probably touched a lot of people. I really liked it. I think we are so lucky these days to have the internet as a tool to meet people. Finding someone over the internet is the best thing "since sliced bread". If one has to go to China because their heart led them there, then good for them, but if they don't have to go that far - better yet. The long wait has been so heart wrenching for me, I'd never want to do this again. I know eventually I can look back and this long wait will be a distant memory, but it doesn't ease the daily heartache for now. Just a couple of more cents worth of opinion. John Link to comment
Dave G. Posted October 12, 2003 Report Share Posted October 12, 2003 http://www.obridge.com/ http://www.asiansingles.com/index1.shtml http://www.chnlove.com/ http://www.loveme.com/index1.shtml I wonder if you looked at these websites before you posted them. They really made me sick. I doubt if you can really find a pure girl on this kind of the websites...Most of them are looking for someone to help them get out of China. shame Chinadave, I agree with your opinion wishyou enjoy your teaching and find your other half soon.It's my understanding that Chinese women are taught to marry in order to "improve one's fate." It's not necessarily about love...if they find love, than that's an added bonus. We've all seen China. As wonderful as many things are there, there are other things that detract from the good stuff. People all over the world want "the American Dream." Not just the Chinese. So, I understand the desire to post a picture, write a profile, and dream of being found. But, I'm also skeptical too. That's why the USC needs to be careful. It can either be a wonderful fairy tale relationship or a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So, yeah...I looked at some of the profiles. Some are so sweet....genuine. Some seemed demanding -- "I want to marry a tall, handsome American with a steady job like a doctor or lawyer." Stay clear of those postings.....scary. I'm convinced that no matter how beautiful and alluring the woman you are getting to know is, that she'll tip her hand fast if she's not the real deal. Red flags might be topics about money, assets, etc. Be wise....think with your head, not your................http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/1/rolls.gif Link to comment
carhil24 Posted October 12, 2003 Report Share Posted October 12, 2003 Carl,Before my wife came over, I purposely introduced myself to quite a few Chinese immigrants in my city, because I wanted to find out what their feelings about America were. Like anything else, there was a wide variety of opinions, both good and bad. As far as I can ascertain, most of the immigrants from China have a very rosy picture of life in America, remember, most of them have only seen America via movies, television, or newspapers, and we all know how inaccurately those mediums portray America. I still remember one lady in Beijing asking me where I was from, and when I told her, "America", she responded with, "You are very lucky, America is a very powerful country." And my wife's dad is still upset with her for coming to America, and is concerned that she will be mugged or murdered one day. So, depending on which person you meet, you will likely get a different opinon from each of them. However, I will say there seems to be one opinion from the immigrants that they agree on, and that is that although there is not very much money to be made in China, life there is much simpler and less complicated than in America. Most of them believe that life in America is filled with too much pressure and complications. What I see in a lot of cases here, is immigrants who have come to America hoping to strike it rich, and after they do, making plans to return to their homeland and families to retire in comfort. And if you remember, that is how my state of California began, with thousands of people moving west hoping to strike it rich, so I have no problems with that scenario. My wife and I ourselves often discuss our future, and neither of us has thrown out the scenario of returning to China to live one day. The best you can do for now, Carl, is to ensure that in your communications with Bing that you paint as true of a picture of life in America as you can. Be up front with her, tell her both the good and the bad things about life over here. That way, when she does finally arrive, maybe the culture shock won't be quite so bad. And above everything else, love her to death! Link to comment
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