Son's Career Opportunities

[Richard & Li]

Thanks Smitty. You've got some good insight.

 

I know. With him being 20, I have to finesse the situation.

 

Unfortunately, he is being influenced by Chinese people who came to America, opened a restaurant and were successful. They never studied anything here and they cannot speak English. They have openly told him that learning English and going to school is unnecessary and too difficult.

 

He thinks he can do the same thing. Only, he has no start up money, knows nothing about running a restaurant, and does not want to learn to cook professionally. (I offered to send him to culinary school.)

 

Yes, I understand the gaming. I also like gaming. But, I do it in my spare time. I worry that it so dominates his life that he does nothing productive.

 

Li also likes chatting with her friends and family in China, but she also works, takes care of the house, and goes to ESL regularly. (She does not require that our son go to ESL with her.)

 

I'm hoping that when he gets his driver's license, things will change for the better.

[Toplaw]

Richard, you are an educated man, and you know well the irreplaceable value of a good education. I agree with you completely on that point.

 

You want what is best for your son, and that is commendable, but all any of us can do in the end is provide the opportunity and the best advice we have to offer.

 

Especially at the age of 20, with military service behind him, your son should be capable of evaluating his choices in life. Whether he chooses to do that or not is another issue entirely. It sounds like you have done all that you can reasonably do to help him. In the end, I suspect he will admire your success in life, but listen to his mother and perhaps others in his family about what he should do.

 

Gamers are a breed unto themselves. For the past three years I have helped the local community college by teaching the law portion of the course curriculum in digital gaming and simulation classes.

 

I have found these students as a whole to be razor sharp in things that I don't understand, or for that matter, care anything about (gaming), while lacking in and not caring about things that are often important to mainstream success in life.

 

A few of them will make it in gaming, and perhaps your son will be one of the lucky few. But as I tell the students in my classes, they better have a back up plan for their lives.

 

Good luck with it. I hope your son makes a smart decision.

[yuehan123]

This seems to be a somewhat typical parent-young adult dilemma. One of my kids is 34 another is 31. The 31 year old often asks "Dad, what should I do?"

 

Sounds like your son is not asking this question, he's content with a so-called life of leisure playing internet games. In China, my wife's young sister, her husband and the baby still live in the parents' home. Husband works, wife does not.

 

How is it all applicable? Davidzixuan has often mentioned what I call 'the culture.' How does your son's cultural background and current situation affect his thinking? What is he thinking? What does mom want?

 

The 'kids' I know are younger, usually still in high school and hate things until 6 months or so have passed. You sound worried about your son. You mentioned 'depression.'

 

Games all night. Sleeps all day. Talk with mom about what the 'rules' are. Or, should be.

[Richard & Li]

Toplaw, you're right: He is very sharp with things he is interested in.

 

I'm completely confident he would be successful in college if he was motivated to do it.

 

I'll be patient, supportive, and encourage him when he shows an interest in something that might lead him to a successful life.

 

Thanks,

Richard

[Richard & Li]

yuehan, you've brought up some questions that are still somewhat of a dilemma for me.

 

I know there is a cultural difference that I don't completely understand yet and family dynamics that have developed over the 16 years of his life I was absent. How does his cultural background affect his thinking? After living his entire life without a father (he tragically passed away at a young age when our son was only 4 years old), what does he expect from a father?

 

I think Li wants him close. That seems to be the first priority. I know she wants him to be successful, but he is allowed to do pretty much whatever he wants.

 

Is he depressed, or still adjusting and homesick? Hopefully, the latter.

 

Does he plan to stay in America or one day return to China? He talks about both, I think he's undecided.

 

What kind of career would interest him? I guess we can assume he has rejected the railroad career he had lined up for him in China. You're right, he's not asking me.

[Smitty]

Richard, you seem to be in a sticky wicket. Either of the situations that you have described could be the problem.

 

I'm not sure, but I think if something doesn't light a fire under his backside, he isn't going to do anything. If he is under the influence of people telling him that he doesn't have to do anything and get rich, well.... what could be a better lifestyle for a youngster? I hate to use the expression, but some tuff love might be inorder if he doesn't shape up...

