Greatest Fear about bringing chinese wife to America

[esun41]

We arrived back to the USA in November of 2005 and spent the next 7 months in California. My wife was out of place there even though of the high percent of Asian support around her. When we moved to Texas, everything blossomed for my wife. She met a group of friends who guided her into work, school and Church. Tyler Texas has been a blessing and has given Lucy a big boost. She has never looked back!

[aclassic]

I guess I am lucky. I live in Sugar Land, Texas (just outside Houston). We have the 4th largest Chinatown in the U.S. and it is about 15 minutes from home. I have visited their Chinese Cultural Center and discovered that they have an ESL program. Additionally, they conduct classses in Business English, Computer Science and Accounting. I was also very surprised to find that they also have a job placement service. The street signs are in Chinese Characters as well as business signs such as banks, restaurants, ect. I took some pictures and emailed them to Yang Bo. She sounds like she is looking forward to shopping and making friends.

[mercator]

Dude I live this reality. My wife got here 7/1/06. I live in a town of 1600 and she is from Guangzhou. Yes, she will get homesick, but it will pass. Be there for her, spend time with her, and if you can find some local Chinese people. My wife knows pushbrk's wife though they are 200 miles away. We made the trip down for work and stopped to see them. They talk on the phone several times a month. She also calls home whenever she feels the need to. More when she first got here than she does now, but I make no restrictions on her phone use, as there are plenty of low cost phone options (I am happy with onesuite.com at 2.2c/min).

 

We also western union money to her cousin every couple of months, and then she orders a 'care package' of Chinese cosmetics and medicines, which amazingly never seem to concern the US customs service, and make her very happy.

 

Show that you care, as often as you can. I waned for a while, and it caused alot of strain. Consistently tell her how important she is and how much she means to you, and show it by big and especially small actions. My wife loves hot water. I make sure she has a glass whenever I head for the kitchen or to see her. She worries about her losing weight (shes dropped 8lbs since she got here, and she was only 110 to start with), so I took her to the doctor, no questions. That was proof that she was loved, to her. We talk alot, and we study English. She needs something done to her computer (which is her connection to the outside world, really), it is fixed on the spot and without questions.

 

We share in the work around the house. I cook some meals, though she cooks more because she prefers Chinese food. If I make something bad, it 'has love' and is appreciated, and I tell her how good her food is. There are some good pinned posts about what to do to get the house ready for her, and what to do when she gets here. Read and study them.

 

We really came close to calling it off a couple of times, as the strain of cultural differences, and settling into a 'neighbor' pattern as she called it put a cloud over us. I pulled my head out of my butt, reinforced the idea that this was my 'forever lao po' in my head, and make sure she knows it with words, but more with actions.

 

If she is a genuine soul, she will react with love, happiness, and you will get much more than you receive.

 

In terms of connecting with other Chinese, this is important, but remember she is coming here for YOU. My wife blew off the Chinese association of Spokane events for the moon festival. Instead we sat on the couch and watched a chinese movie with english subtitles we bought in Chinatown Seattle, and it was a great evening. We'll probably go to the Chinese new year events, and I am sure there is one within a few hours' drive of where you live and you should try and take her. That is when she will be MOST homesick, since it is such a time of family reunions...

 

Good luck man. Its not an easy road, but well worth taking.

 

 

 

I have this weird feeling about extracting my future wife from China to the USA.

 

In my time in shenzhen I was so impressed how civil and safe it was for the chinese people there.Even though these people are under stress for the most part(and have some governmental issues). Overcrowding,smog,traffic,work long hours, tons of people,beggars,bad water, you still seem to be able to walk around in the middle of the night and see people ball room dancing at the park and her little neice talking running around loose and nobody is scared for her safety and they are very comfortable being social and not as isolated or aloof like americans.

 

Even when she was barqueing with the taxi driver or vendor I just had the feeling that she fit so seemlessly in that culture. Like just another goldfish in a huge goldfish bowl. Like that is where God meant her to be. She is also so close to her sisters faimly and her own parents. I think her parents want her to get married as much as she does. She is 35 so she can make her own decisions and I have gone to great lengths to explain the reality of the USA and all of its many faults. Still it bothers me most of all. I live slightly in the counry outside a major city without many chinese people. I have been trying to come up with a plan to socialize her when she is here.

I feel like I'm adopting a child in a way rather than marrying a wife because she is so dependent on me for lanquage and culture(as I was on her when I was in China).

I would like to hear other peoples concerns and any chinese spouses opinions on how they dealt with the change

[chilton747]

My wife has reservations now about coming to the US. It seems that some women she knows that are in the US are complaining about the veges here. I told her not to worry as I have plenty of land to grow whatever she wants. Then she asked me if I could get seeds..........lol. Didn't know I would ever play second fiddle to veges...

