COST

[SheLikesME?]

I am so sick and tired of "COST" being the excuse to do nothing. I just wrote the kind of email one never should send, to my wife. But I have had it.

 

Time to not let NO be accepted. I want her to have one of those phone numbers so she can call me anytime for free long distance. Especially if she can use her mobile for free to any of my numbers.

 

Anyway this is one thing we will have to make an "agreement" on as she puts it. I got so mad today I wanted to cancel plans to visit next month, but then that spends money which I am trying to spend. Sorry but sometimes just taking mop slaps don't cut it.

 

This cost issue of so many things is just getting in the way.

Edited July 16, 2006 by SheLikesME (see edit history)

[Feathers268]

I know the feeling. Jen often doesn't want to do things saying it's too expensive. Even after having her trip booked she keeps wanting to change it thinking there has to be a way to get it a little less expensive. Even movies have been deemed too expensive but when I told her I went with a coworker to see "Superman Returns" when I was out of town on business, I was in trouble because I didn't take her.

[Thomas Promise]

I do not have this "problem" with my SO. She has went from conservative

in China to a liberal spender her in the USA. The plus factor here with her is when I say it is too expensive or we do not need or can't afford this product she generally lets it go.

[se_lang]

I know the feeling. Jen often doesn't want to do things saying it's too expensive. Even after having her trip booked she keeps wanting to change it thinking there has to be a way to get it a little less expensive. Even movies have been deemed too expensive but when I told her I went with a coworker to see "Superman Returns" when I was out of town on business, I was in trouble because I didn't take her.

231292[/snapback]

My wife made plans with me 2 times to see a movie and changed her mind both times I just told her fine I will go alone, she went.

[SheLikesME?]

I know the feeling. Jen often doesn't want to do things saying it's too expensive. Even after having her trip booked she keeps wanting to change it thinking there has to be a way to get it a little less expensive. Even movies have been deemed too expensive but when I told her I went with a coworker to see "Superman Returns" when I was out of town on business, I was in trouble because I didn't take her.

231292[/snapback]

My wife made plans with me 2 times to see a movie and changed her mind both times I just told her fine I will go alone, she went.

231325[/snapback]

Yes a give and take thing. I have been a little slow sometimes remembering this. Just set your foot down and she will follow. But always I have to recepricate and DO something she wants in return. It is not said at the time, but a day or two later I am reminded of something that I am draging my feet on.

[Feathers268]

I know the feeling. Jen often doesn't want to do things saying it's too expensive. Even after having her trip booked she keeps wanting to change it thinking there has to be a way to get it a little less expensive. Even movies have been deemed too expensive but when I told her I went with a coworker to see "Superman Returns" when I was out of town on business, I was in trouble because I didn't take her.

231292[/snapback]

My wife made plans with me 2 times to see a movie and changed her mind both times I just told her fine I will go alone, she went.

231325[/snapback]

Yes a give and take thing. I have been a little slow sometimes remembering this. Just set your foot down and she will follow. But always I have to recepricate and DO something she wants in return. It is not said at the time, but a day or two later I am reminded of something that I am draging my feet on.

231346[/snapback]

Oh yeah, my sentence is to take her shopping today. It's funny that she will find something she wants and the say it's too expensive and don't have money so I wind up insisting it's OK. I'm not sure, but I thing I,m being manipulated.

[yuehan123]

Maybe next time you'll consider sending the e-mail, not send it, and write something here instead. Then read the msg you were going to send the next day.

 

My wife often says 'just do it'. Sometimes that means if I want her to have something, then, go buy it and give it to her. Other times it doesn't mean that at all.

 

I have read a somewhat constant refrain on this board about the Chinese SOs' and Chinese wives' strong desire to save money. I found it helpful to imagine I had to work 7 days a week for weeks on end, 10 or more hours every day since I was very young, to maybe get paid $400 rmb a month.

[Peachy]

One of the chief reason I've found for the insatiable desire to save money is due to them living most of their life without health insurance. They have seen the stories on tv and heard first hand of people that were refused care at hospitals since they didn't have the cash first. Granted, it's getting better, but the cautious mindset still exists.

 

I've been covered by health insurance my entire life and I couldn't imagine living each day knowing that one relatively small health problem could completely devastate me financially. My SO has relayed to me countless stories of people from the village life that decided to die instead of put undue financial burden on their families. It drives me crazy sometimes to hear this (especially when I see 20 doctors working feverishly around a sick panda on tv), but I realize that's just the nature of the world we live in.

 

Peachy

/rant off

[SheLikesME?]

Maybe next time you'll consider sending the e-mail, not send it, and write something here instead.  Then read the msg you were going to send the next day. 

 

My wife often says 'just do it'.  Sometimes that means if I want her to have something, then, go buy it and give it to her. Other times it doesn't mean that at all.

 

I have read a somewhat constant refrain on this board about the Chinese SOs' and Chinese wives' strong desire to save money.  I found it helpful to imagine I had to work 7 days a week for weeks on end, 10 or more hours every day since I was very young, to maybe get paid $400 rmb a month.

