A marriage for someone who does not believe in love

[lpm100]

It is not that I think that I am Richard Gere.

 

Here is the deal:

 

I am a black man from the United States. Over the years, I've spent a lot of time building up my body and taking care of myself (running 6 miles per day on/ off) but if I want to get an Asian woman it is very difficult because I am laboring under all the bad impressions that my black brethren have created for me.

 

There is also the fact that I am a manic depressive and tend to be of very unstable moods. It really is day to day, and I've been hospitalized several times for this. There is medication that helps me with it (such as being able to get a thorough night's sleep and function the next day because of having had said night's sleep), but it is not possible to medicate every single symptom out of existence. For some reason, my personality comes across as very abraisive-- no matter how much I have tried to fix it.

 

What I've found over time (with different relationships) is that a lot of time can be wasted looking for something better, but, to quote Jack Nicholson: "What if this is as good as it gets?"

 

I don't have a stomach for black women and have NEVER been interested in them. (I've never even kissed one.) White women are OK, but 95% of the ones that will consider black men are fat and hideous. (During the time that I was in graduate school I worked at a gas station at nights to make ends meet I saw SO MANY black and Mexican men with white women that looked like Jabba that Hut it couldn't believe it. I was wondering where all the fat white men went to get their freak on.)

 

If this girl is willing to accept me, it is my intention to be true to her and do everything that I can to make her happy. But, once again, for someone like me: This may be as good as it gets and I am willing to accept that and work within those constraints.

[First_cor13]

What do you think will be your basis to pick the right woman? Maybe you don't know it but "LOVE" is there whenever you select a woman. You just don't know that thats "LOVE" because you don't want to know it. I think that's called "denial".

 

Every human being has feelings. Hookers are human beings who have reasons why they became hookers. Some of their sad past that lead them to become one might be beyond your wildest imagination. I'd like to share this with you....

 

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

 

and I hope your perception about people particularly hookers will change. May I suggest for you to search yourself first before you search for a partner?

 

How do you think everything around you was made out of?

Edited October 8, 2006 by First_cor13 (see edit history)

[woainilin]

"Woman normally connect sex with love and if they do not love the man, then they do not want to have sex on a regular basis (or any basis) because it is nauseating to do it with someone you despise"

 

Chill out. Not every woman has been infected with the disease of white Feminazis in the States and Western Europe. There are still some women that are willing to work with a guy.

 

 

I don't see how this turned into a white thing its a woman thing .. you will see. Do you think woman in China or India are less conservative? I think you are wrong unless you are looking for a prostitute.......

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

"Woman normally connect sex with love and if they do not love the man, then they do not want to have sex on a regular basis (or any basis) because it is nauseating to do it with someone you despise"

 

Chill out. Not every woman has been infected with the disease of white Feminazis in the States and Western Europe. There are still some women that are willing to work with a guy.

 

 

I don't see how this turned into a white thing its a woman thing .. you will see. Do you think woman in China or India are less conservative? I think you are wrong unless you are looking for a prostitute.......

 

 

I can see this thread getting out of hand pretty fast. It seems to be heading down the wrong path and I hope the mods keep a evil eye on this before it gets on bent our of shape.

 

JMO

[warpedbored]

Lets keep this on topic. American woman bashing will be deleted. as well as race bashing.

[chilton747]

Lets keep this on topic. American woman bashing will be deleted. as well as race bashing.

 

Right on JMO and Carl..........

[Cerberus]

I don't believe in love. To me, a marriage is something that can be viewed as an arrangement. Even if I am not in love with a woman, there is no reason that we can't be each other's companion.

 

What comes from my end:

 

1. A ticket into the US

2. Financial support

3. Investment in improving the educational and English level of this girl until she can move out of simple jobs (like working in a restaurant or at Walmart).

4. Affection and efforts to make her happy-- not exactly smoldering love, but consistent/ comfortable.

 

What I expect on her end:

 

1. Regular sex;

2. Companionship

 

Is this too much to ask for? I know that Chinese people are very resilient. This should not be too tall an order.

 

Also, I was thinking about taking a girl out of hooking that had only been there for one month. (It is very possible and easy to find girls that have been working for only two days.)

 

I don't know if finding a girl who has been hooking is a bad idea or if it can be done if properly managed. At one point, I met a girl who was working as a hooker after having been in a relationship for 4 years with a Chinese man. She was interested in living with me as a companion, but for some reason I did not take it up. Does anyone have experiences with rehabilitating a "working girl"? (It happens all the time in Thailand and the Philippines.)

 

The current plan is for me to live in China for the next year and live with the girl while I am filling out the immigration paperwork to get her back into the States.

