I am out of control

[chef4u]

So Bill....I guess one answer is ......no matter what....keep a sense of humor and try to relax. Maybe, burn some incense and learn chanting.....

 

Lee.....I have been using the "Trigg Spell Check Her" , that he recently sold me.

 

Randy....I did have HER expalin to ME the concept of, "ME BOSS" SHE just laughs and says, "SHA QUA LAOGONG"........um....hey guys, what does that mean in English?

Edited July 30, 2006 by chef4u (see edit history)

[egolessvegan]

................

Bill:

Chinese people, Chinese markets, Chinese restaurants, Chinese television, Phone cards for calling China. a clean living environment, and lots of love and understanding should get you pointed in the right direction.

Ken

[rogerluli]

suck a bowling ball off the floor.

 

234688[/snapback]

Lee, you thief, that's my line...

[GaryandSherry]

I have had a lot of experience with this worry problem. One day an ex-wife told me something that has stuck with me. "Don't start worrying until something happens". Your SO just may surprise you. I am in your situation and have told my SO I live in the country. No transportation system and definately no bicycle. Is she prepared? I will worry about it when it happens.

[johnxiaoying]

Worrying about her arrival is normal. It is a very big change for them unless you happen to live in the middle of San Franciscos China town, then they'd only be homesick for family.

 

Before her arrival be familiar with the nearest Asian markets. Check out where ESL classes are available. Hopefully you have met another couple in your area here on CFL, if not try to find out what churches the asian community attends in your area.

 

When my wife first arrived in Oklahoma City she always claimed she was doing well and had no problems during the day while I was at work. She persisted that she had no problems then she began noticing hair loss after washing her hair and also a spot the size of a quarter that was bald. I started taking her to the dermatologist, they gave her some creams etc, a few injections in the bald spot, then one day the "Real Doctor" saw here. She told her that it was just stress of the change in her environment, to not worry about it and eventually her hair would be back to normal. Which is what happened.

 

Recently she told me that often she would often cry when I would leave for work. The big change was when she met her best friend here, a lady from Nanning. It turned it around for both of them, helping them to adapt to their new surroundings.

 

Now my wife has five or six friends from China that live here, including a lady from her home town of Guilin, they recognized each other as they had attended the same English class prior to coming to the US. Small world.

 

My wife has several American women as good friends also, but they relate so much better with another woman from China.....to share their difficulties of the changes, to talk all things China, etc.

[frank1538]

There is a rule out there that goes: "Don't worry about the things you can control because you can control them. Don't worry about the things you can't control because you can't control them. Bottom line - don't worry." I know that's cold comfort, and I stressed out a little before the family's arrival.

 

I made every effort at prepping the house and ended up wasting a lot of time. Jingwen's arrival meant that she would take over. She became the boss, I the laborer and slowly, the house was transformed into this kind of funky Chinese American home. One thing I can guarantee, if we ever sell the house, it'll show better without the furniture and pictures.

 

If you try to anticipate her needs, you'll likely waste your time and money. I bought new linens for the bed - not to her liking. I bought a new wok - not to her liking. A new cleaver - forget it. New bowls - now we have them as extras somewhere in the kitchen. Anticipation can be a scary thing like watching that giant roller coster while standing in line, but once on board, I can almost guarantee the ride of your life.

 

I had your same concerns about working most of the time. Jingwen still does not drive a car, and my normal workday has me out of the house the same time you're out. But, she has adapted well, although having the kids around some of the time when they're not in school or working or out playing has made it a little easier.

 

One last thing. PM me and I'll shoot you my phone numbers, so we can chat live, but only if you want. Maybe Jingwen can help with the transition once your SO arrives. Atlanta has a fairly vibrant Chinese community, and our proximity to it has really helped.

 

PS. Does your SO play ma jiang?

[jemmyell]

Having heard all the "don't worry comments" I changed the tone of my emails to "telling her about our home" and kept it very light and easy. Remember our SO's have a limited vocabulary so don't overburden them with too many new words, I adjusted my vocabulary to that of a young child for these emails.

234698[/snapback]

Lee..... When I write the simple words, "I am da boss", she still does not understand. Any suggestion??....

234709[/snapback]

Richard,

 

I suggest you FORGET about being the 'boss'. Unless you are playing guitar in a Springsteen cover band now of course...

 

-James

[Rakkasan]

I am absolutely disgusted with myself.  Upon getting news that my SO's interview is Sept 5,  I am not acting well.  I hope to get some perspective from others, especially a Chinese perspective.  My biggest fear is being prepared.  I am so worried about the isolation for my SO and have expressed it in emails to her.  Her English is poor but she is working on it.  After getting my last email, I got the feeling she is tired of my worrying about her adjustment.  I go to work at 7:30 and get home around 6:30. 

 

Even knowing or having a feeling that she is tired of hearing how life is here, I did it again.  For some reason I have this need to prepare her.  I have prepared on throwing out a bunch of junk, making the house beautiful and stuff like that.  I just cannot conquer the problem of giving her transportation whenever I am gone.  In China, it is easy to come and go as you please.  Not here in the suburbs of Atlanta.  Her isolation is something that really bothers me but she is tired of my preaching about it.  I wish I could let it go.  Any advice?

