fiance/wife's lack of english

[jim_julian]

Regarding driver's tests ... you can take it in "Chinese" in California but we found that the translations were poorly done and used traditional characters, not simplified as most PRC ladies are used to. In some cases Lao Po couldn't even discern what the question was asking.

[Dennis143]

She won't go to the dentist, absolutely refuses.

 

I gently suggest that you ought to push Lucy on this. Dental care in China for most people is terrible. Little/no preventive care. Lots of pain when something goes wrong and finally drive them to a dentist. There are also amateur dentists ... shudder!

 

What she may not realize is that with a good American dentist procedures are painless. Point out that elderly Americans often still have their teeth because of preventive care and attention to keeping gums healthy.

 

My Lao Po was shocked when I first started her on flossing. Blood everywhere. She also had some molars that a Chinese "dentist" had removed by breaking them off at the gum line! Now, after 2+ years of good care, flossing, Sonicare electric brush, etc her mouth and gums are in great shape.

 

Give Lucy a push ...

Prudent advise, Jim. It's like that Fram Oil Filter commercial, 'You can pay me now or you can pay me later.'

 

The first week Leiqin and I meet and she is in my home, she complains of a toothache. What was I to do, put back on a plane to Alaska? After the $2000 cash emergency dental visit, she was good to go...for a while. She was added to my medical/dental plan and did follow-up cleaning etc where they had to numb her to do it and she refused to go back to "...that HK dentist!" OK, I wait a year and figure I'll change dentist in April, during the time my company allows us to change. But, too late. Her breath is beginning to reek a bit. I discover that her mouth hurts again and I take back to the HK dentist who tells me that she has the beginning of gum disease. And, that will cost $500 to treat above and beyond what insurance pays.

 

I know you're not a rich man, Eric. You're a regular schmoe like the rest of us. And, taking a big out of pocket hit not to mention your wife risking her health are nothing to be ignored. This is a battle that you need to fight, (OK, it's a tough one for sure, as your Lucy doesn't sound like someone I'd like to go to battle against).

 

As Jim noted, there are dentist that will even put her under to work on her and she'll wake up never having experienced any trauma. Of course, these dentist charge more. But, what choice do you have other than taking her kicking and screaming?

 

Just a final note: There are many studies and reports that link gum disease with heart disease. Here is one that I quickly found:

 

http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/feature...se-heart-health

 

Don't knuckle under, Eric. You have got to fight to win, as this battle is truly too great to loose.

 

Good luck

[IluvmyLi]

In another thread, I mentioned that we'd be willing to help you guys with the transition here in Denver. Its really not bad at all.

 

If interested, PM me.

 

 

Thx Ken!

 

I'm just a bit stressed thinking about how i'm gonna be able to do all this. My work prevents me from having the opportunity to take her to any ESL classes. Living down here on the south end puts us pretty far from those areas where the asians are at up near federal and alameda. And we're not close to any community college either. We do have Cherry Creek High School within walking distance and I know a Chinese lady that teaches Chinese at the school. I will discuss this with her and see if she also has any suggestions. I will be contacting you as soon as I get her here and we get a bit settled.

 

I think the priority will be to get her drivers license so she can drive her self to these places. Hopefully english isn't a requirement for getting a license in colorado. Considering every other car is a mexican, we shouldn't have any trouble.

You can also have Li call Jie and talk to her, Jie will help her feel more comfy here, and kind of fill her in on life here, websites that she can talk with other chinese, etc, etc. As for the drivers test, Jie found some places online that she could study that were in Chinese but were from a different state.

 

She can get a license without speaking english, but the problem is, unless she can read english or chinese, the test will be difficult. For example, Jie understood all the driving laws and rules, but when she took the test, it had many words and phrases that she was not familiar with, and thus it confused some of the answers.

 

The other thing, is if Li is not experienced with driving, it may take longer than usual for her to learn. I know you are stressed, but dont worry, it will work out and she will do ok.

 

All I can say is, you guys endured a very lengthy visa process, right now, just take some time out to enjoy each other, get to know each other, let her feel loved and that you are by her side, and all the rest will fall into place in due time!!

 

Oh for sure she can drive. WOW she's drives like a nascar driver. I feel sorry for anyone who gets in her way.