 

LPM100,

 

I have been watching this thread since it began from Internet cafes in Thailand. I understand what you are saying in regard to love. If you wish to search my credentials feel free to do so. I have written where I have been, done, etc. I apologize for the late posting. I Just returned from Thailand, the jet lag and 23 hours flight is a bitch!

 

I have three solid pieces of advice for you:

 

1: Get your lawyer ready and place him on retainer¡­You will need him.

 

2: You can take the girl out of the ¡°hooking¡± but you can¡¯t take the hooker out of the girl. The money is simply too easy.

 

3: Do not, I repeat do NOT move to California. This woman will clean you out completely.

 

You spoke of Thailand and Philippines¡­. The proverbial ¡°White Knights¡± (aka Farangs, aka ¡°walking ATM¡¯s) in white armor¡­.saving the poor prostitute from her sins. You sir, I wish so much luck. Perhaps a name change is in order;

 

How about¡­

 

Don Quixote. ROFLMAO!

 

You better get a grip on the realities of SE Asia. In MY (of over 18 years plus) experience, less than 5% of these marriages survive. BTW, this factoring includes all of SE Asia, excepting Korea, China and Japan and Guam. IMHO, Most of the Chginese marriages last far longer than most of the marriages I spoke of. IMHO, it has to do with love of personal family, jealousy, love, loss of face, and many other factors inherent to Chinese people. albeit I digress. Let us get back on track! The credo there is ¡°You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can¡¯t take the bar out of the girl! Expat¡¯s live by this credo. Those that do not are left by the side of the road. Few of these relationships survive beyond 3 years. The misery that is caused, would curl Satan¡¯s toes.

 

BTW, in the case that you think that I am ¡°talking through my hat!¡± I was an expat (Nome de guerre, expatriate) living in these areas of Thailand, Cambodia, Indonesia, Malaysia, Philippines and based out of Japan for 5 years plus) I was stationed while in the military in the same areas, for 14 years plus. This means living there. Not vacationing there.

 

Now, on to a personal basis. I married a prostitute from Korea. I was married for 5 years. The credo I stated above still holds. She ended up with my ex-best friend Ray, living in LA (For those too young to remember Jim Croce, quote from ¡°Operator¡± ) I lost my home, approximately $35,000 in savings, and I can¡¯t even calculate the attorney fees and aggravation. BTW this wasn¡¯t even California, this was Texas!

 

I am now happily married to a Sichuan woman from inner China. Her family at the risk of sounding pompous and putting other¡¯s SOs down, her family and herself are very, very well educated and politically connected. Yes, this means in the ¡°Party.¡± GASP! To maintain a harmonious happy relationship with all of them takes not an uncertain amount of walking a tightrope. They were very leery of she and I marrying. After all; ¡°A Laowei, marrying a culture woman from the ¡°middle kingdom!¡± My past is behind me now. When love is in the right place, right time, right location: All troubles will be overcome. Agreed there will still be rough spots This goes with any marriage! However, they are so much easier. I am now in the Aerospace industry. Money is not an issue. My corporation has me flying frequently outside of the US. Unfortunately they drew a ¡°line in the sand of paying for my wife!¡± LOL! Quite all right, I will pay for her! She and I frequently travel to the same places you are speaking of. It is still the same story today. She and I have seen is still too frequnt;y. My wife always asked me are are Laowei this stupid? You drwaw your own conclusions as to answers you give from your own sage posting.

 

Now I will be perfectly candid. I have to wonder at the reason of your logic. Most people in this forum are ¡°politically correct¡± and do not speak what they really mean. They are afraid of hurting someone else¡¯s ¡°proverbial toes!¡¯ From my computer avatar and moniker of Cerberus, the logic should be patently clear: I ain¡¯t [sic] one of them! I am wondering several things that they are probably wanting to ask, but don¡¯t want to hurt your feelings. Such as:

 

1: Why would a man come onto a forum about Chinese relationships, and begin stating that he wanted to save a prostitute from a life of infamy?

 

2. Why would a man come on to the same forum and tell other that he is mentally unstable, etc, etc?

 

3. Why would a man be so foolish, as to place his plans on a forum, that is not restricted from Embassy Officials and the public eyes?

 

<This was a tough call, but I decided to edit this post to remove the personal attacks. The topic raises several interesting issues about what motivates us to marry someone and whether "love" should always be a part of that relationship. I would prefer that we limit the discussions accordingly...frank1538>

Edited October 9, 2006 by frank1538 (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

Dang David, how do you do it? Do posts as this one just flow? Does the spirit move through you and come out through your typing fingers...doing all the bold print etc? Reading your posts make me feel like the lazy bum I am.