234687[/snapback]

I have thought about the transportation issue also, although I am not in an area the size of Atlanta things are not always within reasonable walking distance. I decided I would buy her a moped that she can easily operate on the suburban streets here without being a threat to anyone or being at risk herself. Perhaps you can do the same. Also, trust her. These ladies fully understand that there are going to be major changes in their lives. Hook up with a calling service like onesuite.com where she can call home for around 2.2 cents per minute. Locate some local Chinese groups where she can make friends who can help her assimilate and learn english. If you have already told her what your work schedule is like, accept that she is not stupid and understands fully. She will spend her days cleaning, preparing wonderful meals for you and making sure when you come home from work that you will come home to a wonderful greeting and a clean comfortable home.

 

Use the message board to locate others in the Atlanta area. This way she will have an instant network of friends who have been through whatever problems may encounter.

 

Lighten up. This is what you have been waiting for. Do not ruin it be over thinking the problem or creating a problem where none existed before. If you got the impression from her last email that she is tired of your worrying then try keeping your mouth shut and your fingers still about this subject.

 

These women are not stupid or helpless. They are smart, resourceful and stronger than you can imagine.

 

Again I say TRUST HER.

[Yuanyang]

I'm expecting the wife here in a little over a month... I'm getting into the freaked out mode too Bill.

[Rakkasan]

"MING BAI, LAOGONG. MING BAI!!"  Does this sound familiar? 

234693[/snapback]

Can I ask a favor of the more experienced members. When you put a quote in your post that is a Chinese phrase would you be so kind as to include the translation. I see these phrased in posts from time to time and it gives the newbies like myself a feeling of being out of the loop, or missing a joke in the ol' boys network.

 

The quote above may be very funny, but it means nothing to me because I have no idea what it means.

 

Thanks in advance.

[chef4u]

"MING BAI, LAOGONG. MING BAI!!"?Does this sound familiar??

234693[/snapback]

Can I ask a favor of the more experienced members. When you put a quote in your post that is a Chinese phrase would you be so kind as to include the translation. I see these phrased in posts from time to time and it gives the newbies like myself a feeling of being out of the loop, or missing a joke in the ol' boys network.

 

The quote above may be very funny, but it means nothing to me because I have no idea what it means.

 

Thanks in advance.

234794[/snapback]

sorry....ming bai laogong ming bai...means..."understand - husband -understand"

 

Wo shi huangd?....not to clear about this one....Wo shi...means "I am"...but.... "huangd"...I am not sure if this is spelled correctly...

Edited July 31, 2006 by chef4u (see edit history)

[Guest pushbrk]

"MING BAI, LAOGONG. MING BAI!!"?Does this sound familiar??

234693[/snapback]

Can I ask a favor of the more experienced members. When you put a quote in your post that is a Chinese phrase would you be so kind as to include the translation. I see these phrased in posts from time to time and it gives the newbies like myself a feeling of being out of the loop, or missing a joke in the ol' boys network.

 

The quote above may be very funny, but it means nothing to me because I have no idea what it means.

 

Thanks in advance.

234794[/snapback]

sorry....ming bai laogong ming bai...means..."understand - husband -understand"

 

Wo shi huangd?....not to clear about this one....Wo shi...means "I am"...but.... "huangd"...I am not sure if this is spelled correctly...

234804[/snapback]

Yeah, sorry. I wrote to the OP, figuring that by now he'd heard that as many times as I have and would "ming bai". :-)

 

Use this to translate the pinyin whenever you need to.

 

http://www.xuezhongwen.net/chindict/chindi...e=worddictbasic

[david_dawei]

Stop thinking and worrying and telling her about it. Period.

 

Prepare the place for her. I would not worry about preparing too many other things; prepare them together once her... it will get her a part of the adjustment process earlier if she has say some of it.

 

Frankly, I prepared practically nothing and did very little for my SOs arrival. Once she was here, we immediately just did everything together. But everyone will need to spend their restless energy in different ways. Just don't stress it.

[march]

I am absolutely disgusted with myself.  Upon getting news that my SO's interview is Sept 5,  I am not acting well.  I hope to get some perspective from others, especially a Chinese perspective.  My biggest fear is being prepared.  I am so worried about the isolation for my SO and have expressed it in emails to her.  Her English is poor but she is working on it.  After getting my last email, I got the feeling she is tired of my worrying about her adjustment.  I go to work at 7:30 and get home around 6:30. 

 

Even knowing or having a feeling that she is tired of hearing how life is here, I did it again.  For some reason I have this need to prepare her.  I have prepared on throwing out a bunch of junk, making the house beautiful and stuff like that.  I just cannot conquer the problem of giving her transportation whenever I am gone.  In China, it is easy to come and go as you please.  Not here in the suburbs of Atlanta.  Her isolation is something that really bothers me but she is tired of my preaching about it.  I wish I could let it go.  Any advice?

234687[/snapback]

Your concern is reasonable, the first several weeks when i was in states, i was so disappointed. I even told my mentor the campus seemed like a prison for me. Without a car, i could not go anywhere.

but later on i had got more friends and especially i met my husband, life became quite different. So as long as you stand by your SO, she wont feel isolated.

Good luck.

[bill23]

I got it under control now. Let's just see if she forgives me in the next email. Today I learned of two new American-Chinese couples in the area. My worrying about this is done---it will happen as it happens when she gets here.

 

In all honesty, I am very proud of what all I have done to make this happen. I have made some Chinese friends, although I have yet to meet some of them. I know where Chinatown is. I withstood the mockery of tons of old friends, learned a little Chinese, and studied tons of culture. I am a prototypical bachelor and was happy that way. I think I am ready and hope I can keep some of my hobbies.

 

This has been a long long journey.