[BillV 8-16-2004]

For dentist appointments I originally took her to a Chinese dentist now that my wife is working at an all English-speaking environment college she is able to converse very well even talking on the phone with her co-workers and friends in English she now goes to my family dentist were she has no problem understanding him. As far as medical appointments I would also go into the exam room with her they also would provide an interpreter either on the phone or in person at no cost just one of our benefits. She now has no problems meeting friends or going out she went to her first play in March and really enjoyed it.

[SheLikesME?]

ON the food, I got my plate and hers with everything different. We had a little one so extra plate, so we didn't order too much. This way she tried everything and what ever she liked it went to her plate. Also yes she loved taking chances with pics. Once it began to work she was happy and more confident and we returned to a couple of places while on the road. I travel for a living.

 

Friends: I thought would be no problem, as fluent as her english is, but it was not good enough for her to understand anyone. They didn't know to slow down. But she was a trooper and went out alone with the ladies which gave me a much needed break for a day.

 

Patience, and get everything in your life out of the way and your life streamlined so you have the time for her.

 

My wife carried her little translater, and used it more than I have ever seen.

 

Yes find all the Asian shops of every kind. Houston Chinatown turned around everything for me. Wife came here trying to be too Un-Chinese. Whew she became more herself after a couple of hotpots.

 

Heck you may want to get things in the kitchen for her too.

[IluvmyLi]

ON the food, I got my plate and hers with everything different. We had a little one so extra plate, so we didn't order too much. This way she tried everything and what ever she liked it went to her plate. Also yes she loved taking chances with pics. Once it began to work she was happy and more confident and we returned to a couple of places while on the road. I travel for a living.

 

Friends: I thought would be no problem, as fluent as her english is, but it was not good enough for her to understand anyone. They didn't know to slow down. But she was a trooper and went out alone with the ladies which gave me a much needed break for a day.

 

Patience, and get everything in your life out of the way and your life streamlined so you have the time for her.

 

My wife carried her little translater, and used it more than I have ever seen.

 

Yes find all the Asian shops of every kind. Houston Chinatown turned around everything for me. Wife came here trying to be too Un-Chinese. Whew she became more herself after a couple of hotpots.

 

Heck you may want to get things in the kitchen for her too.

 

She gonna go into shock when she opens the fridge. Right now I have a couple dozen bottles of water, some ketchup, orange juice and I think maybe some miracle whip.

First priority after she arrives will be to go down to the asian grocery store and stock up on whatever catches her fancy. I havn't a clue as to what would be good to buy in advance.

[SheLikesME?]

She gonna go into shock when she opens the fridge. Right now I have a couple dozen bottles of water, some ketchup, orange juice and I think maybe some miracle whip.

First priority after she arrives will be to go down to the asian grocery store and stock up on whatever catches her fancy. I havn't a clue as to what would be good to buy in advance.

Heck then be sure and have a long talk with her about cost, if prices are out. I had HELL getting my wife to go on and buy what she likes. It is a shock, and they feel SOOOO guilty putting you at such expense. Probably the same thing will happen if you go out. My only solution is I travel and I told her how much my per meal limit was with my company. BOY did she get good at finding specials and reading the fine print to really deck out the table within the 25 bucks. 35 per plate if with a customer. Anyway good fortune.

 

Eventually my wife knew what was a good deal on food at the stores. She noticed the price of EVERYTHING and remembered them. She disliked me because I had no idea how much anything cost. Disapointed in me for sure. Oh well

[Ovahimba]

She won't go to the dentist, absolutely refuses.

 

I gently suggest that you ought to push Lucy on this. Dental care in China for most people is terrible. Little/no preventive care. Lots of pain when something goes wrong and finally drive them to a dentist. There are also amateur dentists ... shudder!

 

What she may not realize is that with a good American dentist procedures are painless. Point out that elderly Americans often still have their teeth because of preventive care and attention to keeping gums healthy.

 

My Lao Po was shocked when I first started her on flossing. Blood everywhere. She also had some molars that a Chinese "dentist" had removed by breaking them off at the gum line! Now, after 2+ years of good care, flossing, Sonicare electric brush, etc her mouth and gums are in great shape.

 

Give Lucy a push ...

Prudent advise, Jim. It's like that Fram Oil Filter commercial, 'You can pay me now or you can pay me later.'