 

Well, yes, you said it....I can't think of much that you left out that we were all thinking and wondering too. Bravo to you, once again.

[Cerberus]

Dang David, how do you do it? Do posts as this one just flow? Does the spirit move through you and come out through your typing fingers...doing all the bold print etc? Reading your posts make me feel like the lazy bum I am.

 

Well, yes, you said it....I can't think of much that you left out that we were all thinking and wondering too. Bravo to you, once again.

 

<This one went too far... frank1538>

Edited October 9, 2006 by frank1538 (see edit history)

[Joanne]

I must admit that I am totally confused.

[rlheim]

I think lpm100 may need to double up on the little pills for a few days. Look back at his current line of thinking. Re-think it. Look at his idea from several angles before he posts again. Take all mentioned here into concideration. Then reformulate a better idea. In a more realistic way.

 

Stay on the meds dude. When in doubt double up for a day.

[SheLikesME?]

If a Troll: Hey ceberus has a lot of good points here, but let me throw out what I was thinking on one of your posts.

 

 

Well OK then, not hurt by love, hmm, I for one notice the problem you have with your parents, so something is going on there, perhaps unresolved? If not a troll then you have the other problems you mention of yourself. Thats tough. Also blaming the parents, or were they really screwed up, or was it you, or was it both? Is your bi-polarness real or a side affect of what ever happened between you and your parents? Hey I have no idea, but you might want to consider this strongly. There are a lot of side affects to child hood trauma. So I'm just throwing it out there for consideration, based on my life.

 

My life experience is any relationship I had before I had most of my issues resolved, just didn't work out. I understand the desire to find someone similar to yourself because your lonely I assume. Like the movie said, nobody ever lied about being lonely.

 

Hey just don't try so hard and maybe you can work on yourself. In my opinion it could be some mighty low self esteem to want a hooker. I have been there and considered it. Again I don't judge most of them. But I do know they, like you, can pull themselves out of that life and change before they marry. The thing is, unless you change about the same time together, then one of you will be moving on and leaving the other behind. Just something to think about.

 

Love: Well God commands men to love their wife. Hmm, now that is contrary to the accident of falling in love. So some of what you say makes sense to me. I like the logic of the chinese and practicality of things, but boy, never was there a more sensitive creature either.

 

Lift your view of yourself. Don't give up on what you really want, whatever that is.

[Tony_onrock]

My post got deleted! I was sincere and really trying to help a brother!

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

Ceberus wow I hope you didn't typed all that in one breathe?

 

I was glad to see Carl to step in and make his warning.

I could see it was heading down the wrong path.

Thanks Carl

 

Im not sure why you told every one you was a black man. I

could care less if you are a green man from Mars, and im sure

others feel the same. We have some great brothers on here

and they are good folks

"Sir Charles I would give you the shirt on my back"

if you asked and as long as it's not one of my fav....

I would have to think about that....

LOL

 

And why you posted this "beats me and others im sure"

(QUOTE)

< I don't have a stomach for black women and have NEVER been interested in them. (I've never even kissed one.) White women are OK

(QUOTE)

Chill out. Not every woman has been infected with the disease of white Feminazis in the States. There are still some women that are willing to work with a guy >

Sounds like woman bashin and race bashin to me!

But that JMO

 

I agree with Rick :stay on your meds and double up when in doubt"

 

When you find a woman treat her as a woman, with understanding,

and with respect! They deserve this

And a word of advice "if I may say" make sure she knows and she understands about your manic depresssion. Most Asian people don't fully understand this illness

My ex had this and I would not wish this on any body.

I understand that now days with the right meds and the right help this illness can be controled

 

 

Bobby....

[lpm100]

Wow, some of you guys are a.s.s.h.o.l.e.s. that have too much spare time on your hands. If you don't have anything to contribute but a bunch of patronizing (get this from white people ALL THE TIME and know can spot it from a thousand paces) and generally useless statements, then I respectfully ask you to shut the f.u.c.k. up. Please and thank you.

 

I notice that these posts only got so hostile when my race was revealed and I put a photo of myself on the board.

 

The point of the photo was to show that I am not a bad looking person.

 

As far as the manic-depresssion: Just be cool. It's not any different than having sugar diabetes or high blood pressure. It is just something that has to be dealt with. For years and years I've had insomnia.

 

The immigration officials don't care *why* you marry a person and likely don't have enough time to send people to sift through every single post on a single board among thousands. Get a grip. It's abstractly possible, but not likely.