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

My wife has reservations now about coming to the US. It seems that some women she knows that are in the US are complaining about the veges here. I told her not to worry as I have plenty of land to grow whatever she wants. Then she asked me if I could get seeds..........lol. Didn't know I would ever play second fiddle to veges...

Unless you live in a remote area, most larger cities have Asian stores. We have at least three here in Orlando, with one of those three being very large. They stock just about anything you can think of, from dry products, fruits and vegies, tofu, bean sprouts, chinese cabbage, chicken feet, pig face, pig skin, fresh fish, seeds, etc. Your profile shows that you're in Atlanta. There must be several Asian stores there.

 

As far as homesickness, I'm rather amazed at how resourceful the Chinese are at finding one another here in the US. They all provide a great support system for each other.

[chilton747]

My wife has reservations now about coming to the US. It seems that some women she knows that are in the US are complaining about the veges here. I told her not to worry as I have plenty of land to grow whatever she wants. Then she asked me if I could get seeds..........lol. Didn't know I would ever play second fiddle to veges...

Unless you live in a remote area, most larger cities have Asian stores. We have at least three here in Orlando, with one of those three being very large. They stock just about anything you can think of, from dry products, fruits and vegies, tofu, bean sprouts, chinese cabbage, chicken feet, pig face, pig skin, fresh fish, seeds, etc. Your profile shows that you're in Atlanta. There must be several Asian stores there.

 

As far as homesickness, I'm rather amazed at how resourceful the Chinese are at finding one another here in the US. They all provide a great support system for each other.

Yes I live in Atlanta and yes we have a very large Asian population here. I told her not to worry about this...lol. I know she will be happy to hear that we have chicken feet here. Another concern she had was the costs of veges here. This is why I told her we can grow whatever she wants. IF I ever get her here, then I know she will be comfortable. It's just convincing her of this ahead of time. Maybe I should go to an Asian supermarket and take some pictures for her along with the price tags..

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

My wife has reservations now about coming to the US. It seems that some women she knows that are in the US are complaining about the veges here. I told her not to worry as I have plenty of land to grow whatever she wants. Then she asked me if I could get seeds..........lol. Didn't know I would ever play second fiddle to veges...

Unless you live in a remote area, most larger cities have Asian stores. We have at least three here in Orlando, with one of those three being very large. They stock just about anything you can think of, from dry products, fruits and vegies, tofu, bean sprouts, chinese cabbage, chicken feet, pig face, pig skin, fresh fish, seeds, etc. Your profile shows that you're in Atlanta. There must be several Asian stores there.

 

As far as homesickness, I'm rather amazed at how resourceful the Chinese are at finding one another here in the US. They all provide a great support system for each other.

Yes I live in Atlanta and yes we have a very large Asian population here. I told her not to worry about this...lol. I know she will be happy to hear that we have chicken feet here. Another concern she had was the costs of veges here. This is why I told her we can grow whatever she wants. IF I ever get her here, then I know she will be comfortable. It's just convincing her of this ahead of time. Maybe I should go to an Asian supermarket and take some pictures for her along with the price tags..

 

Of course the price of vegies is relative, meaning comparing them to the price of other things, from store to store, and from region to region. The one thing we've discovered is that the Asian stores charge far less per pound for vegies than do their large chained American counterparts. Frequently, we find the quality of vegies in the Asian store surpasses that of the American store. Still, the more commonly used vegies like yellow squash, zuchinni, green peppers, and tomatoes, are often fresher and better quality than those found in the Asian store.

[chilton747]

My wife has reservations now about coming to the US. It seems that some women she knows that are in the US are complaining about the veges here. I told her not to worry as I have plenty of land to grow whatever she wants. Then she asked me if I could get seeds..........lol. Didn't know I would ever play second fiddle to veges...

Unless you live in a remote area, most larger cities have Asian stores. We have at least three here in Orlando, with one of those three being very large. They stock just about anything you can think of, from dry products, fruits and vegies, tofu, bean sprouts, chinese cabbage, chicken feet, pig face, pig skin, fresh fish, seeds, etc. Your profile shows that you're in Atlanta. There must be several Asian stores there.

 

As far as homesickness, I'm rather amazed at how resourceful the Chinese are at finding one another here in the US. They all provide a great support system for each other.

Yes I live in Atlanta and yes we have a very large Asian population here. I told her not to worry about this...lol. I know she will be happy to hear that we have chicken feet here. Another concern she had was the costs of veges here. This is why I told her we can grow whatever she wants. IF I ever get her here, then I know she will be comfortable. It's just convincing her of this ahead of time. Maybe I should go to an Asian supermarket and take some pictures for her along with the price tags..