 

The first week Leiqin and I meet and she is in my home, she complains of a toothache. What was I to do, put back on a plane to Alaska? After the $2000 cash emergency dental visit, she was good to go...for a while. She was added to my medical/dental plan and did follow-up cleaning etc where they had to numb her to do it and she refused to go back to "...that HK dentist!" OK, I wait a year and figure I'll change dentist in April, during the time my company allows us to change. But, too late. Her breath is beginning to reek a bit. I discover that her mouth hurts again and I take back to the HK dentist who tells me that she has the beginning of gum disease. And, that will cost $500 to treat above and beyond what insurance pays.

 

I know you're not a rich man, Eric. You're a regular schmoe like the rest of us. And, taking a big out of pocket hit not to mention your wife risking her health are nothing to be ignored. This is a battle that you need to fight, (OK, it's a tough one for sure, as your Lucy doesn't sound like someone I'd like to go to battle against).

 

As Jim noted, there are dentist that will even put her under to work on her and she'll wake up never having experienced any trauma. Of course, these dentist charge more. But, what choice do you have other than taking her kicking and screaming?

 

Just a final note: There are many studies and reports that link gum disease with heart disease. Here is one that I quickly found:

 

http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/feature...se-heart-health

 

Don't knuckle under, Eric. You have got to fight to win, as this battle is truly too great to loose.

 

Good luck

 

A dental visit after a long absence is a good investment. One of the biggest dental mistakes I see people make is delaying treatment of a medium sized filling. Time goes by, it becomes painful and it then needs a root canal. Root canaled teeth generally need crowns after. So a ~$200 procedure turns into a ~$2,000 procedure, assuming you want to save the tooth.

 

A routine exam, xrays and cleaning is pretty painless. Demonstrate that fact by having it done yourself with her in the room watching.

 

Nitrous oxide or laughing gas is good for controling anxiety along with some oral medications. This is generally all that is necessary for nervous patients. Putting someone totally under for routine dental treatment is rare even for wisdom teeth. And it is REALLY expensive.

 

Flossing and avoiding sweets does wonders for your dental health. Bet you've heard that before.

[paula]

I made all appointments with doctors, TV technician man or other people by myself, and I also talked to my insurnace man too, but I still cant 100% understand what they talked to me about my neck problems, also didnt understand exact insurance policy here, very frustrated for me. Honestly I am very independent woman. Soemtimes I feel I am nothing here. I am like a baby, learn everything.

[SheLikesME?]

I made all appointments with doctors, TV technician man or other people by myself, and I also talked to my insurnace man too, but I still cant 100% understand what they talked to me about my neck problems, also didnt understand exact insurance policy here, very frustrated for me. Honestly I am very independent woman. Soemtimes I feel I am nothing here. I am like a baby, learn everything.

Your not alone. Be patient and use hubby. Maybe have the men write things down for you to talk to hubby about later. MAKE those guys slow down for you. Forget face, just make them do it.

[ameriken]

I made all appointments with doctors, TV technician man or other people by myself, and I also talked to my insurnace man too, but I still cant 100% understand what they talked to me about my neck problems, also didnt understand exact insurance policy here, very frustrated for me. Honestly I am very independent woman. Soemtimes I feel I am nothing here. I am like a baby, learn everything.

Your not alone. Be patient and use hubby. Maybe have the men write things down for you to talk to hubby about later. MAKE those guys slow down for you. Forget face, just make them do it.

I agree with Doug....talk to hubby.

 

CFL people are great, but a good husband is better. You have mentioned before that you have a wonderful, understanding and supportive husband......talk with him about these things....I am sure he really wants to know how you feel, that you are bothered by these things, and to help make you feel better and more comfortable.

 

My wife encounters similar situations, it bothers her but she always tells me about it, we talk about, and she feels better!

Edited April 15, 2007 by ameriken (see edit history)

[natrigon]

That reminds me of a story about seeing the dentist in a small city in China (well only a million people... small for China). So we went to the dentist. Mei's sister's friend says he is one of the best ones in the city. Of course we walk for about 45 minutes to get there and finally we are outside the door. Door? Did I say door? Well the entrance to the dungeon of terror, hehehe. The lights were not working... "sorry" he says. His clothes looked worse than the beggars and his teeth looked like everybody else. The dentist chair was from 1942.. maybe 1945 from a sunken ship recovered in 1977. Needless to say I changed my mind and thought we should go for a snacl instead. Mei insisted to get her cavity filled... and so she did and I made sure he used fresh tools from a wrapper... and we had to pay extra. It was only about 15USD but the filling came out a month later. We had it re-cleaned and filled here in the US.

