Life In America

[SheLikesME?]

Another thread has made me think I should bring up a subject.

 

How many little things does your Chinese partner do that offends Americans a bit.

 

When at the store does your wife/husband notice where others are around them? Does she park her shopping cart in a way so others can get by???

 

Does wife/husband cut people off when walking and or reach through 2 people to grab something off the shelf, or muscle her way in to look at something? Ever notice the look on the American's faces when they do?

 

Is your wife/husband too blunt to co-workers, store empoyees, your family members? Do they notice how they react emotionally? Do they comprehend American feelings?

 

When driving are they aware of trafic or pedestrians around them? Treat them with respect?

 

Maybe these and anything else Y'all have noticed is worth discussing here.

 

Doug

Edited March 2, 2007 by SheLikesME (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Interesting topic..

 

I would say that she is as oblivious to american cultural ways as they are to her chinese way; the difference is that they all cope an attitude about it all and she is a typical stoic optimist. Too bad I can't package and sell this...

[Dennis143]

There seems to be more social order here, in the Chinese community, than there is in China. Or, maybe, I'm just more used to them and their ways now.

 

Sure, I get the driver who thinks he's driving a taxi in China or the person who thinks they can cut in while I look away. Over time I believe that they learn that rudeness or inconsideration are unacceptable behavior. Where one may not confront another over rude behavior in China, they will quickly learn that Americans will be in your face and let your know it ain't cool.

[Feathers268]

this might be a reflection of Jen's age, but she seems to have adapted to life here quite well. When first here, she looked to me for clues on acceptable behavior and has kept her self in control. She has raised her vioce when she thought a Starbucks employee did wrong, but I've seen many Americans do far worse. Besides, we got a free drink out of it.

[Randy W]

When at the store does your wife/husband notice where others are around them? No Does she park her shopping cart in a way so others can get by??? No

 

Does wife/husband cut people off when walking and or reach through 2 people to grab something off the shelf, or muscle her way in to look at something? Yes Ever notice the look on the American's faces when they do? No

 

Is your wife/husband too blunt to co-workers, store empoyees, your family members? Yes Do they notice how they react emotionally? No Do they comprehend American feelings? No

 

When driving are they aware of trafic or pedestrians around them? No Treat them with respect? No

 

 

 

My wife, on the other hand, fits in pretty well.

[jim_julian]

My Lao Po bends over backwards to fit in.

 

She is very perceptive and frequently asks me how should one behave in a given situation. This is not to say that she won't complain privately to me when she thinks the American norm, or some behavior she has observed, is inappropriate.

 

I think for someone who has been here about 9 months she has adjusted very well.

[Guest Duke]

My wife does abandon her shopping cart pretty much anywhere without considering other around her. I'm always there with her, so I move it out of the way. Otherwise, I have observed nothing in her behavior that would offend others.

 

The funniest thing about shopping carts is that she doesn't "drive" them well. She takes the turns too tight and bumps into things. We were about ready to leave Costco one day but there was one last thing I told her we needed to find. Our daughter and I proceded to lead her through a series of tight turns where she had to pay close attention to her cart driving. Eventually, I just circled one of the small clothing displays until she figured out what I was doing and called me "naughty Laogong". Her driving has improved since then.

[esun41]

My wife works at a Chinese Buffet and she used to work Sunday Brunch when all the church families would come and eat.

Her main source of pay is in tips, as everyone knows and she would get so upset over serving 10 to 12 people, mostly messy babies and children, and get little or no tip at all.

 

She is not shy to say that "Mexico People leave me no money so I stop working Sunday" (Most of the families on Sunday are of Hispanic nationality)

 

I guess there is little race difference in China. In that, I mean most everyone is of Asian appearance. Not like here in the USA where everyone is from everywhere else.

 

My wife is quick to point out "Fat" people as well. This is also quite embarrassing!

 

Time will help her adapt but she is quite bold so we'll see!

[notrevorich]

When at the store does your wife/husband notice where others are around them? No Does she park her shopping cart in a way so others can get by??? No

 

Does wife/husband cut people off when walking and or reach through 2 people to grab something off the shelf, or muscle her way in to look at something? Yes Ever notice the look on the American's faces when they do? No

 

Is your wife/husband too blunt to co-workers, store empoyees, your family members? Yes Do they notice how they react emotionally? No Do they comprehend American feelings? No

 

When driving are they aware of trafic or pedestrians around them? No Treat them with respect? No

 

Ditto here for both the wife and the step Duaghter

also they are extremely careful drivers

 

My wife, on the other hand, fits in pretty well.

[skibum]

My wife is very polite as she was in China. I think most westernized Chinese are.

[david_dawei]

It's interesting to read how some SOs ask the USC for norms and acceptable behavior, etc... They appear as if they are quite conscious of the need to 'fit in or adapt'...

 

Considering my wife's english was nill upon arrival, she just lives her life... She doesn't seem to bother too much over whether someone is personally bother by some mental construction, value, or idiosyncrosy of western processed culture...

 

I can see her basic philosophy of "don't think, only do" live out in a completely foreign environment as if she always knows what to do... She accomplishes more than I ever dreamed possible.

[ameriken]

Like Feathers, Randy, and Jim Julian, my wife has blended in pretty well too. She even remembers to tip in restaurants now. When she went back to Shanghai, she even noticed the differences in courtesies between the Chinese and US.

Edited March 3, 2007 by ameriken (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Like Feathers, Randy, and Jim Julian, my wife has blended in pretty well too.

yes.. my wife doesn't follow the 'forced march' of chinese history..

[SheLikesME?]

Well I just wondered.

 

I had a lot on my mind after the first 6 weeks of my wife here in America. Then from time to time I read what Paula has to say and go through. It triggered this thread because I see potential problems for my wife on her return and when she enters the work force. I do as much as I can for her. She is trying like many of your wives however she just plain does not know that she is offending some people. But also like Davids wife she is very "DO" oriented and she focuses on her tasks.

 

Some of this has to do with the walls I noticed we Americans have when I first visited Spain. I had no idea we were so walled up. My wife in America just plain invaded peoples private space. She got too close for comfort especially with older ladies in the store.

 

Randy W: I must say from observation, and I lost a PM I was going to send to you about this, that your wife seemed very calm and a pleasant person, and confident but very kind to not interfere or something.

 

Anyway I guess I was trying to point this thread toward things our spouse may or may not do and they have no clue about how they affect others around them. That brings up possible other things I have warned, and strongly, to my wife before she came here about how she treats people, especially after she gets a job.

 

Thanks all. Good comments. I appreciate it.

[Dennis143]

Doug, Let her be her. Unless she makes some major social snafu, let her be her and stop worrying. Just accept her the way she is, she will find her way. And, if she needs help, you can guide her. But, don't try to correct or change her.

 

 

Just my very humble opinion.