231410[/snapback]

Well I have not sent several emails over the year. Finally I sent this one and one or two others I recall. I find she likes it so she knows what to do. She seems to apreciate my getting a little mad and telling her strong. Makes things clear. Of course I don't do anything that is abusive in that direction, I don't think. Today she was in a good mood and slept well last night. I felt terrible but when we talked her morning she was very cherry.

 

Well now she says she will get the Skype number. I said I can do it but maybe just let her. Also I want the cell phone to be answered, unless it is any other reason than cost. I got pretty hot about it, she seems to get a kick out of that and like me more. I can't lose, or can I?

[yuehan123]

If it were me, which it cerainly is not, my fear would be that a little hot/cold behavior will eventually escalate to big hot/cold see you later behavior, as in goodbye.

 

I would prefer to reach a mutual dedcision with my wife without getting "hot." Further, I would not dare to presume I know, or can guess, how my wife feels or what she is thinking at any distance. I cannot do it when she is in the same house with me.

 

I can only suggest if her behavior causes you to decide to get "hot" figure out "what's going on." I don't like the feeling I get when either my wife or I get hot. BTW I hope hot means angry.

 

I don't know the circumstances of the cell phone. I do know if my wife is not in the original 'designated calling area' the charge per minute is outrageous. Without needing to know the details I would suggest you find out why she doesn't answer. Maybe you already explained on CFL. Then, nevermind. But, if you know the reasons what's up with your discomfort?

 

Your level of discomfort is almost directly related to your resistance to something. figure out what it is.

[SheLikesME?]

If it were me, which it cerainly is not, my fear would be that a little hot/cold behavior will eventually escalate to big hot/cold see you later behavior, as in goodbye.

 

I would prefer to reach a mutual dedcision with my wife without getting "hot." Further, I would not dare to presume I know, or can guess, how my wife feels or what she is thinking at any distance.  I cannot do it when she is in the same house with me.

 

I can only suggest if her behavior causes you to decide to get "hot" figure out "what's going on."  I don't like the feeling I get when either my wife or I get hot.  BTW I hope hot means angry.

 

I don't know the circumstances of the  cell phone.  I do know if my wife is not in the original 'designated calling area' the charge per minute is outrageous.  Without needing to know the details I would suggest you find out why she doesn't answer.  Maybe you already explained on CFL.  Then, nevermind.  But, if you know the reasons what's up with your discomfort?

 

Your level of discomfort is almost directly related to your resistance to something.  figure out what it is.

231542[/snapback]

Thanks for the response. I respect what you said and will take you up on your advice, or at least keep it in mind.

 

Hmm I didn't explain, but it is OK. I think I did the right thing this time. We understeach other better. But I like your response about not too much hot and cold. I think it has been a bit too long snce we have seen each other. But we both have things that need to get done on our own side to make the permanant move for her to the USA work well in the future. It causes a lot of work. Both her and I have a tendency to shut things and people out while we do that. I finally met my match in her this time. So now I have to live with someone who is more like me. I am not used to this, but I like it better.

 

With this seperation I need her to go ahead and call and say "hello" when she feels like it, from work or where ever she is. She got a little too hung up on the cost and denied herself. We have/will work it out. Those little phone calls mean more to me than the long visits on skype or yahoo.

Edited July 17, 2006 by SheLikesME (see edit history)

[papa bear]

Look at the bright side, at least they won't be running us in to the poor house like so many American women have done to many of us.

I do understand but it is a refreshing change for me.

Edited July 18, 2006 by papa bear (see edit history)

[esun41]

Look at the bright side, at least they won't be running us in to the poor house like so many American women have done to many of us.

I do understand but it is a refreshing change for me.

231765[/snapback]

Here here on this... My ex had 80K in credit card debt when I divorced her. I was a big fool for turning the other cheek but you know the ole' saying... "Happy wife... Happy life"

[Tony_onrock]

I am the opposit. I hate women spending my money. Had a fight with my wife when I packed for China proper from HK. The reason: she bought a few purses, like LV and Prada and it turned out they were not fake either. Those adds up to her old ones and I had to use one suitcase just for her bags etc. Had the same fight back a while ago when she bought two Gucci watches.

[Guest Paul]

If it were me, which it cerainly is not, my fear would be that a little hot/cold behavior will eventually escalate to big hot/cold see you later behavior, as in goodbye.

 

I would prefer to reach a mutual dedcision with my wife without getting "hot." Further, I would not dare to presume I know, or can guess, how my wife feels or what she is thinking at any distance.  I cannot do it when she is in the same house with me.

 

I can only suggest if her behavior causes you to decide to get "hot" figure out "what's going on."  I don't like the feeling I get when either my wife or I get hot.  BTW I hope hot means angry.

 

I don't know the circumstances of the  cell phone.  I do know if my wife is not in the original 'designated calling area' the charge per minute is outrageous.  Without needing to know the details I would suggest you find out why she doesn't answer.  Maybe you already explained on CFL.  Then, nevermind.  But, if you know the reasons what's up with your discomfort?

 

Your level of discomfort is almost directly related to your resistance to something.  figure out what it is.

231542[/snapback]

I don't like the feeling I get when either my wife or I get hot. BTW I hope hot means angry.

 

Bob, hot has an entirely different meaning with my SO, instead of hot as in angry its almost like being in the shower, grin.

 

Wheel Man