 

Of course the price of vegies is relative, meaning comparing them to the price of other things, from store to store, and from region to region. The one thing we've discovered is that the Asian stores charge far less per pound for vegies than do their large chained American counterparts. Frequently, we find the quality of vegies in the Asian store surpasses that of the American store. Still, the more commonly used vegies like yellow squash, zuchinni, green peppers, and tomatoes, are often fresher and better quality than those found in the Asian store.

Now you have really done it I must find an Asian store soon and go there and then report back to my wife. I'll let you know what I find here in Atlanta.

[Feathers268]

My wife knows pushbrk's wife though they are 200 miles away. We made the trip down for work and stopped to see them. They talk on the phone several times a month.

 

In terms of connecting with other Chinese, this is important, but remember she is coming here for YOU. My wife blew off the Chinese association of Spokane events for the moon festival.

I also found this with Jennifer. I can not say enough how much it helps connecting with other couples from CFL. Just finding Chinese people is not the same. Couples here all have the visa process and an East/West marriage in common and it has proven the start of some very good friendships for both of us. Recently, Jen has even gone out on her own and organized visits with CFL couples. This has made me very happy and I encourage it as she starts to step out socially and make plans with friends for us.

 

As for other Chinese, I had asked Jen if she would loke to live closer to or in a Chinese community to which she replied, "no, too many Chinese". She still does love China, but she also is begining to like her life here in America as well.

[kangjie]

Dude I live this reality. My wife got here 7/1/06. I live in a town of 1600 and she is from Guangzhou. Yes, she will get homesick, but it will pass. Be there for her, spend time with her, and if you can find some local Chinese people. My wife knows pushbrk's wife though they are 200 miles away. We made the trip down for work and stopped to see them. They talk on the phone several times a month. She also calls home whenever she feels the need to. More when she first got here than she does now, but I make no restrictions on her phone use, as there are plenty of low cost phone options (I am happy with onesuite.com at 2.2c/min).

 

We also western union money to her cousin every couple of months, and then she orders a 'care package' of Chinese cosmetics and medicines, which amazingly never seem to concern the US customs service, and make her very happy.

 

Show that you care, as often as you can. I waned for a while, and it caused alot of strain. Consistently tell her how important she is and how much she means to you, and show it by big and especially small actions. My wife loves hot water. I make sure she has a glass whenever I head for the kitchen or to see her. She worries about her losing weight (shes dropped 8lbs since she got here, and she was only 110 to start with), so I took her to the doctor, no questions. That was proof that she was loved, to her. We talk alot, and we study English. She needs something done to her computer (which is her connection to the outside world, really), it is fixed on the spot and without questions.

 

We share in the work around the house. I cook some meals, though she cooks more because she prefers Chinese food. If I make something bad, it 'has love' and is appreciated, and I tell her how good her food is. There are some good pinned posts about what to do to get the house ready for her, and what to do when she gets here. Read and study them.

 

We really came close to calling it off a couple of times, as the strain of cultural differences, and settling into a 'neighbor' pattern as she called it put a cloud over us. I pulled my head out of my butt, reinforced the idea that this was my 'forever lao po' in my head, and make sure she knows it with words, but more with actions.

 

If she is a genuine soul, she will react with love, happiness, and you will get much more than you receive.

 

In terms of connecting with other Chinese, this is important, but remember she is coming here for YOU. My wife blew off the Chinese association of Spokane events for the moon festival. Instead we sat on the couch and watched a chinese movie with english subtitles we bought in Chinatown Seattle, and it was a great evening. We'll probably go to the Chinese new year events, and I am sure there is one within a few hours' drive of where you live and you should try and take her. That is when she will be MOST homesick, since it is such a time of family reunions...

 

Good luck man. Its not an easy road, but well worth taking.

 

 

 

I have this weird feeling about extracting my future wife from China to the USA.

 

In my time in shenzhen I was so impressed how civil and safe it was for the chinese people there.Even though these people are under stress for the most part(and have some governmental issues). Overcrowding,smog,traffic,work long hours, tons of people,beggars,bad water, you still seem to be able to walk around in the middle of the night and see people ball room dancing at the park and her little neice talking running around loose and nobody is scared for her safety and they are very comfortable being social and not as isolated or aloof like americans.

 

Even when she was barqueing with the taxi driver or vendor I just had the feeling that she fit so seemlessly in that culture. Like just another goldfish in a huge goldfish bowl. Like that is where God meant her to be. She is also so close to her sisters faimly and her own parents. I think her parents want her to get married as much as she does. She is 35 so she can make her own decisions and I have gone to great lengths to explain the reality of the USA and all of its many faults. Still it bothers me most of all. I live slightly in the counry outside a major city without many chinese people. I have been trying to come up with a plan to socialize her when she is here.