 

Of course we can only be armchair quarterbacks, since we don't know quite what the situation is, along with the other dynamics in your lives. Getting him to get a job, might be difficult simply because of the issues with the domestic economy, even if he does try to get one.

 

Best of luck with however you choose to handle this dilemma.

[Richard & Li]

Thanks everyone for all the input and support.

 

I should clarify one thing: I have concerns about our son getting on a path that will lead to success. However, he is a really good sort of guy. There are no behavior problems, he is not rebellious, and I'm almost certain he will never cause any trouble.

 

He got his EAD card yesterday. But, we also had a blizzard here. Once the roads are back to somewhat normal, I'll take him to get his SSN and then his driving test. He was a truck driver in the army, I'm confident he will be able to handle driving.

 

I was a bit younger, but I remember getting my drivers license and then getting my first car was life changing. I'm thinking this will give him other things to do and get him away from the computer sometimes.

[Stepbrow]

Your right Richard. When you son gets his license, he will feel that he has a little power, and can accomplish something in this new culture. I think that you are being a good mentor for him. Keep up the good work.

[Mark Wesson]

Hi, Richard and Li

 

I really wish you all the best in this situation. I also will be in a simular situation soon, When the Love of my Life and her/our son now age 17 and who will be just turning 18 by the time we get our K 1 Visa.

 

I'm shocked !!! that your wife is not making the young man go to daily ESOL with her !!!!!

 

This should have been the agreement before him even coming over!!! His responsabilities should have been made clear to him.

 

So of course ESOL is the first thing that should be happening !!! NOW!!! No Opting Out...!!!

 

Yes, in an area of cold weather and no english skills and no lady friends and other friends he has it stacked against him ( hence depression ) and his loved ones that have to help him get through this.

 

Yes, a driver licence and some getting out will help, and if this lady friend of his in China is not a Soul Mate that he will miss forever and of which he should get back to if so , I feel you need to get him where he can meet Young Women as that is the main motivator for Young Men to do many things, Education, Work, Ect. Ect.

 

Now, about the economy's.... I have been researching this current economy situation world wide along with political considerations...

 

Now comparing the U.S. with China.... I say one thing first...

 

FREEDOM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

This is not a sure thing in China... Here in the U.S. it is more likely to be had. But no guarrantee anywhere !!!!!

 

The U.S. and China both could go too many way's in many different directions with the current and soon to be coming problems.

 

Both Governments could fail and develope something new !!!

 

Protests of Citizens and Subjects could make this a new ball game in so many different ways for either country.

 

Both the U.S. and China could come out of this in Disaster or Smelling like Roses... Mabey China could become a Democracy and mabey the U.S. will develope a Social type of Economy and have a Star Trek like social like existance. I have analysed and read of many scenerios and I still believe it is a Coin Toss on how we will make best of this situation. I am preparing for the worse and prepareing for the best... Guns, Gold, Education in Healthcare...

 

So the sure job of Railway work may not be such a sure thing later but yes it could be the best thing for some. Mabey Him..

 

But How will your Wife's relationship with you be affected if he is gone??? Again a Coin Toss ???

 

There is a website with a publication called the United States Occupation Outlook Handbook it is online from the U.S. Govt. Google it. and use it to search out different occupations that exist in the U.S. and it gives education needed , job conditions, employability. much info: for all jobs in the U.S. It is a great resource.

 

Mabey in your area or online you can find better Mentor's for him that are Chinese ??? Ones that will stress education not a gamble in the Resturant business. Show him news/business articles of the failure rate of the food business. Very High!!!

 

Mabey find a Chinese Family Counselor, Chinese School counsler ect., that also might be an option.. Check with your insurance company.. they sometimes list Chinese Practitioners.

 

One quick edit ,, of course is he stays here he can always go back , better educated and having tasted Freedom... and mabey the Train Job will still be available to him ??

 

I'm at work so I have to cut this short.. I do really wish you the best with this... I hope to not have to go through this also...

 

Best Wishes,, Mark

Edited December 29, 2008 by Mark Wesson (see edit history)