 

But about the topic when I met Mei she knew no English. During our engagement I learned some Mandarin as she learned English in a school. I would recomend getting the Pimsleur Mandarin Chinese course on CD. You would be amazed what you can learn to and from work! At least I was amazed at what I was able to pick up.

 

P.s. Be prepared to have your bathroom completely soaked in water every time she leaves it. LOL

 

 

 

She won't go to the dentist, absolutely refuses.

 

I gently suggest that you ought to push Lucy on this. Dental care in China for most people is terrible. Little/no preventive care. Lots of pain when something goes wrong and finally drive them to a dentist. There are also amateur dentists ... shudder!

 

What she may not realize is that with a good American dentist procedures are painless. Point out that elderly Americans often still have their teeth because of preventive care and attention to keeping gums healthy.

 

My Lao Po was shocked when I first started her on flossing. Blood everywhere. She also had some molars that a Chinese "dentist" had removed by breaking them off at the gum line! Now, after 2+ years of good care, flossing, Sonicare electric brush, etc her mouth and gums are in great shape.

 

Give Lucy a push ...

[Shenzhen K-1]

When Lao Po arrived last June she had a pretty big vocabulary but poor grammar and very slow reading and writing. I was concerned about the same areas and we coped as follows:

 

1. Being able for her to "repeat after me" at the marriage.

The Pastor had traveled in China and we discussed this before the ceremony. I had a written "script" that we went over with Lao Po and the Pastor went very slowly during the ceremony.

 

2. Doctors. I still go with her,in the room, for all exams. Reason being that medical vocabulary and understanding is too specialized and Chinese people tend to believe whatevr the doctor says and don't question them.

 

3. Dentists. Went with her the first few times. She now solos. Dentistry is more predictable.

 

4. How do you go out for dinner? I still order for her after discussion.

 

5. Introducing her to my friends. No problem once they learn to pronounce her name. There are still accents she can't understand and people sometimes speak waay to fast but she knows what is expected and can fake it if necessary. Later this year we're going to an executive offsite ... that will be interesting.

 

Sorry to have just read this!!

 

1. I am going to have daughter translate at church!!

2. Doctors, may have the two go together and ask questions after.

3. Dentist. already told them both we are going when here right away. They have not seen one in many moons.

4. Many Chinese places to eat and China town not too far away. She will cook often!! B)

5. We practice normal greetings weekly, told her the most important thing to learn for now. Well maybe the Yes Dear Husband thing!!

 

Merry

[jim_julian]

I think you should reassess ...

 

Go with them both to the doctor and the dentist. For the doctor stay with your wife the entire time ... Pap smear and all. For daughter, step out at the appropriate time but then come back. Unless daughter is a Chinese pre-med they just don't have the vocabulary to understand the doctor (or dentist, although that's a bit easier). You'll get a very poor glossed over recap from them that may well miss key points. Also the typical Chinese attitude with regards to medical people (all they need is a white coat!) is total deference. You must be there and convince your girls that it is their body and the doctor is not in charge. They need to question, understand, where necessary do research, and make informed decisions.

 

This is a big change for them.

[Tony_onrock]

I'm curious to know what other on here who have fiance's/wives that are limited in English are able to cope in America.

 

I keep thinking about how difficult it's going to be for my future wife to do so many things that I take for granted. Her English basically sucks at this point and this has me thinking.

 

1. Being able for her to "repeat after me" at the marriage.

2. Doctors

3. Dentists

4. How do you go out for dinner? She has to either trust that I can order what she wants. Or be sure the menu has pictures. Will she go into shock when there is only one plate of food sitting in front of her? Everytime we ate out in China we had about 5 different plates of food on our table.

5. Introducing her to my friends.

 

All these things will leave her feeling very uncomfortable and I'm worried about this.

 

I would really like to find Chinese speaking doctors and dentists but Denver doesn't exactly have large chinese population.

Don't worry.

When I first got married in Canada, my ex did not speak a word of English, so she could not repeat the whole thing, but did say something. I don't believe that because she did not take the full vow has anything to do with the breakup. Just teach her to say I do and the rest are not that important.

Send her to a school for new immigrants and she can pick up real soon. My ex was arguing with me in English in six month, even though we both speak perfect Chinese.