I feel like I'm adopting a child in a way rather than marrying a wife because she is so dependent on me for lanquage and culture(as I was on her when I was in China).

I would like to hear other peoples concerns and any chinese spouses opinions on how they dealt with the change

 

Did you have to get her a special computer or did she already have one or just use yours ?

Is all of her English study self study or is she takeing a class?.

Once she gets here I will be collecting some phone numbers.

It proably a year away since I just got the receipt for 129f last week. I just thought I would pre worry myself to death just for fun

[ct_shore2000]

I don't know if you should consider it that you are extracting your wife from her culture in China as much as you are really joining two cultures together. In some sense, both of you are standing on ground separated by a canyon. You've built a bridge across that canyon, bridging two cultures. For now, she will cross to your side. But later you may find you will need to cross over to her side too (and you'll probably enjoy it immensely). I think one of the most supportive things you could do, in addition to the other great recommendations here, is to start learning Chinese and Chinese culture. Even if you make small attempts to do what you can will be greatly appreciated by her. She's already taken a big step learning a language that is much more difficult than learning Chinese. She probably does not expect you to learn her language, so if you at least show some interest, you will really warm her heart and make her more at home here. The other advantage to this is that if you have children, you will not be left out of a great deal of their lives. Your children will most certainly learn Chinese (and they will have to in order to communicate with their maternal grandparents). Trust me, any little small effort to learn about her language and culture will make her feel so much at home and will be rewarded hundreds of times over. That bridge across the canyon will be a huge two way freeway.

[dstarsboy]

Although you mentioned plenty of reasons why she would miss China, you also mentioned plenty of reasons why bring her here is better. Just the whole work situation is why I'm convinced I am doing the right thing. My SO works full time and makes around 800 RMB per month... she was 15 minutes late one time and her boss halved that. No health insurance and poor health standards/medicine and I figured she would be better off with me.

 

Don't get cocky about it though and feel like she owes you or you're saving her or something, she is giving up everything for you and you should always remember and appreciate that.

[Dennis143]

Although you mentioned plenty of reasons why she would miss China, you also mentioned plenty of reasons why bring her here is better. Just the whole work situation is why I'm convinced I am doing the right thing. My SO works full time and makes around 800 RMB per month... she was 15 minutes late one time and her boss halved that. No health insurance and poor health standards/medicine and I figured she would be better off with me.

 

Don't get cocky about it though and feel like she owes you or you're saving her or something, she is giving up everything for you and you should always remember and appreciate that.

Hey Travis, what's up with you? How about an update?

[MRMC]

It is true that your wife may be homesick; however, she will make friends in the US and can always call and use the webcam to "visit" her relatives. There is alot to be said for the USA. Shenzhen is not crime free, in fact I often hear about the crime in this city. USA has clean drinking water and lots too see. She will most likely enjoy living here. Its true, find her an Asian store in your area.

[Guest Byron]

It is true that your wife may be homesick; however, she will make friends in the US and can always call and use the webcam to "visit" her relatives. There is alot to be said for the USA. Shenzhen is not crime free, in fact I often hear about the crime in this city. USA has clean drinking water and lots too see. She will most likely enjoy living here. Its true, find her an Asian store in your area.

 

Ya, anyone that thinks Shenzhen has no crime is watching too much cctv, which is 99% of what is on t.v. In fact Shenzhen has one of the highest crime rates in all of china, everything from organized crime, to murders, extortion, white collar crime, street crime. Welcome to America where there is free press. She will notice the news is filled with crime stories locally and nationwide because U.S. has free press and China news is censured by the government. They denied AIDS for many years and denied they even has SARS until the WHO exposed the disease coverup. She will be shellshocked by the free press but her mind will already be brainwashed from China propagana over many years. China TV, radio, and news is very Nationalistic but very slowly changing. Next, she will have to learn to drive (Welcome to America) and no .50-$1 taxi ride. Get her, her own computer with Chinese windows and that way she can maintain contact with all her friends and family if they have computer. She can also keep up with what is going on in China. Dish network has good package of Chinese stations, CCTV9 will do her no good as it is in all Enlish, and again propagands. The Chinese package is very expensive though, at least the last time I checked. Have her learn how to shoot a gun, then have her carry if you are in a state that permits this. I don't know why but the Chinese girls always win the gold medals in the Olympics for the shooting competition. Teach her about how this country is governed as compared to China. She will not care anyway as in China the people have no say who gets in office. Only in the long term will she realize the difference between a democratic and communist run government. She will be shell shocked so just have to be patient. I have been to China many many times and at first everything seemed just like any other city in the U.S., but the more I went, the more I saw how opposite the 2 countries are.